Blah blah blah. You know the drill. At least this episode is more intriguing than the last one.
SEASON 7 EPISODE 6:
-Jazz won't get the fuck out of bed. Jeanette pokes and prods and screeches at him even though he's struggling just to roll over. This happens all the time, with Jazz basically being a grumpy toddler at twenty years old. Jeanette whines to the audience about what a burden this is and blames it on Jazz's health.
-Jeanette has a schedule for Jazz every day, of which Jazz completely ignores. Jazz doesn't want to get out of bed because facing the day stresses him out. This is VERY common in people with depression/anxiety. Jeanette is frustrated and doesn't give a shit. Jazz is expected to weigh himself every day.
-Jeanette is already extremely grating. Despite Jazz's shitty excuses, Jeanette pretty much unrelentingly harps on him from the second he wakes up. "WE'RE FAILING MISERABLY!!11" Wow. Bitch.
-Jeanette asks Sander about Hope. They hadn't spoken since the BLM event and Sander very clearly doesn't want to continue this shit after the bowling catastrophe.
-The peppy nutritionist is coming over. What does Jazz do with company coming over?
-Dress in a shitty Party City wig! Of course! "Sparkles has made an entrance~"
-Sander compares Jazz's getup to his FABULOUS drag costume from last season. Gross.
-Peppy nutritionist arrives. Shills Jazz's ugly wig. Basically checks to see if Jazz is following the meal plan. SURPRISE? He's not. Nutritionist tries to provide snack alternatives. Jazz rejects all of them. Ari looks on in disgust.
-Jazz demonstrates how much ketchup he eats in one sitting. 1/3 of the entire bottle. Fucking NASTY. Jazz apparently just eats the ketchup whole too if he doesn't finish it with his food. Jazz claims to be off fast food. Jeanette isn't impressed.
-Ari sounds checked out as fuck, trying to tell Jazz to stick to the shit.
-Jeanette visits one of her shitty friends. She whines about what a burden Jazz is being because JEANETTE IS SUFFERING YOU GUYS. THE PAIN. THE AGONY. THE HORROR. The selfish bitch continues to bemoan her frustrations and admits that she's a helicopter parent because of Jazz's mental illnesses and not because she wanted to be a stage mom.
-"Every day, Jazz takes 8 pills in the morning and 9 pills at night and they are her lifeline."
CHRIST.
-For Jeanette's upcoming anniversary to Greg, instead of buying him a set of golf clubs or some nice expensive duds, she's decided to make some slutty lingerie pics and give him those instead. Stay classy.
-"Ari's got this. But Jazz don't got this." Ari is only praised at Jazz's expense.
-Greg and Jeanette express worry for Jazz moving out. Jeanette wants to go to Boston and doesn't want to leave until Jazz is ready. Greg shuts that down for once so points to the cuck.
-Jazz shows up to be lectured. They shut down any time Jazz tries to express his independence. Jeanette apparently has a planner for Jazz's medications. They pretty much run his whole life and then wonder why he's not prepared for adulthood. Jeanette keeps going after him every single fucking time. Greg does nothing.
-Griffin and Jazz hang during laundry. Griffin lectures the fuck out of Jazz just like everyone else. Jazz makes excuses.
-Jazz is working with different organizations. One is called Welcoming Schools, which is fancy talk for an org that basically forces feminine penises on your kids under the guise of anti-bullying. The leader they speak to is a dangerhair with a PROTECT TRANS KIDS shirt.
-Jazz lists his bullying experiences. He has been called "chick with a dick" and that he had "cooties". The latter is shit you hear in first grade sooo how long HAS it been since you were last bullied, Jazz?
-Like the totalitarian dumbfucks they are, Jazz and the leader want to force the policies of the organization across the country and shit on the states and school districts that are ambivalent about it.
-Jesus crust, they want to FEDERALLY MANDATE the org's policies and want to reach out to FUCKING CONGRESS to make it happen. You can't make this shit up. They want to make it mandatory across the country.
-Lingerie time. You ready for some peak islamic content? Well too bad because I love you guys and I value your sanity. You can go look that shit up because I'm not posting Jeanette's wrinkly hellscape of a body here.
-Jazz goes grocery shopping and tries to pick out healthy food. He calls Jeanette for help and Jeanette tells him he can't once he's in Harvard. Why the hell not, Jeanette? I call my Mom casually ALL THE FUCKING TIME for advice. Most people do. What the fuck is your problem, you literal witch.
-Sander and Jazz hang. Sander gives Jazz shit for making excuses even though it's none of his business. Sander is surprised Jazz went shopping all by himself and polices his cart. He expects Jazz to hold himself accountable but then shits on him when he tries. THESE FUCKING PEOPLE.
-Jazz rightly asks why his family can't just give him praise when he DOES do something correctly. Sander doesn't let up until Jazz is extremely upset.
-"You're the one lying to yourself." A poignant line with more significance than I think Sander realizes. With a lowered head, Jazz says he feels like a joke. My fucking heart is breaking.
-Jazz leaves his dilation gel in front of the living room TV. He reveals that
he sometimes fucking dilates in there out in the open while watching tv. I want to kill myself.
-Jeanette and Greg gang up on Jazz again about his independence. Jazz starts to have a visible panic attack as his voice gets extremely shaky. No mercy. No relief. No hugs. No eulogies.
-Jazz leaves the room. "Don't forget to dilaaaaaaaaaate~" Jeanette calls after him. Peak Lynchian. We close on that shit as Jeanette laments how stressful dealing with Jazz is.
-NEXT WEEK: Jazz gets a letter back from Harvard about returning, everyone goes to wreck shit, Jeanette whines some more, Sander shills social media about passing a federal bill for the indoctrination in schools, Griffin fights with him, Jazz faceplants during some stupid outing and everyone freaks out.
Fuck this family.