Shit That Makes You Insane

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Pargon

Pargon

霜ばかり / 春待ちわびて / 灰の空
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Dec 4, 2018
Thread title. Talk about what in the world makes your mind feel like it’s finally going to snap once and for all. Leave the stuff that makes you see red for that other thread.

There are insanely talented young people on the internet in terms of raw artistic talent and they know it and they’re cranking out work like it’s going out of style. If I could take only one trip back in time it’d be to when I was in eighth grade and handwriting hundred-page stories and make my younger self promise to stay that hungry forever, to give up what I wanted to go to college for and to just get a fucking computer science degree. It shatters my brain how these kids have it more together than I ever have or likely ever will. Fucking good for them but I would like to pull my teeth out one at a time over it.
 
There are gonna be a shit ton of men from my generation in 10 - 20 years who are childless, unmarried, and who either don't give a fuck, or just decided not to play the game. Japan, but without the attractive women.

I'm both interested and horrified to see what state society will be in by then.
 
Kids have it more together than their parents at times. I deal with kids, and it amazing how respectful they are, whereas the adults are for more childish.
 
Mr Bunny said:
Kids have it more together than their parents at times. I deal with kids, and it amazing how respectful they are, whereas the adults are for more childish.
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It kills me every day knowing I was closer to The Answer when I was fourteen than I am now. Closer then with no means to pursue it. Now I have the means but no time and no drive.

Quite often I think about dying and I think this is the reason.
 
Yeah my nigger, but the majority of the reason they're cranking so much work out is because they're running away from how fucking nuts and afraid they are. They aren't making shit because they really love it, they're doing it because they have no other purpose and if they don't keep doing so they're certain the world is going to leave them behind. Covid's been taking the headlines, but there's a reason for skyrocketing substance abuse/OD rates, why over 30% of men under 30 are virgins at this point, and why as community involvement has dropped political extremism has increased.

Combine your comment with @nigger of the north and you arrive at the truth. People are sacrificing the things that make them human to try to keep up with the world. This ain't shit to be envied amigo, it's actually quite sad. These motherfuckers aren't just hungry, they're starving.

And as for computer science, out of all the employed cows on the site probably 90%+ of them are in tech. Do they look happy to you?

Pargon said:
It kills me every day knowing I was closer to The Answer when I was fourteen than I am now. Closer then with no means to pursue it. Now I have the means but no time and no drive.

Quite often I think about dying and I think this is the reason.
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What the were you closer to, exactly? It's easy to let your neuroses trick you into fixating on stuff that doesn't really make sense. That's negative emotions manifesting as OCD-like symptoms, and it's what causes "gender dysphoria". Don't be like the trannies; consume antioxidants, try to get exercise, and try to spend time around others in a physical sense.
 
Uberpenguin said:
What the were you closer to, exactly?
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Closer to what makes me happy. I haven’t been happy for over twenty years and I’ve forgotten what it’s like.

The fact is that I’m already afraid, and I’m already crazy. If I could turn an idea into something real one more time, just like I did when I was younger, then the rest of the time I spent decaying would be worthwhile and someone could feed me a bullet while I was stopped at a red light tomorrow and I’d go happily.
 
Ive had the same song stuck in my head for 2 days...

...With only one part of it on loop.

I'm gonna find the nearest meathook and hang myself on it
 
Wearing shoes without socks.

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It's uncomfortable and it stinks.
 
Pargon said:
Closer to what makes me happy. I haven’t been happy for over twenty years and I’ve forgotten what it’s like.

The fact is that I’m already afraid, and I’m already crazy. If I could turn an idea into something real one more time, just like I did when I was younger, then the rest of the time I spent decaying would be worthwhile and someone could feed me a bullet while I was stopped at a red light tomorrow and I’d go happily.
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Let it all go.

I'm probably younger than you, but for fuck's sake, let it go. Go and do your shit.

I've dealt with envy, I've dealt with self pity, I've dealt with self depreciation, and I guarantee you that when you go about life seeing it as a place without you, you will realize you are that necessary.

Fuck, Pargon, you've seen me on Weeb Wars. Always tripping out on the mysteries why America/western anime fans aren't doing shit to make their own manga and anime shit. I just only stumbled upon the answer not too recently. I've chased this answer because I didn't feel I was capable of doing anything. All my life I grew up around peers who could draw anime like they could breathe. Nowadays, why are they squandering their shit and being pozzed nobodies? I just got the answer, and man, I feel both elucidated and stupid for it. That's the way life rolls, but I try to lessen not feeling stupid for it because maybe 50 years of creative suppression and censorship has that kind of effect on people and can't just be undone in a decade.

For me, not everyone has what it takes to run the path not taken. Me, I wasn't born raised to think the kind of things to bind me to the idea that you can't make sequential art more than just "pop culture" or that "pop culture is entirely flawed by default". I'm insane enough to do so. Been broken to know that all of the "safe" folks are too attached to their comforts to dare risk their asses wanting new things and destroying actual old oppressive institutions than the fucking strawmen they're programmed to nowadays. They don't value or appreciate what they've given. They will go onto another life with that weight until they learn to unpack that luggage and break it all down.

To you, maybe you're not a man with a want to revel and revolt, but I reprimand you to just fucking do your art. Everyone is here to stay and life's going to be a bitch but only you have your mine of a head to dig out and show what kind of valuables you have stuck in there to show us. Plus, this is all hard work from here on out. If life was all about an instant idea, we'd see more books and art, but it's not that easy. Your brain and imagination is like a muscle, it's a puzzle, you have to take time out of your day to get it all jotted down and piece it right to your muse. I hate to sound cliche, but if it is not hard or scary, it's not big or worth doing. If life was all the French Rivera and Malibu, we'd know it, but no one got far in this life getting comfy on their asses all the time, they renounce it and forget about it for that one thing to chase, probably forever, in their lives.

Find a way out. Seek paradise. Fight until you die.
 
One time I did a high dose of psychedelic mushrooms right after I had come off a bad case of alcohol withdrawal. I'd done shrooms plenty in the past, but never while my head was recoiling from alcohol withdrawal.

If you don't know, alcohol withdrawal fucks your head big time, and it can take weeks or months to get back to normal.

My trip seemed OK, usual kind of stuff where you're like "Oh! I see now! Wow, the veil has been pulled back and now I see how things really are!" This time though, I also had thoughts of "I'm imprisoned into this flesh sack. I'll never be able to go back to normal now. They're going to have to put me in an asylum. I should use my handgun to end it as soon as I come down and just end it."

It's really hard to put a pin on how deep these thoughts felt at the time.

Fortunately, I was with a friend and we were able to talk things out. He actually was feeling similar things but for different reasons. Looking back now, it seems like fate or some shit that we'd both have that experience and be there together to sort out our thoughts.
 
judge claude frollo said:
Ive had the same song stuck in my head for 2 days...

...With only one part of it on loop.

I'm gonna find the nearest meathook and hang myself on it
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I can help you with this. Track down a copy of it and listen to the end of the song.
do this a few times and you replace the hook with the end. Problem should go away.
 
nigger of the north said:
There are gonna be a shit ton of men from my generation in 10 - 20 years who are childless, unmarried, and who either don't give a fuck, or just decided not to play the game. Japan, but without the attractive women.

I'm both interested and horrified to see what state society will be in by then.
Click to expand...
Realistically speaking I'm feeling revolution. Our society has always had a stable sense of morals due to Monogamy. But america right now seems to be a 21st century Version of the Weimar republic right now. You have political violence being normalized on the and right due to tit for tat escalation. You have a Hyper atomized culture in where no one feels like they're part of something bigger. The LGBTQ agenda is being shoved down the throats of Americans by bitter angry spiteful mutants who happen to be mostly gay and Jewish and have some hatred of non Jews because they're taught goyim are lower then them. Now add the fact that we have sinister things like only fans which is convincing women that degrading is sexually liberating. The toll is going to come up a bunch of angry millenials will hit their 30s and 40s and realize that they have nothing really to lose as they're priced out of the dating, job, and family market you're going to see the revolution kick in. The question is what will be the spark? Will it be a constitutional crisis? America being humiliated like in Afghanistan again? Perhaps something stupid and silly like a song or prank gone wrong?

All I know is alot of people have nothing left to lose. Last time I checked when those people feel like they're not part of society that's when the danger begins.
 
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