What makes a person a Lolcow?

[Bgheff]

Is it someone who makes you laugh, angry or disagree with? A person with sex videos, a combination of all the above? A person you look at and think you are better than?

I've noticed this forum has a wide range of supposed lolcow behavior. I think there is a wide range between being a dumb ass and being a lolcow, but apparently the label is more common than I thought. What makes you define a person as a lolcow? For me it is a person that hits many areas like Chris. He says offensive and ridicules things without that being his intention. He rages at criticism. He is no different off camera than on. He is unable to learn from his mistakes.

I don't really follow many other supposedly lolcows, since I mostly just see people with one or two obvious mental issues and see them as that rather than a lolcow. What is it for people here is the defining factor that makes them label someone as a lolcow? Is it a combination of specific issues, or just one thing?

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

Re: What makes a person Lolcow?

Well, on ED, there are a lot of lolcows that try to get their ED page taken down. The fact that they don't just do stupid stuff but that they fight against people that call them on their BS is definitely a factor in lolcowdom.

And the fact that they live Einstein's definition of insanity: they do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, without ever learning from experience.

 

[Bgheff]

Re: What makes a person Lolcow?

Well, on ED, there are a lot of lolcows that try to get their ED page taken down. The fact that they don't just do stupid stuff but that they fight against people that call them on their BS is definitely a factor in lolcowdom.

And the fact that they live Einstein's definition of insanity: they do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, without ever learning from experience.

That's kind of circular reasoning though. ED labels them a Lolcow, they are offended and try to remove the label, thus proving they area lolcow? I am sure if anyone here had an ED page made about them, with possible real life names used, they would try to get rid of it as well lolcow or not.

Does that apply to all of them though? It seems several of them are content doing their thing and get the results they want.

 

[JarlaxleBaenre]

I'd say extreme attention-seeking makes a person a lolcow. I am thinking about Ahuviya and the videos he made to CWC, especially the one after Bob passed. Presuming to give Chris advice, and then delivering it as if Ahuviya knew what he was talking about was laughably absurd. Thus I see Ahuviya as a lolcow. If, TJ really dealt with cops as he's claimed to, that plus leaking his sex tapes makes him a lolcow.

 

[Lil]

I always thought lolcows were people who had a consistently bizarre behavior and, when confronted about it, would immediately fight back by any means necessary and justify themselves as much as they can.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I meant that they'll fight anyone who tries to help or criticize them, not just that they'll try to get their ED page taken down. Example: Chris only said he'd consider what someone said even though it was good advice and would've helped him, but more often than not was downright hostile. The girl telling him how to treat women as potential dates and the autism awareness lady come to mind. Then of course there's Vivian who tried to help Chris but then got disillusioned and started to troll him.

Another thing is that Chris made his ED page far worse by uploading stuff like SheCameForCWC when he was fighting them. Originally it was about a goofy guy who wore a Sonichu medallion and used an attraction sign. We had no idea how deeply disturbed he was at first.

Jarlaxle is right that a lot of lolcows are attention whores who like the responses they get.

I don't know how to sum up an lolcow other than you know one when you see one. You have to do more than just make a fool of yourself on the internet or else we'd all be lolcows. I remember we had a thread similar to this one that listed several traits of lolcows. I'm submitting that an lolcow is so proud that they'll never admit they're wrong and will fight other people to show they're right.

Also as the word suggests: you can milk lulz from an lolcow. They're not a one hit wonder when it comes to lulz but repeatedly make a fool of themselves without provocation and react poorly to trolling. Again, see Chris for reference.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

I meant that they'll fight anyone who tries to help or criticize them, not just that they'll try to get their ED page taken down. Example: Chris only said he'd consider what someone said even though it was good advice and would've helped him, but more often than not was downright hostile. The girl telling him how to treat women as potential dates and the autism awareness lady come to mind. Then of course there's Vivian who tried to help Chris but then got disillusioned and started to troll him.

Another thing is that Chris made his ED page far worse by uploading stuff like SheCameForCWC when he was fighting them. Originally it was about a goofy guy who wore a Sonichu medallion and used an attraction sign. We had no idea how deeply disturbed he was at first.

Jarlaxle is right that a lot of lolcows are attention whores who like the responses they get.

I don't know how to sum up an lolcow other than you know one when you see one. You have to do more than just make a fool of yourself on the internet or else we'd all be lolcows. I remember we had a thread similar to this one that listed several traits of lolcows. I'm submitting that an lolcow is so proud that they'll never admit they're wrong and will fight other people to show they're right.

Also as the word suggests: you can milk lulz from an lolcow. They're not a one hit wonder when it comes to lulz but repeatedly make a fool of themselves without provocation and react poorly to trolling. Again, see Chris for reference.

A lot of this. All the lolcows I follow have two common traits: One, they're completely inept. Not just misguided or inexperienced, but just pure Fail. Second, they're completely and totally incapable of accepting criticism. I think it's that last point that truly makes a lolcow. Anyone can fuck up, but to put yourself on the internet, in front of the whole world, and refuse to see the error of your ways when literally dozens of people point it out to you... that's LOL.

 

[WWWWolf]

Not listening to criticism, not learning from mistakes or having any genuine willingness to improve, not having any sort of realistic picture of themselves.

And for the record, I don't think majority of the people who fit this definition actually end up being funny. Or offensive. Just sad. People like this usually just end up not improving at all, and end up giving up and probably depressed for life.

There are very few people who are actually either dumb or thick-skinned enough to keep on going year after year, like what Chris did, spreading their particular kind of cluelessness and getting laughed at in return.

 

[BigAltheGreat921]

Like what others here have said, they become LOLcows because they don't respond well to criticism or negativity and are always looking for attention, and the Internet is the perfect place for that. And it seems many of these people are autistic (CWC included) or may have a more serious mental problem. Also, because they crave attention so much, they'll publicly disclose numerous aspects of their private lives, especially sexual escapades/fetishes, and sometimes where they live which just leads to more trolling and harassment. No sane person would do any of that--TMI is, in most cases, a REALLY BAD idea.

 

[SPARKLETWAT]

For me an LOLcow:

Throws shitfits over little things
Posts TMI shit nobody cares about
BAWWWS and blames everybody and everything else for shit that's their fault
Makes excuses to avoid changing their behavior
Does not improve ever*


*I've seen one get her shit together and admit to her fuckup. I'm actually proud because she was on the verge of being as ridiculous as Chris.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

I think the broadest, most generalized definition could be:

A lolcow is someone who:

1. Has a way to make people lose most of their respect for him/her. Either through extreme stupidity, self-humiliating behavior or huge arrogance/narcissism.

2. Lives in his/her own dimension, has a worldview so bizarre as to make most LSD trips look everyday in comparison.

If both these conditions are met, then: Lolcow alert!

These conditions apply to all the classical intarwebz lolcows such as Chris, ADF, JustinRPG or A-Log, but also to individuals such as Alejandro Cao de Benos de lez y Perez, Lyndon LaRouche, Jack T. Chick or "Dr." Kent Hovind.

 

[Tim Buckley]

Guys I think you are taking in consideration just some superficial attributes of lolcowery, as I see it, is just being fucking retarded and an asshole, then the internet finds you and the rest is history.

 

[Plissken]

Re: What makes a person Lolcow?

I am sure if anyone here had an ED page made about them, with possible real life names used, they would try to get rid of it as well lolcow or not.

A-Log, right before he was banned from the cwcki, had an ED page made for him, and I'm not sure if he tried to get rid of it or not, deletion or otherwise. The right way to get rid of an ED page is Wallflower style, contact the people who made the page, explain to them your reasoning, apologize, etc.

Guys I think you are taking in consideration just some superficial attributes of lolcowery, as I see it, is just being fucking retarded and an asshole, then the internet finds you and the rest is history.

You got this half right, The other half is the person reacting negatively to trolls and criticism, or just giving a reaction in general.

 

[Aiko Heiwa]

I think what makes an Lolcow is a combination of factors: they have to either have fetishes which are viewed as odd by the mainstream (e.g. diapers, furry, inflation) or weird views on things (like crazy conspiracy theories or whatever), they have to lack the skills to know when and where mentioning this stuff is appropriate (like a discussion thread to post your fetishes might be an okay place to say 'I have a bit of a diaper fetish' or something, but not in a chit-chat thread, except if it's a chitchat thread on a fetish forum), they also have to be too open about things (don't know why i keep using diaper fetish as an example, but they'd post in detail on how much they LOVE using their diapers and sitting in it for hours and sleeping it in), they also have to not be able to take any criticism and instead of calmly explaining or talking with people making fun of them, they either post ANGRY POSTS ON FACEBOOK!!! WITH ALL CAPITALS!!! AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! AND LOTS OF ANGRY SMILIES! or ANGRY YOUTUBE VIDEOS WITH LOTS OF YELLING AND DEMANDING THAT THOSE TROLL BASTARDS STOP MAKING FUN OF THEM OR THEY WILL BE SUED!!! or even I WILL FUCKING CALL THE COPS AND YOU'RE GONNA GET ARRESTED FOR TROLLING YOU BASTARD MORON SHITHEADS!!!!

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

If I had to pick one, I'd say it's the unwarranted self-importance that makes one a Lolcow.

A true Lolcow expects constant praise and adulation for the most minor of accomplishments, or no accomplishments at all. He expects to be recognized as special and superior, as someone far above the rules everyone else must follow. He expects his wants to be instantly fulfilled, consequences to others are unimportant. And anyone who does not give him these things is evil and sub-human, to be ground into the dirt and made to suffer.

 

[NegaCWC]

Guys I think you are taking in consideration just some superficial attributes of lolcowery, as I see it, is just being fucking retarded and an asshole, then the internet finds you and the rest is history.

I don't think that a person has to be an asshole in order to be a Lolcow. From the little I know of fatman or whatever the guy is called I don't think he qualifies as an asshole, but he's definitely a Lolcow. I would also add one more criteria : said person needs to be a source of lulz in order to qualify as Lolcow. Retardation that is just bland and boring does not make the cut. I've seen plenty for retards making their shitposts all over the internet, but none of them were amusing enough to qualify as Lolcows. Champthom said that many people on this board are getting close to being Lolcows. While I don't deny that this board saw some blatant displays of retardation (though recently I hadn't seen anything really bad), none of the posters we had here, not even Simz from the old boards, were amusing enough to be Lolcows.

 

[butt in trouble]

A complete inability to learn from or take responsibility for their mistakes. It's always someone else's fault and it will always be different next time.

 

[OtterParty]

Yo I dunno if it's okay if I necro this thread as it's been inactive since May, but just wanted to mention these people are still around but most reborn dolls online now are cheap knockoffs from China made from stolen kit molds and lots of people in the community are salty about it and go on about them stealing from the artists and the dolls being pumped full of lead and whatnot but some people do support what the Chinese are doing and are buying them, Wish.com, AliExpress, EBay, and Amazon are filled with auctions of these now more than real ones actual artists made, and there's lots of people reporting the auctions, only to have China put them up 2 days later. Personally, as many of you who know who I am from the Waifu culture and Jin and Twilight Sparkle threads know, I collect dolls, all different dolls but I particularly like antique/vintage ones, and I have one that's vintage possessed by my son with my multiple waifus' tulpa spirit. I have an interest in these dolls, I liked the horror ones since my middle school emo/goth phase and had several a long time ago which were actually inexpensive at the time and I still have a few but am mostly over the horror doll phase. I actually have an older normal toddler reborn made from a Berenguer baby doll I bought for $3 at a thrift store, and I had one that looked a lot like a real baby I paid $10 for at a garage sale and probably sold for much more than that initially, as did the other one more than likely, but I got rid of it because it creeped me and others around me out due to its realism, and I have now purchased a cheap Chinese knockoff silicone one from Wish.com, to possess with my unborn second tulpa child. I personally think the dolls are cool but too expensive and sometimes too creepy in that doll I had's case and the community are a bunch of whackjob middle aged unstable infertile women, and gay men for some reason, and I honestly don't care about pissing anyone in the community off with my cheap Chinese knockoff, and some people really don't care and I see tons of people reviewing on multiple websites buying them as gifts for their kids/grandkids/nieces and nephews anyways, so I guess it's in a way a good thing for some people that the Chinese jumped on it and made it cheap. I dunno about their claims about the dolls being full of lead and other toxins or people apparently getting sick or breaking out in rashes from holding the dolls too long, but I'm an adult and I'm not gonna chew on it and I don't have kids or am frequently around any and I have a strong fully vaccinated immune system and hardly get sick and I do have kinda sensitive skin and get eczema and pimples, but I think I'll be fine.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

hm, what makes a lolcow for me? I'll list what I see as some of my major points

-delusion of skill: believing you are much better than you actually are or that your work should be constantly praised and criticism being ignored

-inability to forgive and forget: holding grudges and not being able to admit faults that you have made with other people or communities or just being plain spiteful

-tmi: putting out a lot of information about yourself can put off people and be used against you

-stubborness: shutting down and not taking advice and doing the same actions that got you in trouble in the first place often tends to a potential cow, staying longer at doing something than they should have

-emotional instability: being unable to control your emotions properly never ends well

-taking things too seriously: when you start treating your own online life as more important than your actual life and start obsessing over websites and percieved enemies is when you start doing stupid things

-sin: the classic seven deadly sins tend to be staples in many lolcows or unlikable people and can be quite destructive overall

-mental illness/belief: being mentally ill and having a different mindset than the rest of the world and those around you can often backfire in various ways. Conversely, having a strong belief in something or a concept such as being always right or social justice leads to people adopting odd views and plans

-gullibility: being tricked constantly and not learning from the mistake can often lead people to accepting what trolls say at face value or being misled by those they trust

-blame shifting: shifting blame from yourself to external sources often leads to various incidents as the main problems get left unsolved and the person seeks into more trouble

-inability to plan ahead: not being able to see what your actions mean for the future often means a cow continues on paths that are destructive to them over time such as frivolous spending or substance abuse

(and I'm done. Bit of a mouthful and I feel like I could have added more or edited differently. What do you guys think?)

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I don't think there's a universal lolcow template, but I'd say that the qualities needed are:
- They have to be funny in a laughing-at-them kind of way. If they're funny but they know they're funny, they're just a comedian.
- They must be bizarre in a fairly unique way. For instance, Jake Alley would be just another basement-dwelling neckbeard if it weren't for his insistence that he's a women and his obsession with events of years ago. Cole Smithey is a pretentious twat, but he's not especially unusual as a person, so he's only a subtopic of Chris.
- They must take themselves absolutely seriously. Maybe they have a sense of humour, but never at their own expense.
- Usually, they must have a deluded view of their own importance/ability/intelligence/looks and believe themselves above criticism. They don't have to be stupid, but they do have to think they're smarter than they are and, crucially, smarter than the majority of people.
- They don't change or improve significantly. Lots of people do dumb shit, but that's part of the learning process of life. If they keep doing the same dumb shit over and over again, that's lolcow fodder.
- They have, in some way, to be a failure. Raven Sparks wants to be a sexy goth princess, but is fat middle-aged trailer trash. Toren likes to think he's a significant voice in the trans movement, but in reality is a drunk with a Twitter account.

Many of these tie together - an inability to take criticism ties in to taking themselves too seriously and the inability to change. A deluded self-image is essential to their failure.