Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Trombonista]

She posted/reshared this to her stories today:
View attachment 2753356

Sex worker confirmed?

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Sex worker confirmed?

something something sausage stand in bio for months.

 

[No Thank You]

If Tess isn’t a sex worker, it’s not for lack of trying. I very much get the feeling that she glamorizes sex work and living in the sugar bowl.

I can’t recall exactly when it was, but recently, Tess posted a video with Lana Del Rey’s “High By The Beach” playing in the background, which honestly, I’ve always understood as a song that tells the story of a breakup between a sugar baby and her sugar daddy. LDR says it’s about paparazzi and keeping your business out of the papers, which is the opposite of Tess’s MO, but also I can understand why she’d say that to a media outlet, if she’s trying to keep a sugary past out of the papers.

These are the lines that I think sum up Tess’s entire approach to life:

The truth is I never bought into your bullshit
When you would pay tribute to me 'cause I know that
All I wanted to do was get high by the beach
Get high, baby, baby, bye bye

“Pay tribute” is definitely a sex work term for payments made to sugar babies and dominatrixes; basically it’s used for the kinds of sex workers you’d have a long-term arrangement with, not so much a term youd use for a one-and-done escort.

I am one of those who believes she recently lost her last good john.

The video, if you’d like to see it: https://youtu.be/QnxpHIl5Ynw

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

If Tess isn’t a sex worker, it’s not for lack of trying. I very much get the feeling that she glamorizes sex work and living in the sugar bowl.

I can’t recall exactly when it was, but recently, Tess posted a video with Lana Del Rey’s “High By The Beach” playing in the background, which honestly, I’ve always understood as a song that tells the story of a breakup between a sugar baby and her sugar daddy. LDR says it’s about paparazzi and keeping your business out of the papers, which is the opposite of Tess’s MO, but also I can understand why she’d say that to a media outlet, if she’s trying to keep a sugary past out of the papers.

These are the lines that I think sum up Tess’s entire approach to life:

The truth is I never bought into your bullshit
When you would pay tribute to me 'cause I know that
All I wanted to do was get high by the beach
Get high, baby, baby, bye bye

“Pay tribute” is definitely a sex work term for payments made to sugar babies and dominatrixes; basically it’s used for the kinds of sex workers you’d have a long-term arrangement with, not so much a term youd use for a one-and-done escort.

I am one of those who believes she recently lost her last good john.

The video, if you’d like to see it: https://youtu.be/QnxpHIl5Ynw

Lana is not a sex worker. Sorry to crush your tinfoil.

Lana Del Rey’s father is Robert England Grant Jr. who worked as a domain developer and eventually became a multi-millionaire when he was named an executive at a company called Grey Group. Well before Lana got famous.

All of her music videos have a stylized cinematic quality, lots of themes of tragic romance and glamour. Ultraviolence and Honeymoon debuted at 1 and 2 on the US Billboard 200. She sells packed stadiums. Lana is almost certainly independently wealthy on her own now, plus has a rich daddy + grew up in upstate NY.

If she were really looking for money, she could have gotten married to some rich NY type by now, or some rich Hollywoo type. She’s in her mid thirties, is a bonafide pop star, and is thin and beautiful. Could definitely find someone who still loves her when she is no longer young and beautiful *bumm tisss*

 

[NoReturn]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This is high art.
The delusional caption, her having to kneel because she either can't stand or fit in frame, the expressions and body language of the people around her, the fact her mom looks younger than Tess does...
Perfetto

 

[No Thank You]

Lana is not a sex worker. Sorry to crush your tinfoil.

Lana Del Rey’s father is Robert England Grant Jr. who worked as a domain developer and eventually became a multi-millionaire when he was named an executive at a company called Grey Group. Well before Lana got famous.

All of her music videos have a stylized cinematic quality, lots of themes of tragic romance and glamour. Ultraviolence and Honeymoon debuted at 1 and 2 on the US Billboard 200. She sells packed stadiums. Lana is almost certainly independently wealthy on her own now, plus has a rich daddy + grew up in upstate NY.

If she were really looking for money, she could have gotten married to some rich NY type by now, or some rich Hollywoo type. She’s in her mid thirties, is a bonafide pop star, and is thin and beautiful. Could definitely find someone who still loves her when she is no longer young and beautiful *bumm tisss*

I don’t think Lana is a sex worker, I think she’s a singer who tells stories through song, and I think she used coded language to create lyrics that could be read multiple ways, which is a sign of good writing. I was trying to demonstrate that quality when I made my “but that’s what a sugar baby would say” comment.

That said, rich girls are fully capable of romanticizing sex work. Tess, not ever having been a rich girl, let alone a pretty girl, would latch onto something like Lana’s imagery and lyrics as a real possibility for her own life, and believe that this fantasy is attainable. If Tess is looking around herself for confirmation that she’s made the right choices in life (as opposed to taking this time for self-reflection and improvement), or that she’s better than the johns that aren’t paying her, then she’s only going to find it in fantasy scenarios like a Lana Del Rey song or, considering her recent Halloween outfit, Pretty Woman. I think that whenever she gets a chance, Tess will choose media that glamorizes sex work, or could at least be seen that way.

She lives in a very grand delusion and I think she uses various forms of media to self-soothe, just like she does with ice cream.

 

[Angry New Ager]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
View attachment 2755412
This is high art.
The delusional caption, her having to kneel because she either can't stand or fit in frame, the expressions and body language of the people around her, the fact her mom looks younger than Tess does...
Perfetto

"All my family is built the same," says Tess, who is kneeling, turned to the side, with her bag strategically placed to conceal her massive gunt, as various family members, none of whom weigh even half what she does (okay, except maybe the guy in the long-sleeved light-blue t-shirt, who probably weighs exactly half what Tess does, and appears to be re-thinking all the choices that have led him to this point) , stand behind her.

Rylee looks like he's put on a growth spurt and lost some chub (or else her entire family is hella short), but we don't even have to see his face to see that he'd rather be anywhere else. Dude, you have all my feels.

I see two goofy faces among her family members, and the other six look like they're thinking up excuses to leave early (including Rylee).

View attachment 2755415
View attachment 2755416

Yes, Ryann, we know you beat anorexia. We sure do.

 

[Jabberwokky]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
View attachment 2755412
This is high art.
The delusional caption, her having to kneel because she either can't stand or fit in frame, the expressions and body language of the people around her, the fact her mom looks younger than Tess does...
Perfetto
View attachment 2755415

The familial pig in the background just takes this masterpiece to the next level *chef’s kiss*

 

[Constellationzero]

I don't know, man...

RYAN Hooves is the only troon in that photo without closed toe shoes. Showin' off that piggy toe splay!

 

[Cheesegirl78]

The familial pig in the background just takes this masterpiece to the next level *chef’s kiss*

I was waiting for someone to bring that up.

 

[Pina Colada]

Rylee looks like he's put on a growth spurt and lost some chub (or else her entire family is hella short), but we don't even have to see his face to see that he'd rather be anywhere else. Dude, you have all my feels.

Seconded; he's taller than the rest of the family and since the last full body pic we've seen of him. I believe he's also about 15/16 now. Hang on tight and keep your head up, dude- the light at the end of the tunnel's getting closer and closer!

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Seconded; he's taller than the rest of the family and since the last full body pic we've seen of him. I believe he's also about 15/16 now. Hang on tight and keep your head up, dude- the light at the end of the tunnel's getting closer and closer!

You’re correct - Tubbers had Rylee when she was 20, making him either 15 or 16.

Rylee kind of has to be the anti-Tess because it’s a guarantee his peers make fun of his mom, knowing teenage boys and why would they not? Tess makes herself such an easy target for ridicule, as this nearly 1,100 page thread can attest. When they show him his mom’s gigantic naked ass and her overstretched Flabletics leggings, stuffing his face is going to be the last thing on his mind. He has to be normal weight and at least somewhat intelligent, if only to keep as far away from Tess as he can while he’s still a minor.

His family looks pretty short so his height is coming from the man Ryann tried to trap that one drunken night they hooked up.

 

[Water-T]

LOLOLOL at Tess trying to pull the "I'M FAT CUZ GENETICS! SEE?" bullshit is sooooo endearing. They're not European supermodels, but they're not human beanbag chairs like Messy Tessie is.

It must have taken the whole family to get Tess back on her splayed hooves after that photo.

At least the dumb cow respected her older son's boundaries and covered his face (for now).

 

[Umaibae]

Lana is not a sex worker. Sorry to crush your tinfoil.

Lana Del Rey’s father is Robert England Grant Jr. who worked as a domain developer and eventually became a multi-millionaire when he was named an executive at a company called Grey Group. Well before Lana got famous.

All of her music videos have a stylized cinematic quality, lots of themes of tragic romance and glamour. Ultraviolence and Honeymoon debuted at 1 and 2 on the US Billboard 200. She sells packed stadiums. Lana is almost certainly independently wealthy on her own now, plus has a rich daddy + grew up in upstate NY.

If she were really looking for money, she could have gotten married to some rich NY type by now, or some rich Hollywoo type. She’s in her mid thirties, is a bonafide pop star, and is thin and beautiful. Could definitely find someone who still loves her when she is no longer young and beautiful *bumm tisss*

Lana del Rey does not play stadiums, nor could she ever sell one out. She’s not Taylor Swift or Beyoncé. She plays midsized/large venues. Those aren’t stadiums.

Also, dunno if you’ve seen LDR lately, but she porked up during the pandemic. Maybe she lost it, but she was fat for a while there.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

New pictures of Tess.

 

[No Thank You]

New pictures of Tess.

One of the things about getting a lot of tattoos is thinking about how valuable certain chunks of skin are in terms of how much space you have as “canvas,” but Tess found a workaround by simply growing another arm’s worth of canvas on an already-tattooed arm. Excellent long-term planning skills.

Now that the new snake tattoo is in a different setting I hate it even more. There is no shading at all, the snake doesn’t even have scales, and with her skin pulled hither and thither the lines seem to match up in an oddly rigid way for such soft skin. I hope for the piece’s sake there’s more planned and she only tapped out midway because she’s a big puss, but also I have pity for the person who’d have to tattoo her twice. If that were my work, I think I’d just have to let it go live its short life.

 

[furbyknife]

New pictures of Tess.

In the first photo she looks completely glazed over, and in the second her pupils are trying to escape her eyeballs. I would've thought a real supamoddle would have more skill with her facial expressions...

 

[TERF Accountant]

New pictures of Tess.

She's taking applications, ladies and gents, for someone to look at like she's a dead fish. The two also share a similar level of intelligence.

Excessively fat, so fat even modeling companies looking for a fat woman won't take her plus an array of hideous tattoos and vacuous eyes? I'm sure men are trampling each other to get in line to apply to be her next sugar daddy. Any day now.

Edit: ninja'd, kinda.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
View attachment 2755412
This is high art.
The delusional caption, her having to kneel because she either can't stand or fit in frame, the expressions and body language of the people around her, the fact her mom looks younger than Tess does...

lol, like yes, a lot of people in her family is overweight but Tess is like double the size of the biggest one there - triple the size of the "smaller" overweight family members. I'm amazed she put these pictures up because it just underscores how fucking big she is. Never underestimate the delusion of a cow I guess.

 

[Owlflaps]

New pictures of Tess.

You know it's an advert to lure in those feeder johns.