When is it okay to hate your dad?

[skykiii]

So I notice Kiwis often use the rhetoric of "hating your dad" or "driven to liberal politics because you hate your dad" and generally always present hating one's dad as a bad thing.

Which, well, bugs me.

I don't wanna make this topic all about me, so I'll stick to just one example: my own dad was a libtard. Is okay to hate him now, or did I just walk into a counter-stereotype that I only became conservative to spite daddy? (Really our relationship was way more complicated but I just don't wanna powerlevel too much).

And of course, millions of people across the world had genuinely shit parents.

So where is the line drawn? Or are we to "honor mommy and daddy" no matter what?

 

[The Last Stand]

Go seek some help.

 

[Doublefrag]

I always found this line of thinking, that you should always respect your family, is bullshit. It's true only if your family is healthy. So yeah, it's okay to hate your dad more often than not. Families are always responsible for some fucked up trauma in your life. I got kicked out from my tradcath family home after I confessed that I identify as a sapphic butch transfemme, and revealed that I was using DIY HRT for a year now. They didn't think anything suspicious of me dying my hair with streaks of red and growing it out. My parents have always been toxic neglectful POSes. But then the pieces fell together.
My parents were bewildered at first. My dad grabbed me by the fucking neck and tried to cut my hair. All while my siblings just stood there watching. Including my older brother, who forced me to suck him when I was 8. He's married now, probably molesting his own children instead. But I'm glad they kicked me out, in hindsight. I always wanted to cut this heteronormative scum out of my life, so I'm glad they did it for me. I came to my transbian fwb's apartment and broke down crying into her shoulder. Crying out of relief or out of sadness that these hateful bigots tried to teach me their nonsense, I don't know. She made some muffins and we made up with platonic cuddling and massage. Then she offered for me to join her found family. This was like a dream come true. My second chance at getting a normal family.
Soon enough I moved in with my found family in a house we rented in Minnetonka. Our first day in was a gender euphoria celebration party, with me, two transgirls, a cispan moid and a transman. I took the role of the middle sister, balancing between my older and my little sis and finding my way in this chemistry-filled family dynamic. This is so much like an ideal sitcom family like holy shit. And best of all, there's none of that toxic fatalistic shit like "we expect grandchildren" or "stop being so disappointing".
You really should find a found family of your own instead of thinking about "trad" family values. They really feel like my soulmates.

 

[Gorton Colu]

Hating your family is retarded and entirely counterproductive.

If you family was or is absuive, then leave and cut them off if there is not hope of repentance and reconciliation.

Living your life in reaction to your past will not help you to grow or experience peace and happiness. If your happiness and values are based entirely on external circumstances you will be forever miserable.

Or are we to "honor mommy and daddy" no matter what?

I ask that you do not be a reddit tier faggot.

 

[Black Man Underwear]

When he wasn't present.

See: Detroit

 

[skykiii]

If your happiness and values are based entirely on external circumstances

Gotta love the sophistry here, because there's absolutely no such thing as moods or values that are not based on (or at least heavily inspired by) external factors.

"Hey, guy who lives in a box in an area where it rains constantly, you'd be happy if you just stopped associating 'happiness' with 'not living in a wet box'!"

 

[Pargon]

Hating your family is retarded and entirely counterproductive.

If you family was or is absuive, then leave and cut them off if there is not hope of repentance and reconciliation.

Living your life in reaction to your past will not help you to grow or experience peace and happiness. If your happiness and values are based entirely on external circumstances you will be forever miserable.

This.

Also, the only person making you to hold onto any emotion is you. That’s good ones and bad ones. Is holding onto something like that benefitting you, making your life worth living? If it’s working for you then keep it up, i guess, but if you do you might find yourself one day not having a satisfying reason for holding onto it anymore.

I hate truisms but a few of them have taken on a new meaning for me lately, and the past is only ever that. It’s past. Whether you ruminate or not, no one is ever returning to it, and the road for all of us is only so long. And as someone who did hold onto a lot of resentment, deserved and otherwise, for both my parents, together and individually, for a long period of my life, I can say honestly that it’s one of many things I wish I hadn’t spent so much of my life regretting or spiraling over it. But you’re you and I’m me and even if our reasons or our manifestations of that hate were identical we’d likely still find ground to disagree over.

Ultimately the only person who can excuse or absolve or blame or shame you over something like this is you. So the best you can do is try and reach a decision whether it’s something you consciously want in your life.

 

[Gorton Colu]

Gotta love the sophistry here, because there's absolutely no such thing as moods or values that are not based on (or at least heavily inspired by) external factors.

"Hey, guy who lives in a box in an area where it rains constantly, you'd be happy if you just stopped associating 'happiness' with 'not living in a wet box'!"

Okay retard, nice strawman argument. And I'm the sophist? I specially wrote and you quoted me as saying "If your happiness and values are based entirely on external circumstances."

Where did I say that external circumstances have no or little influence? Are you implying that one cannot do anything to resolve their feelings of unhappiness? Should one just wallow and despair and be a slave to their id and emotions?

Are all of your actions and motivations the result of external circumstances? If you're sad that you're a fatso who eats too much, is it because someone is force feeding you or is it because you decide not to do anything about being fat?

I hope for your sake that you are not such a defeatist in reality.

 

[Chicha Drinker]

Hate corrodes the soul, I know it can be unavoidable if you're in constant interaction with said people, but i think indifference is the better path absolutely every time.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

When he objectively ruined your life or the lives of your family and is irredeemable. Otherwise honor thy father and thy mother, in fact you probably need to do that even if you hate them.

my own dad was a libtard. Is okay to hate him now,

This is an exception

 

[Claude Sigma]

are we to "honor mommy and daddy"

You don't have to love in order to honor.
Also you're free to hate anyone for any reason of your choosing, feelings are your own.

When we mock those that hate their dads it's not because they hate their dads, it's because their hatred leads them to do obvious things for someone that hates their dads. We mock that they're enslaved by their emotions and feelings and are barely sentient. They're just a deterministic product of their emotional incontinence.

Plenty of people hate their parents and don't become self-destructive whores or neets as "revenge", we don't mock them. We mock those that do stupid actions for bad reasons.

 

[#1 Hot Sauce of Kiwi Farm]

Fuck you Dad the thread. I don't really have anything to add as others have already answered the question already. I do not know what issues OP has with his father so I can only go with the example given.

Have you tried speaking to your Father and asking him to not speak about politics or whatever it is he is doing to upset you? You're not a child anymore, voice your concerns to your Father and if he refuses to change stop contacting him until he does so and if he does not than maybe cut him off if whatever it is if it's egregious enough.

I think however you should try to repair your relationship with your family (with the exception of abuse ect). You only have one and you'll regret it when you find out they are gone from this world.

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

So I notice Kiwis ... generally always present hating one's dad as a bad thing.

Which, well, bugs me.

Get over whatever gay faggot """""MUH TRAUMA""""" your dad caused you already.

 

[Gravityqueen4life]

I dont hate my father but i will never forgive him for what he did to our family. The man i loved and respected no longer exists.

 

[Hangly Man]

My dad is objectively a psychopath and a bad person. It's unfortunate. Everyone comes into this world with some critical flaw he will spend his life overcoming and a shit dad was mine.
Best you can do is try to shield the next generation from the bullshit of the previous one.

 

[Señora Airi]

You always have to remember man is fallible. The people who have hatred for their fathers forget this.

I cannot speak of your relations with your father, but simply being a liberal isn't enough a reason to cut him off and hate him. That's just being an emotional reactionary.

 

[skykiii]

Fuck you Dad the thread.

I do love how a straightforward question that presents the most surface-level "here's a few reasons someone might" results in all sorts of exaggerated psychoanalyses of the author.

Really it comes off like a lot of people here actually do hate their dads but don't want to admit it so they're projecting onto me.

 

[PhoBingas]

I'm normal and didn't hate my dad. He wasn't overly political, and I don't think he ever bothered voting. I think he smoked too much pot to be "based" though. I miss him though, he's been dead for over a decade.
Go call your dad Kiwis.

 

[Kiwisee]

It’s okay to hate him if he tried to kill you in a fit of junkie rage.

 

[SchloppyI.T.Man]

I do love how a straightforward question that presents the most surface-level "here's a few reasons someone might" results in all sorts of exaggerated psychoanalyses of the author.

Yeah there's definitely a point people make to say other people are out of or over the line, so then thusly what is the line? Where should it be?
You're also probably barking up the wrong tree given the amount of acute autism and trauma about the topic, though you're free to truffle hunt all you want.
I suppose some things to objectify the topic might be what constitutes hating your dad?
Is it maligning your father actively? If so you'll find a cornucopia of evidence on how to effectively alog someone here, after-all we love documenting it.
Is it maligning him passively? As in are you doing things to consternate him with reasonable doubt to intent?
Non conformance? Are you just not following along?
Non interaction? None of the above, there's just nothing. Some say anger doesn't make hate, it's apathy.
Opinion differs pretty wildly.
I don't talk to my dad for my own well being, he will attempt to convince me that his bad decisions "are good actually"
And when that isn't available he either talks about what he did last weekend funded by his bad choices, which were supported by no effort on his part, or talks about how the overt symptoms of his choices actually make him feel bad (despite making "normal" and "ok" decisions.)
I don't believe a relationship can be sustained by the good ol' times alone, and so its really just not worth my time.
I had a family member in more or less the exact same position finger-waggle me and tell me that that's "vengeful" and "hateful"
So it is still very subjective to one's experience as well as formative perspective.

It’s okay to hate him if he tried to kill you in a fit of junkie rage.

Yeah you're in the right if that is to be believed

I cannot speak of your relations with your father, but simply being a liberal isn't enough a reason to cut him off and hate him. That's just being an emotional reactionary.

Also true! Ideally you can go fishing in silence with your dad even though he's a liberal!
If I had to venture a guess to the complication its likely that his father was rather self-absorbed on top of being liberal, which is likely the real centerpiece of any of the reasons anyone may "hate" their parent.
It's that selfishness combined with the compulsory interaction, you are their child thus you have no say, otherwise you would just steer clear as you would any other person.