Zoosadist sadist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2024
I'm surprised Timothy Cataldo / Johnny Mustard doesn't have a friend on here. He's most famous for making a game called oneupmanship which is an internet toughguy's monopoly knockoff. The dice tower made a review of it where he actually goes insane towards the end:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18b0XYf05tA (sorry I don't know how to embed youtube video's :-( )
Tl;dw: the game is trying very hard to be funny even though it fails hard at every turn, when it isn't trying to be funny it tries too hard to be serious and acts as if there's a grand point but it's just unintentionally hilarious, the pieces of the game are badly designed and get worn easily, you can buy a trophy wife, there's a card that tells you to pull your pants down, and there are a dozen ways to steal the win from someone else, and the game comes with mystery bitter pills that you can swallow during the game and reset it to the beginning. To make it clear, you're meant to swallow some random pills you don't know what they are, the game doesn't even say what they are made of.
A bad board game doesn't a lolcow make, but Timothy Cataldo's response to the review almost a decade later does. The original blog post titled "Have you ever been 'raped' on the internet?" has been taken down, but fortunately it has been archived archive.org archive.is of archive.org
Oneupmanship has become a joke in the board game community, it's the only game on boardgamegeek that has a 1.00 out of 10 rating. However there's so much to this guy. I looked into him and gathered a bunch of information, but never had the patience or the willpower to make it into a proper OP. Here's just some of the best stuff:
* He likes to use words "recalcitrant" and "wiseacre" a lot, and he has a habit of making a joke that isn't funny and then driving it even further into the ground by saying "just kidding" or the like.
* He has a very high opinion of himself. He once compared his meme school to Plato's academy and other great schools.
* He often uses the nickname Johnny Mustard, and he's very attached to the way he came up with it, mainly his middle name and the name of his first pet. In this video he jokes that its his porn name.
* He's a linked in loony and posts crazy /pol/ tier articles on it, and somehow has got over 500 connections. Unfortunately linked in is very hard to archive but I have saved the text of some posts in case they got deleted.
* He has started his own school or something called Old's cool academy, and apparently a semester there was supposed to start this spring. Whether anybody signed up or what became of them I don't know, but I love how serious the website tries to be.
here are all his places I know of. I hope someone finds this guy as intriguing as I do and has the time, patience and autism to give him a thread he deserves. Godspeed.
Name: Timothy Cataldo
Nickname: Johnny Mustard
Website: https://oldscoolcompany.com/ (https://archive.is/3987X)
Website (old's cool academy): https://www.oldscoolacademy.com/ (https://archive.is/IgPlP)
Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/user149178939 (https://archive.is/FTYgK)
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timothycataldo/
Boardgamegeek: https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgamedesigner/154606/timothy-cataldo (https://archive.is/GJErx)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18b0XYf05tA (sorry I don't know how to embed youtube video's :-( )
Tl;dw: the game is trying very hard to be funny even though it fails hard at every turn, when it isn't trying to be funny it tries too hard to be serious and acts as if there's a grand point but it's just unintentionally hilarious, the pieces of the game are badly designed and get worn easily, you can buy a trophy wife, there's a card that tells you to pull your pants down, and there are a dozen ways to steal the win from someone else, and the game comes with mystery bitter pills that you can swallow during the game and reset it to the beginning. To make it clear, you're meant to swallow some random pills you don't know what they are, the game doesn't even say what they are made of.
A bad board game doesn't a lolcow make, but Timothy Cataldo's response to the review almost a decade later does. The original blog post titled "Have you ever been 'raped' on the internet?" has been taken down, but fortunately it has been archived archive.org archive.is of archive.org
I have. Figuratively speaking, of course.
Whenever I’m asked how I’m going to handle a particular unpleasant and therefore delicate situation, I always answer “badly.” I’m not even trying to be funny. So what do I do when my board game and labor of love ONEUPMANSHIP gets publicly humiliated on YouTube, by Tom Vasel at Dice Tower, to an audience of 100,000+? Not much. Swear. A lot. And spend an inspired amount of time and energy stringing together an impressive array of what my mother would call “Irish” adjectives and curses that were almost Shakespeare-worthy.
I’ll continue thinking up some new ones while you go and have a look at the “review." Back already? Seriously, here's the letter I sent to him, and I quote:
Dear Mr. Vasel,
Just saw your Dice Tower review and wanted to let you know I respect you for taking the time to post such a comprehensive and passionate critique of my game. Not what I was hoping for, of course – but I asked for your honest opinion, and that's exactly what I got. Next time I better be more careful what I wish for!
I would like to say as far as humor and design are concerned, the old adage that there's no accounting for taste is true: tongue-in-cheek to me could come across as puerile to you; what you think are gorgeous graphics might seem derivative or cartoonish to someone else. De gustibus non est disputandum.
Regarding the 'Bitter Pills', I hope the instructions are clear as to their tactical value to the game. A PDF download of the rules is available on the website for anyone interested in how to actually play ONEUPMANSHIP.
Respectfully,
Timothy Cataldo
The video ignited his fan base and they went on a social-media rampage, writing horrible and obviously completely fictitious things not only about the game (which none of them had ever even seen, never mind played), but about me personally, my wife, and, reprehensibly, my children. They then headed over to Amazon and trashed everything in sight over there, too. Wow, really? Really.
Two thoughts still come to mind, a year and a half later. First, I think there are a lot of people who didn’t get a date to the prom. Just kidding. Second, there are a many, many unhappy, cowardly and banal (read Hannah Arendt’s Eichmann in Jerusalem if you want the Psychology 101 of it) people out there who say deplorable things online because it's cheap and easy, and there’s no confrontation or consequences. I remember the classicist J. Rufus Frears opining on how he believed the concept of honor disappeared with dueling. I agree, for the most part. The internet caters to cowards.
Reviews undoubtedly tell more about the reviewer than the reviewee, so I always ask myself several questions, whenever any of my products is praised or panned: Is there any truth to any of the criticism (or compliments), or is it just the reviewer trying to sound like he knows what he’s talking about out of fear, insecurity, envy, unhappiness or simple ignorance? Some people don’t play fair, for whatever personal reasons, and almost everyone is really telling you, in so many words, what sort of axe they have to grind. Take everything with a grain of salt. And no matter what, take the high road, even if you’ve never been on it before.
Regarding the criticism itself, I try to sluice everything through the old brain pan to find the nuggets (if there are any), and then discard only the chaff, to mix metaphors a bit. Yes, that paper is too thin. Why ‘Beryl Clutterbuck’? West with the Night. No, my game may be based on those two other games, but it’s rehash that’s a breathtakingly original and authentic other thing entirely. No, you may like red, but I like blue. Yes, that’s a really good suggestion: a ‘cheat sheet’ that’s got enough of the basics to get people to actually play the game instead of being intimidated by an instruction booklet half the size of War and Peace. No, I’m not a smug, capitalist frat boy douche. Not really. Well, not intentionally anyway.
And the point is? Um, if you put your butt in the ring, it’s going to get kicked. Character is almost everything, as I've said many times before, but a sense of humor'll certainly do the trick in a tight spot. William S. Burroughs, surrounded by worshippers looking for some words of worldly wisdom and comfort from the literary giant standing before them after his latest book got crushed by the critics, looked out the window of his New York City apartment and said, with a smirk:
"There are a lot of assholes out there."
UPDATE: I went to GenCon last summer in Indianapolis – it's the biggest toy/gaming convention in the world, with over 125,000 attendees. I understand the RPG (role-playing gamers) mentality a lot better now. They're mostly aspie neckbeards living in their mother's basement. The one or two beautiful cosplay princesses you see on all the websites and advertisements, are the only beautiful women in the entire convention center.
Dice Tower had a booth there, coincidentally, and I went over to check it out. A very tall man behind the counter was talking to a young couple, and they were thanking him for reviewing their game. Smiles and chuckles all around. After they left, he looked at me and asked if he could help me with something.
I told him he had also reviewed my game. He asked what game was that? I said: ONEUPMANSHIP. He looked at me for a long time. A long time. And finally said "Oh."
Oh is right. If you enjoyed reading my painful but hopefully instructive punch in the nose, please share this with your friends and colleagues – it'll make you all feel better, if warier.
Whenever I’m asked how I’m going to handle a particular unpleasant and therefore delicate situation, I always answer “badly.” I’m not even trying to be funny. So what do I do when my board game and labor of love ONEUPMANSHIP gets publicly humiliated on YouTube, by Tom Vasel at Dice Tower, to an audience of 100,000+? Not much. Swear. A lot. And spend an inspired amount of time and energy stringing together an impressive array of what my mother would call “Irish” adjectives and curses that were almost Shakespeare-worthy.
I’ll continue thinking up some new ones while you go and have a look at the “review." Back already? Seriously, here's the letter I sent to him, and I quote:
Dear Mr. Vasel,
Just saw your Dice Tower review and wanted to let you know I respect you for taking the time to post such a comprehensive and passionate critique of my game. Not what I was hoping for, of course – but I asked for your honest opinion, and that's exactly what I got. Next time I better be more careful what I wish for!
I would like to say as far as humor and design are concerned, the old adage that there's no accounting for taste is true: tongue-in-cheek to me could come across as puerile to you; what you think are gorgeous graphics might seem derivative or cartoonish to someone else. De gustibus non est disputandum.
Regarding the 'Bitter Pills', I hope the instructions are clear as to their tactical value to the game. A PDF download of the rules is available on the website for anyone interested in how to actually play ONEUPMANSHIP.
Respectfully,
Timothy Cataldo
The video ignited his fan base and they went on a social-media rampage, writing horrible and obviously completely fictitious things not only about the game (which none of them had ever even seen, never mind played), but about me personally, my wife, and, reprehensibly, my children. They then headed over to Amazon and trashed everything in sight over there, too. Wow, really? Really.
Two thoughts still come to mind, a year and a half later. First, I think there are a lot of people who didn’t get a date to the prom. Just kidding. Second, there are a many, many unhappy, cowardly and banal (read Hannah Arendt’s Eichmann in Jerusalem if you want the Psychology 101 of it) people out there who say deplorable things online because it's cheap and easy, and there’s no confrontation or consequences. I remember the classicist J. Rufus Frears opining on how he believed the concept of honor disappeared with dueling. I agree, for the most part. The internet caters to cowards.
Reviews undoubtedly tell more about the reviewer than the reviewee, so I always ask myself several questions, whenever any of my products is praised or panned: Is there any truth to any of the criticism (or compliments), or is it just the reviewer trying to sound like he knows what he’s talking about out of fear, insecurity, envy, unhappiness or simple ignorance? Some people don’t play fair, for whatever personal reasons, and almost everyone is really telling you, in so many words, what sort of axe they have to grind. Take everything with a grain of salt. And no matter what, take the high road, even if you’ve never been on it before.
Regarding the criticism itself, I try to sluice everything through the old brain pan to find the nuggets (if there are any), and then discard only the chaff, to mix metaphors a bit. Yes, that paper is too thin. Why ‘Beryl Clutterbuck’? West with the Night. No, my game may be based on those two other games, but it’s rehash that’s a breathtakingly original and authentic other thing entirely. No, you may like red, but I like blue. Yes, that’s a really good suggestion: a ‘cheat sheet’ that’s got enough of the basics to get people to actually play the game instead of being intimidated by an instruction booklet half the size of War and Peace. No, I’m not a smug, capitalist frat boy douche. Not really. Well, not intentionally anyway.
And the point is? Um, if you put your butt in the ring, it’s going to get kicked. Character is almost everything, as I've said many times before, but a sense of humor'll certainly do the trick in a tight spot. William S. Burroughs, surrounded by worshippers looking for some words of worldly wisdom and comfort from the literary giant standing before them after his latest book got crushed by the critics, looked out the window of his New York City apartment and said, with a smirk:
"There are a lot of assholes out there."
UPDATE: I went to GenCon last summer in Indianapolis – it's the biggest toy/gaming convention in the world, with over 125,000 attendees. I understand the RPG (role-playing gamers) mentality a lot better now. They're mostly aspie neckbeards living in their mother's basement. The one or two beautiful cosplay princesses you see on all the websites and advertisements, are the only beautiful women in the entire convention center.
Dice Tower had a booth there, coincidentally, and I went over to check it out. A very tall man behind the counter was talking to a young couple, and they were thanking him for reviewing their game. Smiles and chuckles all around. After they left, he looked at me and asked if he could help me with something.
I told him he had also reviewed my game. He asked what game was that? I said: ONEUPMANSHIP. He looked at me for a long time. A long time. And finally said "Oh."
Oh is right. If you enjoyed reading my painful but hopefully instructive punch in the nose, please share this with your friends and colleagues – it'll make you all feel better, if warier.
Oneupmanship has become a joke in the board game community, it's the only game on boardgamegeek that has a 1.00 out of 10 rating. However there's so much to this guy. I looked into him and gathered a bunch of information, but never had the patience or the willpower to make it into a proper OP. Here's just some of the best stuff:
* He likes to use words "recalcitrant" and "wiseacre" a lot, and he has a habit of making a joke that isn't funny and then driving it even further into the ground by saying "just kidding" or the like.
* He has a very high opinion of himself. He once compared his meme school to Plato's academy and other great schools.
* He often uses the nickname Johnny Mustard, and he's very attached to the way he came up with it, mainly his middle name and the name of his first pet. In this video he jokes that its his porn name.
* He's a linked in loony and posts crazy /pol/ tier articles on it, and somehow has got over 500 connections. Unfortunately linked in is very hard to archive but I have saved the text of some posts in case they got deleted.
* He has started his own school or something called Old's cool academy, and apparently a semester there was supposed to start this spring. Whether anybody signed up or what became of them I don't know, but I love how serious the website tries to be.
here are all his places I know of. I hope someone finds this guy as intriguing as I do and has the time, patience and autism to give him a thread he deserves. Godspeed.
Name: Timothy Cataldo
Nickname: Johnny Mustard
Website: https://oldscoolcompany.com/ (https://archive.is/3987X)
Website (old's cool academy): https://www.oldscoolacademy.com/ (https://archive.is/IgPlP)
Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/user149178939 (https://archive.is/FTYgK)
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timothycataldo/
Boardgamegeek: https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgamedesigner/154606/timothy-cataldo (https://archive.is/GJErx)
