Prison Letters Chris writes me from Prison (dated September 19th, 2021)

[Professor Iris]

But if he can turn water into wine he becomes the most popular prisoner in the cell block.

Why not? He already turns Fanta into sperm-shakes.

 

[Overcooked Raccoon]

I'm assuming a lot of this Jesus talk is probably iirc because one of the only books you can generally have in jail is the Bible.

Chris always has that habit of latching on to something he's reading/watching and using it in his own narrative (like the merge) so to see him do this isn't surprising.

Null should write him back acting as god LMAO.

 

[Unattended Baby]

 

[Feline Supremacist]

What the VA standard for an insanity defense as opposed to diminished capacity? I don't know a lot about criminal law in my state and next to nothing about VA.

 

[RodgerDodger]

I assume Chris started identifying as Jesus cause he has had no access to children's media to rot his brain with and flipped through a bible for lack of an alternative.
I say we send him a copy of Moby Dick and make a betting pool about which character he'll identify as in his next mail.
My money's on Quequag.

Can we send him some educational reading materials to help him pass the time? Nothing strange or banned. Maybe some Kurt Vonnegut, Ayn Rand, Harry Potter and Mein Kampf. Just to see what emerges.

 

[Pyra]

Can we send him some educational reading materials to help him pass the time? Nothing strange or banned. Maybe some Kurt Vonnegut, Ayn Rand, Harry Potter and Mein Kampf. Just to see what emerges.

I'm pretty sure we can't, only because they limit the reading/enrichment materials prisoners receive.

 

[Lame Entropy]

Way to go Null, you failed your test and now we'll never get the merge.

 

[Deborah "Debbie" Grayson]

But if he can turn water into wine he becomes the most popular prisoner in the cell block.

Puts a new spin on the term toilet wine.

 

[CatSuga-Ogrish]

This man is mentally FUCKED.
If they release this dangerous and confused troon all hope is lost for our society.
I hate it here.

 

[RodgerDodger]

I'm pretty sure we can't, only because they limit the reading/enrichment materials prisoners receive.

Damn! I wanted to see what happens when The Fountainhead meets Hogearts?

 

[King Kiwi]

This is both sad and amusing.
Chris is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

 

[I can't imagine]

True, but as people have pointed out, an insanity defense doesn't mean he's getting out, either - it just means he'll be committed to a forensic mental health facility (read: prison filled with lunatics) rather than a normie prison. It would also mean that he'll likely serve more time in prison, since the bar for getting released from lunatic prisons is absurdly high (in my state, you basically have to be declared legally sane again before they'll set you free, which of course never happens).

If Chris is found not guilty for reason of insanity, AND he's ruled a danger to himself or others, then gg Chris. He's fucked. Best he can hope for is a nice private room to live in, and a quiet gravesite out behind the kitchens.

It also should be noted that an insanity defense essentially involves stipulating that you, in fact, are guilty of the crimes you're charged with (since you can't have been out of your mind when you committed the crime unless you actually committed the crime). Which kinda causes you to lose significant bargaining power in terms of a plea deal; you've already said you did the crime and you're saying that you're potentially dangerous without proper treatment, neither of which are strong incentives to make a deal. And if you're found guilty, the sentencing is probably not going to be very favorable either, since: a) you probably did something bad, and b) you wasted everyone's time trying to convince them that you were too crazy to be held responsible. Once you've gone for the defense, you're pretty much in all the way, win or lose, and the end goal will be a long time in prison or a long time in the loony bin.

 

[Yankee Shogun]

View attachment 2568210

BELIEVE IN THE MERGE

All things have gone as foretold in ancient Scripture, soon the merge will be concluded, and we may all live in peace with our Goddess Christine Weston Chandler with the reincarnation of Judas and arch-traitor Null finally defeated.

 

[$80 Nude Haircut]

This man is mentally FUCKED.
If they release this dangerous and confused troon all hope is lost for our society.
I hate it here.

I think Chris is gunning to be "the preacher guy" in the prison ecosystem. No idea if anyone is going to respect the word of somebody who (allegedly) molested someone incapable of defending themselves, but Catholicism is still pretty popular these days so who knows.

 

[Mason Verger]

Kinda impressed Chris actually memorized Nulls mailing address. I know he’s used it many times before to send him drawings and crap, just amazed he retained it.

 

[Fenrir Ratatoskr]

Somehow I missed the part where Jesus was crucified for fucking his mother, then stealing from her after the Roman's removed him from the home. Could the "goddess" point out where in the gospels that story is related? This feels more like a heretical gospel of Guntus Shit-snortious.


Also. Please nobody photoshop Chris as he requested. He is not worth indulging and it wouldn't be funny even ironically. But if someone were to depict their artist impression of him writing this letter, that would be hilarious!


I can only imagine his lawyer reading this letter and sweating bullets... he's clearly not insane as he knows right from wrong as null pointed out, so this will just be fuel for the prosecution.

Also...
"Three Days on Earth equal Four Months (with 24hour days/nights) in the Heaven Realm."
This is some timecube level shit right here.

 

[FriendlyNeighborhoodDaddy]

View attachment 2568210

Ecco Homosexual

 

[Fanny Trucker]

Can't anyone skim the fucking thread before sharing their illuminating revelation that he might be reading the Bible in prison

The bit I'm most confused by is the random Andy Warhol namedrop at the beginning

 

[Water Resistance]

Welp. Now that I know that you can mail Chris, let me see if I can predict what kind of mail he should expect to get in jail:

- Letters with nothing but JULAAAAAY written all over it;
- Letters condemning him for what he did, and about how he should 'die' because he's a fat piece of shit;
- Letters asking for more information as to what happened;
- Fanart of Sonichu;
- An envelope with something disgusting in it, like poop;
- A cake, but they forgot to put the nailfile in it;
- Pictures of trolls humping Son-Chu in the front yard or posing with Patti's skeleton like Weekend at Bernie's;
- Deepfake Nudes of Bella for him to fap to.

Did I get it all?

you mean
- Deepfake Nudes of Barbie Chan for him to fap to.

 

[idosometimes]

About what I expected. This is crazy, but not that far gone for Chris. He is already a goddess. He might as well also be Jesus. Chris has previously mentioned the place of Jesus in his world before. I think it was something like we have Jesus, but the other dimensions have special computer goddesses. I do not remember exactly because there is so much nuttiness to keep track of now.

I feel bad for Null though. He was tested by our lord and savior only to fail. He is going to end up in some bad dimension with Pmurt and the jew Michael Snyder.