January: Buy Workout Shit and Fix yourself month! Do your Resolution Goals #squadgoals
February: Treat Yoself and your Bae with Chocolate! Or, if you hate the holiday, have Anti-Valentines Day with friends! Also it's Black History Month. Better support black business and BLM and BLACK.
March: St. Patrick's Day! Get fucking drunk, wear plastic shamrock glasses, drink green beer. Be obnoxious as possible!
April: Easter! ...Or is Easter in May? Who cares, buy chocolates, buy bunny toys, just BUY BUY BUY
May: May 2-4. Buy beer! Buy your camping shit! Make sure to consoooom!
June: LGBT QWEEEEER MONTH. RAINBOW EVERYTHING. Everything you buy MUST have a rainbow on it! BUY IT FAGGOT.
July: Wowie, it's Canada Day! And Independence Day! You better be consoooming cheap plastic flags, fireworks, and beer. Wipe that rainbow cum off your mouth and guzzle the patriotic twinkies now!
August: Shit, there must be something? Uhhh... Just make it a civic holiday and make everyone buy summer shit idk
September: Labour day! Better get ready for school! Buy a new planner! New binders! New pens! Buy all that shit to flex on your classmates how you can afford new supplies while your barely used old stuff sits in a bin under your bed!
October: Halloween! Pumpkin Spice! Fall! CONSOOM. Oh and Canadian Thanksgiving but that's not consoomable enough. Yet.
November: American Thanksgiving! Black Friday! Golly gee, aren't these amazon deals sooo amazing? Better get ready for December!
December: Christmas! The holiday of overbuying and putting yourself into debt! Remember you're worth is tied to how much money you spend on your family and friends. And don't forget New Years! Save up to get blackout drunk on expensive alcohol!