Prison Letters Dec 22, 2021 Letter - Chris Reveals the New Ten Commandments

[ToroidalBoat]

It would be absolutely hilarious if Chris Chan himself out of all people ended up being revealed as the Anti-Christ/Son of Perdition.

The Antichrist is supposedly a very charismatic guy who's loved by the world.

 

[The Crow]

The Antichrist is supposedly a very charismatic guy who's loved by the world.

At the rate this world's going, the people on this earth probably would be dumb enough to actually worship Chris Chan as their god.

 

[Pringles Can]

So nothing too different from the 10 commandments I remember. Except adultery is fine, because Chris can't live without his barbussy.

Alright who wants to get the tablets? We need to make this official.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

I know Heilberg is trying to get Chris the best defense possible, and I'm sure He's looking at Chris correspondence, and like Bob, just threw his hands up. I'm also certain getting Chris out is a bad idea. Without some sort of corrective therapy (real therapy, not that BS therapeutic docket), if Chris is not careful, he can get into it with a homeless schizoid who thinks he's Jesus Christ on the streets.

Heilberg probably could have got the judge to set bail if he wanted to, but he must think it's better for Chris to be in jail where he can't fuck things up even worse.

you really think anybody would actually take chris in, house and feed him for free, and deal with all the shit that comes with having chris fucking chan in your house all day every day? i think there's no way that happens. and if it does, that person will very quickly realize the mistake he's made and throw chris out again.

There's probably some weens like Kengle that would let him sleep on the couch for a few days at a time. I mean, if people were willing to send him money they might do that. Maybe he could panhandle enough to get cheap hotel rooms from time to time. But I think once Barb dies and the house gets sold he'll be homeless until he does something else that lands him in prison. Best case scenario for Chris is keeping/getting back on the tugboat and getting EBT, he'd probably need a social worker to help get that stuff.

Some questions I have about the ten commandments:
Why are they dated October 14 but sent with a letter dated December 22? Does Chris have an original copy that he made up and then handwrites new copies as needed, using the original as a reference?
Why do some commandments have stars next to them?

 

[Kirby]

In the history of the actual ten commandments, the bible foretold of a false idol in the shape of a giant cow.

 

[Josterman]

The Antichrist is supposedly a very charismatic guy who's loved by the world.

Chris Chan can fall in the line of people who were called the Antichrist even though he is not the contender of it. There is a history of it happening hitler has been called it and Stalin mao and us presidents too

 

[General Tug Boat]

Reading Chris's retarded revision of the commandments was just as entertaining as:

Also I don't think he quite knows what adultery actually is...

 

[Tikbalang]

I also bring up the Popular and recent Increase of Dreams in Everyone of this Earth featuring the sights and visuals of:
- TWO Suns over the Earth Burning off Massively HOT and Toxic Gasses intolerable to Most and Typical Human Individuals.
- A Blkood Red Moon amidst Purple-Red Skies.
- Daylight during Midnight, Night, and Early AM Hours.
- Clocks with no arms.
Many Crusifixes.
- Everyoine, and yourselves wanting to be inside with the windows and curtains drawn, but find that Impossible to accomplish.

I think he took one of the inmates' LSD.

 

[Everything Beagle]

I Without some sort of corrective therapy (real therapy, not that BS therapeutic docket), if Chris is not careful, he can get into it with a homeless schizoid who thinks he's Jesus Christ on the streets.

The first rule of Jesus Fight Club?

 

[Cybertonia]

Also I don't think he quite knows what adultery actually is...

His brain processes it as "something that might get me laid" so obviously its fine and okay

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

The white knights will never allow him to be homeless on the streets. More's the pity; it might've given him the dosage of reality he clearly needs.

Alone, homeless and without a vehicle or credit cards, he'd probably die of exposure in a few days. He's not street smart. He's not even good at begging.

Unfortunately I don't think there's a level of punishment that is severe enough to teach Chris a lesson without also killing him.

 

[King Kiwi]

I don't think there's a level of punishment that is severe enough to teach Chris a lesson without also killing him.

....

Do I need to be concerned with you?

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

Now that Chris has commited blasphamy, what other things could Chris rewrite in his own image to suit his selfish needs? What if he really got into reading about the constitution and the founding fathers?

I doubt he would understand it or somehow he'll print out a copy and scribble crayon all over it and make all ratifications about him.

 

[Aegeus]

I doubt he would understand it

He definitely wouldn't. In his high school homework, he tried to understand a few amendments, and he got every single one completely wrong. His interpretation of the 11th Amendment was that "People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their troubles."

He thought the 13th Amendment CREATED slavery. And for the 23rd Amendment, he "confused "District of Columbia" for referring to Columbia, South Carolina, and drew a picture of the state."

Of course, the OG white knights/enablers at Manchester High put Chris right on the honor roll for his genius-level work, thereby insulting every single student who actually put in the hard work to study and do well in school.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

He definitely wouldn't. In his high school homework, he tried to understand a few amendments, and he got every single one completely wrong. His interpretation of the 11th Amendment was that "People of other countries can't blame U.S. for their troubles."

He thought the 13th Amendment CREATED slavery. And for the 23rd Amendment, he "confused "District of Columbia" for referring to Columbia, South Carolina, and drew a picture of the state."

Of course, the OG white knights/enablers at Manchester High put Chris right on the honor roll for his genius-level work, thereby insulting every single student who actually put in the hard work to study and do well in school.

And let me guess, Bob helped pay for the Honor Roll?

 

[Chester Rigby]

Where's "thou shan't calleth anybody"?

 

[Aegeus]

Bob helped pay for the Honor Roll?

Partially. Bob kept hiring lawyers to sue school boards until the schools were so tired of dealing with worthless tard Chris and his literally clinically psychopathic parents that they just let Chris do whatever he wanted (including sleeping through classes) and passed him through every course just to get Borb off their backs.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

Partially. Bob kept hiring lawyers to sue school boards until the schools were so tired of dealing with worthless tard Chris and his literally clinically psychopathic parents that they just let Chris do whatever he wanted (including sleeping through classes) and passed him through every course just to get Borb off their backs.

I know that was also used through college as well...

 

[Drain Todger]

11 - Thou must cum inside thy own mother's dusty, senile, octogenarian snatch and find it

 

[Chazzed Up]

He did forget "thou must not call anyone".

I figured someone had beat me to it, gg.