Who would win the lolcow battle royale?

[Larkin N Likin]

With rules from the Japanese movie 'Battle Royale' (2000), who would win the battle royale?

We all know Hamberlynn and MovieBlob all the mega fat fat fatties are the first to go, followed by Chris (unless the tool he's randomly given is pepper spray or a car), but who would come out on top? This is the real question.

 

[TwinkLover6969]

Null is my favorite lolcow

He also probably has experience with firearms from when he planned on shooting up his school

 

[Driftwood]

I want to see Simply Sara and Jack Scalfani cook themselves to death.

 

[Happy Fish]

Chris Chan's Sonichu persona. Christine would not survive, though.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Fedsmoker. Not giving a shit about getting stabbed would probably help his odds

 

[Santiagothrumachifacku]

A tie between ADF and Cobra, the ultimate final 1v1.