Somebody finally fixed the ending of The Giving Tree.


This weekend on Instagram, I discovered something I never knew I always wanted: a helpful update to Shel Silverstein’s psychotic parenting allegory The Giving Tree, in which a tree gives up every molecule of itself to help some ungrateful kid, and we’re supposed to think it’s good and noble or something. Yeah, you remember.

Anyway, playwright and screenwriter Topher Payne has now fixed it. The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries is part of Payne’s “Topher Fixed It” series, which was created in support of The Atlanta Artist Relief Fund, and which offers printable alternate endings for certain problematic children’s books. (He also accepts tips.) “Ever settle in with the young person in your life to read one of your childhood favorites, like The Giving Tree or The Rainbow Fish, only to get halfway through it and go, “Wait, WHAT?” Payne writes. “Well, good news. I fixed it.” Also included is a fix for that most frightening of children’s books (in my opinion): I’ll Love You Forever.

“Just read The Giving Tree as usual, right up to the point where the Boy comes hustling for a house. Then feel free to print these pages and read as an alternative to everything that follows,” Payne writes. I think I’ll do just that. (Eat your heart out, Ryan Gosling.)

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Whatever you think of the ending and the overall moral of the story (as far as arboreal metaphors go, I still like it more than the Fall of Freddy the Leaf) Shel Silverstein is a far better writer than this hack.

His books of short poetry are also incredible. In Kennebunk Maine, there’s a 2nd story book store and the steps up to it have the lines from “Invitation” painted on them. I have always loved that.
Let's not forget all the music he wrote. A Boy Named Sue, Cover of the Rolling Stone, Queen of the Silver Dollar, Put Another Log on the Fire, Sylvia's Mother, The Unicorn, etc.
 
How the fuck is "I Love You Forever" psychotic?! Jesus. How is a story about how a mother's love is repaid somewhat in her old age by the son she raised to be a good man evil?!
Because the mother didn't troon her son out and didn't demand gov'mint handouts.
 
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I wouldn't expect people that support/belong to a group that encourages ruining family gatherings over politics, cutting off your parents, siblings and friends if they don't align with you politically or bow down to kiss your feet for every decision you make to get the moral of The Giving Tree.
These are the people that would just keep taking and taking and taking from the tree and not even listen to the tree or understand it when they pick the last fruit from it, just walking away in a huff to find the next one, picking the shiny new tree to decay for their own gain, move on ad infinitum.
Or, in this revision's case, they just refuse to give, that little boy never gets any help or assistance and grows up to be a cynical, maybe even spiteful man that thinks love is a chemical reaction and none of this "people that love you are supposed to care for you and help you" shit is actually real. He ends up having relationships (platonic or romantic) where he gives nothing or expects nothing at all, and you know those never end well.

Like a parasite. Or an invasive species.
 
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If a fictional animal dies = WHY DO YOU HATE ANIMALS AUTHOR
This gets at what pisses me (and from the sounds of it, a lot of you) off about this 'fixing' in particular but also the lefty mindset in general. They don't understand the point of an allegory or Aesop.

Everyone gets the feels over The Giving Tree, and that's the entire point: it's a beautiful work of fiction that conveys its key messages through pure emotion. You feel for the (destructive) selflessness of the tree, and raw emotion is all that is needed to channel the book's lessons to you about being grateful for the kindness of your family (and/or friends), and the dangers associated with taking selfless sacrifice too far. It's purely fiction, so there are no real-life consequences that needed to be paid to learn that lesson. Yet we all still came away better people for having 'lived' the completely fictitious experience. It's awesome.

Now look at how this soy golem has 'fixed' the story. There's no story with visceral consequences anymore that imparts those lessons. Instead, they've actually subtly done away with one of the lessons (the one about parental sacrifice. Go figure? I hate the antichrist, etc etc), and the leftover lesson is delivered through heavy-handed and condescending propaganda. There can be no consequences, no learning from the mistakes of the fictional boy. Even in this fictitious world where nothing matters and both author and reader are free to play with ideas in a way that they can't in reality, consequences scare the soyboy. We can't have an imaginary tree dying, think of the children! So we're left with a completely anodyne tale that doesn't even resonate enough to be remembered the next day, much less impart any meaningful changes in how we look at the world. And the soyboy is convinced, somehow, that his changes were for the better.

tl;dr: Fuck the Left.
 
I wouldn't expect people that support/belong to a group that encourages ruining family gatherings over politics, cutting off your parents, siblings and friends if they don't align with you politically or bow down to kiss your feet for every decision you make to get the moral of The Giving Tree.
These are the people that would just keep taking and taking and taking from the tree and not even listen to the tree or understand it when they pick the last fruit from it, just walking away in a huff to find the next one, picking the shiny new tree to decay for their own gain, move on ad infinitum.
Or, in this revision's case, they just refuse to give, that little boy never gets any help or assistance and grows up to be a cynical, maybe even spiteful man that thinks love is a chemical reaction and none of this "people that love you are supposed to care for you and help you" shit is actually real. He ends up having relationships (platonic or romantic) where he gives nothing or expects nothing at all, and you know those never end well.

Like a parasite. Or an invasive species.

this is exactly the strain of shit that bothers me, the way some people think it's not just okay but necessary to throw peepaw in the garbage because he voted for Trump or whatever. my family is all different political stripes, my uncle is straight from the deepest halls of the shitlib hive (he posts on that lib version of Stormfront where they talk about literally killing Trump supporters) and my mom is, well, a Trump supporter, but even though my uncle is a raging posting warrior online you'll never see the two of them fight or even make negative comments about each other publicly or privately. their generation was split by some pretty serious childhood trauma and the fact that they're finally together again, despite how fucked up everyone is mentally, means far more to them than whatever dumb political bullshit is on the menu this week. people who think it's fine to just dump your family members like they're toxic friends over political bullshit are failkids who have only ever been loved and insulated from the real brutality life is capable of inflicting. if other people's political opinions are in or even close to the top 5 things you care about in life, you are living a sad, lonely existence.
 
I can't wait for this faggot's version of The Lorax where the titular character gets sick of Onceler's shit and goes full on Tyler Durden to save the goddamn trees.

That would actually be pretty cool.

Too bad this faggot don't have the guts to write anything that might displease his corporate overlords.
 
God, I actually clicked the fucking link. Let me share with you my pain:

1. The Giving Tree: Discussed to death. But the smugness in the dialogue you see radiates through all this bullshit. It all has this MCU dialogue feel to it that makes you roll your eyes.

2. The Pout-Pout Fish: So apparently that's its neutral expression? Look, one thing I learned about people with RBF is usually something's bothering them or they're lost in their thoughts. Normal people with RBF lose it when they engage with someone else. Constant RBF means you're a miserable cunt. There's also a self-insert catfish. Yeah. The new lesson, rather than "stop being a sad sack and people will like you better" changes to "don't judge a book by it's cover!" It's bad advice, because people who put effort into their outward appearance tend to be more successful.

3. Rainbow Fish: Self-insert catfish shows up, and apparently everyone loves his dinner parties for some reason. Ewkay. He tells the Rainbow Fish to constantly compliment everyone, which the way the book's set up makes it look like Rainbow Fish is insincerely complimenting everyone. But hey, lefties love that shit.

4. Love You Forever: So, I forgot that the son's mom broke into his house at night to cradle him because it wasn't the point of the book. The faggot then goes on this long winded sarcastic narrative diatribe about the son installing bars on his windows to keep his mom out so she won't break into his house, then A BLACK FEMALE FRIEND OF THE SON'S comes over and tells him he needs to set boundaries. Lots of hand-wringing about comfort that fully misses the point of the book and how loving parents make loving children, but then again a faggot's writing this so his mom probably molested him and he'll never have kids, so not surprising.
 
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