Twas the night before Christmas
And all through Morning Glory
The children gathered ‘round
To hear Kiryu’s Yuletide story
They smiled and they laughed
As they shared Christmas cheer
But suddenly a frantic knock at the door
Did Kiryu and his children hear
Kiryu opened the door
And he asked with a glare in his eyes
“What the hell is going on here?”
But soon his eyes were filled with surprise
For what did Kiryu find standing
On the other side of his door?
It was Goro Majima
Who seemed to frantically implore
“Kiryu-Chan, it’s awful!”
Majima said with a cry
“The Omi Alliance kidnapped Santa”
“He’s surely going to die!”
Horror spread across the children’s faces
Tears streamed down their cheeks
“Does this mean Christmas is cancelled?”
They all wept, heartbroken and weak
But fire spread through Kiryu’s eyes
And he declared loud and crass
“Like hell Christmas is cancelled!”
“Let’s go beat some Omi ass!”
And so Kiryu and Majima
Ran towards Millennium Tower
Their hearts full of fury
Their fists full of power
And what did they find?
When they got to the base?
But an army of Omi Alliance
With a nasty snarl painted on every face
But neither Kiryu nor Majima feared
With their fists tightened up into balls
“Give back Santa you punks!”
“Or your bodies will deck the halls!”
The Omi Alliance charged
But neither of the yakuza wavered
Fists violently broke faces
It was pain the Omi would savor
Floor by floor
Did the two yakuza fight
Sometimes bodies flew from balconies
It was truly a sight
Finally the two men reached the top
And much to their surprise
They found Santa tied to a chair
He was bloody, bruised, and barely alive
But out of the shadows
A masculine voice did call
“You’ve come too far already”
“But here is where you fall”
Kiryu and Majima looked
As Santa’s captor was revealed
It was a giant ugly assed troon
Wearing a pink dress with high heels
The troon carried a bat
As it snarled and hissed
“Santa never gave me what I wanted”
“He surely won’t be missed!”
But Santa pleaded
With his life hanging in a precarious fix
“It was never within my power”
“To replace your Y chromosome with an X!”
“Enough!”
Kiryu cried as all eyes fell on him
“My kids will have a merry Christmas”
“You’re not taking that from them!”
The time for small talk was gone
With the men swinging fists and weapons of sorts
But the troon was tough
Since he set a number of records in women’s sports
It took three Staminans
Two tauriners and a sword
But eventually the troon fell
Cementing the two Yakuzas’ legacies as shit lords
Finally Santa was saved
There would be joy on Christmas day
But Santa was in a foul mood
He had plenty to say
“Majima you’re crazy!”
“You’re a violent man with a knife”
“You speak with a fake accent”
“And you bring nothing but strife!”
“And Kiryu”
“Though your intentions are good”
“Orphaned children depend on you”
“No more fighting like a hood!”
And so Santa disappeared
As he had presents to deliver
And yet through the Kamurocho winter night
His jolly voice did quiver
“You Yakuza are naughty!”
“And you’ll get nothing this year!”
“But to the good boys and girls”
“I bring Christmas Cheer!”
“So I bid thee farewell”
“Be good and I’ll see you soon”
“Unless you chopped your dick off”
“In which case, join the 41% club you fucking troons!”
Merry Christmas Everyone 
Can’t wait to see what everyone got 
