Entertaining as it is to laugh at the self-inflicted misery of others, I think you should always strive to incorporate a constructive element to criticism. In that spirit:
You wake up tomorrow in possession of the Tranch. You have 170 alpacas, 36 acres of dust in Westcliffe Colorado and a half dozen strapping young men with whom you share an unbreakable bond of camaraderie. How do you get this business in the black? What are your key problems? What material improvements might you be able to make?
Much hay has been made (pun intended) of the fact that the Tranch is a ranch with no functional pasture, but that's not entirely fair. It's not uncommon, particularly in drier areas, to grow dedicated feed and not waste the effort of trying to enrich and maintain what is always going to be marginal soil for grazing. Alpacas are a stock that can survive mostly on a middling-low quality hay, they can actually get growth disorders if fed an overly protein-enriched diet too young. Because hay is so cheap by weight shipping it any significant distance causes the freight cost to exceed the actual cost of the load, so I'm guessing they buy local at a little over wholesale price and pick it up themselves.
At an average of 3 lbs per head per day and a probable price of $250-300 per ton, my back-of-the-napkin says they're spending about $65 a day on feed (or ought to be) not including gas. Even inflating the price of the wool for the novelty factor of a tranny farm, I don't see the herd yielding that much profit, so the first hurdle is going to be doing something about feed. Is it possible to enrich that glorified desert soil on a budget and a deadline? Is it economical to rent pasture over on the other side of westcliffe where the grass grows?
My assumption is I awaken with absolute power over the Tranch. So here's the plan.
First, downsize that fucking herd. Alpacas don't bring in enough money even when they do produce decent wool, and I remember a few posts a while ago saying this land could barely support a herd the tenth of the size. So we do that. I continue the grift by making a big sad post that says we can't keep them all, and offer people the chance to pay a hundred bucks to buy their own damn alpaca. Maybe I get a couple grand from suckers. We just start humanely slaughtering the rest and harvesting all the meat and hide we can (is alpaca hide any good? RimWorld leads me to make hats out of everything so I at least try).
Second, I downsize the work force. I do have to maintain the illusion of a trans sanctuary to keep up the grift (and I am keeping up this fucking grift as long as it's profitable), but I make it clear that if you don't work, you don't get to stay here. Pay with resources, labor, or get the family out. Initiative is rewarded, the people who show that they can lead a team will be given their own team and given tasks separate from what I'm personally doing, as long as they show they can be trusted. Worst case scenario, I lose half my people.
The best case scenario ties into part 3. I do my damnedest to reestablish relations with neighboring ranches and the community in general. Best case is all the troons fuck off, and I can rebrand the ranch and portray a "rising from the ashes of those fuckups" narrative. Everyone loves a redemption story. I hire people who know what the hell they're doing, I listen to them when it comes to ranch business, and I then proceed to make any deal I can with local businesses. If we can produce it and sell it, slap a price tag on it, courtesy of the Smiling Donkey Ranch.
The biggest grift I make is I get in contact with local high schools that have any sort of agricultural program, and offer to show their students what the fuck happens when you fuck up your land to this degree for a modest fee. We move from a transgender charity to a land restoration one, we seed the land with whatever grass is native to the area, keep the animals on a strict hay diet (or whatever we can sustain them on, this is what I hire or ask people about), and attempt to restore some god damn green to this land. There would be quarterly updates on our YouTube channel, showcasing updates to the status of the ranch as well as offering a unique perspective on the difficulties of ranch life.
Also, I know some people in the Colorado area who run the convention circuit, this is a unique advantage I have. I get in touch with them, buy a table, run a informational booth about our charity while also offering whatever products we can offer. We're a charity you can feel good about donating to because you can see our progress and our stated goal is to go from charity to functioning business.
None of this is easy, but I don't have the skills to personally do ranch duties. My skills lie in working with people and doing the business hustle. And there's a distinct possibility that none of this works, the land is too damaged, reputation is beyond repair, or I just can't turn a profit regardless of what I grow or what new animals I introduce. In that case, we burn it all: first figuratively by liquidating all assets and selling the land, then literally by setting fire to whatever I couldn't dump in the fire sale. At the least, I'll walk away saying I did my best and learned from it, and leverage the experience into new opportunities where I can.
TL; DR: Mass alpaca murder, mass groin exodus, full cynical grift and burn it to the fucking ground if it doesn't work.
