Prison Letters Chris and Kengle Prison Letter Megathread

[Procrastinhater]

People may disagree with me, but I see Chris as obviously gunning for that insanity plea. The whole letter is "look at how crazy I am" with a side dish of "look how much I love my mother and want her to be provided for", or in other words, basically what Heilberg's argument is going to be - that Chris is mentally unstable yet cares for his mother. Probably more for use during plea negotiations than actually at a trial, since I would bet $100 this will never actually get to that point. It's just damage control.

I don't know why people keep bringing up an insanity plea.
Aside from being hard as fuck to prove, it's absolutely pointless unless you're looking at the Electric Chair or other form of Capital Punishment, all it results in even if successful is the defendant being thrown in a secure mental hospital rather than a prison, which is arguable worse.
Insanity pleas don't mean you're innocent, and you get to walk free and attend counselling, they just mean you're such a fucking spigot you can't comprehend right from wrong, Chris isn't legally insane and Heilberg isn't fucking dumb enough to go with it.

 

[King Kiwi]

Chris isn't legally insane and Heilberg isn't fucking dumb enough to go with it.

Put your money where your mouth is.

 

[Shovel Mech Pilot]

I don't know why people keep bringing up an insanity plea.
Aside from being hard as fuck to prove, it's absolutely pointless unless you're looking at the Electric Chair or other form of Capital Punishment, all it results in even if successful is the defendant being thrown in a secure mental hospital rather than a prison, which is arguable worse.
Insanity pleas don't mean you're innocent, and you get to walk free and attend counselling, they just mean you're such a fucking spigot you can't comprehend right from wrong, Chris isn't legally insane and Heilberg isn't fucking dumb enough to go with it.

There are many, many reasons as to why they wouldn't want to go to trial. I think Heilberg's ultimate goal will be to emphasize Chris' mental health issues in plea negotiations. He may be angling for a plea that includes reduced jail time in exchange for mental health treatment and increased court supervision.

 

[Optimus Prime]

There are many, many reasons as to why they wouldn't want to go to trial. I think Heilberg's ultimate goal will be to emphasize Chris' mental health issues in plea negotiations. He may be angling for a plea that includes reduced jail time in exchange for mental health treatment and increased court supervision.

Supervised release may in fact be harsher for Chris than actual lockup, since as established jail really isn't THAT bad - in so far as he doesn't seem to really be grasping the gravity of the situation he's put himself into beyond simply not having children's toys, being able to see his mother, or really ingest pop culture as much. But it isn't that bad for him because there isn't temptation for him to act out - it's simply prevented from reaching him.

But outside? Temptations abound. Nothing makes Chris angrier than having what he wants be right in front of him and the means to get it...but for reasons beyond his control the rules he must follow dictate he must not.

 

[Shovel Mech Pilot]

Supervised release may in fact be harsher for Chris than actual lockup, since as established jail really isn't THAT bad - in so far as he doesn't seem to really be grasping the gravity of the situation he's put himself into beyond simply not having children's toys, being able to see his mother, or really ingest pop culture as much. But it isn't that bad for him because there isn't temptation for him to act out - it's simply prevented from reaching him.

But outside? Temptations abound. Nothing makes Chris angrier than having what he wants be right in front of him and the means to get it...but for reasons beyond his control the rules he must follow dictate he must not.

Agreed, but there's no way that Chris will see it that way. And defense attorneys see the amount of jail time as a measure of their success - lower is better of course. I think that jail is probably the best place for Chris, given its regimented lifestyle and the fact that he's not in a hardcore "Oz" style prison.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

If chris really wants to convince people he's too crazy for jail he should just pretend to be sonichu for another 8 months.

 

[WaveBreak]

If chris really wants to convince people he's too crazy for jail he should just pretend to be sonichu for another 8 months.

He’s not trying to convince anyone. He’s trapped in an eternal escapist void.

 

[Big Nasty]

My new headcanon is that Jesus Christ was actually a time traveling super wizard that impregnated his own mother, the Virgin Mary. This is why she wasn't aware of her impregnation and who the father is, and this is also evidence that Jesus and Chris are the same person because they both banged their moms. Flawless reasoning and you can't tell me otherwise.

Also it implies Jesus would both be immune to the effects of those brains from Futurama since Fry was immune due to being his own grandfather.

This actually sounds similar to the plot of a weirdass police procedural/occult thriller/ trippy sci-fi movie called God Made Me Do It.

 

[Yankee Shogun]

Does Chris know what Muslims are? He called it a "Turkish prayer rug" and seems to be treating it as just something to sit on, wouldn't put it past him to be honest.

 

[Cuntflaps]

Does Chris know what Muslims are? He called it a "Turkish prayer rug" and seems to be treating it as just something to sit on, wouldn't put it past him to be honest.

I doubt Chris can comprehend the idea of "other" religions and what that actually means. Much like Australia, Islam is beyond Chris's comprehension.

 

[NynchLiggers]

I doubt Chris can comprehend the idea of "other" religions and what that actually means. Much like Australia, Islam is beyond Chris's comprehension.

Just because he doesn't understand doesn't mean he cannot take concepts he likes and distort them, expanding his autistic mythos.

 

[Doctor Professor Timon]

Just because he doesn't understand doesn't mean he cannot take concepts he likes and distort them, expanding his autistic mythos.

Exactly. It's like a Marvel / DC crossover, but severely more autistic.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

But outside? Temptations abound. Nothing makes Chris angrier than having what he wants be right in front of him and the means to get it...but for reasons beyond his control the rules he must follow dictate he must not.

That would probably be the worst punishment, especially if there are sex offender statuses he needs to update. Some new tiny pony movie comes out? Chris couldn't see it with everybody else, and he certainly couldn't sperg about it on social media, but we all know he will, then out come the jerkops.

You're right though, prison is probably the best and happiest place for him.

 

[Elbe]

Does Chris know what Muslims are? He called it a "Turkish prayer rug" and seems to be treating it as just something to sit on, wouldn't put it past him to be honest.

He's been practicing.

 

[Optimus Prime]

That would probably be the worst punishment, especially if there are sex offender statuses he needs to update. Some new tiny pony movie comes out? Chris couldn't see it with everybody else, and he certainly couldn't sperg about it on social media, but we all know he will, then out come the jerkops.

You're right though, prison is probably the best and happiest place for him.

He might legitimately be banned from every major retail store in the greater Charlottesville area because he hangs around the little girls toys section so much.

 

[slimz]

I would like to focus for a moment on this section of the letter.

I have a temporary Soul Partner, a Holy Flame Type, you may Remember her (on her repentence tour) keeping me safe, well, not abused, and good, alongside Many (Good) Angels, Spirits, and OP allies in and around this Jail of Fail. We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary, along with very much appreciated Sports Bra, Socks with no holes, Earplugs, and a few other goodies.

There is ambiguity here but it seems to me that Chris is saying that he has an actual person in jail keeping him safe. Specifically he says "safe, well, no abused' as if this person is offering him protection. He distinguishes this "Soul Partner" from all other supernatural or extra-universals by referring to those as "Angels, Spirits, and OP allies"

When he says "WE" as in "We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary...." It seems as though he is referring to a cellmate not the jumbled up bunch of personalities he has in himself.

This is obviously only one possible interpretation but i believe it merits scrutiny.

 

[Shovel Mech Pilot]

I would like to focus for a moment on this section of the letter.

There is ambiguity here but it seems to me that Chris is saying that he has an actual person in jail keeping him safe. Specifically he says "safe, well, no abused' as if this person is offering him protection. He distinguishes this "Soul Partner" from all other supernatural or extra-universals by referring to those as "Angels, Spirits, and OP allies"

When he says "WE" as in "We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary...." It seems as though he is referring to a cellmate not the jumbled up bunch of personalities he has in himself.

This is obviously only one possible interpretation but i believe it merits scrutiny.

He probably does have a cellmate. There's really no reason why he would be in solitary unless he was really causing a problem.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I would like to focus for a moment on this section of the letter.

There is ambiguity here but it seems to me that Chris is saying that he has an actual person in jail keeping him safe. Specifically he says "safe, well, no abused' as if this person is offering him protection. He distinguishes this "Soul Partner" from all other supernatural or extra-universals by referring to those as "Angels, Spirits, and OP allies"

When he says "WE" as in "We presently have a genuine Turkish Prayer Rug and a deck of Playing Cards from the Commisary...." It seems as though he is referring to a cellmate not the jumbled up bunch of personalities he has in himself.

This is obviously only one possible interpretation but i believe it merits scrutiny.

It would be hilarious if this theoretical cell mate was, in fact, the next generation of gal pal.

As in the guy is being bribed in some matter to tolerate whatever utter nonsense Chris is talking about for days on end, non-stop. I mean, Chris is going around saying he's a woman still, but he's in a men's jail. I can only IMAGINE Chris being bitchy about wanting special treatment because of this.

 

[Pappy Striderite]

Put your money where your mouth is.

i think you just changed my mind on chris' defense?

i thought there was no way the lawyer would try for NGBROI but now you have me asking, "what would the judge want?" what would make chris be an open and shut case that never gets questioned or attracts attention again? no stalling, no mis-trials, no string of appeals...

they gave chris a real lawyer instead of a generic public defender. they want to come out of this looking like they did everything they could for chris. chris got where he is now from everybody passing the buck and shuffling him through the system. the county knows they can't sweep sonichu under the rug anymore. everybody is watching.

where ever they lock chris up and what the institution is called --fuckin irrelevant.

but what gets him there fastest? it might be insanity.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I hope the Judge during the final trial will be like the judge from Ghostbusters 2.

Like, after being a skeptic for the whole trial, right before he slams his gavel to give the verdict, then Chris-Chan Superstar creates his miracle merge.