What cult should I join?

[Lame Entropy]

I need purpose in my life. I'm open to any suggestions as long as things don't end with a weirdo fucking me.

 

[OrionBalls]

Scientology helped John Travolta and Tom Cruise get over being fags. You could try that one. E- (Don't forget to bring your own toilet paper and laundry soap.)

 

[Lame Entropy]

Scientology helped John Travolta and Tom Cruise get over being fags. You could try that one. E- (Don't forget to bring your own toilet paper and laundry soap.)

Hmm slave labor on the Sea Org would be character building.

 

[OrionBalls]

Hmm slave labor on the Sea Org would be character building.

And you get to eat the leftovers from Reg Sessions! Just don't get caught.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Thelema. You get the edginess of following Alistair Crowley, all the spoopy rituals and al the mansex you can handle

 

[Penis Drager]

Sonichuology would probably be a good fit for you. It might even help you survive the merge.

 

[knobslobbin]

We should start our own!

*There's no avoiding the weirdo fucking you, but the good news is in a few years and thousands of dollars you graduate to being the weirdo fucking the newest recruits!

 

[OrionBalls]

If you like paper thin yoga leggings and being the best you ever, Lululemon might be for you. You too, can be your own boss, babe! But, they only have one murder under their belt, so perhaps it's a bit mainstream.

E-

Sonichuology would probably be a good fit for you. It might even help you survive the merge.

Tell me more. I wish to learn about merge survival.

 

[Furret]

Mine. No matter what cult you join, someone's getting most of your money, and that person might as well be me.

 

[DeadFish]

I need purpose in my life. I'm open to any suggestions as long as things don't end with a weirdo fucking me.

Start your own cult

 

[Penis Drager]

Tell me more. I wish to learn about merge survival.

Such knowledge is beyond me. You must seek counsel with the great prophet and future goddess, Christine Weston Chandler (PBUH).

 

[Lame Entropy]

Thelema. You get the edginess of following Alistair Crowley, all the spoopy rituals and al the mansex you can handle

I do enjoy the do what you want message,

Sonichuology would probably be a good fit for you. It might even help you survive the merge.

My waifu finally acknowledging me is a strong motivator,

We should start our own!

*There's no avoiding the weirdo fucking you, but the good news is in a few years and thousands of dollars you graduate to being the weirdo fucking the newest recruits!

Will the recruits be cute?

Mine. No matter what cult you join, someone's getting most of your money, and that person might as well be me.

But will you endorse my pet cause of spreading autism and maximizing laughs?

So many options, so little time.

 

[Furret]

But will you endorse my pet cause of spreading autism and maximizing laughs?

Sure, just send me regular checks in the mail and we'll be good. Oh, and if they bounce you're fucking dead, but that goes without saying.

 

[OrionBalls]

Sure, just send me regular checks in the mail and we'll be good. Oh, and if they bounce you're fucking dead, but that goes without saying.

How will I be dead? My thetan shall live on, forever!

 

[Furret]

How will I be dead? My thetan shall live on, forever!

Don't worry, if you believe in that shit then I don't want your money.

 

[Canoodler]

Follow the teachings of our lord and savior, Theodore Kaczynski. Sometimes referred to colloquially as Uncle Ted.

 

[Bad Gateway]

Transsexualism is really popular right now, and you can join that one while not making any changes to your lifestyle at all.

 

[Penis Drager]

Transsexualism is really popular right now, and you can join that one while not making any changes to your lifestyle at all.

That's not entirely true. You have to get visibly angry when people use the correct pronouns to refer to you and you also have to start using the wrong bathrooms.

 

[TheRetardKing]

Why not the Peoples Temple? They seem like pretty nice people. I heard the Kool-Aid they make in Jonestown is so good that you'll collapse on the floor.

 

[draggs]

I need purpose in my life. I'm open to any suggestions as long as things don't end with a weirdo fucking me.

Well... a cult isn't for you then, if a weirdo owning your boipussy is a dealbreaker