Prediction thread

[Hummingbird]

I predict these future articles...

From Everyday Feminism
-From MC Search to Macklemore: How Dare White People Rap (Even the Good Ones)
-Why Elvis Should Be Dug Up and Set On Fire With Graceland
-Black Country Singers: Self-Hating Suck-Ups To the White Patriarchy or Victims of Enforced Assimilation?
-Am I Missgendering My Cats?
-Gay, White CIS Men Are Now On Our Shitlist
-"Shut-up and Put On That Dress!": Forcing Your Kid to Be Non-Binary
-The Internalized Racism of My Black Son's Love of Merle Haggard.
-How to Make Your White Allies Cry
-Man-Breathing: The New Threat to Womankind

From The Mary Sue
-What Do You Mean Furry Belle is a Parody of SJWs?
-Of Course Nikki Minaj Would Make a Great Iron Man!
-Why No, the Way Tuxedo Mask Treated Sailor Moon In the Dark Moon Saga Was Not Problematic
-Erica Henderson is Making Squirrel Girl a Nudist With No Censorship. A Victory For Women Everywhere!
-Dull Gray, a Great New Trend in Designing Female Characters.
-Anita Sarkeesian's Top Ten Fashion Tips
-Female, Asian, Pansexual Paraplegic Doesn't Get the Role of Indiana Jones? Whhhhyyyyy?
-Poll: Favorite Way to Masturbate to Dick Grayson

From Bikini Armor Battle Damage
-I Don't Care If Those Ladies Aren't Real. Boobplate on Fictional Characters is Murder!
-Why Big Breasts On Women Who Are Not Fat Don't Exist, Damnit!
-Even More Bitching About Quiet
-Why Women Who Are Not Conventionally Pretty Don't Count
-Coping Techniques When You See A Bare Ankle

 

[Hummingbird]

In attempts to appease the SJWs, Hollywood will remake Back to the Future with Chris Rock as Doc Brown. Thus leaving the good ladies at The Mary Sue in turmoil when they come to the conclusion that despite the fact that they did a race change, the movie will actually have to make the character goofy and silly.

 

[AnOminous]

In attempts to appease the SJWs, Hollywood will remake Back to the Future with Chris Rock as Doc Brown. Thus leaving the good ladies at The Mary Sue in turmoil when they come to the conclusion that despite the fact that they did a race change, the movie will actually have to make the character goofy and silly.

Chris Rock would not be a good replacement from an SJW standpoint.

He hates that shit.

 

[Hummingbird]

Chris Rock would not be a good replacement from an SJW standpoint.

He hates that shit.

Now who would be more SJW-friendly?

 

[Steamboat_Bill]

Now who would be more SJW-friendly?

A trans POC actor, of course.

 

[Zorceror44]

• Fez 2, developed by Yacht Club Games after buying the license from Phil Fish, is a massive hit and is the most critically acclaimed puzzle-platformer of all time. In an unrelated incident, Phil Fish cries himself to sleep.
• After North Korea declares war on the US, a single bottle rocket falls from the sky in Washington DC.
• Chris-Chan gets a show on TLC, which makes the general public sympathize with him and make him a celebrity overnight. News reporters everywhere wonder who this hacker named "Kiwi Farms" is.
• Zach Snyder announces "Goku V Superman" causing nerds everywhere to collectively shit their pants, only to find out it's coming after the eight-installment Dragon Ball movie franchise, causing them to shit their pants even more.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

Hoverboards will be commercially available in 2016, Bernie wins the presidency, and the white rhino will go extinct within the next 5 years more or less.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

I will be right about everything and you lot will regret not listening to me when you had the chance.

 

[Jack Haywood]

Everyone dies. The end.

 

[女鬼]

A particularly violent epidemic will ravage America, on a level comparable to the AIDS crisis.

With much difficulty, the origin of this new pathogen will eventually be traced to the bloated corpse of an unidentified vagrant, found dead under a bridge, clad in a "PROUD LATINX" shirt and bondage gear.

 

[Hummingbird]

Given the plague of SJWs, people everywhere gather together to make a giant public appology to the Bronies for once calling them the most annoying fucks on the internet.

 

[Hummingbird]

In attempt to pander even more to their fanbase, the writers for MLP decide to do an episode about accepting others who have unusual features with Milk Mare (NSFW). Where the Mane 6 will help her over come her insecurity over her enormous crotch teats by using them (when they over swell from not milking them) to put out a fire.

 

[Hummingbird]

Since looking professional at work is oppression, Everyday Feminism posts an article about how excepting people to bathe and wear deodorant is "scent-shaming". For their scent is a natural thing that shouldn't be covered up by the white patriarchy's soap and deodorants that shamed their people into being "clean". Either that or it becomes the latest 4Chan prank.

 

[GS 281]

This site will become overrun by trannies with axes to grind

 

[Another Fellow]

These are quite long and probably very spergy too, but they were fun to write and I like making predictions like this. I decided to write each as a full mini-story, instead of a sentence or two, because "concise" is not usually a word used to describe me. Nevertheless, I hope these jumbles of sentence-like ravings can find an audience...

Spoiler: North Korea's Secret Weapon

On its country's last legs, the North Korean army undergoes a project to develop a fleet of cheap and practical armored vehicles in one last hope of military success. Due to a translation error and general misunderstandings, much of their information on the West's armored vehicles comes from the Lolcow Wiki article on the Race War Van. As a result, the army opts to use this failed design for their own project. Dubbed "Glorious Juche War Vans," six of the planned 1,000 vans enter production, costing North Korea its entire war budget: 45,000,000 won, equivalent to $45 USD.

Due to resource constraints, the vans are only standard in that they all have wheels and are self-powered. Notably, only three regular engines could be provided; consequentially, vans #4 and #5 are powered by crude steam engines constructed from 55-gallon drums and cardboard paper-towel tubes. Van #6, the last to be built, uses a water-wheel to drive itself forward, powered by a bucket reservoir duct-taped to the roof. Armament varies from van to van, although all six have the "People's Liberator" mounted on the passenger side. This is little more than a Nerf gun with a single thumbtack glued to the nose of each dart.

No country on Earth bothers to declare war, opting to sit back and laugh together at these sad pieces of crap. Nevertheless, North Korea bravely declares war on an abandoned farm near the DMZ, a possible excuse to show the might of their new vans to the West. Tragically, 53 valiant soldiers perish on the first day when GJWV #4 collides with an abandoned tractor and starts a grass fire.

Spoiler: Operation: Tumblr Underground

97% of Tumblr's user base sign a petition declaring natural light to be triggering. Plans and talks to establish an underground "Tumblr colony" to move into initially come fast and free, but the project grinds to a halt when none of the project heads are willing to put their hard-earned Patreon monies towards it. Additionally, none of the Tumblrites are inclined to actually build the colony, calling physical labor triggering as well.

The American and Russian governments begin talks to merge the Tumblr colony project with the Chernobyl New Safe Confinement project, but call off the idea when they realize the resulting toxicity levels would likely destroy the Earth.

Spoiler: A Tranny in the Cishet White Male House?

As the Trump administration's third term winds down, a tranny announces intentions to run for POTUS as a third-party candidate, with a non-binary pee-oh-see as their running mate. Promising true equality and prosperity for all, including cishet white males, the candidates win support from coast to coast and all political stripes.

SJWs rejoice, until it is found out that (among other alleged transgressions) the candidates have only one set of pronouns each, are physically and mentally fit, and the tranny successfully passes as their desired sex. Rumors of grand-scale election boycotts in the major cities spread like wildfire, and the candidates are flooded with letters accusing them of every prejudice under the sun, real and imagined.

Finally, on the morning of Election Day, the boycotts are to begin. By the end of the voting session, the tranny and the poc win by a close majority with little to no boycott troubles. Records obtained from area police departments prepared for full-scale riots instead find that about 45-60 boycotters had gathered in all 15 of the cities decided as gathering places. The only injured party in the entirety of the boycotts was seven-year-old Tommy Watson, a young black boy from Des Moines who scraped his knee when he was knocked over by a white HAES activist trying to pursue a passing ice cream truck. Tumblr hears of this, but collectively shits itself and does nothing.

Spoiler: Sonichu: A Modern Classic

After much deliberation and talks with Chris, Cartoon Network greenlights Sonichu: The Animated Series as the new flagship show of its Adult Swim block. Adapted from the original comic books, the show follows Sonichu, Rosechu, Chris and the rest of CWCville on the adventures and struggles of their lives, featuring intricate, emotional plotlines and what entertainment critics called "some of the best, least autistic characters in history." The two-hour series debut, based on Sonichu 0, is received with critical acclaim, and awarded at least one of every accolade in the television industry, including several created specifically for S:TAS. Video games, toys, and other merchandise are brought out, and a live-action movie is in the works, starring a flesh-and-blood, genetically engineered Sonichu.

The twist is that this prediction actually happened...in Chris's mind.

 

[Hummingbird]

When getting upset over people dressing like Indians and Geisha for Halloween becomes old hat, SJWs decide that period costumes (flappers, greasers, non-steampunk Victorian ladies, cowboys, etc) from before 1965 are now offensive. Given those times were bad for minorites and its a display of white supremacy to dress from those eras.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

When getting upset over people dressing like Indians and Geisha for Halloween becomes old hat, SJWs decide that period costumes (flappers, greasers, non-steampunk Victorian ladies, cowboys, etc) from before 1965 are now offensive. Given those times were bad for minorites and its a display of white supremacy to dress from those eras.

They're not going to be truly happy until every white person without a Tumblr account has to wear a flat, grey, sack cloth smock with "SORRY" stenciled on the front.

 

[Vex Overmind]

A Keeper of Secrets is teleported into a liberal College campus, causing all of the students to engage in masochistic acts.

A Black Lives Matter protest suddenly ends up becoming a battleground for Tzeentch cultist who want to use the group to cause more terror and lulz, while Khorne cultist are just there to start shit.

Nurgle's rot begins to infect Europe thanks to the influx of migrants.

Donald Trump reveals himself as the Human-Emperor of mankind, and creates 20 legions of genetically modified super soldiers that begin to take over the world, thus the Imperium of Trump begins.

 

[Hummingbird]

Everyday Feminism latest article: "Politeness and Privilege: How good manners is holding us back".

 

[John Titor]

- 2015: American Civil War averted, thanks to Trump running for president.

- 2016: Trump wins election.

- 2017: Trump assassinated. Things start going to Hell and America gets splintered into many nations. Lottery systems in the United States has been discontinued. (Seriously guys, stop asking).

- 2018: Second American Civil War breaks out, cause unknown.

- 2019: Someone on the Kiwi Farms is a traitor and will sell us out to the SJWs and be sent to re-education camps. Trust no one.

- 2020: Viral epidemic kills 95% of world's supply of weed.

- 2023: Gabe Newell killed. Valve bombed, literally, all traces of Half-Life 3 disappears.

- 2031: GMOs will finally bite us in the ass.

- 2036: I warn my alternate timeline selves about what went wrong and try again.

- 2101: War was beginning.

In case you're wondering, Chris still shits in his pants and does nothing.