The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

I've definitely seen it spelled waive in the context of things like "waiving a fee" etc

That was @BScCollateral 's point. Should be waive instead of wave.

Let's see if we can get them to proofread their ad copy.

They're far too cheap for that.

 

[BScCollateral]

That was @BScCollateral 's point. Should be waive instead of wave.

They're far too cheap for that.

Thanks; my apologies to @Dvsilverwing . I can see how my initial post was kind of shit and I'll revise it for clarity.

 

[JoseRaulChupacabra]

If this was single origin, why is the bean source not listed prominently on the label?

Was this grown on their ranch on alpaca dung?

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

If this was single origin, why is the bean source not listed prominently on the label?

Because they don't know jack shit about coffee and they forgot it even if the coffee shop owner told them where it's from.

Was this grown on their ranch on alpaca dung?

The only thing that grows on Tran Ranch is misery.

 

[Molly White's Breast Milk]

Anyone up for a fresh cup of Amhole Roast coffee anyone? Imagine the flavors... Would it be a light or a dark roast?

That description is par for the course with Penny, poorly written, poor grammar and descriptions in troon vernacular.

I don’t know what the fuck that final tweet is on about but I loved every bit of it. Are we witnessing the birth of a new language which no one will ever speak?

It'll be like that super expensive coffee they recover from wild cat poop but instead they'll feed the coffee beans to the alpacas and make the field tranchers pick the beans out by hand.

 

[KweenKarlotta]

Because they don't know jack shit about coffee and they forgot it even if the coffee shop owner told them where it's from.

The only thing that grows on Tran Ranch is misery.

Minor PL, I worked for a local roaster, a lot of times "private premium roasts" are all the same with different labels printed.

 

[P. Barnes' THOT]

They keep posting undercooked bacon, and it makes me irritated every time I see it

 

[AnOminous]

I’m not the most savvy when it comes to marketing or buying shit online, but Kiwis who are, tell me- Is this normal?

These things are the coffee equivalent of the gifts PBS gives you when you donate to one of their beg-a-thons. They're probably reasonably good coffee but vastly overpriced for what you're getting. Even Dick Masterson did dumb semi-grifty shit like this.

I wouldn't be surprised if the coffee shop makes a little side dough by selling in bulk to a number of outfits like this and letting people brand it and then they can sell it for whatever they want.

It's a medium roast, so it's not so bad they have to cover up the flavor, but they also don't identify exactly what it is in the blend, so it is probably some fairly generic medium roast bean like an Arabica. Considering none of the troons had a hand in actually making it, it shouldn't be too terrible.

 

[DemonicMustache]

Is Neck on probation? A sex offender? Does not leaving the county prevent him from being arrested for back child support? Does anyone know what this is about?

View attachment 2589316

"Reasons" = Temporary Child custody orders most likely.

 

[Miss Misery]

Anyone up for a fresh cup of Amhole Roast coffee anyone? Imagine the flavors... Would it be a light or a dark roast?

I'll stick with Black Rifle, thanks.

Edit: And if someone brought me a plate with scrambled eggs cooked like that I'd think they hated me. I guess Norintha eats shit because he can't cook.

 

[AssignedEva]

I'll stick with Black Rifle, thanks.

Edit: And if someone brought me a plate with scrambled eggs cooked like that I'd think they hated me. I guess Norintha eats shit because he can't cook.

I just don't understand how they haven't improved their scrambled eggs at all. Like it's not difficult to make scrambled eggs, how do they keep fucking it up so badly? Just take it off the heat when it's still a bit runny!

 

[Sine_Deus]

Because they don't know jack shit about coffee and they forgot it even if the coffee shop owner told them where it's from.

The only thing that grows on Tran Ranch is misery.

Oh, we've named Kevin's gut?

 

[Miss Misery]

I just don't understand how they haven't improved their scrambled eggs at all. Like it's not difficult to make scrambled eggs, how do they keep fucking it up so badly? Just take it off the heat when it's still a bit runny!

The eggs aren't blended either! There's visible chunks of white... and yeah I know some people like them that way, but not when they're overcooked into rubber. Ugh.

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

Oh, we've named Kevin's gut?

No, we did not, but you just did. Fits them perfectly!

 

[MetalParakeet]

Now, who's this about? Could it be...?

 

[TERF ISLAND]

These things are the coffee equivalent of the gifts PBS gives you when you donate to one of their beg-a-thons. They're probably reasonably good coffee but vastly overpriced for what you're getting. Even Dick Masterson did dumb semi-grifty shit like this.

I wouldn't be surprised if the coffee shop makes a little side dough by selling in bulk to a number of outfits like this and letting people brand it and then they can sell it for whatever they want.

It's a medium roast, so it's not so bad they have to cover up the flavor, but they also don't identify exactly what it is in the blend, so it is probably some fairly generic medium roast bean like an Arabica. Considering none of the troons had a hand in actually making it, it shouldn't be too terrible.

Call me a basic bitch, but I want my coffee to taste like coffee, not high acid fruit and shit. Give me that dark roast. It might just be me, but until proven otherwise, I am of the opinion that nobody actually likes light roast coffee, but it's this weird hip kayfabe that's going on where you must signal that you know light roast is superior in order to not be viewed as uncultured swine.

Much like troons. Everybody knows these hulking AGPs are not women, but there is this unspoken rule that you must say they are or you're a bigot.

Sorry for the coffee sperg. I just really don't like light roast coffee, it's just not that good.

 

[Cryin RN]

Did Penny get that side shave at the same time as Alyssa? What was he trying to do, skinwalk her? Any amount of bald on a face that long makes him look like a flamingo fucked Scott Adams.

Still can't believe that they have the literal shit-eater cooking.

 

[mr.moon1488]

All of the Kevin Gibes Expanded Universe threads have been moving at a reasonably fast pace lately, and they’re all spilling over into each other now, so forgive me if a few things been discussed already.

The past couple of days have been the Tranch tweeting about their GoFraudMe, Patreon, merch, etc. and retweeting puff pieces on themselves, but they did tweet about their new coffee that’s hit their store. [A], [A]View attachment 2589927View attachment 2589985

Spoiler: Pics

View attachment 2589924View attachment 2589925View attachment 2589926

Out of curiosity, I visited their shop’s page for it. [A] Here’s some screenshots for the uninitiated.
View attachment 2589928
Nothing too weird. Then you scroll down (I’m a mobilefag, I know ), and then shit gets a bit weird.
View attachment 2589948
Besides the “two bags” capitalization being inconsistent with the other options (lol), we notice right away that they have 2 options for adjusting how many bags you want. But it’s fine, because they have an explanation for this (very professionally written, of course).

View attachment 2589929
I’m not the most savvy when it comes to marketing or buying shit online, but Kiwis who are, tell me- Is this normal?

In terms of the actual Tranchers, they’ve been kind of quiet. However, I will post a couple of tweets from Penny that may or may not have been discussed already.
I find this one interesting not because he shared a selfie that will inevitably face ridicule, but because Bonnie replied to it. [A]
View attachment 2589982
Oh, and his breakfast from yesterday. [A]
View attachment 2589984

Spoiler: Pics

View attachment 2589998View attachment 2589997

I’m crossposting one of the tweets from Kevin’s thread since his mini-cope is just too good to not post here too. [A]View attachment 2589961

Since the main players haven’t been very vocal lately (outside of retweeting tranch and other random shit), I decided to check in on the serf troons that nobody really talks about. Nothing of note there either, besides one of them getting really autistic last night. I did not archive because I am not archiving 6 tweets of tard babble.
View attachment 2589932View attachment 2589931
There was one coherent tweet that probably isn’t even worth sharing here though, featuring Neck in the replies. [A]
View attachment 2589933

Another one tweeted about whatever the hell this jumble of words is supposed to mean. [A]
View attachment 2589930
View attachment 2589984

Edit because my finger slipped before I could insert all of the archive links

Given how they're not producing the coffee themselves, I'd be amazed if we don't eventually get a saga about the legal battles between them and whatever producer was dumb enough to partner with them.

 

[Boris Blank's glass eye]

Now, who's this about? Could it be...?

It's our own @CammieDoxGirl. Managed to trigger Kev halfway to the dreaded 41%.

yes.View attachment 2589953View attachment 2589954

Fucking glorious. Kev never sperged out this hard about his thread, not even when he was blocking people for telling him about it.

 

[Banana Hammock]

View attachment 2589984

How desperate for attention do you have to be to tweet out a picture of your fucking scrambled eggs?