Shit that you overheard during Thanksgiving (2021)

[O.O]

an all vegan thanksgiving.

This is not a Thanksgiving. This is an unholy abomination. Stephen Lynch said it best "Tofurkey, to-fuck-yourself."

 

[Cantaloupe Nuts]

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I have to work. Won't even get leftovers. Oh well.

 

[grumble_bum]

Unlawful entry into an empty apartment and sex. Im not American, I just had a good day.

 

[Blancmange]

I'm the uncle that gets drunk and starts ranting about the communists. I have plenty of material this year.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

dutchmen don't know how delicious it is to pour gravy down your facehole while Uncle Ted talks about politics and jesus and the nazis

Sounds like we should kidnap him and force him to go through it.

 

[Hitman One]

I am not an amerimutt but I visited my mutt friend and his family today as they are celebrating, it was very comfy.

 

[Triple Flutz]

My postmenopausal MIL who purposefully only had one child said that she's not getting the vaccine because it's a ploy to make us infertile so the blacks can take over. I love her so much.

 

[Bezmenov]

I'm baking a giant ham because that's all I care about regarding Thanksgiving.

It'd probably taste better if you steamed it.

 

[Archeops]

My folks decided to eschew making a Thanksgiving dinner and instead invited the usual gang of old farts (and me) to Thanksgiving brunch at a local restaurant. Sadly their Thanksgiving menu consists of a bunch hoity-toidy crap that looks like a bastardization of the usual Thanksgiving feast, the only thing I could probably eat without feeling like a jackass are their steak dish and their desserts (except pumpkin pie, all of October’s pumpkin spice nonsense has made me avoid it). I decided to dip out of it and make my own feast.

In it’s place I’m making oven-roasted beef brisket (my barbecue has sadly reached the end-of-life stage) because I’m not a fan of turkey and I kind of fucked up by not getting a ham while grocery shopping yesterday, macaroni and cheese (I’m contemplating putting bacon into it), and some potato dish. Dessert’s hasn’t been decided yet but I’m leaning on either prepping an apple blossom, making a chocolate lava cake, or saying “screw it” and brave the tides of grocery warfare and get some stuff to make a proper apple pie.

 

[Cat tit bingo]

My family always let's me have one of the turkey legs every year so it should go good. Sadly the tables gotten a good bit smaller but that just means every body's a bit closer if I can be schmaltzy.

 

[A Series Of Tubes]

This is not a Thanksgiving. This is an unholy abomination. Stephen Lynch said it best "Tofurkey, to-fuck-yourself."

Couldn't have said it better myself. Shit really is an unholy abomination.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

I'm thankful for being an American because I get to have an entire holiday dedicated to eating delicious food while Europoors cope, seethe, and dilate about it.

Every year, my dad hopes another balloon will be destroyed during the Macy's parade like the Barney one was back in '97.

 

[mindlessobserver]

I was back at the family home for all of 20 minutes before someone complained about Kyle Rittenhouse got off.

It's going to be a long day.

 

[retard strength]

On Tofurkeys: when I volunteered at food pantries, you could not fucking give Tofurkeys away. Literally.

If you are ever actually legit near death starving, somehow, in the U.S., against all odds, and live in a city that has a health food store but not enough yuppies and degenerates to use all the weird extra shit they stock, ask the food bank if they have any meatless stuff they don't want. Soy and black bean products for fucking weeks, my friends.

 

[Lasersuit Larry]

The family troon and his troon-hag mother aren't coming this year. Probably busy dilating about how Rittenhouse should have been drawn and quartered, and also white people being content is racist.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

but one thing I've noticed being around overseas families is that talking about politics is like talking about your bowel movements, in that even around family it's inappropriate

Honestly I would rather talk about Bowel Movements before politics with most people, if we talked about Bowel movements as much as politics in the US people might go see the doctor for problems sooner.

And don't forget Meat is evil so instead of Turkey for Thansgiving have a good old Protein Loaf

 

[Robert w'E'd Leef]

I'll be eating turkey, smoked venison and fried oysters with my redneck family later tonight and then smoking weed around a bonfire after

 

[CrescentCelica]

Wish I could be around family this year, but I'm both working and stuck many thousands of miles away. Y'all have fun for me, and make sure you stir as much shit as possible relating to Saint Kyle, or it won't be a real holiday.

 

[Free the Pedos]

I'm hosting this year and couldn't be happier. Dressing is in the oven right now, turkey coming up next. I made the cranberry sauce yesterday along with a few desserts, and the family is bringing over everything else.

Merry Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!

 

[A Series Of Tubes]

I'm fortunate in that I generally have no problems with my family and this is probably because we are a TINY family with absolutely no new blood.

We are a dying clan... so no annoying new fiances sperging out and getting mad about politics, no teens getting mad about politics, no preteens getting mad about politics, no wine aunts and army pencil pushers LARPing as veterans getting mad about politics,, no children or toddlers being used as betting chips against other family members when they get mad about politics, no cousins boyfriends stepkids getting mad about politics. Good shit.

Just a lot of old people. Lots of old people chewing and having to yell for the newly near deaf and extra attention to the newly partial blind and suffering partial alzheimers. Lots of old people noises and old people conversations.

Fuuuuuck

Fuck, man. That's heavy. I unfortunately have an aunt that fits the "cool wine aunt" stereotype to a T but luckily she has her own Thanksgiving and doesn't visit here.