Shit that you overheard during Thanksgiving (2021)

[luigismanslave]

So evidentially, my Dad is off his schizo meds. I came over to check on him and he told me he was Jesus and started convulsing. I basically need to wait for him to try to kill himself (or me) before the cops will do anything (they're pretty familiar with him, but also can't really beat up the schizo man considering bodycams and Minneapolis). Anyway, to the actual Thanksgiving portion of this story, I went upstairs about 15 minutes ago to ask my dad if he'll be attending, and he was weeping in front of the closet door, completely naked, and when asked why he informed me that demons were preventing him from opening the closet with his mind. I may update with more depending how today goes, and if he actually comes to Thanksgiving, but 20 minutes in it doesn't look promising.

update: he's now sleeping naked on the living room floor, which is... more tolerable than what was going on.

 

[Donut Coma]

It's just been me and my dad for the past 6 years, so we have a pretty quiet day ourselves. Later, I'll sit on the front porch with the beverage of my choice and watch the white trash neighbors in the next two-three houses down. Extended families, too many kids inside for too long, a whole lot of booze; I have high expectations.

I've turned into Kahn Souphanousinphone, gawking at my hillbilly neighbors for entertainment. But they are.

Hope you Kiwis have a good one.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

My partner's father just said that "the US gov't should regulate the Internet," and when pressed, it's because people say mean things on Twitter. He then went on to further elaborate that he didn't mean "the Internet," but rather just social media sites.

I'm drinking heavily already at 1PM to cope, pray for me.

Call him a Nigger for us.

 

[Power Ranger Monster]

There was a couple years ago where the dinner conversation ended on the subject of some kid who stuck a (presumably-unwound) paperclip up his dickhole.

 

[lolnah]

Call him a Nigger for us.

Once I get one more vodka and soda in me I will, for sure.

 

[Corydoras]

Mr. Corydoras and I celebrated Thanksgiving with his family yesterday. One of his uncles has terminal cancer and the other has CP so it was a grim affair. His folks are very, very mid-west so most conversations consist of pregnant silences and deep subtext. I’ve been out here for 5 days and I don’t fly home until Saturday. I am suffering.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

Once I get one more vodka and soda in me I will, for sure.

If I may aid you with a bit of writing.

"An Elvis in clown make up told me to tell you He thinks you are a Nigger, and I agree with him." might be the greatest phrase said in any thansgiving dinner ever.

 

[XANA]

What is your favorite Thanksgiving meal? I know you all eat turkey but what about the side dishes? Which one is the best?

Obviously the mashed potatoes and stuffing are the best (but I prefer stuffing more since there's more flavor). I also second green beans, but roasted vegetables drizzled with oil and herbs outshine it if they're available.

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Basically, post Alex Jones shit to ensure only based folk talk to you!

My fam loves Alex Jones as much as me, so redneck thanksgiving of love, haha

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Dear Baby Jesus,

I am thankful for my ability to shit post, for Chris Chan’s arrest, Rittenhouse being freed, the Biden Bros getting btfo’d by their student loans, the AR-15 that my local priest blessed, and all the abortions being prevented in Texas.

I am also thankful for not having been born in a third world commie country where the streets are covered in shits and needles, in which I could be starving right now, have my vidya limited to three hours a week, have my waifus banned, and be at great risk of being murdered for pocket change like in North Korea, Venezuela, or San Francisco.

May God bless us, everyone,

Amen.

 

[Escalating Violence]

>be America
>be fresh out of the womb and the first thing you do is defeat the strongest nation on earth
>beat their ass again when they return like 27-ish years later to try and start shit
>tfw you're so special mother nature personally helped drive them out
>be so iconic you inspire other revolutions all over the world
>be so great that you're literally the only nation to ever do it right
>you're not even 50 yet and you've done more than most countries ever had or ever will
>trick Europoor country into making you even bigger by buying their land off them for like 1% of what it was actually worth
> you now have more land, resources, and diverse biomes than pretty much anywhere else on earth
>MANIFEST DESTINY INTENSIFIES
>come back together after having a civil war that would have permanently split any other country
>MANIFEST DESTINY AGAIN
>be so great everyone flocks to you because they wanna be a part of you
>invent electricity, cars, phonographs, phones, planes, basically all facets of modern technology
>invent foods like soda, peanut butter, candy bars, sliced bread, basically all the foods enjoyed around the world today
>just barely over a 100 years old
>save Europe from destroying itself
>save Europe from destroying itself again by inventing fucking nukes
>turn a fiercely independent militaristic dictatorship into your bitch who makes you all sorts of cool gadgets and has to rely on you for everything
>square off against literally the only other country that can kill you
>style on every other country by literally going to the fucking moon before you turn 200
>only country that had a chance of beating you literally dies of shame less than 80 years after it was founded
>turn 200 and literally the entire world revolves around you
>every country aspires to be you and begs for your help when shit goes wrong
>every country is jealous because of everything you've accomplished
>invent the internet where they will cope seethe and dilate about you
>know that if you go down the entire world goes down with you
>the whole world is basically your hostage
>feels good.jpeg
>God Bless America

I wish i could Semper Fidelis this but i don't have the reaction.

 

[Mr. Pestilence]

Been taking the helm of cooking this year. Made a couple pies, sponge bread, croissants, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and Im getting ready to put the big bird in now. After that I have 13 cornish game hens I’ll be putting on the smoker with a nice mustard glaze. Ive been up since 3AM cooking, got 6 more hours to go.

 

[John Freeman]

update: he's now sleeping naked on the living room floor, which is... more tolerable than what was going on.

Beats my plans lol

 

[Basement Dwelling Dork]

Well I know I usually head down to the rural area during this year. Shoot some air soft guns with my family members friends. Thats about it.

 

[Alabaster Disaster]

Been practicing this Morrowind quote in the mirror to prepare for today.

 

[mickey339]

Sis just sent this in my fam chat, I'm pretty sure it's a shitpostView attachment 2750577

Genocide of Americans: lmao epic
Niggers choking on phentanyl: PARTY TIME

 

[Soulless Manniquin Esq.]

Thanksgiving!
I love it, truly

I get 2 days of free money, I got to go home early for work, and 4 whole days of fucking around with my family.
Did I mention waking up late with my wife like a fuckin baller.
I'll go out shopping and allow myself to coalesce into the consoom.
Play the switch and maybe occasionally look into the idea of making money with mining shitcoin.
Who fucking knows, man
The comfy for this holiday is very high

 

[Paracelsus]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO MY FELLOW COLONIZERS AND MY FELLOW COLONIZERS ONLY

 

[PyrrhicRustle]

It’s my first thanksgiving as a dad so I’m mostly just wrangling the baby as she runs around while my wife cooks and waiting for my mother in law to come provide free babysitting

 

[M3xus]

Hands down green bean casserole.

Mashed sweet potatoes or bust.