So, Lexi and some guy were childhood friends who made a pact that if they were still unmarried ten years after they last saw one another in high school, they’d get married. Well, the time has come, and he has moved back to their hometown, so it’s time to get things started! Just as an aside, the video isn’t as bad as you’d think it could be, if not for the fact that Lexi is the star. With the exception of one very Fat Girl Moment, I don’t think there’s anything in the script that mentions her size, and this video would have been unmemorable if not for the bizarre casting for the female lead.
First, I think this is a real picture of Lexi from high school. She’s always looked fucking out of her mind. Very
April Lauren, if you ask me.
The film opens with a fairly standard “getting ready for the date“ montage. Lexi puts on makeup, and her date considers a rainbow-flame tank-top because he’s definitely not a gay actor going through his actual wardrobe for the sake of the film.
She opens the door, looking like an utter dweeb, he comes in, and he immediately jumps on her and they begin making out.
Who wouldn’t also be compelled to put their own face right up on that?
If you don’t have a boner
right now you’re a fatphobe.
They make out and reach the couch, he asks her if she wants kids, she doesn’t, he stops but decides he’s so overtaken by her chubby sensuality that he must continue. She says she wants “lots of dogs” but he tells her he’s allergic, leading to this face in response:
Ew, gross, you need to reexamine the origin of your preferences,
dogphobe.
They have a think,
But of course they go back at it, and end up smooshing faces down the hall and to another room, where there is, for some reason only Lexi and Virgie Tovar know, a leftover piece of cake on a plate, just sitting on a table.
WE ALL KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT
TRIGGER WARNING: CAKE RELATED INCIDENT
Such bliss as she crams cake in his face!
Thanks! I hate it!
she’s like, “what’s wrong?” And he tells her he doesn’t like cake.
“How can you not like cake!?!”
She‘s so mad! But of course that’s not enough to make either of them stop just yet.
They make it to the bedroom, where she asks him if it’s “everything you thought it’d be” to which he replies, “no not really,” before making an excuse that his lips are dry, so he leaves.
While he is in the parking lot, and she’s on her bed, they both tell they camera “I’m so fucking lonely.” And then it ends.
Fin.
