NerdShamer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
And this, folks, is why holographic watermarks exists on everything, nowadays.
Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)
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- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Most toilet antics when I was at school involve graffiti. "Tick if Bored." "I'd happily fuck [teacher]" "She's a lezbo" "[Teacher] blows goats, tick if agree." "Not lost your anal virginity yet? Call [boy] and he'll sort you out." "Bottom on sale, phone [number of boy considered to be Gay]" "I fucked [girl] in here, [date]" "Liar"
There was a lot of discussion in different handwritings on the walls. Literal shitposting, I would assume.
And of course, penises. Lots and lots of big spunking penises drawn in marker pen. From the crude two-second speednob through a more refined endeavour with hair on the balls, a throbbing vein in the shaft, and three (always exactly three) drips of cum emerging from the end, to one which was a bona fide work of art with shading.
My only toilet graffiti was above the urinals and said, "what are you looking here for, the joke is in your hands."
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
More or less this, but the one openly gay guy was pretty popular, so there was actually one of these about the class homophobe. This was even in the '80s, but homophobia was considered not to be some kind of heinous thoughtcrime, but just gauche and goofy, so the one guy who was incredibly homophobic was a joke.
We would all bully him by pretending to hit on him.
People still called each other faggots all the time though.
The stalls were definitely full of sexual comments about teachers, too. For the hot teachers, it was purely sincere, but there were also definitely "threads" about really repulsive, disgusting teachers.
For some reason, "I'll lick and suck your cock til your begging me to let you drip" was one of the most popular and verbally repeated. Someone actually brought in a red pen and corrected the errors. And "let me drip" became a catchphrase for when you just utterly facefucked someone at a game.
MysticMisty
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2013
Well, there was the kid my senior year who took a shit in the science hallway on purpose. His identity wasn't a mystery, though. That said, my middle school did have, for lack of a better term, booger bandit.
Early sixth grade year I went into a random ass bathroom stall, and was greeted by boogers all over the walls. Some were round, but many were large and flat, like they were carefully peeled off the nostrils before being stuck to the wall.
Needless to say, I got the fuck out of that stall. I later told my friends; the guys were shocked that a girl would do something so horribly disgusting. The girls, a lot less surprised. They also wanted to know which stall so they could see it for themselves. Conversation ends, and I forget all about it. Flash forward a few weeks later, I go in the stall and, oh right, the booger bandit. Who had been hard at work in the meantime as there were even more boogers on the walls.
There was an extra level to it though as a new player had come into things. This chick actually used the boogers as the centerpieces to her graffiti. Like, you'd see "FUCK YOU" written on the wall, and in the middle of one or more vowels would be a booger. You could tell she clearly planning and accommodating for previously placed boogers too, since the writing would be messed up in spots in order to accommodate for boogers.
I can't believe I just typed that.
There was no turning back from this rabbit hole now, so every few weeks I'd poke in to see how many more boogers would be added to the stall (and only this stall), and if the booger graffiti chick had been by lately as well. I was also curious to see at which point the school would acknowledge the booger bandit, since clearly the janitor decided he didn't get paid enough to scrape boogers off of walls a long-ass time ago. By the end of the year it was certainly a sight. I imagine the booger bandit(s) was proud of her handiwork, as was booger graffiti chick.
Summer passed and on the first day of the new school year I made a point to check out the booger stall. It turned out that my school painted the bathroom stalls over the summer, thereby giving everyone a clean slate for graffiti in the new school year. This, of course, included the booger stall. They did not bother to scrape off the boogers first, however, so now the stall was lumpy. But those of us who had been there last year knew what those lumps where, though new sixth graders didn't believe us.
New boogers did not appear, so either the booger bandit(s) got bored (unlikely) or left the school (more likely). Their legacy lived on through the lumpy stall however, even as new sixth graders found the sourceof the lumpiness a mystery.
Budget cuts finally caused the school to close, but somewhere, the mysterious lumpy stall remains (the landfill, probably).
Needless to say, I got the fuck out of that stall. I later told my friends; the guys were shocked that a girl would do something so horribly disgusting. The girls, a lot less surprised. They also wanted to know which stall so they could see it for themselves. Conversation ends, and I forget all about it. Flash forward a few weeks later, I go in the stall and, oh right, the booger bandit. Who had been hard at work in the meantime as there were even more boogers on the walls.
There was an extra level to it though as a new player had come into things. This chick actually used the boogers as the centerpieces to her graffiti. Like, you'd see "FUCK YOU" written on the wall, and in the middle of one or more vowels would be a booger. You could tell she clearly planning and accommodating for previously placed boogers too, since the writing would be messed up in spots in order to accommodate for boogers.
I can't believe I just typed that.
There was no turning back from this rabbit hole now, so every few weeks I'd poke in to see how many more boogers would be added to the stall (and only this stall), and if the booger graffiti chick had been by lately as well. I was also curious to see at which point the school would acknowledge the booger bandit, since clearly the janitor decided he didn't get paid enough to scrape boogers off of walls a long-ass time ago. By the end of the year it was certainly a sight. I imagine the booger bandit(s) was proud of her handiwork, as was booger graffiti chick.
Summer passed and on the first day of the new school year I made a point to check out the booger stall. It turned out that my school painted the bathroom stalls over the summer, thereby giving everyone a clean slate for graffiti in the new school year. This, of course, included the booger stall. They did not bother to scrape off the boogers first, however, so now the stall was lumpy. But those of us who had been there last year knew what those lumps where, though new sixth graders didn't believe us.
New boogers did not appear, so either the booger bandit(s) got bored (unlikely) or left the school (more likely). Their legacy lived on through the lumpy stall however, even as new sixth graders found the sourceof the lumpiness a mystery.
Budget cuts finally caused the school to close, but somewhere, the mysterious lumpy stall remains (the landfill, probably).
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I've never understood this about chicks. On average, they seem to be pretty decent in their behavior, not acting in an appalling manner, like males tend to do the instant they are away from their parents.
But when they do decide to get disgusting, females are the vilest, most evil, repulsive creatures imaginable. They do heinous things no male would even imagine.
But when they do decide to get disgusting, females are the vilest, most evil, repulsive creatures imaginable. They do heinous things no male would even imagine.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Girls are 100% the worst bullies IMO.
Boys who bully might gang up on and beat someone, then forget about it, or extort their lunch money, or harp on repeatedly about a failing of the victim ("you're gay," "you're fat," "your mother sucks dick for petrol money and still has to take the bus home.") Girls, on the other hand. They will get together and plan the utter destruction of their victims' life, and they will get away with it too. I would guess that the tampon shower scene in Carrie actually happened in real life at some point when Stephen King was a teacher. A girl I tried to convert from friend to gf at university was once the subject of the "make a fake party and befriend victim only to imprison them as an abuse magnet miles from home" prank.
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2016
No highschool toilet antics for me. All graffiti was easily wiped clean as I discovered when I tagged the stall (after playing Jet Set Radio) and finding it removed the next day.
In primary school though I once had such shitty aim at the urinal that the headmaster brought it up at assembly saying that he'd look through the security cameras to find out who did it. Never got caught
E: Actually, one time in highschool I was a little cunt and threw water over one of the stalls while someone was in it.
I legged it down the corridoor and then slowly walked back to confuse any would be pursuers. Found the guy I splashed and felt a bit guilty cos he was a guy in my class that I liked.
In primary school though I once had such shitty aim at the urinal that the headmaster brought it up at assembly saying that he'd look through the security cameras to find out who did it. Never got caught
E: Actually, one time in highschool I was a little cunt and threw water over one of the stalls while someone was in it.
I legged it down the corridoor and then slowly walked back to confuse any would be pursuers. Found the guy I splashed and felt a bit guilty cos he was a guy in my class that I liked.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
Isn't it illegal to put cameras in bathrooms in most schools?In primary school though I once had such shitty aim at the urinal that the headmaster brought it up at assembly saying that he'd look through the security cameras to find out who did it. Never got caught
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
You'd have thought so, but our school didn't get the memo.
In 1996 was the Dunblane massacre in Scotland. Basically some paedophile took his (legally held) collection of rifles into a school and shot a load of kids and a teacher. One of the kids not shot was none other than Andy Murray. Yes, that Andy Murray. Who went on to be quite good at tennis and win Wimbledon in 2013 and 2016.
Anyhow, the next week a load of burglar alarms and CCTV sprouted throughout the school I was at at that time including in the changing rooms. Fox, meet henhouse.
We also had keypad locks appear on the doors. I can still remember the code to the rear door, *1615. We were told that anyone attempting to go through the front door or elicit its code would be immediately given massive and horrible punishments. It was *1654 by the way.
Anyhow. The stories I had planned to put here.
1. William the Bastard and his secret test of character.
(Repost from some other thread)
So, this was about 1998 and I was in year 8 (13 years old) at a state grammar school here in Britain. It was double History, and our usual teacher was away for some reason which sucked because we could derail him for hours about random shit because he was into historical re-enactments and historic European martial arts and would happily regale us forever about the difference between a sabre, estoc, zweihander, and similar and how full plate was more hindrance than help because while you were trying to get to your feet with a busted leg some archer type would stab you through the heart under the arm, and all that.
His replacement was the formidable Head of History, a man with the face of Jim Davidson and the voice of Del Boy, but the heart of Herr Flick of the Gestapo. He was an evil, evil, man and his nickname was William the Bastard (because William the Conqueror, and he taught history, was called William, and was a bastard, like his Norman namesake). Anyhow. Having set us a load of stuff to do, he said he had to go over to some other room the other end of the school for some reason, and that he'd left confidential things under his desks which we weren't to look at, and if anyone tried, they'd get a Saturday Detention no argument.
Anyhow. Needless to say, one of our number thought, right, how's he gonna know, and went and looked under the desk. Within five minutes William the Bastard barged back into the room and with an outstretched finger, like Emile Zola's J'accuse, he rounded on the kid responsible and told him that he'd looked under the desk and was subject to immediate Saturday Detention.
"No I didn't, honest sir," said the kid responsible.
"Yes you did. I saw you," said WTB.
"How could you have from that other room?" said the kid.
"Aha!" said William the Bastard. "Because I didn't go to that room, did I. I went round the side into the outside cloister and stood on a bench and peered in through those high up windows in the exterior wall and watched you all from there! Now be quiet unless you want another Saturday Detention."
And it was true; he had done just that. He basically set us a secret test of character for no other reason than he wanted to fuck with us.
2. How the Porn Fairy cursed us in Geography.
Before widespread high speed internet access, so about 1999, pr0n was not something that was all that easy to come by. You could sit on dialup for minutes waiting for your chosen bobs and vagene to appear line by line and not get anywhere. This was risky because if someone picked up the phone or your parents walked in you would have to hit alt-F4 or disconnect and it was all gone. And we were 14 years old so obviously were gigantic coomers.
Now, this will be lost on most non Britbongs, but a very popular purveyor of televisual filth was a gentleman called Phil Sutcliffe who ran a company called Fiona Cooper Audio Visual. His business model was something that didn't so much skirt around laws on sale of explicit content at the time so much as leap backwards and forth over them, cock in hand, singing "I'm a Wanker" by Ivor Biggun. He also turned out to be a serial sex pest but back in 1999 that was still in the future. Basically, you would send off to a PO box in West Yorkshire which was advertised in the Sunday Sport and in (oddly enough) PC Format at the time, and he'd send you back a catalogue of the filth on offer. The conceit was that Fiona Cooper was a MILFy half-French model who persuaded young lasses to pose for art house videos of them disrobing and/or frigging at themselves and/or lezzing out, and this was all a big lie. It was Phil, a fat, sweaty old sex offender. It was always filmed in a big ol' farmhouse with a very distinctive fireplace, and for some reason always, without fail, had in the soundtrack New Age music often involving pan pipes. At the time it was illegal to sell adult videos by mail order, but Phil also had a cover business doing wedding videos and a very generic company name. You'd pick the girl or girls you liked out of this catalogue and by return if you sent cash or cheque for ten quid a VHS tape sans label would be sent to you by return.
Needless to say, when Jim Gilmour found a discarded Fiona Cooper catalogue in the bushes behind his house, he was immediately the most popular kid in the entire school. No, the entire TOWN. Everyone wanted to get their hands on it so they could grab access to hours of actual real commercial pornography without having to keep on dialup for days on end. But he kept it to himself because he thought that if he lent it out he'd never get it back and he'd never be able to wank himself blind.
See, because of the illegality at the time of mail order adult videos, they would be sent with generic covering letters saying something like, "Dear Sir, thank you for your custom. Your video under order number V2077/1 has been recorded and edited and is enclosed herewith." from a generic looking company name.
Now after a few weeks of this and the "can I have a lend of it Jim" turning to "I double dog dare you to actually order those tapes to prove you're not a big gay," our friend Jim Gilmour decided he had enough of just looking at the catalogue and trying not to jizz on it and ordered a video of two girls lezzing out, which he successfully recovered without alerting his parents.
Wouldn't you know it, the next Friday, by a stroke of extreme fortune it was double Geography and both our class and his (which were in adjacent rooms) had no teacher and the teacher covering had to teach some other class due to extreme staff absences. The TV on wheels was brought in to the room and we all piled in. Because we were going to see some bird named Helen and some other bird named Kathryn making with the Sapphic delights. Oh yes.
So the tape goes in the recorder and he hits play and basks in possibly being the most popular lad in the town forever. And... static. Then a picture forms, and it's not a Fiona Cooper tape. In fact, it's a recording of Gladiators from two years ago. Jim Gilmour goes utterly pale and spends the rest of the day hiding in the toilets because we were going to beat the shit out of him. You know how I said that the tapes from Fiona Cooper were unlabelled? Well, so was this one. And he mixed them up because most likely in a post masturbatory rush with his parents coming down the drive he just shoved whichever tape was into whichever box was closest. I mean, let's be honest, it could have been so much worse, and regarding Gladiators most of us had probably fapped over the idea of being up on the rings with Jet's thighs clamped around us (this is not an admission), but all the same, it was a serious disappointment and in my entire school life I'd never seen anyone go from hero to smelly spacker so fast.
The next year, broadband internet became affordable for the mass market in our area so we could have all the bobs and vagene we wanted and were no longer reliant on finding discarded jazz mags in bushes.
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2021
I feel this so much. I used to get extremely upset if people said nice shit to me because I had zero self esteem, still get super uncomfortable over compliments as an adult, especially if it’s repeated compliments over the same thing.
A few stories I remember from school:
There was a boy in my sisters grade who had molested a younger neighbor girl. He broke into her house at night and shot her mom and stepdad. Stepdad was killed, mo was paralyzed. He was arrested at school.
Another one, in middle school my friend was molested by another girl’s dad at a sleepover (lots of pedos in the town apparently). She and her mom reported it, before the trial the daughter of the pedo got a bunch of people to bully her and write shitty stuff all over the bleachers at school. She still testified against him but ended up going to a different school.
There was this very unfortunate looking girl who got elected as homecoming Queen as a joke.
Also there was two of the retards from sped class got into a full on brawl once. Ngl, I laughed. lol
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
In elementary school a teacher that fucking hated my guts tried to get me sent to special ed claiming I had Aspergers.
Too bad bitch, I'm just autistic.
Too bad bitch, I'm just autistic.
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2015
@Ginger Piglet Holy shit Fiona Cooper Video lol
I remember there were ads for them in the back sections of Swedish tabloids and men's weekly magazines too.
I remember there were ads for them in the back sections of Swedish tabloids and men's weekly magazines too.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Phil "Sooty" Sutcliffe made absolutely huge quantities of cash from it. It was him in his isolated Pennine farmhouse with a Sony Hi8 camera and the entire catalogue of New World Music. He also was, as stated, a sweaty balding sex offender and it wasn't uncommon for him to attempt to get a free go on tyro models by wandering out in front of the camera with his trousers down and then threatening to forget to book the taxi back to the railway station if they didn't give him a BJ at the least. He'd leave the camera on as well and then re-edit said BJs as "bonus features" on re-releases of older material.
Of course, he never tried this with any "name" models, just the more inexperienced ones. The fact he paid over the odds for a shoot also helped, shall we say, smooth things over.
My mother was into New Age music in the mid 1990s. She still has a rather large collection of tapes of folks like Asher Quinn, Phil Thornton, Terry Oldfield, Medwyn Goodall, and Native American chanting. Thanks to Uncle Fiona they will always be associated in my mind with some Yorkshire Lass escaping a nurse's uniform on a dodgy upload of a third gen VHS tape.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2021
In grade school we had a pretty sweet and new soccer court built, so everyone played soccer everytime we got the chance and it was the go to activity for every boy there, so of course I had to play along. However, I was incredibly shit at it, so I'd just be a hindrance to my team. One time when looking in the court's storage for a better quality ball I stumbled into a thing a wonder, a thick stick with some kind of plaster on its end. Kind of like getting a bucket, filling it with plaster and putting a stick in it, so of course I did the most logical thing, grabbed that fucking mace and began using it as a club to hit the ball with instead of being a normal person and kicking it. Because this was grade school and we were dumb and unsupervised kids, everyone just kinda put up with the maniac swinging 15 pounds of plaster at a ball. I did this for two years straight until one kid tried to do some kind of manuver instead of running in fear at the sight of my mace, and I hit him square in the head. Guy was bleeding everywhere and could barely stand up straight. Never saw him again.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
Dude we all secretly thought that Lola Bunny was hot back then, it's just that most of us were smart enough not to tell anyone.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2020
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2021
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
You probably weren't even alive when the movie came out zoomer fag.
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- Joined
- Aug 7, 2021
This thread reminded of some good middle school stories, so I'm back here.
In middle school I was an absolute autism magnet due to having shared interests with the local weirdos, but also someone that had learned to act as a normie when necessary, and being captain of one of the two basketball teams (that's a story for another time) gave me a decent standing in the retarded middle school social ladder.
The sped in this particular story is a guy we'll call K, high functioning autistic, but had some serious anger issues and problems with boundaries. The group in general had no issues with the "special" kids, but his outbursts and weird behavior put everyone off rather quickly, so he had no friends other than this guy in a wheelchair that could break his bones by walking (really chill and smart dude btw). So K was a gaming sperg, he was obsessed with Halo, Skyrim and Assassin's Creed and would constantly talk about it to wheelchair guy, who did not play any videogames.
One time I told him I also loved Halo and Assasin's Creed in passing, and holy shit, it was as though he had seen a revelation from God, his face lit up and started frantically talking about both. I followed the conversation to be polite, and when he realized I knew a thing or two about those games, he did not stop until he was told to shut up by a teacher. During the following days he would seek me out at every turn and try talking about Assassin's Creed, even when I was playing basketball with some of the lads, he would follow me to the court and start screaming about Ezio Auditore like a maniac.
However, that was not the worst.
When he finally realized I was not going to give him the attention he wanted, he tried to get it through other means, which included pulling down my pants in the middle of the class (he tried this 5 TIMES, thanfully only succeded once), constantly grabbing my stuff and hiding my backpack. One time he pulled my arm, looked me dead in the eye and told me "I love you" in a deadpan voice. The breaking point was when he walked up to my desk and just plopped down his half chubbed dick in the armrest of my desk, several people saw it, and that point I just snapped and punched him in the face. After that he said I was his sworn enemy and would sometimes glare at me from across the classroom. I think he even switched from an Xbox 360 to a Playstation 3 because only evil people like me played on Xbox, Chris-chan style.
There's a ton more stories about other people in that school, maybe I'll write about it later
In middle school I was an absolute autism magnet due to having shared interests with the local weirdos, but also someone that had learned to act as a normie when necessary, and being captain of one of the two basketball teams (that's a story for another time) gave me a decent standing in the retarded middle school social ladder.
The sped in this particular story is a guy we'll call K, high functioning autistic, but had some serious anger issues and problems with boundaries. The group in general had no issues with the "special" kids, but his outbursts and weird behavior put everyone off rather quickly, so he had no friends other than this guy in a wheelchair that could break his bones by walking (really chill and smart dude btw). So K was a gaming sperg, he was obsessed with Halo, Skyrim and Assassin's Creed and would constantly talk about it to wheelchair guy, who did not play any videogames.
One time I told him I also loved Halo and Assasin's Creed in passing, and holy shit, it was as though he had seen a revelation from God, his face lit up and started frantically talking about both. I followed the conversation to be polite, and when he realized I knew a thing or two about those games, he did not stop until he was told to shut up by a teacher. During the following days he would seek me out at every turn and try talking about Assassin's Creed, even when I was playing basketball with some of the lads, he would follow me to the court and start screaming about Ezio Auditore like a maniac.
However, that was not the worst.
When he finally realized I was not going to give him the attention he wanted, he tried to get it through other means, which included pulling down my pants in the middle of the class (he tried this 5 TIMES, thanfully only succeded once), constantly grabbing my stuff and hiding my backpack. One time he pulled my arm, looked me dead in the eye and told me "I love you" in a deadpan voice. The breaking point was when he walked up to my desk and just plopped down his half chubbed dick in the armrest of my desk, several people saw it, and that point I just snapped and punched him in the face. After that he said I was his sworn enemy and would sometimes glare at me from across the classroom. I think he even switched from an Xbox 360 to a Playstation 3 because only evil people like me played on Xbox, Chris-chan style.
There's a ton more stories about other people in that school, maybe I'll write about it later
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2021
Anyone else have the naruto kid in school? We had one, she would wear the headband and run around hiding behind shit, even the hand movement bs.