Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[The Ugly One]

Blobert never had the normal male experience of puberty, where you go from girls being your physical peers, to suddenly being like RAAAAAHHH I AM THE SUPERHERO TESTOSTERATOR, MY ONLY WEAKNESS IS INVOLUNTARY BONERS IN FRONT OF THE CLASS!!!!! I was in the bottom quartile of the boys' track team and was still faster and stronger than every girl. And as you get older, maybe you get married, that reality just becomes a part of your daily life. "Honey, open this jar for me" isn't a trope; it's my lived experience.

For our friendly facsimile of a film critic, girls were always faster and more nimble than him...just like they are in video games, and it's not like he was ever going to get to touch one to really understand their bodies. The athletic girls must have looked like goddesses through his eyes. So while a normal person, if they think about it, realized Lara Croft could no way in hell do a hanging pull-up, and Zangief would break Chun-Li in half, I don't think Blobert figured that out. You don't have to explain to a normal person why a woman in a story is weak and vulnerable. But Blobert really doesn't understand. He has no intuitive grasp of why, throughout human history, women have relied on men for protection. After all, no woman relies on him for protection! Must be because women are badass and strong.

Plus, he has a giant crush on Anita Sarkeesian, so bleating about this crap is really just a way of white knighting for her and hoping she'll text him a smile emoji some day.

 

[Laughingjoke2]

ACKTUALLY
There were more than two in the original Ditko/Lee run.

Gwen Stacy
Mary Jane
Betty Brant
Liz Allan
and
Black Cat

Spider-man was like Archie. He had the opportunity to get with a girl of any hair color, and he picked the sexy redhead.

Agree that Peter gets more ass than a toilet seat. But Gwen's death was years after the Lee and Ditko run.

By the time they killed Gwen the two main contenders were Gwen and MJ. Ironically they wrote MJ out a few years later and he dated various girls like Debra Whitman and Cissy Ironwood.

Black Cat wasn't till the 80's and they went strong until MJ was brought back and they married them to coincide with Stan Lee's Newspaper Strip which was marrying them.

Since BND Pete's been with Carlie Cooper, Michelle Gonzales (Who I originally thought MCU MJ was when she was listed as Michelle in the 1st Holland Film), and Cindy Moon/Silk. Oh and Doc Ock fucked that Midget chick while possessing Peter's body.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Daredevil's first love, Karen Page, will always be the best Marvel girl in my opinion. I'd definitely be down for a MCU movie where she shoots up heroin, works as a prostitute and then reforms herself into anti-pornography crusader.

 

[A Very Big Fish]

Daredevil's first love, Karen Page, will always be the best Marvel girl in my opinion. I'd definitely be down for a MCU movie where she shoots up heroin, works as a prostitute and then reforms herself into anti-pornography crusader.

I was upset that they didn't go that route with Karen in the Daredevil tv show. Mostly because I was really hoping for less of Karen.

 

[glib]

Daredevil's first love, Karen Page, will always be the best Marvel girl in my opinion. I'd definitely be down for a MCU movie where she shoots up heroin, works as a prostitute and then reforms herself into anti-pornography crusader.

Too bad the MCU doesn't have actual human stories where people get over internal struggles and arc into greater nuanced views of the world and their responsibilities. At this point everything is just hollywood celebrity #42 fighting ever increasingly cartoony bad guys while making quips and posturing. Oh don't forget mandatory dinner table scenes where people in weird costumes do something totally normal! Shazam? More like Shawarma!

Morality? Nuance? Human interest and motivation beyond beating up evil men? Forget that, the Marvel/Disney people are in fact, too busy to be engaged in human melodrama. They are busy hanging out on the right side of history. The MCU started with Robert Downey Jr. literally righting his career and forming a legacy based on the pathos of his character.

Now its a bunch of has-beens dressing up as characters no one knows or cares about alongside less famous, less likable people like Kumail Nanjiani. Theres nothing going on in the MCU except convoluted retcons, weird production choices, and CGI characters shooting CGI laser beams out of their hands at more CGI.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

Iron Man would definitely be different if they were first making it today instead of it being the first movie, just look back a few days ago where that one guy was bemoaning it (and pretty much regretting it being part of the MCU) for not having likeable enough characters and Tony's origin arc being problematic and Bob didn't push back at all despite someone criticizing a Marvel movie.

Disclosure: It's probably my favorite MCU movie alongside Thor: Ragnarok.

 

[The Ugly One]

Iron Man would definitely be different if they were first making it today instead of it being the first movie, just look back a few days ago where that one guy was bemoaning it (and pretty much regretting it being part of the MCU) for not having likeable enough characters and Tony's origin arc being problematic and Bob didn't push back at all despite someone criticizing a Marvel movie.

Disclosure: It's probably my favorite MCU movie alongside Thor: Ragnarok.

I was gonna say, Iron Man is just about the only good MCU movie. The only other one whose plot I remember was Thor: Ragnarok. Fancy that.

 

[A Watchful Ghost]

Daredevil's first love, Karen Page, will always be the best Marvel girl in my opinion. I'd definitely be down for a MCU movie where she shoots up heroin, works as a prostitute and then reforms herself into anti-pornography crusader.

I was upset that they didn't go that route with Karen in the Daredevil tv show. Mostly because I was really hoping for less of Karen.

They were never gonna go that route the moment they made her a reporter. And mostly because the writers really liked using all three leads in their own stories that lead up to one goal. Season 3 is the perfect definition of that kind of storytelling. So in that sense, I can somewhat understand why they went against making her comic accurate.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

It's funny how when this thread talks about comics and shit, it's even more insightful than the shit Bob spews since people ITT are real fans of actual comics compared to Bob who just reads a wikipedia summary and acts like he's some sort of expert. Like hell I bet he doesn't even pay attention to the movies he cherishes since he misses the point of many of them

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Too bad the MCU doesn't have actual human stories where people get over internal struggles and arc into greater nuanced views of the world and their responsibilities. At this point everything is just hollywood celebrity #42 fighting ever increasingly cartoony bad guys while making quips and posturing. Oh don't forget mandatory dinner table scenes where people in weird costumes do something totally normal! Shazam? More like Shawarma!

Funnily enough, Shazam actually got that right, inserting the family drama (and the twist at the end of Act 2) which is played into the idea of an 11-year-old getting super powers. It also made the humor more organic, like the kid, transformed into an adult, playing a kid, playing an adult. It had a lot more humanity than Capeshit Slapfest #125, and honestly deserved better than it got.

 

[Forest Portal Triumph 747]

Also you seemingly can't get your region off the bad list. Wisconsin elected a Democratic Governor and then voted for Biden. Doesn't matter, still TRUMPER TRASH, all your rights are eliminated!

Right? Normally we vote Republican in the state and Democratic at the national. Americans love gridlock.

I don't know Bob's bitching about.

Maybe Bob knows deep down that states like Wisconsin didn't *actually* vote for Pedojoe.

That being said, if anyone here was forced to try one example of Bob's cooking, what would you pick? Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm wondering how Turkey marinated in Mountain Dew tastes...

 

[King Dead]

I was gonna say, Iron Man is just about the only good MCU movie. The only other one whose plot I remember was Thor: Ragnarok. Fancy that.

It's interesting, looking back at where the industry was at at that time. We'd obviously had superhero movies before, but around the time Iron Man came out, they were in a bit of a meandering phase. The X-Men series had had a lackluster third entry following two mostly solid films, as did the Spiderman series, and both were a bit up in the air. Fox did reasonably okay with the Fantastic Four movies, but a planned third movie ended up not being made. On the DC side, years after the Batman series sputtered out and decades after Superman, WB failed to revive the latter with Superman Returns but had made headway on the former with Batman Begins (and a few months after Iron Man released, The Dark Knight would prove a smash hit). There were a lot of projects going on by different companies, each going in a different direction, and that's without even mentioning other bizarre entries like 2003's Hulk.

And then along comes Iron Man, a movie starring a hero that had maybe some minor recognition among the general public, but nowhere near as much as someone like Superman or Batman or Spiderman. It was well-written, well-acted (especially how the story paralleled RDJ's own struggles), and pretty fun overall. It grabbed the public's interest enough to prove a big success, enabling Marvel to move forward with plans for further self-produced movies. Maybe not so great in retrospect if you're tired of Marvel-style capeshit these days, but at the time, it was a pretty big gamble that paid off.

Most importantly, looking back, Iron Man does have the advantage of coming first. Now that we have over two dozen MCU films (and another eight already announced, Jesus) and several MCU TV shows (and another dozen announced, Jesus), it's easy to get lost in the mundane sameness of it all, where every character is firing off quips every few seconds, where every fight is a CGI monstrosity with zero tension, where there's really no drama because deep down you know there's no stakes. Iron Man is almost innocent in comparison: there's actual drama in the script, you get a feel for Tony as a character and the struggles he faces, and the climactic battle, even though it's the ol' "hero fights bad version of himself" that has popped up over and over again in the movies that follow, feels fresher because it's the first time around. I'm not saying Iron Man was high art, but it certainly feels more unique than the many imitations that followed.

Funnily enough, Shazam actually got that right, inserting the family drama (and the twist at the end of Act 2) which is played into the idea of an 11-year-old getting super powers. It also made the humor more organic, like the kid, transformed into an adult, playing a kid, playing an adult. It had a lot more humanity than Capeshit Slapfest #125, and honestly deserved better than it got.

Well DC must've thought it did well enough to greenlight a Black Adam spinoff due out next year, followed by a full Shazam sequel in 2023. I'm looking forward to them myself; Shazam was a big goofy pile of fun that I loved every minute of, despite being generally tired of capeshit these days. It was completely earnest and leaned into the humor that comes from giving a kid superpowers, and it made for a hell of a good time.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

Wonder how Blobby is going to deal with OSHA saying the vaccine mandate is suspended.

He's gonna tard rage about how those damn, dirty trolls mayo ghouls are endangering his health by not limply submitting to government diktats. He'll then launch into a tirade 10+ Tweets long about how this development is further proof we need to gas all Republicans and Midwesterners post haste. He'll finish it off with more "Thinker vs Believer" bullshit, proving how little he actually thinks things through in the process.

 

[make_it_so]

Good lord, my internet hates MovieBob.
I have no trouble loading the Rittenhouse Trial thread, but every time I try to load the Moviebob thread it shits out on me, and I have to reload the page three times over just to post a sticker.

Your internet is empathetic and is trying to spare you from Bob's stupid.

 

[Juan's Sombrero]

Bob very likely seething at Glenn rting the reality that the obsolete are still getting more views than him.

 

[Positron]

The latest esteemed director on the chopping block is -- renowned feminist Jane Campion! (Variety article)



I have no interest in hearing a director's opinion on politics, just as I have no interest in what a Micheline chef thinks about puppy mills. BTW if Bobby were indeed versed in the painting scene, he'd have known that no one has ever managed to get a straight answer from Gerhard Richter; this man is a master of evasion.

Still, to Bobby's consolation, queer advocate Pedro Almodóvar says he'd be interested to do Batgirl.

Gwen Stacy:









(8 minutes)

In an uncharacteristic display of humility, Bobby says he needs to brush up on the history of pop music:

(Patchen Mortimer's thread)

---

The latest T/B debate. I wish Lass_Library could define Thinker and Believer on Bobby's behalf because he obviously understands the terms so well.

 

[A Very Big Fish]

Congrats to twitter Troon Frog, for being the only one dumb enough to actually believe Bob when he says he's religious in any real way.

 

[Koby_Fish]

View attachment 2726063

A believer made the best peach cobbler I ever had. That was good, and more meaningful than anything that Bob's contributed to society.

Person that made it for me was a black woman, too. Damn Bob, it's like this binary distinction you're selling falls apart when you scrutinize it even a little bit.

Bob's quasi-religious concept concerning "Thinkers" over "Believers" is, "superstition holds science back." Which can be true to a point (certain cultural taboos for instance against tampering with a body after death is not conducive to a murder investigation where a full autopsy would help pursue justice and catch the killer, all because some backwards-thinking individuals are afraid giving a dead person an autopsy will pretty much send them to hell or the equivalent, of and through no fault of their own.)

Yet Bob behaves as though he thinks (believes) that Progress cannot be made unless every woman who *could* have an abortion does have one (women hold up half the sky in the soopeeryah fyootchah, and it's hard to do that while holding babby), the Holy Soopeeryah Fyootchah will be delayed. Or he acts like Aborted Fetuses are crucial to the development of superconducters, microchips, his future bing bing wahoo brain, and the rockets of the future are powered by their corpses. For someone who likes to call whitey "Mayonnaise Wasteland Ghouls", his insistence on all abortions that could happen must happen makes him quite the literal Ghoul himself. After all, smoothbrains such as himself handwave the very idea that the next Einstein may have been snuffed out prematurely due to "choice", which actually would delay the soopeeryah fyootchah. Guess those future einsteins are growing on trees out there, bobby?

 

[Woe-B-Gon (TM)]

But not for long. The brief sense of glee you get at the suffering of another will be eclipsed by the dismal fact that you are still you: A bubbling lump of hate without the protection of a suit of bonded polycarbide armour.

 

[Red Hood]

I was gonna say, Iron Man is just about the only good MCU movie. The only other one whose plot I remember was Thor: Ragnarok. Fancy that.

I have a soft spot for CA: The First Avenger (mostly the first half) because Joe Johnston doing a period piece that's completely earnest like he did with The Rocketeer is going to have my attention. The studio completely stripping Hydra of Nazi iconography kind of ruins it though.