Things to do in Florida?

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Xarpho's Return

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I'm thinking about going on vacation from my wagecuck job to go to the Tampa/Orlando area. I've got my own car and someone to stay with during that time, but what do I actually do? I was thinking of visiting Gatorland in Orlando and the beaches, but I don't know what else to do.
 
I second going to the beaches, never been to Gatorland the last time I was in Florida. Parks like Disney aren't worth it all, but that's just stating the obvious. You can try paddleboarding or kayaking, I heard that's fun.
 
Do some fishing. Last time I was there I went on this charter, it's only like $70 for the day, they provide your gear and bait, and clean your fish at the end of the day for you. There's multiple restaurants at the sponge docks (where the charter boat launches from) that will also cook your freshly caught fish for you.

 
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Honestly, don't go to Orlando. Orlando sucks. The amusement parks are way overrated. Avoid Disney like the plague. It used to be amazing about 15 years ago and it is now complete and total shit.

If you're taking a vacation, go to Key West. Tons of shit to do. Lots of cool restaurants, lots of snorkeling or diving excursions, you can go look at old forts if you like history, etc.

If you HAVE to go to Orlando/Tampa, stick with Tampa. Aside from the beaches, you've got the American Victory Ship & Museum which is pretty cool. Busch Gardens is decently fun as well. Ybor city is also cool, lots of Cuban stuff there. The Dali museum is also neat.

Clearwater and St. Pete are the best beaches.
 
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Englewood Florida is a nice little retirement community with a few hidden gems. Haven't been there since 2017, but there was a lot of nice stuff around there, like lickety split, a home style ice cream shop with a shitload of flavors, old 50s diner aesthetic, even has the booths like cars.
 
Sea World is the most underrated Orlando attraction. Good coasters, cool zoo parts, (slightly) less crowded, and the dolphin/whale shows are actually good (NB last time I went was like 7 years ago, so I don't know if much has changed). It's still a park, so it's ridiculously overpriced and full of jeets, Brazilians and niggers, but if you must do one, it's the most worth the money.

If you want to do semi-parks, there's the Citywalk outside of Universal and Disney Springs outside of Disney. These are free, but you'll have to pay for parking. Full of overpriced mediocre food (and that was before restaurants started getting pricier and shittier), but they're good places to walk around, drink and people-watch. Citywalk has mini golf courses that are really fun if you are drunk.

Kissimmee used to have a drive through safari place (with a small zoo attached) that I remember enjoying way more than I expected to. Much better than Gatorland, if it is still around.

Go tubing down the Itchetucknee river and swim with the terrifying but harmless prehistoric fish. This will definitely give you the most bang for your buck and should be a nearly nigger free experience.
 
The parks are overrated yes but Halloween Horror Nights at Universal is actually pretty fun and done well if you like old school horror prosthetics and set design. Cheaper and less busy in September.
 
I gotcha, bro.

Okay so first of all, you insult everyone you see with a northern license plate. Fuck them yanks.

Anyway, Orlando is very touristy, but islands of adventure is the most fuck theme park. Disney springs is nice if you want to go visit the Lego store there.

There's an aquarium in discovery park which is nice and it has axe throwing.

A decent taco joint is in downtown Orlando. Tacos los gringos or something like that. Decent fast tacos.

Kissimmee has some very beautiful scenery.

If you want to go to a bar and be around dogs or bring your dog, check out bark haven.

Tampa and Orlando used to have a place called pups pub, but they got shut doen because some beauracrats in suits.

Tampa, your right close to clear water, and that is as the name implies has very clear water and is great for fishing. There's a capybara cafe in Tampa as well. I haven't been there but plan to be in a few months.

If you drive down and pass Georgia, stop at the Atlanta aquarium. Do not stop for anything in Jacksonville. World of coke is mid, skip it.

Enjoy the beaches while your here

Edit: Also be aware that I4 is the shittiest fucking road you'll ever fucking drive on. Traffic and shitty drivers. It's horrible. Try to avoid I4.

If you plan to ever visit Miami, just be aware that there are people driving in $800 cars, with no insurance. The more south the shittier the drivers.

I also second @Zirnwyb with the pubsub.
 
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The Tampa/St. Pete area is the only place in the world where you can visit a Top 10 beach and strip club in the same afternoon
 
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