Prison Letters Chris writes me from Prison (dated September 19th, 2021)

[Professor Iris]

He's not too retarded to sort glass or bundle newspapers for recycling. If people with Down Syndrome can be productive members of society, Chris has no excuse. He just thinks that he's entitled to free money because between the government and white knights / weens, he always has been until now.

Kindly read #2 and #3 of my points repeatedly until you understand. It isn't necessarily that Chris is incapable of doing a job, it's that he can't hold down a job if he tried.

 

[Spectre777]

I never thought Chris could get any more delusional. But oh boy was I wrong. Now he thinks he's the second coming of Christ? I don't whether to think this to be incredibly sad...or incredibly funny. maybe both?

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

In his twitter messages with Geno(?) he did refer to his confession to him as a "test" (which I guess he failed...)

I bet he told Barb that she failed her test too. The test of divine virginity.

Kindly read #2 and #3 of my points repeatedly until you understand. It isn't necessarily that Chris is incapable of doing a job, it's that he can't hold down a job if he tried.

It's all hypothetical at this point. Once he walks into an interview at Walmart for janitorial services, Chris will say to the 20 year old manager, "It was consen chual, ignore all Google results". The manager will reply, "Well, that was nice, but I think you're more suited for a bright future in welfare and motherfucking. Can you say into the camera before I kick you out, 'I'm ChrisChan and I raped my mother?'"

 

[kriegp_]

The Council of Nicea was held to determine the color of Sonic's arms.

 

[RodgerDodger]

So when can we expect the Tranch DavidIan’s to stage an awesome jailbreak in order to rescue their new Messiah? Are they still needing to crowdfund gas money? Because we could probably help with that?

 

[The Un-Clit]

Why do you think they always had Christ in a loin cloth on the cross? To cover the un clit you fools! It's a dead give away.

edit* @The Un-Clit knows the truth!

OOOOooh no you don't!! You don't get to blame Chris's insanity on me just because I refused to become his vagina of the soul when he fucking sliced into me! Besides, it sounds like he's presenting as a male again unless I read his rant to n00l incorrectly.

There's no more room for the Goddess of Commodore when the ultimate Chad, the guy who fucked up all the money-lenders in the temple and otherwise pissed off the Jews so bad they finked on him to the Roman occupiers of Judea can take his place as the newest tulpa in Chris-Chan's empty smoothbrain!

 

[Duke Nukem]

I'm going through the 60 hour Christory by Gabe Sameuls and after reading that letter and brushing up on my legalese by the Mountain Jews I'm one Dodge Caravan ride away from showing up to VA in my new blue robes and Sonichu mask looking for my new Lord and Savior.

The fact that you call yourself "Reverend" makes this post even more hilarious. Also the thought of Chris starting a cult is terrifying. But maybe it's the only way he'll get sex without paying a hooker or taking advantage of a family member? A lot of cult leaders do exactly this.

He's not too retarded to sort glass or bundle newspapers for recycling. If people with Down Syndrome can be productive members of society, Chris has no excuse. He just thinks that he's entitled to free money because between the government and white knights / weens, he always has been until now.

Honestly that's the worst thing about gibs or whatever you want to call them. While I understand some people genuinely require them to survive due to autism or down's or whatever people like Chris make a strong case against their existence. Plus people are less likely to make sound financial decisions when they believe their meal ticket is all but guaranteed.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

So when can we expect the Tranch DavidIan’s to stage an awesome jailbreak in order to rescue their new Messiah? Are they still needing to crowdfund gas money? Because we could probably help with that?

I want Chris to claim to be a recovering homosexual and join Westboro.

 

[Bansheeprincess]

Thanks for correcting me with the verdict on point #1. I am not a lawyer or a legal professional, but I AM a casual enthusiast in legal Autism. And yes, he's doing a really, really shitty job at attempting to gain an insanity plea. The most interesting thing about this is that he's trying the Religious plea mixed with the stereotypical "Yahoo! I'm a flying Mouse bouncing off the walls like Daffy Duck!!!" Cartoon Gag Insanity plea. Here's a tip for those who are in the same situation as our fallen "Angel" Christopher: Don't do this. You're only fooling yourself. For one, Insanity pleas are very, very, VERY hard to win any case with on a good day. And in the United States, insanity pleas are ultra-rare in that regard, with only 1% of criminal cases having such a plea raised and only 25% of THOSE cases within that 1% being successful. Or in layman's terms, they're only successful 0.25% of the time in the United States alone.

Only idiots such as Chris deal in such badly-stacked odds, and since the average criminal's IQ is at least 8-10 points lower than the national average, not going for an insanity plea makes you better than most. So if you want to be smarter than the average Crim, learning to take defeat is the best course of action.

As far as I’ve seen, when people do get the insanity plea they’re usually locked up for life. Does he really think it’s better? The only case I can think where insanity resulted in less time was the dude who decapitated someone on a greyhound bus

 

[JULAY]

@JULAY

From what I understand, people with trisomy 21 and slow in the minds are quite often rather servile. For certain jobs, that's definitely the best quality.

My point is that people who are actually intellectually deficient and vastly more disabled in a clinical sense can contribute to their own financial well-being if they have parents and other community members that guide them in that direction. Now in Chris's case, his awful parents took the path of least resistance and aside from his one brief stint at Wendy's and getting scammed by CutCo one Summer, they never insisted that he get a job and work for a living. Neither did Rocky Shoemaker, or his pastors, etc.

Coddling Chris and treating him like a child is what made him what he is today. What he actually needed (and continues to need) is a support network that would try to make him into a functioning adult despite his obvious disabilities. I agree with Null, at this point, his best bet would to get into some kind of assisted living situation, because he's clearly not capable of living on his own without a tard wrangler of some sort, but that assisted living should come with a requirement that he get and keep some sort of job. There are plenty of menial tasks that he could do, he just needs someone to push him out of his comfort zone and insist that he stay gainfully employed, regardless of how much of a fuss he puts up. Hell, he could even keep his tugboat as long as he's earning less than the SSI phase-out amount.

Watch the video linked below...

That guy is clearly more disabled than Chris (at least intellectually), and he works and contributes to society. So why shouldn't Chris be required to do the same?

 

[Cuckoman]

Interesting point.

If he has I wonder what he wrote, I wonder if Barb would even read it.

He is in jail under suspicion of a serious sex crime.
There exists no circumstances where he would be allowed to send a letter to the victim.

 

[JULAY]

Kindly read #2 and #3 of my points repeatedly until you understand. It isn't necessarily that Chris is incapable of doing a job, it's that he can't hold down a job if he tried.

There are places that specialize in hiring disabled people and dealing with exactly the issues that you describe. It's not as if I'm suggesting that Chris is capable of holding down a job in the private sector, but a workshop, recycling center or similar environment designed specifically to provide employment for people with physical and mental disabilities would be perfect for him. And they absolutely do exist, even in bumfuck nowhere Virginia.

 

[UCantCCPMe]

As far as I’ve seen, when people do get the insanity plea they’re usually locked up for life. Does he really think it’s better? The only case I can think where insanity resulted in less time was the dude who decapitated someone on a greyhound bus

The question is would Chris accept an insanity plea. He seems like anything that might be viewed as a slight against him would be cause for protest. Of course not being able to keep his mouth shut in court could tank his defense.

"Your honor, I am not crazy. I'm a CPU goddess and I was healing my mom from her dementia with binaural beats and some deep tissue massage"

Nutty as shit, yes. Legally insane, no. The defense would have to prove Chris was completely incoherent of his actions at the time, not delusionally thinking he was in the right.

 

[Coldgrip]

So why shouldn't Chris be required to do the same?

Because Chris doesn't have to drive or desire to. Chris would rather be lazy than do back breaking work like sorting glass. It doesn't matter if Chris could do those jobs, it's that unless someone is standing over him cracking a whip he's always going to take the easy way out.

And even if there is somebody getting on his ass, he'll always do the minimum effort.

 

[Cask of Amontillado]

Any wonder why Chris accused @Null of ratting him out? Clearly Chris violated the EPO, and Null had to stop him for his own good.

 

[Cinnamon J Studworth]

Heilberg seems to be an at least decent lawyer, so I'd say an insanity plea is absolutely out of the question; he surely knows how near-impossible it is to get one of those to stick, and that it wouldn't help his client even if it did.

The psych-eval is less to determine Chris's sanity (poor though it is), and more to determine his treatment by the system and possibly some leniency from a judge. The letter both helps him a bit by serving as further proof that this dude ain't all there, and hurts him by his idiotic admissions; I would say that at this point, Chris's best hope is for a plea deal resulting in a bit more jailtime, probation, and sex-offender registry.

 

[JULAY]

Because Chris doesn't have to drive or desire to. Chris would rather be lazy than do back breaking work like sorting glass. It doesn't matter if Chris could do those jobs, it's that unless someone is standing over him cracking a whip he's always going to take the easy way out.

And even then, he'll always do the minimum effort.

So the answer is to have someone standing over him and cracking the proverbial whip. He's never experienced significant consequences for his bullshit until now. What I would propose is that you get him into an assisted living situation, and if / when he fucks up on the job, or refuses to work, or whatever, you make those consequences immediately apparent. For example, when he does poorly at his job, take away his toys. He's not so retarded that he wouldn't make the connection between "do bad at work / be lazy" and "no toys for me".

 

[DeeCeeBees]

Chris should track this guy down in prison to get his very own Jesus tat. It matches his art style.

 

[Kill Your Idols]

Any wonder why Chris accused @Null of ratting him out? Clearly Chris violated the EPO, and Null had to stop him for his own good.

When has Chris ever been concerned about Chris's own good?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Any wonder why Chris accused @Null of ratting him out? Clearly Chris violated the EPO, and Null had to stop him for his own good.

He reacted like this precisely because Null handed the pertinent information over to the police. In Chris's warped mind, this is treason of the highest order. It's not his fault he's in prison, it's Null's fault because Null reported the EPO violation to the cops! Chris is never at fault, ever. This is the Jerkops all over again.