Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Lenzperkins]

Jack in Orlando

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

This is the part that gets me. Find some "prison style" gym if you want to look fucking tough. Gritty, run-down shit with some chipped up iron, not a gym where there's a fucking pilates ball visible in your selfie.

He should be filming himself in some Crossfit gym. That more or less counts as a prison style gym. No machines, just things like big tires, sledgehammers and moving ropes around. That's stupid hardcore.

one of the best mexican places where i used to live was tucked away in the back of a liquor store. none of that tex-mex, tacos with queso and sour cream bullshit. this spot served actual mexican food. tacos with al pastor cooked fresh on the trompo and all the other meats you find at authentic taco joints like lengua, buche, and cabeza. and on weekends they'd serve the best menudo i've ever had. the best part was that they were open until 2 or 3 so it was a must after a night of drinking

One of the best burger places I ever went to was in Vancouver, Canada and it was in the back of a drugstore in a rather seedy area of town. It looked sketchy as hell but my friend insisted that I had to try it. The place was clean even if it looked like a greasy spoon but the burger was really good. Maybe it's just a regional thing but the only things I've seen in gas stations are things like Subway or a kiosk that sells Starbucks or Krispy Kreme.

I do. Gas station food here in Germany is almost as good as any gas station or 7-11 food in Japan.

Well I get that. Kombini food in Japan is actually decent. I always did like 7-11 out there because they were the same company as the department store Ito Yokado and those guys had some great prepared foods. Big fan of their gyoza.

"Unlike my basement-dwelling haters I'm my own man out in the world"-Vacations with his obese boomer parents every 3 months and has to share a room.

Oh what a flex. Mommy pays for him and his child bride to go down with them to Florida. Call me when you use your 7-11 money to fly to Europe on your own dime.

Jack in Orlando

View attachment 2789366

Don't be ragging on hippos. But if it's Florida it should be a manatee.

 

[ZipDisk]

trompo

THANK YOU! I've had that fucking word stuck in my brain for about a year and you unlodged it. Whenever I try to bring it up I'm all retarded like Jack. "The uh, meat spit thing, with the hunk of meat. It spins past the heat element."

Lenz, if you want to attach Jack to a hippo, at least use the spinning shit video.

JACK SCALFANI ON VACATION

Hippo HAS GAS, Farts then Flicks poop all over! GROSS Must SEE

Hippo HAS GAS, Farts then Flicks poop all over! GROSS Must SEE

www.youtube.com

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

****resort

****Time Share

Looking up the resort name + "Time share" on Google, I don't get any hits. As much as I'd love the idea of Jack owning two timeshares for the sheer height of stupidity, it doesn't seem to be the case this time.

Unless they're using some weasel word to disguise it.

 

[EvilDroid64]

I searched earlier too because they may have gotten another free week for all the bitching fatass did about the place they stayed in Las Vegas.

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

I searched earlier too because they may have gotten another free week for all the bitching fatass did about the place they stayed in Las Vegas.

I doubt any timeshare would even bother to do that. What are they going to do, break or sell the contract? Good fucking luck!

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Rob knows us so well, doesn’t he?

Seriously though, imagine Jack trying to keep that thing steady and make the mouth work with his non-dominant left hand? Trying to burble out speech without moving his lips, which are already affected by stroke-induced poor coordination?
C’mon, that wouldn’t make you happy??

rob is great. He’s a great troll

 

[stets]

I doubt any timeshare would even bother to do that. What are they going to do, break or sell the contract? Good fucking luck!

Jack and Tammy are definitely the type of morons that buy a timeshare thinking it’s an investment. They were probably surprised when they found out that it’s the only “investment” in the world that costs you money to maintain and has a value that drops to $0 the second your check clears.

They’re worse than investments - they’re money pits. Take a look at the secondary markets for the stuff if you’re ever bored. The market is absolutely flooded with chumps that literally cannot sell them for $1. No one wants them after they do the math and realize that the annual fees for a shitty “resort” are more than it would cost to stay at a nice hotel.

Maybe, possibly, there are niche timeshares that make sense for a tiny market segment. If you are an absolutely insane Disney freak and you visit all the time, it could conceivably make economic sense to autistically buy into Disney Vacation Club - especially since it’s attached to a major company. But buying something in a rundown off-strip Vegas hovel like Jack did is economic insanity.

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

Jack and Tammy are definitely the type of morons that buy a timeshare thinking it’s an investment. They were probably surprised when they found out that it’s the only “investment” in the world that costs you money to maintain and has a value that drops to $0 the second your check clears.

They’re worse than investments - they’re money pits. Take a look at the secondary markets for the stuff if you’re ever bored. The market is absolutely flooded with chumps that literally cannot sell them for $1. No one wants them after they do the math and realize that the annual fees for a shitty “resort” are more than it would cost to stay at a nice hotel.

Maybe, possibly, there are niche timeshares that make sense for a tiny market segment. If you are an absolutely insane Disney freak and you visit all the time, it could conceivably make economic sense to autistically buy into Disney Vacation Club - especially since it’s attached to a major company. But buying something in a rundown off-strip Vegas hovel like Jack did is economic insanity.

Especially when he doesn't drink or gamble (Much, I think he did like one bet for fun last trip). Like holy fuck, I could SOMEWHAT see a timeshare in Vegas working for someone who knows they're going to go there regularly as there are regularly discounted flights and the fun never stops in Vegas.

Granted, it still doesn't add up. Hotels have greatly reduced rates on the weekdays there while a timeshare does not and suffice to say, MGM is going to make sure you leave satisfied at one of their hotels and treat you well, while a timeshare has no obligation because you're a chump on a contract and you don't even have to go there and you have to pay.

And of course, said discounted flights often include deals with resorts that make it even cheaper, making a timeshare even more dumb.

 

[captkrisma]

It's the annual Orlando Informer trip. The dates are December 10th-11th.

Remember Jack did this trip last year and blocked foot traffic in a scooty puff (like the asshole he is) for 5 minutes just to see a dragon statue spooter out some fire.

 

[introman]

It's the annual Orlando Informer trip. The dates are December 10th-11th.

Remember Jack did this trip last year and blocked foot traffic in a scooty puff (like the asshole he is) for 5 minutes just to see a dragon statue spooter out some fire.

According to my source, Jack is ecstatic that he doesn't have to wear a mask at Universal Orlando since the mask policy is only a recommendation for visitors. Janette and her SO usually join the Scalfani's for the Orlando Informer trip, so expect more food reviews with the squad. Take this with a grain of salt, but Jack enjoys the trip more for the free included with purchase to the meetup, unlimited food, more so than the rides(he can't do some of the rides due to size according to the source).

 

[Joycondrift]

Old English Sage Dressing - BOB CRATCHIT CHRISTMAS

MY BBQ STORE: https://amzn.to/3Dm5mg6MY KITCHEN STORE: https://amzn.to/2YtIInnMY MERCH STORE: https://bit.ly/2YurHcLMY SAUCES: http://TheBestSauces.comMY WEB...

youtu.be

"Your opinion is not in the recipe" -jack scalfani

"Hey guys I got this recipe for this very specific thing I'm gonna cook for this specific themed dinner but I'm not gonna follow the recipe. C'mon in close"- also jack scalfani

Edit: I just finished it. Jack literally made butter baked croutons with barely chopped sage. Does it taste good? Probably. It's toasted bread cubes and butter.

I have a sneaking suspicion that's not how it's supposed to turn out. Jack was supposed to boil the onions in water. I'd bet the boiling liquid was supposed to be the liquid for the dish. Instead if just baking dry pieces of bread and butter in a dish with some pan warmed onions and sage leaves.

 

[Neko GF]

Archive (480p):

 

[ZipDisk]

CRATCHIT Christmas continues, no matter how bad it hurts. Thanks 3 Dog!

Bacon up still featured prominently. Jack doesn't want to offend anyone, but he accuses the English of having an unsophisticated palate. They only like three flavors guyiz!

He damn near calls them retarded.

If only he'd reversed the blade on the knife, he could have chopped gimp arm off.

For a second, I almost pitied Jack, that knife work was pathetic. Then I remembered every malady Jack suffers has been self-inflicted.

So much fucking butter.

Jack crowds the pan as per always.

He threatens us with more butter. And follows through. a true butter terrorist.

More infirmity on display as he attempts to get the baking dish into the oven.

He once again despises what he has created.

 

[rubytintedchix]

Butter gnomes are back. I think they we’re just hidden by the amount of shit he had on his back counter.

We’ll have to dissect this on the live stream this week, but it looks like he has a burr grinder, some salsa, maybe better than boullion and some other random bullshit. I’m sure these are for other abominations we’ll be served shortly.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

According to my source, Jack is ecstatic that he doesn't have to wear a mask at Universal Orlando since the mask policy is only a recommendation for visitors.

If Jack get Covid, he could die, so I wouldn’t be happy for that but it’s Jack…. Well, at least he will meet his hero: Jesus…before being sent to hell…

 

[Kermit Jizz]

I've been out of the loop on Jack for a bit, good time to come back.

>"I was always raised that... a lot of English recipes are bland. That's what I've been told."
His language center is completely fried Jesus Christ.

>he claims to have eaten a lot of good English food
>can only name meat pies
Of course the only thing he can think of is meat, and the only recipes he's tried are also staples in American culture too. Fish n chips, black pudding, eels, mashed peas, Shepard pie, scotch and kidney pie, toad in the hole, there's so many actually English dishes off the top of my head. But nah, meat pies, potatoes, and fucking dressing

>"I think YORKSHIRE pudding is English"
Let's be real, Jack doesn't even know Yorkshire is a place. Probably just thinks it's just the style of pudding.

>"I got an old recipe for Sage stuffing... but I'm going to do it different"
So you took an already Americanized English dish, found an authentic recipe for it, and Americanized. Bravo Jack.

>"I don't want to boil Onions, I'm against boiling"
Motherfucker, you just made mashed potatoes. What the fuck is sloshing around in your skull? We know that the only reason you're against boiling is cause you're too lazy to wait, fat cunt. And another fuck you for being so scared of exploring food. I've never heard of boiling Onions and am now curious as to how that turns out. But you've got the balls to say you love food when you're too afraid to cook onions in a new way.

>there's so many other ways to cook things, I'll just Sautee them instead.
No you fat moron, there's not a million different ways to cook things. Boiling and sautéing are not interchangeable, especially not for an onion.

>"Respect to the English, I have a lot of friends in the UK
Jack literally pulled a "I have black friends" for bongs lmfao. Also Jack thinks the Irish and Scots are English, fucking dickhead.

>Jack rambles in circles about how English food is basic and then immediately contradicts himself by saying plum pudding is very complex. Jack then concludes that the English don't just have basic recipes.
I'm at a loss for words and am starting to feel like I'm mocking a mentally disabled man. It feels like he is having micro strokes all the time now, he's degraded noticeably just this year.

>Jack uses roughly cubed, highly processed white bread for his bread crumbs, just as the Enlgish traditionally did.

>Jack is once again checking his flame.

>Jack uses a small pan that's ends up overcrowded. He struggles to mix the bread.

>Jack REALLY wanted to add bacon to this.
You didn't need to say anything Jack. We assume you want to put bacon on everything by default.

>Jack is too lazy to cut up the butter, so he tries to spread it with wrapper like a caveman. He doesn't even spread it, end up with 3 large chunks of butter, assuring most of the stuffing will be dry.

>unsurprisingly the dish comes out looking like dry dog shit

>Jack is amazed that a dish straight out of the oven is really hot. That doesn't stop him from immediately diving in of course.

>Jack continues his trend of staring off contemplatively while chewing, like he actually has thoughts stirring around in his brain soup. Also his chewing was loud and gross, like listening to a horse eat.

>Jack is super impressed by the dish to no surprise, since the main flavor is butter.

>Jack gives us amazing descriptors like: MMMM SAGEY. He also clarifies that the dressing does in fact taste like dressing.

Dear God that was bad, even for mushbrain. Did Jack have his 4th stroke since I last posted?

 

[abobe]

Archive (480p):
View attachment 2790428

Jack roasts the fuck out of English cuisine through the whole video. I was surprised he didn't lay in on beans on toast.

 

[stets]

Jack hasn’t a single video that has broken 10K views since August - almost four months. It’s also been months since Jack announced that big things were coming for the channel. View counts and recipe and video quality have continued to deteriorate during this time.

Things are bleaker than ever in CwJ land.

 

[Adamska]

Old English Sage Dressing - BOB CRATCHIT CHRISTMAS

MY BBQ STORE: https://amzn.to/3Dm5mg6MY KITCHEN STORE: https://amzn.to/2YtIInnMY MERCH STORE: https://bit.ly/2YurHcLMY SAUCES: http://TheBestSauces.comMY WEB...

youtu.be

"Your opinion is not in the recipe" -jack scalfani

"Hey guys I got this recipe for this very specific thing I'm gonna cook for this specific themed dinner but I'm not gonna follow the recipe. C'mon in close"- also jack scalfani

Edit: I just finished it. Jack literally made butter baked croutons with barely chopped sage. Does it taste good? Probably. It's toasted bread cubes and butter.

I have a sneaking suspicion that's not how it's supposed to turn out. Jack was supposed to boil the onions in water. I'd bet the boiling liquid was supposed to be the liquid for the dish. Instead if just baking dry pieces of bread and butter in a dish with some pan warmed onions and sage leaves.

Right then, let's go through this one:

1. Jack opens this video by trying to defend the changes he's just going to force onto this recipe. He actually lowkey tries to blame his mommy for teaching him that British food is bland. Ignore of course that a sage and onion dressing actually has many of the same flavors as a good breakfast sausage, and often is complimented with garlic of course.
2. Jack then proves he Al Bundy's his life by looking back at far more successful videos and basking in the attention they got. He only remembers his disastrous attempts at Cottage and Shepherd's Pie, because to Jack there is meat and not-meat.
3. He unironically references the Yorkshire pudding, despite that being so bad that he had to redo it. Amazing.
4. Jack low key is bitter over how this british fare, using the herbs and rare seasoning the poors could have, is usually fairly simple. He really wants to dump 80 gallons of red pepper flakes and jalapeno peppers it seems, since he can kind of detect heat, but not nuanced flavors.
4b. Seriously, the guy who tried to be seen as "the Lazy guy" and the dude who made his series on doing things simple and cheap, is bitching about how these meals are simple and cheap. The fuck.
5. Jack tries to pretend he understands haute cuisine at all and babbles about how french cooking is filled with flavor. Not wrong, but he's not even right at the same time.
6. Oh, and before I forget: Jack's wearing his Watermelon Shirt. He still has the grease he shoves up his ass to masturbate with out, and he hid all but the sneakiest of the Butter Gnomes. I'll call that one Glindelfarb.
7. So anyways, Jack clearly didn't like editing in music last time, so it's all dead silent. Very telling he tried his best once, then got fussy and pooped himself to get out of doing this more often.
8. Jack hates the concept of boiling in water; I think it's more that he's angy that water boiling doesn't allow temp to raise as much so it takes longer. Though tbh I lightly sautee and loosen my onions in a butter pan too so whatever.
8b. Since he's sauteeing the onions and he has this delusions of reference things babies have when they see their names on signs, Jack probably stole the recipe from this guy, or at least the idea of sauteeing from him.
9. Jack tries to defend his ego and avoid responsibility by lying about having friends from good ol blighty.
10. Jack then less than 15 seconds later calls them plain and simple folk, meaning he low key hates how he can only taste the not-meat texture of things with his mouth.
11. "I'm excited" ~ Jack looking deader than the marital bed he and Tammy used to share
12. This faggot keeps waffling to stretch the run time. I've added like three fucking things to this list before the "DO IT" stinger coming up.
13. Also Jack's lack of enthusiasm, he regains some interest when he talks about the plumb pudding, I mean plum pudding. He also calls it complex since it has an ingredient for each apostle that walked with Jesus in its recipe.
14. Jack gets super excited and actually smiles though when he envisions horking a whole goose down his throat, bones and all though. Again, Jack gets rock hard when meat is involved, be it animal or man flesh.
14b. I repeat, Jack talks about meat like a young girl talks about their first crush who also confessed to them. He's acting like a tweenage girl talking about their first date coming up.
15. You could've easily cut about 2 fucking minutes out of this.
15b. Also since I'm fucking done: Dressing IS Stuffing Jack. What you call it is a regional thing and had its root in a change in English during the Victorian Era. Dressing was just seen as being a more refined and less crude way of calling stuffing stuffing.
16. Of course the rage filled bitch had to snark about being objectively and repeatedly wrong on the fat-side argument when grilling and barbecuing. He's still mad that you fat side it down for best results.
17. "DO IT" ~ Jack's heart begging Tammy to pull the fucking trigger since this WAS originally point 10
18. Jack instantly fucks up already because he's using stale bread. It's actually better to use fresh bread when making stuffing.
19. Jack cubes his bread by cutting. You know, since I'm actually covering this farce in depth and I've never seriously thought about it... why doesn't he just blend the bread using pulsing actions? You legitimately get a decent crumb loadout if you do that.
20. Oh holy shit Jack's kandy klaw looks really bad today; it could easily rot off given the right circumstances given how swollen and filled with old blood it is.
21. And yes, Jack films the entire bread cutting segment. Most cooks usually speed that bit up, but Jack never thought of that. Especially since that would mean less ads to justify to tammy why she should keep with his farce of a channel.
22. Jack's final cubing of the bread isn't elaborate enough. They're way too big and they look like shitty croutons.
23. Jack chooses to not show off how to cut an onion to a mince, even though that's a key ingredient in this dish. I know he can't cut it, but it's telling Tammy didn't bother.
24. Jack flings the whole stick of butter, uncut of course, into the rockpan. I mean at least he's using that rather than bacon grease at least.
24b. "CHECK DA FLAME" ~ A Man too Retarded to Operate a McDonald's Oven
25. Jack actually gives advice: let butter come to room temperature to ease melt time.
26. Jack relies on a very poorly chopped onion booger to determine whether or not the butter is ready to be used. Also you can see why you chop the butter since half the stick hasn't finished its job yet. Controlling volume is very important to make things cook evenly.
27. Those huge horking chunks of onion are fucking gross man. They don't need to be fine, but it's not nice to get a big old hunk like that if you're enjoying some stuffing with your bird. Awful.
28. Jack then cuts to where he thinks the onions are ready for the next step and places the cameltoe spoon in there because "wah wah Lazyman Hates it". But anyways no the onion ain't fucking remotely done yet. It needs to be a light golden color, which those big chunks are just starting to enter; the centers are going to be fuckin' raw.
29. Jack shows off the chinese scam boxes by dumping his seasonings from them. He overdoes by about half both the salt and peppers for this one; it's not too awful.
30. He then cuts to calling the onions, which look nearly the same but swimming in grease since he didn't measure shit out, "good", which means he thinks they're almost done.
30b. I also suspect he added a cut there because he wants to pretend there's more time passing than there really is. #JumpcutsAndLies
31. Oh god no.
31b. So what he does is he takes horking hunks of sage leaf, old sage leaf to be exact, and yeets the chopped badly once pile into the hole. God this is going to be gross.
32. Jack low key wants to try to refute he has no sense of smell or taste by pretending that the flavors are going to know each other. He also pretends he'll be able to smell the fragrance of sage.
32b. He does this by trying to equate it to the holidays, because he can't frame the flavor well. This of course ignores that it's a super common herb in sausages too. Admittedly fennel and thyme are more noted, but still.
33. Of course Jack nearly overfilled the rockpan since he didn't figure out that he might have needed a pot instead.
34. Jack is unironically calling those oversized croutons "crumbs". Lolyeah okay.
35. Jack's solution to needing more moisture is to add more butter. While you could... I'd actually use the poultry stock instead if it looks like its in danger of drying out too much and toasting fully.
36. Jack fade-cuts to "It's all seasoned to taste", which either means he thinks his barely mixing was good enough or he off camera added more salt and pepper. It does however mean he ate one of the bread cubes at least.
37. Adamska approved add-ons for a dope fucking stuffing: add in parsley and/or rosemary into it as well. Add in a touch of garlic too to compliment the onion you have in there too.
38. Jack whines over wanting to add more things to the stuffing. Given I know what he likes to do, that means he's whining that he can't put sausages and jalapenos into this one.
38b. Oh, correction: he wanted to add bacon, raisins, celery, carrots, and nuts to it. So he only wants to keep the meme that he can't live without bacon now, rather than the usual "pour all the sausage and hot sauce into the pan" like he usually does.
39. Jack decides to spoon the stuffing into the baking dish, which is unprepped with butter by the way, rather than dump it. That he chooses to leave a spooning effort in for a bit is baffling to those with a working brain.
40. Jack then decides to embrace death and put literal horkin' chunks of butter into the top. BUBBTER. BUBBTER JACK'S.
41. If my eyeballin's good, I think he used a stick and a half for this shit. You do use a good amount of butter, but lolno.
42. Weirdly enough Jack chooses to overbake this dish rather than undercook. You know what? I'll give him this since the extra 15 minutes might help with the texture problems this is going to have.
42b. I'd still vomit trying to eat it but still.
43. Jack plays with fire by holding the baking tray like a football rather than just cutting to it being in the oven. I won't be shocked if he drops something doing that one of these days.
44. Jack of course refuses to change camera positioning when he films opening the oven to show the final result. So his moment of triumph is in the background, near the edge. The stupid X stand had more presence than this stuffing does.
45. Final result? Looks gross and soggy tbh.
46. Since Jack refuses to admit failure due to being a cluster B headcase who was locked in an attic and fed rotten turkey necks in his formative years, he of course gurgles a patented "smells good" line.
47. Jack pants from limpwaddling 10 feet to get a fork.
48. Jack really is desperate to pretend his dead sense of smell works, as he also mentions he doesn't think that's a lot of stuffing in that baking pan. Ignore of course how that's easily 6-10 servings.
49. Jack admires the food like a roastie admires BBC. More gastrosexuality occurs.
50. Jack tries to giraffe tongue it, choose not to due to not wanting to get made fun of for his inhuman eating disorder, and then shoves it all in.
51. So... Stuffing IMO should never crunch like what I'm hearing there. That's a horrible sign of how bad he fucked it up.
52. Jack moos three times and then comments on a technique I'd have done myself to enrich the meal a bit more, adding stock to the dish.
53. Jack's really pumped with this dish, but I think it's more because it's carbs that he can't otherwise get at due to his diet LARP and the beetus.
54. #Foodgasm
55. Jack, because he can't taste anything that isn't fat, meat, bacon, heat, and not-meat, calls the dish "sagey".
55b. I'll confess and say I can't describe sage too well either, but that's why I'd emphasize the earthiness and sweetness of the onion, the richness of the butter, and the light toasting but more mush like element of the breading.
56. Jack is apparently surprised that the poorly made stuffing he made tastes like stuffing. He seems shocked that simplicity often leads to the best results.
57. Jack ends this cry for help by talking about his little hugbox cult meeting where he tries to huff narcissistic supply from his minions. He's terrified of trolls to that degree, and of course he makes up excuses for why YT doesn't work for him.

So yeah, that video was a thing.