01/03/22 - 24 Hour Free Ralph Festival (now the 24 Hour Guntry Road Special) - Ralph intended to do a 24-hour stream the second day before his trial and is now stuck on I-95

[WhimsicalTrolli]

Maybe if you guys cry more ralph won't make any $ today

Hello, whenever I see a guntguard you must pass this fabled question....Do you like my parodies?

 

[Jump]

I never lose signal even though my whole country is a sparsely settled forest so I'm blaming this on America.

There are no big dead spots on 95 in the fucking DC metro area. That is glower central.
And if his cell phone didn't work how did he tell May to send out that tweet? CB radio? A payphone?

 

[PhoBingas]

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Lol

Ralph could have weaseled his way onto the 301 and probably got most of the way back by now.

 

[Escalating Violence]

It'll be hilarious if he sharts again.

 

[Snappy Jappy]

This is clearly divine retribution for his debauchery at Vegas over the last few days... Christ is Kang

 

[free_protons4u]

There are no big dead spots on 95 in the fucking DC metro area. That is glower central.
And if his cell phone didn't work how did he tell May to send out that tweet? CB radio? A payphone?

This is how I imagine it went down:

- 2 hours into the snowstorm, he calls Meigh
- rants about this fucking bullshit weather, faggot VDOT better fix this shit
- rants about the jack knifed tractor trailer, faggot Swift Trucking better hire better drivers
- rants about United Airlines, dumb nigger bitch better let me bring the laptop next time
- rants about losing money in Vegas, faggot Binions kicked me and Dick out of the sportsbook because the nigger NFL player dropped the ball and we wouldn't stop shouting at about it
- rants about faggot farms and broke dick pedophile Joshua Connor Moon writing up some bullshit
- realizes he has been ranting for 90 minutes, phone is down to 3%, "Hey Meigh, faggot Samsung cain't get their shit to work, I'm already out of battery, can you tweet for me to own the faggot farms and broke dick pedophile Joshua Connor Moon?"

 

[Twinkletard]

Having his show shutdown because of the weather at the beginning of the year is a huge omen for what the rest of the year is going to be like for good ol' Ethan Ralph.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Act of god? If Ralph had not decided he needed a fifth trip to Vegas to blow money he would be sitting at his house ready for his big stream. Hell, if he flew back Jan 2 he’d be fine but for some reason (he’s a fucking idiot) he likes to try and plan streams on days he travels.

He did this last time, planned a stream the evening he got back from Vegas, nearly had a heart attack at the airport, finally flew home, he did the steam till 1 am, got up early to go film some gay shit in DC and wrecked his car on the way there because he’s a fucking retard.

He makes plans like absolutely nothing could go wrong or travel doesn’t exhaust his fat ass. I bet he’s nearly had a rage stroke sitting in traffic all day. (A check of weather this weekend would have told him a monster storm was expected Monday on the east coast)

You are absolutely correct, but that doesn't mean God doesn't hate Ralph.

I think this is a fair compromise for everyone.

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

Act of god? If Ralph had not decided he needed a fifth trip to Vegas to blow money he would be sitting at his house ready for his big stream. Hell, if he flew back Jan 2 he’d be fine but for some reason (he’s a fucking idiot) he likes to try and plan streams on days he travels.

He did this last time, planned a stream the evening he got back from Vegas, nearly had a heart attack at the airport, finally flew home, he did the steam till 1 am, got up early to go film some gay shit in DC and wrecked his car on the way there because he’s a fucking retard.

He makes plans like absolutely nothing could go wrong or travel doesn’t exhaust his fat ass. I bet he’s nearly had a rage stroke sitting in traffic all day. (A check of weather this weekend would have told him a monster storm was expected Monday on the east coast)

Not just that. He’d been advertising the all day stream marathon to start at 7am for days.

So he books a flight that takes off from Vegas at 11:40pm. That’s pacific time. On the East coast that flight is taking off at 2:40am. To land in DC. Not sure if the time it was supposed to land, but it’s still a 2 hour drive +/- to Richmond. To make the show by start time, which is advertised as being 7am Eastern.

Maybe that heartburn they thought was a heart attack masked a massive stroke? Because that takes even the least exceptional people a lot of hard work to fuck things up that badly.

 

[WhimsicalTrolli]

So if he doesn't make it to trial will this get a continuance?

 

[FuzzMushr00m]

Chief Farming Pigeon of the Keewee tribe summoned the snow spirits just to fuck with Ralph

 

[Hüftpriester]

So he books a flight that takes off from Vegas at 11:40pm. That’s pacific time. On the East coast that flight is taking off at 2:40am. To land in DC. Not sure if the time it was supposed to land, but it’s still a 2 hour drive +/- to Richmond.

Flight time from Las Vegas to Washington, DC is 4 hours 19 minutes. Distance from Las Vegas to Washington, DC is approximately 3320 kilometers.

So he was supposed to land in DC around 7am est then. Ralph probably had a nice big meal and got tanked right before the flight.

When he landed, he probably thought it would be a good idea to use the bathroom but saw the snow coming down outside and figured he'd be better off getting ahead of it. So instead he goes to pick up his rental and hits the road. Maybe he's on 95 for 20 minutes or so cruising at a slow speed but then the gridlock traffic hits.

Once he realizes he's not moving any time soon, he feels uncontainable massive sharts coming and we all know what happens next. My guess is Ralph has been sitting in a puddle of his own shit for about 5 hours now and has completely destroyed a Hertz rental car.

 

[Sheryl Nome]

So if he doesn't make it to trial will this get a continuance?

Lol he has to make it, otherwise I bet there'll be a bench warrant and failure to appear

 

[Don'tAnalizeMeBro!]

So he was supposed to land in DC around 7am est then. Ralph probably had a nice big meal and got tanked right before the flight.

When he landed, he probably thought it would be a good idea to use the bathroom but saw the snow coming down outside and figured he'd be better off getting ahead of it. So instead he goes to pick up his rental and hits the road. Maybe he's on 95 for 20 minutes or so cruising at a slow speed but then the gridlock traffic hits.

Once he realizes he's not moving any time soon, he feels uncontainable massive sharts coming and we all know what happens next. My guess is Ralph has been sitting in a puddle of his own shit for about 5 hours now and has completely destroyed a Hertz rental car.

On the bright side, Hertz should be a sponsor of The Killstream!

 

[veri]

lol ralph has no signal he can’t see our messages. now we can openly discuss the numerous trolling plans and gayops to alog ralph

also i was think who will ralph blame this snowstorm on and i think he will probably blame may.

 

[Hüftpriester]

On the bright side, Hertz should be a sponsor of The Killstream!

Tom Brady/Gunt crossover when?! Let's gooo!!!!

I think it's time to change the name of this thread to 'Ralph gets stuck in the snow'

 

[John Andrews Stan]

My guess is Ralph has been sitting in a puddle of his own shit for about 5 hours now and has completely destroyed a Hertz rental car.

Even better, it’s Meigh’s driver seat that’s now saturated in whiskey shits and bits of 7-Eleven hot dogs.

@free_protons4u that was amazingly accurate and lulzy. Did you inject SQL into Ralph’s phone to listen in?

 

[Kramer on the phone]

Just a few things :

1. When did the current storm in VA pop up? When did people reporting on it realize "Hey, this might be a big one!"?
2. Why didn't Gunt Ugyur get a flight from Vegas directly to Richmond?
3. I wonder if Ralph will decide to try and disappear during this tumult?

sometimes over the weekend they announced it, honestly ralph just got fucked by traffic, its not a huge blizard, its a few inches. i blame immigrants (both domestic and international) who don't know how to navigate two inches. it really did come out of nowhere, never got below 50 in VA last year.

Turns out you CAN Abort the Retort.

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Tweet / https://archive.md/uCDVC

you can tell i'm not may. access to his precious twitter account with no phone signal and less than 36 hours before he's in court. now would be the time to burn his whole life down.

So if he doesn't make it to trial will this get a continuance?

its not the 1800s,he's going to make it unless he's in the hosptial.

 

[GL09]

Ralph having to cancel his show because he is stuck in the snow, the thought of him sitting in his car and seething is just too funny. At least he can wrap himself up in his gunt flaps to keep warm. Also very bold move to give Meigh access to his twitter account.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

lol ralph has no signal he can’t see our messages. now we can openly discuss the numerous trolling plans and gayops to alog ralph

also i was think who will ralph blame this snowstorm on and i think he will probably blame may.

Me and some Aylawgs built a real life replica of the weather control machine from command & conquer 2. Planned out and executed in a private Discord server, this snowstorm was a classic Kiwi Farms gayop.