What is the proper way to wipe your ass?

[TroonsDid911]

Front to back? Dig deep? Wet wipes? Bidet? How many times do you wrap the tissue around your hand(if you even do that)? Do you bother wiping if you go before your about to shower?

I'm confident we can come to a common consensus on this topic.

 

[oldTireWater]

Man, this is going to draw the stand-to-wipe troglodytes out of the woodpile. Is this ban bait?

 

[SIGSEGV]

I hear that @RACISM only recently learned that you could wipe your ass while sitting down. He used to stand up and pull his ass cheeks apart to wipe.

 

[WelperHelper99]

With toilet paper. Like a real man.

 

[KateHikes14]

There's probably lots of right ways and as long as you're clean afterwards it's irrelevant, but there's one wrong way, using wipes when you own the pipes.

 

[Audit]

As is well known to many, wiping your butt makes you gay. Germans solve this problem by eating each other's ass.

 

[TroonsDid911]

I hear that @RACISM only recently learned that you could wipe your ass while sitting down. He used to stand up and pull his ass cheeks apart to wipe.

Why would you awkwardly bend to the side and reach under into the toilet(likely touching the seat itself in the process) when you can stand up and have free access? Also how will you be able to check and see when you've actually got it all?

 

[Power Ranger Monster]

Use one square. Use second square, fold for third wipe. Third square, two folds.

 

[SIGSEGV]

Why would you awkwardly bend to the side and reach under into the toilet(likely touching the seat itself in the process) when you can stand up and have free access? Also how will you be able to check and see when you've actually got it all?

Even with a small toilet I've never had to bend to the side, I can just go in from the back. Maybe you're just fat.

 

[TroonsDid911]

Even with a small toilet I've never had to bend to the side, I can just go in from the back. Maybe you're just fat.

I'm not fat I'm big bummed.

 

[Magicicada_septendecula]

I'm a big fan of the bidet. I got one that you can attach to your toilet during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 and pretty much just dab my ass with some toilet paper to dry off. I don't feel clean unless I've had a cold jet of water squirted into my hole.

 

[pot of sneed]

The best way to wipe? Gotta perfect the art of ghost poops.

 

[Autistic Integrity]

One square just hook it with your finger. Stop wasting toilet paper they made it in squares for a reason.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I just dip my prolapsed rectum in the water and shake it around until all the poop is out, like everyone else.

 

[Pilgrim of Grace]

Bidet.

Anything else is digging for sheks like Gunt goes truffle hunting.

 

[feral cat #6385]

Wrap your had in toilet paper to make a shit mitten. Then reach in there good and deep to scoop out all the shit residue. One should always monitor one's anal health by digitally examining the area in the shower and squatting on a mirror for visual examination if necessary. Take care of your asshole.

 

[FILTH Tourist]

There is a hose by my toilet that I power wash my asshole with. Never bought toilet paper in 4 years and don't regret it.

 

[Marc]

Breakdancing headspin in the shower - Because my legs are still asleep and blood pressure still low after two and a half hours exsanguinating on the toilet while replying to my life advice column. Haven't had an embolism, yet.

 

[elrond hubbard]

Why would you awkwardly bend to the side and reach under into the toilet(likely touching the seat itself in the process) when you can stand up and have free access? Also how will you be able to check and see when you've actually got it all?

Listen, retard. When you stand up to wipe your ass muscles contracting smash the shit between your asscheeks. The only reason you do this is when you need to administer a rorschach test and don't have any ink and paper

 

[The Connected Nose]

@larossmann has had a few tangents about this on his channel before. He extols the virtues of bidet life, along with how just swiping at it with dry paper does not a clean ass make.