Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

[Pissmaster]

If you hit the brainstem you're pretty much guaranteed success. To do that, you aim upwards towards the roof of the mouth, angled somewhat backwards. There are diagrams, and there's really no excuse for getting it wrong. If you actually care about your loved ones, you should set it up so it's an EMT or other first responder type who gets to find the mess, because nobody wants to see that shit if you're a loved one.

Granted, much like Dickard, if you end yourself this way, you probably don't actually have loved ones, because you are an absolute piece of shit.

Man, it would have been great if Lowtax turned himself into a vegetable, but I guess we'll have to settle for death. Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

 

[White Devil]

If you hit the brainstem you're pretty much guaranteed success. To do that, you aim upwards towards the roof of the mouth, angled somewhat backwards. There are diagrams, and there's really no excuse for getting it wrong. If you actually care about your loved ones, you should set it up so it's an EMT or other first responder type who gets to find the mess, because nobody wants to see that shit if you're a loved one.

Granted, much like Dickard, if you end yourself this way, you probably don't actually have loved ones, because you are an absolute piece of shit.

If I'm ever crippled or have a terminal disease, I am absolutely going to resort to the shotgun mouthwash. I'm a very active person and couldn't imagine being bedridden. That's its own slow death in hell.

 

[AnOminous]

At that moment, I had to focus on what was important...my kid.

Congratulations on being an actual man worthy of the name.

 

[Maradontia]

If you hit the brainstem you're pretty much guaranteed success. To do that, you aim upwards towards the roof of the mouth, angled somewhat backwards. There are diagrams, and there's really no excuse for getting it wrong. If you actually care about your loved ones, you should set it up so it's an EMT or other first responder type who gets to find the mess, because nobody wants to see that shit if you're a loved one.

Granted, much like Dickard, if you end yourself this way, you probably don't actually have loved ones, because you are an absolute piece of shit.

If you want to kill yourself in a way that is relatively painless and not gross, I suggest getting super drunk then going swimming in a pool, river, lake, or the ocean. You'll drown and it'll be ruled an accident.

If you don't have access to water, still get drunk but fuck around on a high building, bridge, etc.

 

[MuuMuu Bunnylips]

For some reason the completely-intact tongue just kind of wiggling awkwardly makes me giggle. 'Damnit guys can you please check if I remembered to bring a reload. Cheers lads, sorry for the awkwardness.' Wonder if he survived.

Cool, it's Arseface:

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

If I'm ever crippled or have a terminal disease, I am absolutely going to resort to the shotgun mouthwash. I'm a very active person and couldn't imagine being bedridden. That's its own slow death in hell.

But that's weaksauce and boring. You don't want your suicide to be lame, now do you?
Like, if you can still operate a car, get a convertible with cruise control, grab a long piece of sturdy wire, a molotov cocktail and a bottle of superglue.

You then park somewhere near the highway, put the loop around your neck and attach to a signpost, speed down the highway and then you must act quick:
Use the Molotov cocktail to set the backseat on fire, hit the cruise control and superglue your hands to the steering wheel before the wire tears your head off.

The burning convertible will race down the highway, driven by a headless, burning corpse... if you kill yourself, at least make it interesting for the news reporters goddamnit.

 

[Ghostse]

He was an idiot that turned his life into a living hell.[/ISPOILER]

Lowtax epitaph found.

Won’t your Hanzo steel blade cut your hands off too? I feel like this plan hasn’t been executed properly.

I said put your arms around the blade before supergluing them to your temples specifically to avoid that.

 

[White Devil]

But that's weaksauce and boring. You don't want your suicide to be lame, now do you?
Like, if you can still operate a car, get convertible with cruise control, grab a long piece of sturdy wire, a molotov cocktail and a bottle of superglue.

You then park somewhere near the highway, put the loop around your neck and attach to a signpost, speed down the runway and then you must act quick:
Use the Molotov cocktail to set the backseat on fire, hit the cruise control and superglue your hands to the steering wheel before the wire tears your head off.

The burning convertible will race down the highway, driven by a headless, burning corpse... if you kill yourself, at least make it interesting for the news reporters goddamnit.

Nah, I'm just going to settle my affairs, put some plastic drop sheets all over my office, and buckshot my skull away.

 

[Ghostse]

But that's weaksauce and boring. You don't want your suicide to be lame, now do you?
Like, if you can still operate a car, get a convertible with cruise control, grab a long piece of sturdy wire, a molotov cocktail and a bottle of superglue.

You then park somewhere near the highway, put the loop around your neck and attach to a signpost, speed down the highway and then you must act quick:
Use the Molotov cocktail to set the backseat on fire, hit the cruise control and superglue your hands to the steering wheel before the wire tears your head off.

The burning convertible will race down the highway, driven by a headless, burning corpse... if you kill yourself, at least make it interesting for the news reporters goddamnit.

You aren't thinking with the times, dude.
Telsas come with autodrive. Why have a burning car driven by a headless corpse just straight shotting it down the highway when you can have a burning car driven by a headless corpse driving through downtown and parallel park?

 

[AnOminous]

Nah, I'm just going to settle my affairs, put some plastic drop sheets all over my office, and buckshot my skull away.

Well at least you're not a nigger.

Sorry, someone had to comment on your Morning Glory avatar at some point. I wonder how many people even recognize that these days.

 

[White Devil]

Well at least you're not a nigger.

Sorry, someone had to comment on your Morning Glory avatar at some point. I wonder how many people even recognize that these days.

I was debating between the Dad from Morning Glory or Mr. Brown from Electric Re'tard for my avatar. MG was more nostalgic for me because I had found it when it was still being written. We never did get that mythical #100.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Nah, I'm just going to settle my affairs, put some plastic drop sheets all over my office, and buckshot my skull away.

Well, okay I guess. You do you. Me personally, I aim to make the news anchor say "what the fuck" at least once while he reads the story off the prompter.

 

[AmpleApricots]

Besides something like a debilitating disease which has no cure and has me screaming in agony 24/7 or turns my brain slowly to goop I couldn't imagine ever killing myself. There's just so much in life everywhere you look, even if things are shitty sometimes. Never before we lived in a time where there was so much of everything for so little. You basically have limitless and almost free entertainment and education chances alone through the internet if you live in a western country. Tons of hobbies are cheap and at the same time very involved and mind engaging. You don't have to be rich to enjoy life, you don't even need to be particularly ambitious, you can scrape by doing a minimum and still earn enough to live and enjoy the simple things, as long as you don't get greedy or have expensive vices which, chances are, wouldn't make you happy anyways. Never in history was it quite lite this for so many people. Yes, social inequality is a real thing and many people get fucked over and it's also really hurtful for our economic systems that provide this plenty but this is still true. I'm old enough and realistic enough to know that the decades past many people now view through rose-tinted glasses objectively sucked a lot more often. Even our end-of-world-worries were a lot more direct and a lot more metal.

Then Lowtax had so many resources at his disposal, especially financial ones, and he didn't even have to work his life away for them. Even if his ex-wife was a bitch and hell, even if he didn't give a shit about his children he could've done so much with the money he had and still make sure he'd come out ahead enough in the divorce that it wasn't obliterating his financial existence. There's absolutely no reason for this squandering that was his entire existence. It's genuinely really hard to understand for me. He just floated by all those years in a completely meaningless existence and nihilistic hedonism and then he ended it exactly the same way. The entire existence of Lowtax can be summed up in the word "pointless".

 

[JustStopDude]

Congratulations on being an actual man worthy of the name.

I'm not going to lie, at times, it was really hard. Anyone out there going through a divorce, I highly recommend therapy if you can afford it.

 

[Dyn]

But that's weaksauce and boring. You don't want your suicide to be lame, now do you?
Like, if you can still operate a car, get a convertible with cruise control, grab a long piece of sturdy wire, a molotov cocktail and a bottle of superglue.

You then park somewhere near the highway, put the loop around your neck and attach to a signpost, speed down the highway and then you must act quick:
Use the Molotov cocktail to set the backseat on fire, hit the cruise control and superglue your hands to the steering wheel before the wire tears your head off.

The burning convertible will race down the highway, driven by a headless, burning corpse... if you kill yourself, at least make it interesting for the news reporters goddamnit.

Why put time and effort into an awesome post-suicide spectacle that everyone except you gets to enjoy?

 

[AnOminous]

The entire existence of Lowtax can be summed up in the word "pointless".

I don't know about that. I think a better word to sum up the entire existence of Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka would be FAGGOT.

I'm not going to lie, at times, it was really hard. Anyone out there going through a divorce, I highly recommend therapy if you can afford it.

Something I've heard from people, well, men actually, in the middle of a divorce is just fuck it, give the bitch everything, you can make more, and fighting over it will turn you into a bitter asshole and completely ruin your life much more than just ending it.

 

[Sabrina]

Looking thru old stuff on case.net and wasn't this guy so fkn cool



Lovely reminder. Also hilarious Megan's most recent lawyer is DAVE KELLY

 

[daddydeath42069]

the Polish may be niggers, but they're very white

or wait, was he a jew?

I think the first guy might've been onto something, this is the result I got when I looked up his last name.

 

[Kwopsie Peepsie]

Did any of the following people say anything about Lowtax self croaking:

- Mandy
- Logan
- Shmorky
- Zack Parsons
- Ozma
- Fist Girl
- Crazy Yellow (the first Korean wife)

And other old school SA people... I see Colorfinger posted a thread.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

I always took LowT as the type to die via accidental overdose rather than outright offing himself.