Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[Absurdity]

If he goes to Fatima and gets so thirsty he drinks some holy water, his exploding gunt will make all of you Catholic.

 

[Herpes Complex]

LOL no. It's almost guaranteed that he bought a non-refundable, non-transferrable plane ticket. Either he goes to Portugal NOW, or he loses all the money he spent. His declaration of buying travel insurance is a total lie, but a necessary one, because we would all have clued into the fact that he basically had no choice but to continue with his journey.

I miss the days of open return and refundable tickets as a given.

 

[Tommy's Mom]

Thing about fats in US vs fats in any other part of the world is the weird grotesque way fat is distributed on Americans. A 300 pounds fat European won't look as grotesque and misshapen as 200 pounds American for some reason most of the time.

High Fructose Corn Syrup is the culprit. It's literally in every food product, but only in the US. It is heavily restricted in literally every other country in the world. Your body literally does not know what to do with HFCS, so it turns it all into fat.

 

[Research Purposes Mostly]

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Hope he got insurance on his rental car.

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And yes, when you go on holiday for a few days why wouldn't you update your location on Twitter just to own a guy who has been there over a dozen times?

High-potency, maximum-density wigger shit.
It's like the Beverly Hillbillies if they had the Internet.
"WOW guys look the roads are BACKWARDS HERE!!"
I do know some people who change their location on social media when they travel.... all women, though.

 

[Pill Cosby]

I hope Ralph buys lots of legal heroin and has an OD just to own all the haters on the Karen Farms. I hope Ralph also gets fucked in the arse by a trans prostitute just to own digi too.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Portugal's obesity rate (24%), while a bit more than half that of the US, is still a significant amount. There are plenty of fatties in Portugal. Americans are notoriously fat but fatsos are not some rare unicorn in Europe like they are in Japan.

Someone being 40 lbs overweight meets the criteria for obesity. The measure is a BMI of 30. Being generous I put a height of 5’2 into the BMI calculator with a weight of 170 and got a BMI of 31, so someone the same height but weighing 200 lbs less than Ralph would be defined as obese.

Someone as morbidly obese as Ralph is an anomaly is Lisbon. Sure they have fat people and people with BMIs over 30 there, but Ralph has like a BMI of 70. I mean Ralph’s Gunt alone is a unicorn. Even really fat guys don’t normally have a giant front ass.

OTOH hand he can take comfort in his short stature not standing out there, only his massive width.

 

[WhimsicalTrolli]

Here's a parody for the newest arc of the gunt.

I took Benzos in Lisbon
I took a pill in ibiza by mike posner
Written by Cal Rollia

(Verse 1)
I took benzos in Lisbon
Told Sandra its nawt truu
I refused to get vaxxed
To pretend to be trad
When im far from that
I groomed a girl out in la
To own a coin merchant
Now im stuck in custody battles for a child I don't want
And knocked a pedo named may

(Chorus)
I'm sure you wanna be comped like me
know how much I spent on split liquor just like me
You don't want to step on stream be all alone.
You don't felted like this, you don't pay to see the gunt like this
You don't want to step on that stream saying step on that stream saying
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs, Darling
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs.

(Verse 2)
I was a streamer, who exposed matt being a flaggot, now 2 years later im looking at the mirror at how much I became a faggot
I can't keep a girl no, cause soon I got bored
I let ego get all loose and ask them do they who I am and up choking them out

(Chorus)
I'm sure you wanna be comped like me
know how much I spent on split liquor just like me
You don't want to step on stream be all alone.
You don't felted like this, you don't pay to see the gunt like this
You don't want to step on that stream saying step on that stream saying
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs, Darling
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs.

Acoustic version

 

[Caesare]

Does this only apply to US citizens, or do Europeans get arrested too, if they (let's say) fucked their underage GF and went on a vacation to the US? Age of consent <18 is law in a lot of countries, but usually with strings attached so greasy old gunts don't try to play sugardaddy.

Age of content is <18 in most of the United States. That said, nobody cares about who you're fucking. How would they even know who you had sex with, you silly fuck? What kind of retarded question is this?

 

[BadGoy1488]

Here's a parody for the newest arc of the gunt.

I took Benzos in Lisbon
I took a pill in ibiza by mike posner
Written by Cal Rollia

(Verse 1)
I took benzos in Lisbon
Told Sandra its last truu
I refused to get vaxxed
To pretend to be trad
When im far from that
I groomed a girl out in la
To own a coin merchant
Now im stuck in custody battles for a child I don't want
And knocked a pedo named may

(Chorus)
I'm sure you wanna be comped like me
know how much I spent on split liquor just like me
You don't want to step on stream be all alone.
You don't felted like this, you don't pay to see the gunt like this
You don't want to step on that stream saying step on that stream saying
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs, Darling
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs.

(Verse 2)
I was a streamer, who exposed matt being a flaggot, now 2 years later im looking at the mirror at how much I became a faggot
I can't keep a girl no, cause soon I got bored
I let ego get all loose and ask them do they who I am and up choking them out

(Chorus)
I'm sure you wanna be comped like me
know how much I spent on split liquor just like me
You don't want to step on stream be all alone.
You don't felted like this, you don't pay to see the gunt like this
You don't want to step on that stream saying step on that stream saying
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs, Darling
Ooh, I own, them damn alogs, alogs.

I swear you guys come up with more songs than a Lord of The Rings book

 

[WhimsicalTrolli]

I swear you guys come up with more songs than a Lord of The Rings book

I run on pure unadulterated weaponized Autism.

 

[Burd Turglar]

High Fructose Corn Syrup is the culprit. It's literally in every food product, but only in the US. It is heavily restricted in literally every other country in the world. Your body literally does not know what to do with HFCS, so it turns it all into fat.

I'll never understand how retards willingly consume that shit. It's cheaper to eat healthy but oooo noooo you might have to actually prepare your food.

 

[ThatDarnIrishMan]

Ralph finally woke up from his jetlag and took four pictures that weirdly don't include any prostitutes. What a cuck, can't even get laid in Lisbon lol

I like that he had to take one of the pictures with him in it as a way to prove he was there lol

 

[Realistic Elephant]

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Ralph finally woke up from his jetlag and took four pictures that weirdly don't include any prostitutes. What a cuck, can't even get laid in Lisbon lol

I like that he had to take one of the pictures with him in it as a way to prove he was there lol

It looks like he shopped himself into the photo...

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Age of content is <18 in most of the United States. That said, nobody cares about who you're fucking. How would they even know who you had sex with, you silly fuck? What kind of retarded question is this?

Almost all US entertainment comes from California, so pretty much the whole world (and most people in the US itself) that learn about US laws from their entertainment get their info about the US from California law. Hence AoC being 18, getting 5150'd if you're crazy, "187 on an undercover cop", etc.

The side effect is that California attitudes get exported worldwide to a certain extent.

 

[RussianParasite]

The measure is a BMI of 30. Being generous I put a height of 5’2 into the BMI calculator

This raises an interesting question. Is Ralph five one for both height and BMI?

Agreed with most posters here that most European fats aren’t super grotesque looking. Usually it’s a beer belly sort of look, not sagging off of nearly ever limb. Ralph will stand out quite a bit.

 

[Tommy's Mom]

Agreed with most posters here that most European fats aren’t super grotesque looking. Usually it’s a beer belly sort of look, not sagging off of nearly ever limb. Ralph will stand out quite a bit.

I've never seen a fat Euro with a front-facing ass crack before. Just saying.

 

[Mikoyan]

Almost all US entertainment comes from California, so pretty much the whole world (and most people in the US itself) that learn about US laws from their entertainment get their info about the US from California law. Hence AoC being 18, getting 5150'd if you're crazy, "187 on an undercover cop", etc.

The side effect is that California attitudes get exported worldwide to a certain extent.

I always wondered why there was a huge thing about "The DMV" being a bureaucratic hellscape because it wasn't too bad any of the places I lived.

Then I moved to California. Then I knew. That's what it's like there, so all the Hollywood writers just put it in everything.

 

[AnOminous]

Age of content is <18 in most of the United States. That said, nobody cares about who you're fucking. How would they even know who you had sex with, you silly fuck? What kind of retarded question is this?

Until you involve the Internet, the phone system, or anything that confers federal jurisdiction, whereupon the effective age is 18. So any sexy pictures change hands, even if the sex itself was legal, the product is federally CP if one of the participants was under 18. Also as recently pointed out here, while apparently it is legal to travel to have sex with a 16 year old, if it's the other way around, it violates the Mann Act, and again, you're on the hook federally.

 

[Stasi]

Look out Portugal, he's coming to thumb your daughters!

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

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Gotta love how he hides his chins with the emo girl pose from 2009.