- Joined
- Jun 12, 2020
He’ll burn some cheese, melt chocolate and make some other abomination.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
Schmuck of Ages
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2021
I guess this leaves maybe the Scalfani brother we haven't seen as the one who can write above a 6th grade level.
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- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Allegedly made by CS KochsystemE. Honestly based on them NOT having a proper website, them using Amazon only for distribution, the fact I've seen that exact copper bottom line under a different label, and my only finding of info on them being a .pdf on lower search results, and it's fucking obvious it's more Chinese bullshit that is disguising itself under a label that used to exist they bought out for a fly by night scam.
He almost certainly bought it with wifey's money here. Pre-emptive fuck off you moronic liar Jack, since the "sponsorship" will at best be due to them being falsely "on sale". Only one you're fooling is yourself, and it's on the lie you're good at tricking others fatty.
I suspect he's trying to out bore us since he does read here; and I'll state this: I'm going to autopsy his next Cooking with Fat video no matter what. Trying to show off the most toys to avoid cooking won't work Jack.
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- Joined
- May 27, 2019
IMHO; these issues with technology have nothing to do with Jack's strokes, he has this problem becasue he is an inept dumbass by design. Half of his technology problems could have been avoided if that fat manchild would have read the fucking manual.
Not every boomer (sadly most are) is an inept and ignorant dumbfuck. That's as close as Jack will ever get to an Apple, if you now what I'm saying.
- Joined
- May 27, 2019
Am I missing something here? I'm thinking he meant to say 'just because you're offended by my actions, doesn't mean I'm offensive.'
GoodFattyDeadFatty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2020
He’ll give away the extra set to Jr (again), just like the half eaten burgers.
FatJacksFatAssTongue
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2021
Jack’s Classics: Fat Juicy Taco - TACO WARS
July 2014
Jagoff at his obnoxious best in this one. Says he’s “nervous” when he barely puts a little spicy guacamole on his chip. What a little bitch
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2019
It's Jack's way of showing off his oral sex skills. When Jack eats ass (or pussy) he likes to get his tongue way up in there. Hence his Jakatak69 username.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
Original:
Archive (480p):
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2013
WTF is that transition at 0:37? Fatty's editing continues to sink to new lows.
Jack has a new mancrush: the founder of this company, whose name we never hear. "It's weird how you hang out with meat long enough, and you start to... yer... yer palate." Right.
Nearly a whole fucking minute of Jack injecting the oils into the meat, using his chin to plunge the injector. Why even bother? Then cross-contaminates the injector by setting it right on the raw meat. The usual horrible seasoning job, which he excuses by saying it's all going to fall off anyway. Yeah, that's why you rub it.
He insists that you let meat rest after cooking because "all the heat turns back into juice".
That stroke arm lift at 7:40... "It's garlicky. It's buttery." "MMHMM. MMHMMHMM." "This was good." Jack loses his shit over the Premium Rub. He's really trying to impress his nameless mancrush. "The moment I touched it, I could taste it."
Comma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2018
LMAO at the shitty, badly cut-out jpeg. 
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2020
He did his absolute very best to not show the inside of that turkey. 15 minutes a side doesn't seem like enough for cuts that thick.
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2020
He’s going to eat all those Turkey legs himself, isn’t he?
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Said I'd do it no matter what:
1. Jack is such a sped and obsessed over Christmas he forced Tammy to put up those horrible wrapper decorations for the cabinets and is wearing a Santa Hat. This of course clashes with his Grimmace Shirt.
2. Time to Eat You sign is gone, as is the Bistro Sign of Fail. The masturbation grease is still out. So Jack gets angy when you point out his deco, but is insistent on keeping the bacon grease he eats with a spoon and shoves up his ass to masturbate out. Okay.
3. Jack babbles about all the Black Friday prices that are rolling in this time of year, and is super excited at all of Tammy's money he's going to waste on his toy collection.
4. Jack reveals he got a second fucking turkey to eat. He also mentions that this video is based on "Christmas turkey", which again points to his mom locking him in the shed and throwing turkey necks at him.
4b. I mainly say this because I don't know about Cali, but where I'm from as well as in southern style cooking, turkey is not the centerpiece of a Christmas meal; that honor goes to the ham. Goose instead is the meal if you're gunning for poultry.
5. In a bout of stroke-tier editing, Jack instantly cuts, which produces a horrible .jpg banner for subscribing now, and he instantly goes into the injector.
5b. He might have cut out stuff trying to put that banner in, or he cut stuff because he doesn't want to be called out as a liar again for pretending he has sponsors... oh what am I kidding he'll do it anyway.
6. Jack is the only mongoloid I know that injects shit into turkeys and other whole birds. Most people season the interior cavity and under the skin and then let sit for an hour before cooking.
7. "The company"... Jack literally forgot to name Butcher BBQ in this one, and he's apparently unable to name David Bouska it's founder too.
8. Jack begins gushing over how Dave won two BBQ championships, ignoring that he also grew up raising and butchering cattle and spent years learning how to cook it too.
8b. Jack apparently still fumes over Rooster McConaughey too since he basically squees like a woman over his wins in the World BBQ tourneys... reminder that it's not just flavoring but technique.
9. Jack really tries to upsell how "excuse to eat eighty pounds of meat #3,921" is a review of a rub or seasoning blend.
9b. These are always pointless because again technique matters more than seasoning, since you can easily get away with salt and pepper; fuck's sake Alabama style does that besides its white sauce which dresses it up post cookin'.
10. Ah, and Jack lets slip why he's gargling and burbling about Dave's rubs: "When you're surrounded by meat enough, you start to- your palate- and I'm sure his is perfected".
10b. So this video is him childishly going "NUH UH, MY TASTEBUD STILL WORKY WORK JUST LIKE HOW I DRIVE MOMMY-WIFE'S CAR!". He's doing it to lie about how he does have a sense of taste since he's angy we point out he only can taste meat and not-meat.
11. Jack, like all narcissists facing their worldview being threatened and they can't argue it, tries to downplay his time spent with Cooking With Fat to save his pathetically bloated and sore ego. Problem is 14 years should've taught him stuff that he still fucks up, like cooking slowly, and evenly seasoning shit.
12. Nice static Jack; I have no clue what you did to your camera's sound system, but that noise is nice and clear.
13. Jack had to look at the bottle of butter to remember what "the company's" name was. To be expected.
14. Jack then states he's going to set up outside on a grill, mainly to I guess try to prove to Rooster Sempai that he's a big mean poopyhead and Jack is the genius who can cook that deserves a Food Network spot.
15. Jack admits he doesn't use his gas grill at all since he uses his stupid industrial smoker much more often instead; he also mentions cleaning the grill. This is literally spite cooking, and it's blatantly obvious.
15b. Also this is why you don't hoard grills like a child hoards toys; it's a big fucking waste.
16. He looks smug for a bit as he pretends he knows what a grilling oil is and acts like it's a unique thing, telling us "did you write that down". It isn't. It's literally just whatever oil you use on the grill to prevent sticking. Peanut and Canola are popular ones.
17. The stinger ambushes me and it gives me the idea Jack may have moved it from its original spot in the terrible jump cut he did at the start.
18. "Butter flavor"... the oils are called "butter flavor"... fuck that.
19. To try and prove the haters wrong, Jack spams a banner at the bottom because it has a christmas tree on it, and he still doesn't even know what seasoning is what due to his head being filled with dead nerves and butter.
20. Jack again states that the guy who made these "won awards", which proves that he think he can cheat his way out of cooking with the right seasoning.
20b. And no you can't; I learned that the hard way when my first attempt to use old bay seasoning on my fries left me mostly disappointed as a teenager. You have to know portions, blends, and last but not least technique.
21. Jack literally cooms and whispers in orgiastic fervor over garlic being used. Jack literally had a foodgasm over a word... now I'm not one to advocate post-term abortion but-
22. Jack unironically goes "numnumnumnumnum" over honey flavored oil.
22b. Since I know you read this Jack, let it be known that leaning into being mocked as a child or tard makes you look even more pathetic and like you want a dozen cocks up your ass. Not manly at all.
23. Jack likes his birds the opposite way he likes his men: dark.
24. Jack injects the oil into the bird like a moron. You're just supposed to brush it on the grill and on the meat to aid in sticking.
25. Right before I could type out how he's leaving in all the injecting as filler and fetish fuel for later; he cuts with an "executive decision".
26. That's right; Jack is so brain damaged he forgot he already told us less than a minute ago he wanted to use the premium rub because premium means best right?
26b. Actually, let's see what premium has in it... oh my. Brown sugar, salt, sugar, paprika, onion powder, preservatives and anti-caking agents, and garlic. Two sugars everyone, but don't worry it's keto. It also has soybeans in it, so tough luck to those allergic to it.
26c. One more thing. Dave the owner states this thing works best with beef and pork, and in conjunction with a second rub.
27. Jack blatantly fucking lies about brushing on oil to the turkey; no dummy we clearly see where it isn't coated.
28. Jack restrains himself from groaning out a "smells good" when he tries to brag about the product. He then poorly seasons the bird parts since he thinks rubbing meat is gay now thanks to Lazy Man... but alas he still craves it.
29. Jack defends his overseason tardery by loudtalking about how "most of it's gonna fall off". It fucking wouldn't if you brushed oil on it you absolute chud.
29b. Also kudos on proving you didn't brush shit with oil; only injected it so you can taste the grease and fuck up the toilet some more.
30. Jack tries to defend how and why there's a noted fire going on as he grills, despite how this is to be considered normal; he's so defensive he pre-emptively jumps onto shit I wouldn't even point out.
31. MMM MMM look at that burn already on the turkey; Jack is so used to pellets and smoking he has no fucking clue how to control a grill's heat.
32. Jack calls the black burns on the drum sticks "grill marks".
33. Jack tries to crow about how the juices were gushing out of the turkey. Turkey's a dry meat, and he's bragging about making it drier.
33b. Also that ain't turkey water; that's the oil.
34. Jack apparently flips his meat constantly... well that explains a fucking lot about why it's always tough and leathery and raw inside. The sides can't fucking convect heat because of that.
35. Jack is such a glutton and desperate for narc supply that he instantly forgot about the time he enslaved a bum and his child to make a turkey for him less than a month ago and tries to upsell how good this one is.
36. Jack gets angy over the idea that you don't rest meat for a few minutes.
36b. Amusing since his is going to be dry bullshit since he created vectors for the turkey water to escape and burned the outside.
37. According to Jack, letting the meat rest converts the heat into juice, and then he gushes about it in a way I'd envision a crack addict would preach about rock in the midst of a drug high.
37b. Since I like to explain things, resting instead allows the internals to cook a bit more, it allows the fibers to relax from the heating actions, and it allows the juices to be reabsorbed into the meat. It's just something you do so that you don't chomp on dry dog food as the meat water comes out.
38. As for the turkey; it looks burned in a select few spots. That's a sign of too high a heat, too long a side cooked, and well... just cooking with sugar in general which this seasoning has twice over.
38b. I'll state that for once I couldn't blatantly see any pink meat on the poultry, but we'll see.
39. Fat Jack tries to brag about how juicy it is, then realizes that it could be the oil, and then says it couldn't be the oil. All while ignoring that leaky meat's a bad thing traditionally since you want to lock the moisture inside.
40. Jack tries to prove how he totally can smell guys and he didn't lose it from his 2009 stroke that big pharma tried to tell him he had. He can only describe it as good.
41. You hear disgusting squidgy noises that if you need to use for the alien hive can be perfect for when the larva erupts from the meat wall.
42. He also struggles to tear off that fucking chunk, and yes hides the angle to avoid showing the raw meat inside.
43. Jack cuts out his reaction; that meant he disliked it to the point he couldn't fake a Moo of pleasure.
44. After licking his fingers like a subhuman ape, Jack then tries to prove he has a palate again by describing what he ate as "buttery and garlicky", which is what any asshole can do without tasting it because it's on the grilling oil label.
45. It's telling Jack wants to prove his sense of smell works since he references it so much, but he can't tell what the premium rub even smells like.
46. You can actually hear nasty cracking noises as Jack desperately tries to rip the meat off the wing. He quickly moos out in pleasure to sell the lie he made another banger of a meal.
47. Jack is so desperate to pretend that the product is good that he slaps his hand down and loudtalks about how amazing it was.
47b. I guess he thinks we're blind, dumb, and deaf on that front. Also the loudtalking to me sounds like he's angry at the product; probably because he thought it would instantly prove those mean West Texans wrong.
48. Jack represses a schoolgirl giggle over the idea of putting this shit on his favorite whore ribs.
49. The last bit is Jack for no reason desperately trying to shill and bleat and crow about how awesome the premium rub was. I guess he vaguely realized he didn't sound as pumped as he should. Either that or he realized he could smart cheat with it since it has sugar in it.
49b. Ah. No. He did it because he's really fucking angy that this thread repeatedly talks about how he has no sense of taste either due to having garbage taste buds and sense of smell naturally, or due to the 2009 stroke he refuses to admit happened.
50. Jack ends the review by having to look at the label to remember the name of this life changing product. He also threatens to make more videos of this shit, to which my response is bring it on you fat homo.
So yeah, boring video, but it's been a long time since I did the full autopsy. And yes Jack, since I know you read this; this "cut effort and try to bore the haters to death" method never works.
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2021
I never said anything about a stroke. He’s old and an idiot. That’s his issue.
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
"I'm going to fire up my grill then we're going to prepare the turkey, so let me go outside, fire up the grill get it heat it up its kind of what you want to do then you wanna clean the grill, haven't used my gas grill in quite a while I bin smoking stuff forever this gon be fun, these is considered grilling oils, grilling bbq oils."
He seriously needs to start writing a script because his mush brain can't form coherent thoughts and sentences anymore.
Delilah Radio Show
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2021
I'm a nerd about this stuff, but I found the subscribe now button he swiped–which turns out to be a copyright infringement since I'm betting he didn't pony up for a premium plan. Isn't stealing against one of the 10 commandments? What absolutely corrupt, crass behavior. May God strike you down with lightning, petty thief Jack.
Rub the fucking seasoning in!!! You still got one arm that works, fucking use it.
BruceyBoy
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2020
JackIsBlack
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2021
I can confirm that “thou shalt not steal” is one of the 10 commandments.