Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Oscar Winner]

Tess with her “if the person sees this” comment, and semi reprimanding him on the assumption he might read it. Wow

Also, she said he got her number, not they exchanged numbers. I wonder if she's been sweating on him contacting her and he just... hasn't, and she can't do anything about it. I wouldn't be surprised if she made that tiktok half an hour after or something ridiculous. I'm sure she'd expect almost immediate and constant contact.

Girl ain't thirsty or even dehydrated, she's fucking mummified.

 

[Gramlol]

LOLOLOL. "IMAGINE NOT TEXTING ME BACK"

The ego on this bitch.

"I'M NOT ACTIVELY LOOKING TO DATE!" Yet she gave this guy her number....

(Tess keeps saying "person", but we all know its a man. Nobody is buying that you're KA-WEER, Tess)

She claims she gave out her number because she thought the other person was interested in her, but last time I checked, interested parties make the first move. Just more cope to soothe her bruised ego. The actual truth is that Tess thirsted for some dude way above her pay grade, thought that him not throwing up at the sight and smell of her = "wants to date me", insisted he take her number, and then she spent the next few days waiting by the phone as eagerly as she does a DoorDash delivery. You can hear the butthurt in her voice.

Here's a hint, Tess: If you give someone your number, they have no obligation to call you or date you. If anything, they're avoiding the awkwardness of telling you they're not interested. Just accept it and move on. Making a video full of cope by calling them 'inconsistent" isn't going to help your future prospects. What does that inconsistent mean in this case anyway? That he was supposed to call you regularly and he didn't? Just be honest and say you're upset that you got turned down once again.

Next time, Tess, take the hint and STFU. Sour grapes aren't a good look.

Yeah I thought it was obvious that if he (or she) wants to text you back, they will. You can't just hope super hard that someone will find you attractive.
Hot tip for the insta and Tik Tok fat activists community, I guess- have you tried being more attractive? That could help.

Sorry just wtf Tess making this video so other straight women in the comments can say 'wtf nooo you're so beautiful!! Boss bitch!!'
And Tess will feel suitably soothed, and those women with eyes that can see will feel that they've done their good deed for the day.
It's all a lie but I'm on the fence as to how much Tess actually believes it- on the one hand, she's extremely stupid and has narc delusions, on the other hand the cognitive dissonance must be crushing.

Can you be a global sex symbol if no one wants to have sex with you? How exactly does she square that?

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

I wonder how much she must hate Ashley Graham. Girl is married to a black dude, seems to haver shit together, had 1 baby, expecting twins, travels the world and just seems like a nice quirky girl.

 

[NoReturn]

Inspired by a similar question from the Fugifoot board: How would you fix Tess' life?
Let's say you either wake up tomorrow as Tess, or you get hit by Truck-kun and get stuck to her as a ghost that lives in her head or something - What do you do?

 

[Barbarella]

Silly question because the answer is obvious to normal people. Lose weight, get lots of therapy for her personality disorder(s), stop the fame seeking nonsense and concentrate on raising her kids.

However she’s supporting herself, a real job needs to enter the picture. Get her hairstylist or nail certification, start her own salon. She’ll never be above the fame level she’s had, so no homes in Hawaii, Milan, California, and France to fly to on her private jet, but with a more normal body she can still have goals.

Give up childish dreams and concentrate on adult responsibilities.

It’ll never happen because personality disorders always win.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Inspired by a similar question from the Fugifoot board: How would you fix Tess' life?
Let's say you either wake up tomorrow as Tess, or you get hit by Truck-kun and get stuck to her as a ghost that lives in her head or something - What do you do?

A ghost can't an hero itself, and I think she's already got enough voices rattling around her head that it'd be pointless trying.
If I woke up as her, man.. I don't know there's any fixing the mess that is her life. Get a job- doing what? No idea how she's paying her bills now, let alone living as a normie. How to repair the damage she's done to her reputation? Her attitude needs a major overhaul, and the tshirt fiasco will never be forgotten. Even if she took responsibility, admitted to all the shitty things she's done, and tried to make amends (including refunding/repaying anyone she's ripped off), I don't think anyone affected would believe it. It would take literal years of consistent correct action. Then there's her size, which is limiting in itself. Her problems start with her thinking, and she doesn't think she has a problem. What do, indeed.
Even if she just packed up and disappeared to start again, she's recognisable enough that her options are extremely limited, and we're also back to her having no real life skills. She'd just mess everything up again.

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

Delete all social media. Reject all social media/tabloids/worship of fame culture in all ways.
Take both of my children and get the fuck out of LA. Intensive therapy. For all of us.
Try my damndest to make amends with my oldest whom I abandoned and create a stable environment for my youngest to thrive.

Dye my hair and cut it off so I was harder to recognize. Hire a nutritionist. Consult with a doctor to find the best exercise for me to do as I’m losing weight. Meet new people through my children’s new school, and other community events. Be a waitress or some shit. Spend time with my children and neighbors. Grow a garden. Make amends with my past. Live life. Heal my wounded soul.

Maybe once I had gone through my weight loss journey and had a few years of therapy find a guy who loved my children and cares for me and have a relationship with him.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Can you be a global sex symbol if no one wants to have sex with you? How exactly does she square that?

She must have confused being globally shaped with being a global sex symbol.

It's all a lie but I'm on the fence as to how much Tess actually believes it- on the one hand, she's extremely stupid and has narc delusions, on the other hand the cognitive dissonance must be crushing.

The Tubbster’s need for adoration and attention is greater than everything else (except her gut). She posted her story about a guy not texting her back partly because of the narc injury but mainly because she knows she will get enough attention for doing so.

Her whole thing is that this guy rejected her before she could reject him first down the line. He denied her asspats, which is the real thing she took offense to. I don’t even think she’s capable of caring for another person.

Inspired by a similar question from the Fugifoot board: How would you fix Tess' life?
Let's say you either wake up tomorrow as Tess, or you get hit by Truck-kun and get stuck to her as a ghost that lives in her head or something - What do you do?

There’s not a rainbow big enough for this but in a fantasy scenario:

- Lose the weight
- Remove excess skin. Sure her body will look mangled but better than dying in her 40s
- Accept that her modeling career is truly over and leave Long Beach in favor of some place more affordable on a wage a high school dropout will make
- Apologize and make amends with all the people she’s pissed off over the years starting with Rylee
- Become an esthetician or something. Her once being on the cover of magazines will likely give her enough attention to maybe command a higher wage than those who were never were

The advantage here is that she’ll actually be healthy, she’ll have her family back, she’ll have true friends instead of just people who use each other and maybe her making amends could give her potential opportunities down the road.

All of this requires setting her gargantuan ego aside so none of the above will actually happen. What realistically is in store for her is that her feeder will drop her, she will become wheelchair bound, and will become angry and bitter at the world until her combination of poor health and shitty attitude finally kills her.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

A shocking accusation in the comments!
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More comments from her recent posts.
Instagram:
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Not much fun on TikTok, though. She's either deleting the negative comments, or there really hundreds of exceptional individuals in her comments.
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Swap “healthy” with “useful”; translator lost context here.

 

[Internet's Boyfriend]

Also LOL her whole anorexia stunt was globally renowned as opening boundaries for obese anorexics. I can’t.
View attachment 2703152

Credited globally by who? Legitimate charities and foundations that work specifically to raise awareness and offer support to people suffering from eating disorders? Or trash tabloids like Daily Mail that will write articles about anyone who pays them?

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I have crippling anxiety

If she really had crippling anxiety she wouldn't embarrass herself on such a frequent basis. She'd also be a lot more critical towards herself and I don't think I've EVER seen her be self-critical.

 

[Water-T]

If she really had crippling anxiety she wouldn't embarrass herself on such a frequent basis. She'd also be a lot more critical towards herself and I don't think I've EVER seen her be self-critical.

LOLOLOL. I call bullshit. I have two friends with anxiety so bad that they need truckloads of Klonopin just to walk out the door. They are very introverted, self-effacing, and barely post on social media.

Tess is the POLAR OPPOSITE of this.

 

[Pina Colada]

Inspired by a similar question from the Fugifoot board: How would you fix Tess' life?
Let's say you either wake up tomorrow as Tess, or you get hit by Truck-kun and get stuck to her as a ghost that lives in her head or something - What do you do?

1. Lose the weight, first and foremost! Go cold turkey on the cakes and snacks and start out slow with hour-long walks.
2. Make a final public post apologizing for the T-shirt scandal (or others), to the agencies and people I've pissed off, accept my modeling gig's over, and delete all social media; cut all ties with SJWs, the cancerous Fat Acceptance Movement, bottom-feeding "friends", and any existing secret fat fetishists. Sorry boys, the feeding trough is shut down forever!
3. Burn all slutty lingerie and club wear and replace my wardrobe with age-appropriate clothes from affordable outlets and thrift stores. Get a haircut for myself and Bowie, leading to:
4. Be a better mother! Make my children my first priorities; do my damndest to make amends with Rylee, my parents and extended family, and spend more one-on-one time with Bowie. Consider speech therapy so he can keep up with his milestones. Look for a proper intensive family therapist to keep myself in check and grab the NPD bull by the horns. Discourage iPad and Internet use, go on daily family walks, the playground, local concerts, museums, anywhere we can be more active and meet up with other mothers. Stop talking shit about my husband and demand he shape up or ship out since he cares more about cock gobbling than raising his own son.
5. Get the fuck out of LA (if not California) and look for someplace more affordable.
6. Learn a trade or go back to receptionist/waitressing work. Look for and sign up at local employment agencies to earn some extra pocket money for said therapy and future skin removal surgery. Get involved with community activities and the PTA.

Out with the old, in with the new! The clock is tickin' and Mess is more than halfway through her life that's already cut short with her obesity. Better to start now than be sorry with one splayed foot in the grave!

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Wasn't Tess a makeup artist for MAC at one time? Couldn't she go back to that?

 

[MiniMuffin]

Wasn't Tess a makeup artist for MAC at one time? Couldn't she go back to that?

She’s really terrible at makeup though. Her skin is not good to start with but her makeup application makes it look so much worse.

 

[multiverse]

Wasn't Tess a makeup artist for MAC at one time? Couldn't she go back to that?

No. She never worked professionally as a MUA, not even as a store clerk. She worked as a receptionist and called herself a MUA when she did her pinup modeling stuff.

 

[Water-T]

No. She never worked professionally as a MUA, not even as a store clerk. She worked as a receptionist and called herself a MUA when she did her pinup modeling stuff.

IIRC, Tess did a few make up videos, but they were nothing special and would not stand out among the thousands of other MUA YouTubers.

 

[Trombonista]

I don't think there's any fixing Tess, so if I somehow ended up in her body for a day, I'd just do whatever I could to make things worse. Hopefully she's not in my body for that day, though.

 

[multiverse]

IIRC, Tess did a few make up videos, but they were nothing special and would not stand out among the thousands of other MUA YouTubers.

I was just looking for her old videos today, and it turns out the channel IS still active, despite her having abandoned it more than 9 years ago.

Here is a terrible eyebrow "tutorial" she made. Such a MUA!

 

[NoReturn]

The eyes of a madwoman:

The most recent video posted by a madwoman:

Also, the more I see of her, the more I understand why Russians think Americans are disingenuous with our friendships.
I may be friendly with a lot of people, I may be polite to a lot of people, hell I'll even go out of my way for strangers because that's how I was raised; but I don't go around calling everyone "My so-and-so" or "My bff" or "Bestie". That can't be normal.

I don't think there's any fixing Tess, so if I somehow ended up in her body for a day, I'd just do whatever I could to make things worse. Hopefully she's not in my body for that day, though.

Don't worry, no Freaky Friday business here. You'd be in a coma or something.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Wasn't Tess a makeup artist for MAC at one time? Couldn't she go back to that?

She worked at MAC for one holiday season while she was still working at the dentist's office. Before she moved to LA she worked at a dental office in Seattle, and allegedly did makeup occasionally but has never ever been a full out, making a living makeup artist. She was hired to do makeup for a shoot(that she wasn't the subject of) and called another makeup artist to help her because she didn't have a kit of her own(you're a MUA of how many years and you don't have a kit??? Ok...). So she used the actual makeup artists kit, promised to pay her and never did. And from these photos, she has absolutely NO skills, especially to do makeup on other people. Or maybe her narc tendencies just can't let other people be more beautiful than she is.