Prison Letters Chris and Kengle Prison Letter Megathread

Chris becoming immortalized as a new disorder on the Autism spectrum would be one of the most ironic things ever, given how much he hates being considered a 'slow in da mind' despite, y'know, abusing the fuck out of the handicapped parking permit he got out of it.
I think he'd be OK with it if it didn't have the word "autism" in its name. If it's called "Chris Chan syndrome" or something similar, it would stroke his ego enough to ignore the fact that it would be considered by most other people as "like autism, but worse"
 
Last edited:
Does anyone know his inmate ID number?
No, but I'm sure Chris would willing provide it if you sent him mail offering money for his commissary (which requires an inmate number to route properly).

The jail's 90s website says phone calls are restricted, but absolutely ANYONE CAN MAIL and all you need is the inmate's name.
NOT A TROLLING PLAN but it would be lovely for her to see how much her fans miss and root for her.
Capture.PNG
also her jail prides itself on not having a prison rape culture - it's good to know you can anonymously report if an inmate has been sexually harassing you
Capture2.PNG
 
That line where Chris is making demands for Kengle to contact Biden is hilarious, because everyone knows that the president will look at the letter, and tell Chris to rot. If anything, Chris should be dumped in solitary confinement, with nothing but his glasses and his blanket for a couple weeks, but then again, Chris wouldn't change. And yeah, as soon as Chris gets released from prison, Barb may want to consider changing the locks on the front door and hide, because we all know Chris will want to cleanse her of her sins.
Chris should be given legit therapy, but that won't happen
 
This letter is a whole lot funnier.


"...contact the local Virginia Governor of Ruckersville and Charlottesville, VA, as well as president Biden, and get me, Christine's Body, as well as Christine, herself obviously, a FULL PARDON to get out of this Jail and mess"

Lol! Chris wants Kengle to contact Biden to get him out of jail.
Brain dead drooling morons gotta stick together, man.
 
Chris becoming immortalized as a new disorder on the Autism spectrum would be one of the most ironic things ever, given how much he hates being considered a 'slow in da mind' despite, y'know, abusing the fuck out of the handicapped parking permit he got out of it.

It would match his life though. Chris legit constantly foreshadows his own "downfalls."

He had that Sonichu comic where to prove he wasn't gay, he wrote that his blood was discovered to be the cure for gay people, with Chris not understanding that vaccinations function by utilizing a portion of the virus in controlled environments to allow the body to adapt to it in a safer manner, so the vaccine idea that he thought proved he was straight actually did the opposite.

He would later go on to become whatever "trans" monstrosity he is now and describes himself as being married to Magi-chan, a male character.

There were also episodes where he wanted to show how manly he is, then later we got "Stephanie Bustcakes" and Christine as he tried to convince people what a beauty he is.

He also talked about how much he loves his mom and showed us creepy little interactions with her throughout the years, and lo and behold he's banging his mom years later. He was always talking about how he wants to find a boyfriend-free girl, and I mean, technically Barb is boyfriend-free now...

And as you mentioned, some of his most blatantly autistic moments arose when he was - that's right - being called autistic/compared to other "autistics." (aka fake parody individuals) FFS when Asperchu was a thing, he neither understood how blatant it was that everyone knew Asperchu wasn't the original, and simultaneously raged like an autistic child about how autism was better than asbergers, which is like the "winning an argument on the internet is like the special olympics: even if you win you're still retarded" phrase unironically and Chris was truly invested in that.

Basically, if Chris ever denies something, it's bound to happen. I said in another thread discussing if he was a pedophile that simply the fact we were having that discussion meant there was potential for him to become a "pedophile" (quotes because I doubt he'd genuinely be one, but rather he's so impressionable he'd act as one anyways because someone convinced him it's a brilliant idea) because legit all you have to do is breathe life into the idea and Chris will somehow make it a reality. I stand by that statement cause yeah, dude's a trainwreck and the moment you accuse him of something bad, he'll make it happen.

He's just a sponge that soaks up whatever idea is being presented to him, good or bad. I feel like the only constant throughout all of Chris' mindsets and all the "sagas" through the years is his narcissism, as he'll always spin it in such a way that it's all about him and he's the center of the universe. What was once a Sonichu comic very quickly derailing into it being about Chris' lovequest has now become Chris believing he's Jesus Christ because apparently the only form of media in jail is the Bible.
 
I think he'd be OK with it if it didn't have the word "autism" in its name. If it's called "Chris Chan syndrome" or something similar, it would stroke his ego enough to ignore the fact that it would be considered by most other people as "like autism, but worse"
His disorders have names, we should instead create a warning system for parents so they know how close their kid is to becoming Chris, or Chris like figure.

CHRISCON LEVEL 0-5.
 
And as you mentioned, some of his most blatantly autistic moments arose when he was - that's right - being called autistic/compared to other "autistics." (aka fake parody individuals) FFS when Asperchu was a thing, he neither understood how blatant it was that everyone knew Asperchu wasn't the original, and simultaneously raged like an autistic child about how autism was better than asbergers, which is like the "winning an argument on the internet is like the special olympics: even if you win you're still retarded" phrase unironically and Chris was truly invested in that.

Basically, if Chris ever denies something, it's bound to happen. I said in another thread discussing if he was a pedophile that simply the fact we were having that discussion meant there was potential for him to become a "pedophile" (quotes because I doubt he'd genuinely be one, but rather he's so impressionable he'd act as one anyways because someone convinced him it's a brilliant idea) because legit all you have to do is breathe life into the idea and Chris will somehow make it a reality. I stand by that statement cause yeah, dude's a trainwreck and the moment you accuse him of something bad, he'll make it happen.

He's just a sponge that soaks up whatever idea is being presented to him, good or bad. I feel like the only constant throughout all of Chris' mindsets and all the "sagas" through the years is his narcissism, as he'll always spin it in such a way that it's all about him and he's the center of the universe. What was once a Sonichu comic very quickly derailing into it being about Chris' lovequest has now become Chris believing he's Jesus Christ because apparently the only form of media in jail is the Bible.
An even more extreme example of Chris not getting anything would be Liquid Chris and the whole Ian Brandon Anderson thing. Chris legitimately thought a guy who wasn't even wearing one of the striped clown shirts Chris was known for (Liquid did the best he could to be fair without actually having to buy one) was being confused by everyone as being the authentic Chris. One does have to wonder if some part of that wasn't Chris himself being gullible enough to actually entertain the idea this was even possible that he himself was not CWC. Something I guess could be called self-inflicted reverse gaslighting?

And of course, absolutely no impulse control. The uncontrolable spending of money has been known for ages but he always as you point out ends up going against what he says he's against...until he inevitably DOES it. Alcohol, being gay (though I'd debate this purely because I remain convinced Chris is not truly trans), etc. Though I think one thing that's stayed true is his utter hatred of the (He)Xbox which always has been for literally no reason other than the marketing during the early console wars.
 
His disorders have names, we should instead create a warning system for parents so they know how close their kid is to becoming Chris, or Chris like figure.

CHRISCON LEVEL 0-5.
One good thing may come of Chris' life, and it is that he is so documented that he serves as a case study in psychology.

How many crazy people do you pass by in the city, dressed like unicorns and screaming unintelligible babble at you about spaceships and mind control rays? Whatever they are spouting is just so insane that you cannot possibly hope to understand them. Yet we have seen Chris evolve over the years, seen the early formative events and the escapist fantasies that formed the foundation for his delusions. We can actually sit here and discuss the nonsense that comes out of his mouth because we actually know who sonichu and magichan are. I think this is a somewhat unique glimpse into how someone ends up a deranged derelict.
 
Even up till now Chris still immediately jumps to "write to the President to intervene" whenever he has to fight authority. His parents wanted to do that against PVCC, and he tried doing that with Obama against the trolls. He'll never learn how the government works. Not that he wants to.
It's funny to think that Chris thinks he can call on the president like some kind of dog.
 
So when Chris reads the Bible, is it like when he reads Goosebumps and has to imagine Sonic characters in the roles?

18 As Christine was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, she saw two Sonichus, Simon called Simonchu and his sister Simonla. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fisherchus. 19 “Come, follow me,” Christine said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed her.

21 Going on from there, she saw two other Sonichu, Jamsta son of the original Sonichu and his lover Punchy. They were in a boat with their father Sonichu, preparing their nets. Christine called them, 22 and immediately they left the boat with their father and followed her.


"I would never deny you mother!" Sonichu said. "You will deny me 3 times before the cock crows Sonichu" Christine said.

Luke 22:47-48 47While she was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Null, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Christine to kiss her, 48but Christine asked him, "Null, are you betraying the Daughter of Man with a kiss?"
 
This is the critical development in Binitarian CWCism, that the one GodChris is in two persons, Chris the body and Chris the soul/spirit. I'm looking forward to further developments in his theology as his days in jail go on.
There is also GodChris Sonichu, which represents GodChris as an OC. Some scholars might even argue that the dimensional merge is simply a requirement for the final unification of GodChris's three aspects. Essentially, the multiverse becomes one large universe because that is the only vessel which can contain all three aspects of GodChris simultaneously. What really bakes my noodle is this: if GodChris predates the multiverse and all things come from GodChris, then is the multiverse itself merely a fourth aspect of GodChris or should GodChris's creations be seen as separate entities?
 
His disorders have names, we should instead create a warning system for parents so they know how close their kid is to becoming Chris, or Chris like figure.

CHRISCON LEVEL 0-5.
Alternatively, the Dimensional Merge Clock- how many seconds away are we from drinking reeb with Robertchu?

Exactly. Chris is the first person in history to have what basically amounts to an "Insane Ramblings - English" dictionary.
Thank God for the Cwcki. If it wasn't for Bierce, I'd call it The Devils Dictionary.
 
Back