Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

Sabrina said:
He didn't own that house; he hasn't owned one since shortly after he married Ashley. There's no "estate" even besides the $92k the courts garnished from him before he could blow even that on tranny hookers and pills. The families will get social security death benefits instead of child support. RIP you gigantic asshole
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If it's any consolation, at least the kids get the opportunity to escape dear old dad's shadow and live completely normal lives. Right now, the likelihood of any one of them growing up to be lolcows just like dad is blessedly remote.

Mullti Port RDRAM said:
Lowtax is waiting next to true tyrants, cults of personalities, heroes, villains, and your loved ones. What will become of him in 100 years? Will people remember the time he got blown the fuck out by a trash B movie director? How about the mangosteen scam? He is not remembered fondly even by goons. In time, history will forget even that SA existed. All that will be, and maybe not even this kindness is that he was a big fan of Byron Looper.
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No one but us farmers will remember Lowtax in three months, tops.
SA might spend another decade shuffling along, but that too shall pass.
Lowtax ends up as a minor footnote in some obscure flashback/retrospective of early Internet culture.

Beyond that, Rich Kyanka is just another name on a random headstone. Even those eventually fade away...
 
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Lowtax wasn't even remembered in his life. If it wasn't for the spectacular downturn of his life in the past 2 years, no one outside of SA goons would know he existed. The man left no noticeable footprint on the internet or in real life outside of the foot and knuckle print he left on his partners and the emotional damage he left on his children. And everything that could be attributed to SA can be attributed to happening in spite of him, or because of his refusal to do any work.
 
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OC from the Spoony thread (text by me, art by @Juan But Not Forgotten )

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Mola Ram said:
It is very sad that whoever tries to sell that house will have to deal with the property values declining after a violent suicide. And in this flush market!
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I just realized those pictures are never going be put on the wall now!

But imagine buying a house that's haunted by a poltergeist that does nothing but knock over your wife's shoes and takes $10 bills out of your wallet
 
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AnOminous said:
That so-called poltgergeist also spends thousands of bucks of your money on mail-order pies.
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Spunt said:
Given Lowtax's fondness for ladies' feet, you'll be lucky if all his ghost does is knock them over.
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Oh god, he's going to turn into Slimer isn't he, which would make sense considering his love of 80's kitsch
 
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Amazing Criminal said:
How about we use the three wishes to turn back the clock, undo the creation of SA, and compensate every tranny hooker in Missouri for their losses
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This isn't hard you dumb mother fuckers.

Here's how you use the wishes.
First, wish for the ability to go super sayan and not die.
Second, wish Lowtax alive
Third, wish away ambien

That combination of wishes will doom Lowtax to a hellish existence where he can no longer escape into pills and has to live his fucked up life until he an heros again. And you can go super saiyan.

why do I even have to explain this?
 
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BALLZ-BROKEN said:
Oh god, he's going to turn into Slimer isn't he, which would make sense considering his love of 80's kitsch
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Amazing Criminal said:
Not Slimer, but a chinese bootleg Slimer knock off because that's whackier, zanier, more ironic, and therefore "funnier".
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And he'll only drip Slime from his sweaty, slimy, ghosty toes.

Ghostse said:
Here's how you use the wishes.
First, wish for the ability to go super sayan and not die.
Second, wish Lowtax alive
Third, wish away ambien
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That third wish also needs to include box wine and Goldbelly just for the lulz.
 
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I just found the vid that made me goon up and join SA
Yeah, I know it looks like shit in it's compressed 144p mpreg divx format. This is how I remember the early aughts, as the kids say. It's no Vengaboys or Rob Zombie, but I just loved gettin' blasted on Beast Ice and gettin' my friends to watch this vid. This is how the Internet was back in the 56k dialup days.

In conclusion, May God give me the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to accept the things I can't, and the good luck not to fuck up too often.
 
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