April Lauren / April Lauren Wilson Brown / Wakeupbright - Fake positivity, pedostache husband. Voted fatty most likely on the verge of her Stepford Wife robot programming malfunctioning

[thejackal]

Kenny looks great, I like his clean shaven look and his shoulders are getting quite broad. April looks like a pile of pudding as always. She was eye fucking herself during the "I have a neck now" segment like SHE was the one hitting her fitness goals. Her vids are getting really boring she's not even putting effort into them like she was a couple months ago. Wonder if her revenue streams dried up she hasn't had any sponsors lately has she, after the stupid vacuum one?

 

[PotatoFace]

Kenny looks great, I like his clean shaven look and his shoulders are getting quite broad. April looks like a pile of pudding as always. She was eye fucking herself during the "I have a neck now" segment like SHE was the one hitting her fitness goals. Her vids are getting really boring she's not even putting effort into them like she was a couple months ago. Wonder if her revenue streams dried up she hasn't had any sponsors lately has she, after the stupid vacuum one?

This is the stupidest time of year to slack off. Vlogmas exists for a reason; ad revenue is at a high in December. But of course we're talking about April, who despite having 24 hours free a day, isn't willing to make herself do work she doesn't feel like doing.

 

[Delilah Radio Show]

Kenny is a dead ringer for Beans from Even Stevens.


I also like that April is fond of the AND! expression; something she has in common with a certain cow:

 

[thirdmillenniumbody]

In the "prove I can squat 200 lbs" video, you can see her ankles about to roll out underneath her. It's effing terrifying. And both her husband and her trainer come and "correct" her form it's like NO BITCH LOSE THE EXTRA HuMAN OFF YOUR BACK

 

[NoReturn]

In the "prove I can squat 200 lbs" video, you can see her ankles about to roll out underneath her. It's effing terrifying. And both her husband and her trainer come and "correct" her form it's like NO BITCH LOSE THE EXTRA HuMAN OFF YOUR BACK

Snap city arc is just waiting to go.

 

[Kitty kitty cat]

Snap city arc is just waiting to go.

And that will roll straight into "my injury caused me to gain 100 lbs bc I couldnt train" arc

 

[Clown Baby]

Good to see April graduating from being a community thread cow to having her own thread. One of my favorite videos she's posted is an old one, where she documents Kenny's return from deployment.

@NoReturn if you want to archive this one and add it to the thread that would be cool, and thanks for all your work

So he was deployed and gone for 264 days. The timeline for April's life is a little iffy but it seems like she lost a bunch of weight just before meeting Kenny, they got engaged rather quickly after meeting and she immediately started gaining weight, then they said their vows and he was deployed. When he returned she was peak obese, and in this video his face is fucking priceless comedy to me. She looks so happy and he looks so miserable.

Imagine your spouse being a bit chunky when you leave for a long work trip and upon returning finding out they have been transformed into a butter huffing creature, and that creature has 2 cameras with them because they need badly to publicly document as many cuddly smoochie pictures as you will allow. The premise is so funny to me, and the fact that April isn't embarrassed of this video is why she's a cow. She sat there editing this shit, saw his facial expressions in the stills at the end and was like "yep just my super happy hubs loving life and being happy to see me" when he looks so bummed and unenthused. Can we get one smile where you don't look constipated? She's your blushing bride bro.

My favorite kinds of cows are the mundane ones and April is mundane in spades but her entire life is elaborately constructed fiction. The world she lives in does not resemble truth or reality.

 

[NoReturn]

Good to see April graduating from being a community thread cow to having her own thread. One of my favorite videos she's posted is an old one, where she documents Kenny's return from deployment.

@NoReturn if you want to archive this one and add it to the thread that would be cool, and thanks for all your work

So he was deployed and gone for 264 days. The timeline for April's life is a little iffy but it seems like she lost a bunch of weight just before meeting Kenny, they got engaged rather quickly after meeting and she immediately started gaining weight, then they said their vows and he was deployed. When he returned she was peak obese, and in this video his face is fucking priceless comedy to me. She looks so happy and he looks so miserable.

Imagine your spouse being a bit chunky when you leave for a long work trip and upon returning finding out they have been transformed into a butter huffing creature, and that creature has 2 cameras with them because they need badly to publicly document as many cuddly smoochie pictures as you will allow. The premise is so funny to me, and the fact that April isn't embarrassed of this video is why she's a cow. She sat there editing this shit, saw his facial expressions in the stills at the end and was like "yep just my super happy hubs loving life and being happy to see me" when he looks so bummed and unenthused. Can we get one smile where you don't look constipated? She's your blushing bride bro.

My favorite kinds of cows are the mundane ones and April is mundane in spades but her entire life is elaborately constructed fiction. The world she lives in does not resemble truth or reality.

I can't archive the longer videos myself, but if someone else grabs it, I'll add it.
In the meantime, I abridged your summary and added it and the photos to the OP.

 

[brooky]

Good to see April graduating from being a community thread cow to having her own thread. One of my favorite videos she's posted is an old one, where she documents Kenny's return from deployment.

@NoReturn if you want to archive this one and add it to the thread that would be cool, and thanks for all your work

So he was deployed and gone for 264 days. The timeline for April's life is a little iffy but it seems like she lost a bunch of weight just before meeting Kenny, they got engaged rather quickly after meeting and she immediately started gaining weight, then they said their vows and he was deployed. When he returned she was peak obese, and in this video his face is fucking priceless comedy to me. She looks so happy and he looks so miserable.

Imagine your spouse being a bit chunky when you leave for a long work trip and upon returning finding out they have been transformed into a butter huffing creature, and that creature has 2 cameras with them because they need badly to publicly document as many cuddly smoochie pictures as you will allow. The premise is so funny to me, and the fact that April isn't embarrassed of this video is why she's a cow. She sat there editing this shit, saw his facial expressions in the stills at the end and was like "yep just my super happy hubs loving life and being happy to see me" when he looks so bummed and unenthused. Can we get one smile where you don't look constipated? She's your blushing bride bro.

My favorite kinds of cows are the mundane ones and April is mundane in spades but her entire life is elaborately constructed fiction. The world she lives in does not resemble truth or reality.

I get that the whole dependa thing is a stereotype, but I would feel so ashamed if I was married to a fit soldier and I was that fat. Not everybody has to be fit, not all couples need to have the same level of fitness. But come on. At this point it's just insulting. I'm no armed forces fellator, but dude is ready to protect his nation's freedoms and she's, what? Ready for a fucking hot dog eating competition?

Also, girlfriend needs to watch a documentary about Chris Watts and then take a good long look at her life.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

@NoReturn

 

[JenkinsJinkies]

Goddamn, he looks physically pained having to see her.

 

[NoReturn]

Goddamn, he looks physically pained having to see her.

I don't know how you can't see it's over when you look at those photos. She's either in complete denial, or she thinks it's salvageable.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Thanks for my new pfp, Lucille! I don't know how to quote thread yet

Spoiler: here

for the whole message
For a part

 

[Persistent Memory]

Some information on My Fitness Pal is publicly available, depending on your settings. I'm fairly certain that I found April's profile, and she might have two. I found the first one by searching the branded username "wakeupbright" and the second by searching by the email address she put in her YouTube about section (loveaprillauren@gmail.com).

1) wakeupbright


2) loveaprillauren


There isn't much there now, but at some point she might have filled out the "About Me," "Why I want to get in shape," and "Inspirations" sections. It isn't archived on the Wayback Machine.

The significant part of the first profile is that progress ticker. The number on the far-right end is the number of pounds she needs to lose from her starting weight to reach her goal weight -- 48.8 lbs. From her skinny photos in late 2013 to her wedding photos about a year later, that LOOKS like a 50lb weight gain. She cops to a 40lb gain in her "why I'm fat" timeline. She probably rounded down from 48.8, which speaks to how much she'll warp her reality into a convenient hug box.

The other notable thing about the progress ticker is the "pounds lost" part.
"Unless instructed otherwise, MyFitnessPal calculates the total weight you have lost based on the very first weight entry in your history. If you’ve been away from MyFitnessPal for a while, and returned a bit heavier than you were when you first signed up, your ticker will not update to indicate weight loss until you drop below your original recorded weight." (MFP Blog)

If she started her profile in 2013 to track macros for fitness, she would have to get below her 2013 weight to show any loss on that progress ticker. There is a way to change the start weight, but most people aren't aware of it. This is probably why she started a new profile with her then-highest-weight so that the ticker would show even a single pound lost.

 

[That's my purse]

Claim: She did not go 'off track' at all during the trip or self-sabotage and that despite eating out with the hubs, a salad was the most memorable part of their meal
Reality:

(This was cherry-picking the reading as she said she was in the 290s the day before. Excluding a poop, the weight gain was 6+lbs).

Claims she has been tracking 'hardcore' this week, and going forward her weigh-ins will have a one week delay, so her 22nd Dec weigh-in will be published on the 29th. Extra time to fiddle the figures, I guess.

Her deadlifting form is unsafe, I'm really surprised a trainer didn't step in, it's a hinge movement, not a squat.

 

[NoReturn]

Fresh weigh-in.

Home for the Holidays | Weigh in Wednesday | Aftermath Weigh In | April Lauren Weight Loss Vlog

In this video, "Home for the Holidays | Weigh in Wednesday | After holiday Weigh In | April Lauren Weight Loss Vlog" I share my trip home, time with my famil...

www.youtube.com

Spoiler: Do this

 

[Miss Misery]

The other markers on this map are other houses of LDS worship (they use “meetinghouse” for the name of physical locations where they practice, as opposed to church/chapel/etc —temple is a level above regular weekly worship—but that’s just to be purposefully confusing). I don’t know why they don’t go.

The Raleigh NC temple is closed until January, but that doesn't explain why they didn't go when it was open before November. Unless it's because the temple is pretty small and they've scaled back a lot of temple work due to Covid. But that's probably not it;. I doubt either of them have got a recommend.

@Ronnie Rocket - hopefully im not l8 and gay (and massively wrong) with this - per a comment on her facebook page, this is her uncle (Doug Wilson); this must be her sis (Sarah Elizabeth Wilson; crazy eyes run in the family, it seems). which would most probably mean that this (Otis Wilson) is her father and this (Andie Wilson) is her mum. eta: Zack is probably her brother then?

Fuck yes, I had Otis down as her dad already! But the others are wrong. Andie is her uncle Leslie's wife and Doug is her grandfather. Also Doug and his wife Janette got married in a Baptist church, so either her parents converted or she did on her own. I don't have a Fakebook so I can't see if any of them post about LDS stuff or give away clues in their photos like the damn families are forever sign.

 

[Freetimbit]

April has been lazy and eating enough for two grown men and therefore has gained 5.8 lbs in just one week. Spending time with family and creating memories means it’s all been worth it though apparently.

Spoiler: Home for the Holidays|Weigh In Wednesday|After Holiday Weigh In

 

[thejackal]

April has been lazy and eating enough for two grown men and therefore has gained 5.8 lbs in just one week. Spending time with family and creating memories means it’s all been worth it though apparently.

Spoiler: Home for the Holidays|Weigh In Wednesday|After Holiday Weigh In

View attachment 2821646

We gotta talk about April over in prospering grounds now.

 

[rutinacea max]

I had Otis down as her dad already! But the others are wrong. Andie is her uncle Leslie's wife and Doug is her grandfather. Also Doug and his wife Janette got married in a Baptist church, so either her parents converted or she did on her own. I don't have a Fakebook so I can't see if any of them post about LDS stuff or give away clues in their photos like the damn families are forever sign.

she specifically referred to Doug as uncle under his comment on her page and to Andie as 'momma' under one of her pics, thats mostly what i was going by for these two, but im fully willing to take my L here lmao. (but yeah she does have a photo with Ken and Grandpa Douglas somewhere. i thought Grandpa was dead, but maybe he's not). whoever Andie is, April seems to be pretty close to her anyway

idk its a fuckhuge family apparently, and yeah some of them do shill jesus on their feeds a lot but i haven't seen anything specifically LDS-ish

ETA:


(from Sarah's profile. if she's actually April's cousin and not sister... they sure do share a lot of unfortunate facial characteristics, let me put it that way. i can't find any mention of Leslie anywhere though)