Becoming a mother at 50 — what it's like having a baby later in life

Becoming a mother at 50 — what it's like having a baby later in life​

ABC Everyday
/ Michelle, as told to Meg Watson
[ original | archive ]

In the latest season of Sex Education, Jean Milburn (Gillian Anderson) is pregnant at 48.(Netflix: Sex Education)

Did you know you can be both perimenopausal and pregnant?

The Netflix show Sex Education has been doing a lot of educating on the topic of age and fertility recently, with Jean Milburn (played by Gillian Anderson) falling unexpectedly pregnant at 48.

The series has also offered some insight into the difficulties older mothers can face along the way.

But how does that compare to real life? We spoke to Michelle, a mum from Brisbane, about her experience. Similar to Jean, she fell pregnant naturally at 47, however that pregnancy ended in miscarriage.

A couple of years and a number of IVF cycles later, she gave birth to her first child just two weeks after her 50th birthday. Here's the story in her own words.

The path to pregnancy​

I was probably 39 or 40 when I decided that I really did want to have children and I started trying to conceive when I was about 41.

I thought about IVF through these years but I wasn't in the financial position to afford it. Unless you've got the finances, you really can't go down that path.

And it can be harder if you're an older mum as a lot of the clinics want you to be under a certain age.

Once you hit 45 or 46, your chances of actually conceiving with your own eggs are super low — it's around 1 per cent.

Before I started the round of IVF, I had to do every test you can think of before I was able to do the cycle.

My husband and I had to buy eggs from overseas, which was really costly. It was close to $45,000.

We bought nine eggs and only three were viable, then we went through three cycles of IVF and didn't get pregnant. It was devastating.

We thought, 'Can we really afford to do that again?'

Then we were given three donor embryos (IVF patients with excess embryos can donate them through the clinic).

I fell pregnant with the first one straight away but then when I went for the 12-week scan it was a blighted ovum — the gestational sac was there, but there was no baby inside.

We decided to go ahead and do another embryo transfer on the next cycle, in February 2020, and I fell pregnant with my son.

Michelle didn't enjoy herself until much later in her pregnancy.(Supplied: Michelle)

​

A constant worry​

I thought it wasn't going to work. I thought something bad was going to happen.

I had three lots of bleeding early on and each time I thought the pregnancy had ended.

I remember driving into the hospital with my husband. We both looked at each other and said, 'It's over'.

My doctor told me that I wasn't allowed to do any activity. Thankfully, I was able to work from home but I couldn't really enjoy the pregnancy at all.

Up until the 12-week scan, you're worried about everything being ok, and then up until the 20-week scan, you're worried about the development.

For me, there were also fears of high blood pressure and gestational diabetes, which I did end up with. I had to see a specialist and needed to watch everything I ate.

A vaginal birth wasn't an option for me, due to my age. The doctor said the safest option was having a cesarean and we didn't want to risk anything.

Luckily, my doctor was so supportive.

He let me go in every week for a scan. I had to pay for that, but it wasn't an issue, I just wanted peace of mind.

Finding community​

My close friends are really happy for me. It's very different though; most of them have grown-up children and many have actually got grandchildren!

My husband and I have struggled with not having family close by to assist us and I've felt isolated.

I took my son to the YMCA the other day. You see all the mums in little groups talking to each other but no one ever really talks to me.

I don't really have anything in common with the younger mothers.

 

[scallion]

Just as CWC burns out the cycle renews...

 

[Samir]

Did you know you can be both perimenopausal and pregnant?

No but it's probably not a good idea

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

So they'll be too old for the high energy requirement attention that a child needs, ignoring them and telling them to be quiet all the time.

Nicely done.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

I have doubts the father is in his 30's or early 40's, so odds are you are mixing bottom-of-the-barrel eggs with slow swimming tard cum.

Poor kid...

EDIT: And diabeetus, wow...

 

[The Last Stand]

That poor child.

 

[Pee Cola]

So they'll be too old for the high energy requirement attention that a child needs, ignoring them and telling them to be quiet all the time.

As an added bonus, the poor kid will be stuck looking after their parents when they're in their 20s. This sentence is very telling:

My husband and I have struggled with not having family close by to assist us and I've felt isolated.

No wonder the stupid bitch keeps copping so much shit from other people. Creating life just because you don't want to die alone is pretty fucking selfish.

 

[murph]

So an ancient mother and an ancient father. 50/50 Down's or low functioning autism. At some point you've just got to learn to use a condom.

 

[Slap47]

So an ancient mother and an ancient father. 50/50 Down's or low functioning autism. At some point you've just got to learn to use a condom.

They did it intentionally.

 

[Disgruntled Pupper]

It isn't even her fucking kid, she just gestated someone else's egg for 9 months. IVF with a donor's eggs is the stupidest shit on the planet, either use your own or adopt.

 

[Dysnomia]

My aunt had a co-worker who was 51 and thought she was done with menopause and couldn't get pregnant anymore. So she stopped using birth control. And she got pregnant. She gave birth the same week as her daughter. There's nothing wrong with the kid. But change of life babies can happen. Hers wasn't intentional.

There was a very controversial episode of Maude where she had an abortion. She thought she was too old to have a child.

 

[Billy Beer]

To quote(ish) Frankie Boyle: "Everytime she went for a shit the baby must have had to brace itself"

 

[Manul Otocolobus]

New mother at 50 = Violation of Nature

My aunt had a co-worker who was 51 and thought she was done with menopause and couldn't get pregnant anymore. So she stopped using birth control. And she got pregnant. She gave birth the same week as her daughter. There's nothing wrong with the kid. But change of life babies can happen. Hers wasn't intentional.

There was a very controversial episode of Maude where she had an abortion. She thought she was too old to have a child.

If I was the father, as soon as she told me, I'd break down crying. I can't imagine worse news at 50. At 50 I'd probably rather hear I had cancer than my wife being pregnant. Also, if they already had a kid, why keep that one?

Talking about paternal reactions to pregnancy. One of my good friends vomited in the sink the second his wife told him they were pregnant. I think that betrayed how he really felt about being a father (the baby was not planned). He's still a good dad though.

 

[Marvin]

Harvesting donor eggs is super invasive and shitty. It should be highly regulated. They have to pump women with really nasty fertility drugs and then open them up surgically, I think.

It's really just vulnerable poor women from sketchy countries that get into it.

 

[murph]

Harvesting donor eggs is super invasive and shitty. It should be highly regulated. They have to pump women with really nasty fertility drugs and then open them up surgically, I think.

It's really just vulnerable poor women from sketchy countries that get into it.

It's an invasive surgical procedure. It's not like you can put a bowl of Similac or Enfamil by a woman's crotch and wait for the eggs to shoot out.

 

[Miss Misery]

My grandfather was born when his mother was 50 (granted he was her third) so it CAN happen naturally. And my grandpa was strong, clever, hard-working man... but honestly he likely just won some sort of genetic lottery.

If you have to buy eggs from overseas to get pregnant during perimenopause then perhaps that's just God telling you eh... maybe not.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

So they'll be too old for the high energy requirement attention that a child needs, ignoring them and telling them to be quiet all the time.

And they can't make a good bet that they'll be around for their sake for more than 20-30 years of their lives.

 

[SparklyFetuses]

It isn't even her fucking kid, she just gestated someone else's egg for 9 months. IVF with a donor's eggs is the stupidest shit on the planet, either use your own or adopt.

Not a very good idea to use your own eggs if you're over 35, though. She could've adopted at least if she badly wanted a kid.

 

[keyboredsm4shthe2nd]

You selfish, narcissistic fuck.

 

[Bakarina]

Sounds like they spent way too much money on trying to get a child that at the end of the day isn't technically even biologically "theirs". It sounds like they could have gone through an agency or something and bought a young child using the same funds and been just as happy.

Idk why this lady decided that she needed to experience pregnancy at her age. Pregnancy can be difficult on a younger body, can't imagine the stress of growing a human at that age.