Who is getting the best head? - It's time for the Farm's greatest minds to settle this once and for all

Who is getting the best head?

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Milk Mage

Milk Mage

Oh what a Sperg I am. Oh what a Sperg I am.
kiwifarms.net
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Jul 4, 2017
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It's a question that has divided biologists for years: Which chipmunk is getting the best head? I thoroughly believe, beyond a shred of doubt, that Simon is getting the best head. My arguement can be summed up in this essay by (((Reddit))) user u/tablecatsss. Now what do you guys think?
 
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There's a copypasta that goes with this, lovely. I wonder where it came from.

Theodore packs some meat so it’s likely to take up more space and have more surface area touching the inside of her mouth. Alvin looks like he is having the time of his life but he tends to be a more hedonistic person, so this is likely average for him which takes away any extraordinary sensations. Simon is a possible candidate but when you think about it, given how skinny he is, his dick is probably long and skinny, so most of Eleanor’s mount would not even touch the middle most part of his shaft. Theodore, given is girth and his gf’s largest mouth, is likely receiving the best head that anyone will ever receive, and evidently, deserves it for packing so much meat with him and always listening to his homies when they need it the most.
Click to expand...

Here's the copypasta.
 
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You've got to remember that, while a girl's technique is an important ingredient to a great blow job, it's not the only thing. Great head isn't made in a mouth, it's made in your mind. Simon is a nerdy loser who'd probably be an incel if he didn't have a nerdy loser girlfriend. So, he's probably so thankful to be getting any that's he's enjoying himself far more than the others. Theodore is a fatass, yeah, but he's also a naive goofball, and he would've probably gotten a couple girls because he is 'cute'. And Alvin is, well, Alvin. He probably couldn't imagine a world where he isn't desirable. So, my vote goes to Simon.
 
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Alvin and the Chipmunks Argumentative
Maddie B.
September 18, 2019

Who is Receiving the Superior Oral Sex?

Currently circulating around the internet is a picture of the three main chipmunks
(Alvin, Theodore, and Simon) out of the cinematic series “Alvin and the Chipmunks” all receiving oral sex from three different female chipmunks (Britanny, Eleanor, and Jeanette). This picture has sparked a nationwide debate on which of the male chipmunks is receving the most pleasure out of the oral sex, henceforth making it the most superior of the three acts. As the viewer takes a look at the original photo (pictured below) they are faced with all three of the male chipmunks lined up on a couch as the females are positioned on their knees in the act of performing oral sex on each of the individuals. While at first glance the viewer is led to believe that Alvin is indeed receiving the best oral sex based off of his positioning and facial expressions, it is crucial to take a further look and pay attention to the details illustrated in this photo in order to truly determine whose performance is the most mind-blowing. Upon further investigation, through body language, facial expression, and looking into the personal background of the chipmunk, it is Simon whom is ultimately receiving the most pleasurable oral sex. However, it is crucial to investigate each individual chipmunk before coming to a conclusion to have an unbiased and clear view of the complete picture. Comparing and contrasting each of the individual behaviors in the chipmunks will allow the viewer to understand why Simon is receiving the most pleasure.
Starting with Alvin, pictured to the far left with a red baseball cap and an “A” logo crewneck, the first thing that the human eye is captivated by is Alvin’s hand holding onto the top of the couch. Those who merely glance at the photo may see this and be led to believe that he is receiving the best oral sex in contrast to the other chipmunks who are not using the same extravagant hand gestures. However, while looking at Alvin’s entire stature and body language, the knees paint a different story of what Alvin is truly feeling. Pointed inwards, the body language testifies that he is closing his legs in a way to convey to the viewer the tenseness that Alvin is feeling. One reason that is plausible for this to occur is that Brittany is using her teeth on Alvin’s genitals. A reason for Brittany to have poor skills in oral sex is her repeatedly shown superiority complex. Brittany is the head of the choral group “The Chipettes” and is shown to be vain and unable to admit to her wrongdoings. This is evidence of her superiority complex, as she believes she is too high above the other chipmunks to apologize or feel remorse. This complex plays into her ability to perform oral sex as she undergoes the Dunning-Kruger Effect, believing her skills to be better than they truly are. The viewer is also tricked by the human eye into believing that Alvin is receiving the superior oral sex from his color scheme. Evolutionally, the human race has been led to believe that red is a color of superiority and strength. Having Alvin decked out in red unconsciously leads the viewer to believe that he is the alpha-male, and therefore would be getting the best treatment.
In the middle of the couch is Theodore, shown as a slightly chubby chipmunk wearing a royal green turtleneck. In this depiction of Theodore, he is not using any hand movements to indicate a stellar performance of oral sex, and is rather limp and seemingly uninterested. Although his face shows pleasure, his body language mirrors the feeling of boredom with Eleanor’s performance. This isn’t uncommon, as the face can be easily manipulated to reflect different feelings and emotions. While some might argue that Theodore is weary from a good performance, his body language and facial expressions juxtapose two different feelings. While his face is showing one of satisfaction and ecstasy, his body is pendulous. This is shown by his hands hanging by his side, rather than showing any hint of emotion. His body is loose, showing that her oral sex isn’t stimulating muscle movement and excitement.
Lastly, to the far right of the couch is Simon, shown with thick rim glasses and wearing a cobalt blue sweater. Two notable differences from Simon compared to the other chipmunks is his leg and hand position. His legs are spread wide open, indicating that Simon is releasing his inhibitions from a great oral performance. This conveys an openness to this act as he is letting it wash over him and take him to a place of great ecstasy. Another thing to notice about Simon’s leg position is the fact that he is granting Jeanette access to his anus by angling them upwards, further expanding the ways in which she is able to grant him pleasure. The anus is a pleasure center for men, and Jeanette stimulating it would further Simon’s experience. Focusing on Simon’s hand position, it is easy to see that he is enjoying the oral sex as he pushes her head down onto his genitals. It is a natural reflex in humans to grab onto something when we are in a state of sexual pleasure, and Simon exhibiting this behavior shows his enjoyment from Jeanette’s works. It is also important to note that Simon is the nerdiest of the group, which might lead him to get the most pleasure out of this, as all his life he has felt inferior to the other chipmunks and developed low self-esteem. For Simon to receive an act of wanting from a female chipmunk might induce further sexual pleasure as he feels validated and desired. Simon is also depicted as the shyest, so once he is in a position of dominance he is able to show what he was too scared to show about himself. This would also further his arousement in a sexual situation.
Overall, on first glance at this illustration the typical viewer is led to believe that Alvin is receiving the most sensual gratification from his exaggerated movements and flashy color scheme. However, amongst closer inspection upon body language, facial expression, and personal backgrounds it is shown that Simon is receiving the most sexual pleasure occurring in this image. It is an underdog story, as the viewer is inclined to believe that the most macho chipmunk is winning in this competition as compared to the wimpish chipmunks. This is truly an image that proves that details are important to take into account, especially when the viewer is led to believe something from the very beginning. It is important to second guess and go back and see if one’s assumptions were correct, or if there was something lurking in the image that tells a different story.

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The full image in question, depicting
the sexual endeavors the chipmunks
are partaking in.
Click to expand...
:story:
 
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why even bother saving that atrocious image as a png

what the fuck are you even doing? saving as png doesn't magically un-crust the shit off that putrid image
 
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The universe formed over billions and billions of years of almost impossible odds. Humanity evolving to become a dominate species only because we were in the right place at the right time. Countless ancestors fighting and dying in forgotten wars. Countless Generations existing only because our relatives were in the right place at the right time, technological advancements that we couldn't even comprehend 100 years ago have all lead up to which cartoon chipmunk is getting sucked off the best? (you're wrong if you think its anyone other than Theodore)
 
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