Your first time

[GS 281]

Tell us about your first time.

 

[ICametoLurk]

This is my first time posting in this thread.

 

[Sherlac Everomore]

the memories are fuzzy. I was a child. I was walking to the library. I wanted to walk inside, but then my body went some other direction. It felt like minutes of my mind screaming and body simply did not want to listen. I threw up and my mind and body were in sync. That was the first time I was ever drunk. I never want to feel like that ever again.

 

[Lorento]

Tell us about your first time.

My teacher.

I was homeschooled.

 

[Assorted Nuts]

I would, but it'd be easier if you just asked your mom.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

Met a pedo when I was seven. That was a rather touching experience to say the least.

 

[The Fool]

one late night I learned how to extend my penis into my anus

 

[Sherlac Everomore]

they're talking about booze you idiots.

Edit: At least I hopes it's about booze

More Edit: Well, at the very least I was talking about booze. What I do in the bedroom is none of your business.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

they're talking about booze you idiots.

>implying alcohol wasn't involved.

 

[Ulfric Stormcloak]

It involved a wolf/cat hybrid saying "Damn nigga!", a bear doing the work, a wolf watching on, and a 50 year old bull cheering and giving advice.

Furries: not even once.

 

[Pina Colada]

One too many Shirley Temples, 7 clowns, a whisk, and a joy buzzer.

Make that of what you will.

 

[ASoulMan]

lemme tell you the furt time I took a virginity's life:

Spoiler

 

[Piss Clam]

A fifth of blackberry brandy and a pack of saltine crackers.

 

[D.Va]

Two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.

 

[ForgedBlades]

16. Back seat of my 1998 Grand Cherokee. Parking lot of a public park in broad daylight.

I lasted maybe three minutes. I doubt she got anything out of it.

That was also when I came to the realization that I have a small penis, because the condom was really baggy.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

I was about 13. Around that time I was stealing smokes and jack from my moms room when she would take off to work. One day that summer though along with a half bottle of jack I found a 10-inch rubber cock under her bed. By that time I knew what the fuck it was but I was too young to buy one myself. So I take a few shots, washed that fucker off with soap and hot water and went to town on it. I lived 10 miles into the country so it's not like I had anything else to do that summer.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

When I was a kid, I saw Mona Lisa from my grammar school art book….The first time I saw her, with her hands on her knee…how do I say this…I had a boner.

 

[RG 448]

8:45 according to the medical records.

 

[Todesfurcht]

My first time was in an outhouse outside Lynchburg, Virginia.

It wasn't cramped after I kicked the goat out.

I don't think it's weird to have sex with my mom, looks don't meant that much to me in a woman.

Well, we were drunk off our God-fearing asses on Campari, ginger ale, and soda---that's called Fire and Brimstone--at the time. And mom looked better than a Baptist whore with a 100$ donation.

The Campari was great, but Mom passed out before I could come lots of times. But not in the outhouse. Between Mom and the shit, the flies were too much to bear.

I always get sloshed before I go out to the pulpit. You don't think I could lay down all that bullshit sober, do you?

 

[over and over]

fucked a whore and didnt have to pay money. we were both high as fuck too.