Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Captain Ahab]

The fact that someone was buying his sauces in the first place is amazing. I’ve spent a solid chunk of my life watching cooking videos on the internet, and I’ve yet to see his sauces being used by anyone unironically.

The only theory that makes sense to me is that Jack’s unabashed love of putting meat in his mouth caught the eye of some closeted megachurch pastor who felt guilt and pity and decided to make up for his sinful thoughts by buying every last bottle of Jack’s garbage sauce. Centuries from now, the corrosive garbage will eat through the metal container hidden underneath the church, and cause a collapse of the future whorehouse that will be built upon it. Future archaeologists will assume Jack was some kind of demonic being from ancient times that devoured everything, hence his representation with a giant belly and an open mouth. The bottles filled with a noxious, potentially toxic substance were used in rituals to ward off the gluttonous spirit of a Jack. Movies will be made where people are possessed by Jack and start devouring entire cities until the brave hero splashes them with a holy concoction of tomato, sugar, and liquid smoke.

It’s the only thing that makes sense. What’s more likely? This, or that people are un ironically buying his sauces?

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Is it just me or is Jack especially angy these days? The bitch fits seem to be coming more frequently so I hope this evolves into a massive Christmas or New Year's spergout for us all to enjoy.

 

[AnOminous]

Is it just me or is Jack especially angy these days? The bitch fits seem to be coming more frequently so I hope this evolves into a massive Christmas or New Year's spergout for us all to enjoy.

I think his financial issues may be coming to a head finally, and that's why he's flipping out so hard about the final demise of jacksauce, when he hasn't seemed to care about it for literally years.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

Is it just me or is Jack especially angy these days? The bitch fits seem to be coming more frequently so I hope this evolves into a massive Christmas or New Year's spergout for us all to enjoy.

He is finally seeing the walls close in. He is a crippled worthless failure with nothing to show for himself, surrounded by people who are no longer able to contain the misery he provokes. Also, his son is a fag just like him.

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Fucking Larry Bundy is everywhere

View attachment 2817572

Bundy is a god lol

 

[rubytintedchix]

I think his financial issues may be coming to a head finally, and that's why he's flipping out so hard about the final demise of jacksauce, when he hasn't seemed to care about it for literally years.

My source (who lurks here) told me that Jack lost a butt load of money on the Walmart deal back in Cali and that he’s still trying to rid himself of the debt from that venture. I believe we talked about it in an episode of the podcast. Probably West Tx investors club one. It’s kinda funny do it best cut his ass off even though his brother vouched for him. I hope he knows a good head hunter. Lmao.

Edit: this is what they told me in a private message…

“Found out something funny that you can leak out fully if you want. I was told from my source that the Walmart sauce deal back in the early 201X's was disastrous and he lost a bunch of money. He hates how Walmart treats vendors - when in reality he overhyped the demand of his sauce, and it sat on shelves until Walmart returned them to him. Lazy Man probably knows the Walmart/Big Shelf system and can explain it better than I can for sure. Their deals according to the source allows Walmart to get full credit or near full credit back for products returned to the manufacturer, if they don't sell at a certain time. Jack got a BUNCH of sauce returned from Walmart shelves and lost a boatload of money.”

 

[stets]

It’s kinda funny do it best cut his ass off even though his brother vouched for him. I hope he knows a good head hunter.

Jim started the Doit merchandising job in February this year and immediately got the ball rolling to get his shitty brother’s shit sauce stocked. It’s a pretty ballsy thing to engage in self-dealing the second you’re hired.

I originally thought he was in charge of merchandising for Doit. If he was, he would have probably been high enough in the food chain that he could get away with it. I didn’t realize that he’s just a lowly product category manager though. If Jim only made Jack aware of the process and held his hand throughout, then it’s probably not a problem. But let’s be real - no rational product manager will look at Jack sauce and want to stock it. He had to have done something shady behind the scenes to get it in the warehouses, imo.

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

My source (who lurks here) told me that Jack lost a butt load of money on the Walmart deal back in Cali and that he’s still trying to rid himself of the debt from that venture. I believe we talked about it in an episode of the podcast. Probably West Tx investors club one. It’s kinda funny do it best cut his ass off even though his brother vouched for him. I hope he knows a good head hunter. Lmao.

Edit: this is what they told me in a private message…

“Found out something funny that you can leak out fully if you want. I was told from my source that the Walmart sauce deal back in the early 201X's was disastrous and he lost a bunch of money. He hates how Walmart treats vendors - when in reality he overhyped the demand of his sauce, and it sat on shelves until Walmart returned them to him. Lazy Man probably knows the Walmart/Big Shelf system and can explain it better than I can for sure. Their deals according to the source allows Walmart to get full credit or near full credit back for products returned to the manufacturer, if they don't sell at a certain time. Jack got a BUNCH of sauce returned from Walmart shelves and lost a boatload of money.”

Oooh, an anonymous source? Who could it be...

Joe's not really anonymous, we know he's in contact and openly joins the streams...

Garrett?

Ah hell, I'll shoot for the stars and put my money on Rooster McConaughey, fucking with Jack long after the cancellation of his show.

 

[Generic Retard]

Ladies and gentlemen, mayonnaise cake.

Just when I forgot this existed...

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

I wonder if the tugboat from the in-laws is finally drying up also.

 

[rubytintedchix]

Oooh, an anonymous source? Who could it be...

Joe's not really anonymous, we know he's in contact and openly joins the streams...

Garrett?

Ah hell, I'll shoot for the stars and put my money on Rooster McConaughey, fucking with Jack long after the cancellation of his show.

To be honest with you all, I don’t know who it is. They never identified themselves. I get the feeling that it’s a friend of a friend in the Scalfaniverse.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

To be honest with you all, I don’t know who it is. They never identified themselves. I get the feeling that it’s a friend of a friend in the Scalfaniverse.

Spoiler, it's Jim Traynor.

 

[Aaway]

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

View attachment 2818374

Forget Stroke #4...I think he's had at least two strokes these past few days with the incoherant garbage he posts.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

Fatty's new name is Lamppost.

 

[AnOminous]

“Found out something funny that you can leak out fully if you want. I was told from my source that the Walmart sauce deal back in the early 201X's was disastrous and he lost a bunch of money. He hates how Walmart treats vendors - when in reality he overhyped the demand of his sauce, and it sat on shelves until Walmart returned them to him. Lazy Man probably knows the Walmart/Big Shelf system and can explain it better than I can for sure. Their deals according to the source allows Walmart to get full credit or near full credit back for products returned to the manufacturer, if they don't sell at a certain time. Jack got a BUNCH of sauce returned from Walmart shelves and lost a boatload of money.”

This really sounds plausible and yes, Wal-Mart really is that shitty. They often force vendors to shit up their products, switch to cheaper ingredients, change packaging for their shelves, etc. and cut Ferengi level deals where the vendor can end up losing money even when Wal-Mart itself is making out like bandits.

Even competent business people get utterly fucked by Wal-Mart all the time, so it would be no surprise if a complete idiot like Jack had his milkshake well and truly drunk.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Fatty's new name is Lamppost.

Nah, lampposts are tall and thin. He's more like a sidewalk bollard.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jim started the Doit merchandising job in February this year and immediately got the ball rolling to get his shitty brother’s shit sauce stocked. It’s a pretty ballsy thing to engage in self-dealing the second you’re hired.

I originally thought he was in charge of merchandising for Doit. If he was, he would have probably been high enough in the food chain that he could get away with it. I didn’t realize that he’s just a lowly product category manager though. If Jim only made Jack aware of the process and held his hand throughout, then it’s probably not a problem. But let’s be real - no rational product manager will look at Jack sauce and want to stock it. He had to have done something shady behind the scenes to get it in the warehouses, imo.

Imagine doing all this for that ungrateful sack of cheese&eggs, pulling all these strings for him after just getting hired. You're already on thin ice as it is, but he's family. You have to look after family, after all. Then the months roll in and you see absolutely N-O-B-O-D-Y buying it even as a joke. Then you actually watch some of Jack's video, maybe google his name, maybe stumble across other youtubers making fun of him, or this thread even. Late one night you give his sauce a pity purchase and you find it's more suited for tarring roofs than human consumption.

Fast forward approx. 10 months, you've become the butt of every water cooler joke around the office and your company is forcing you to go to every single store and pull his shit off the shelves. Manually, jar by jar. While wearing a dunce cap. You're hauling them all back to the warehouse in the back of your Honda Civic; a painting & decorating upstart has decided to buy the Jacksauce (for pennies on the dollar) to strip lead paint off of housing projects in third world countries. After another long day of getting made fun of, you come home to relax and check your Facebook and see him shit-talking the company that's helping you put food on the table, the company that's agreed to let you stay as long as you never bring anything by Jack to them ever again or mention his name even if Jack Scalfani Day becomes a national holiday in the U.S.

"What goes around, comes around..." you mutter to yourself, keeping one jar of The Best Barbecue Sauce Paint Stripper You'll Ever Taste for yourself.

"Revenge is a dish best served colder than your right arm, Jack."

Oooh, an anonymous source? Who could it be...

Joe's not really anonymous, we know he's in contact and openly joins the streams...

Garrett?

Ah hell, I'll shoot for the stars and put my money on Rooster McConaughey, fucking with Jack long after the cancellation of his show.

Spoiler: Found it

 

[Lenzperkins]

Oooh, an anonymous source? Who could it be...

Joe's not really anonymous, we know he's in contact and openly joins the streams...

Garrett?

Ah hell, I'll shoot for the stars and put my money on Rooster McConaughey, fucking with Jack long after the cancellation of his show.

It's Tammy.

 

[DontEatThat]

Honestly at this point I think the most effort Jack has put in anything was getting Tammy to marry him. Other than that its just his family (funded by the Flanders) to encourage him to do something via pulling strings. Once something fucks up cause Jack cant literally pull his own weight to fucking do anything he gets pissy at everything and everyone, oblivious that his family was helping him. Even the fact he was in debt from fucking up and still decides to fucking travel to Vegas and Universal yearly is a slap in the face to people who help him.

Its been said time and time again that hes a piece of shit but I would love a karmic death where hes ranting or mocking someone and just strokes out and dies and no ones the wiser and just ignores him as he lays.