Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Law]

White ladies need to use SPF 50 AT MINIMUM EVERY SINGLE DAY.

They also need to not be 400 pounds. I think that helps.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

To be fair, the only good Poptarts are the S'mores ones. As a dessert, not breakfast.

And Bowie's probably thin because Tess probably feasts first, then let's Bowie have what's left over. And goddamn, I do not understand why she can't fucking give him a haircut. Great clips is super cheap (which can mean you get a wonky, uneven haircut), but just cutting his hair to shoulder length would be better than how long his hair is now. Or hell, be an edgy mom and give him a mohawk. Just cut his damn hair already!!!

I have a sneaky feeling she likes Bowies' hair long, for the fact people say what a cute girl she is, and that gives Tess the opportunity to inform people he is a boy, and to not make assumptions about a child's hair length.

 

[Meiwaku]

I pray bowie stays skinny, I have previously spergged on this but over 90% of fat kids become fat adults. Bowie is cute (despite being developmentally behind), he also doesn't wait on mom's every word because despite being a narc Tess is too neglectful to spend enough time to groom him into a caregiver . So I'm hoping that influences like his big bro can be good for him.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Bowie doesnt have an ig? I think that is a lie. As usual.

 

[NaggotFigger]

Bowie doesnt have an ig? I think that is a lie. As usual.

Truth to be told, Tess is ugly and I will never trust anything she said about her life or bringing up Bowie onto her posts. What a liar that she lied that Bowie never has a Insta account.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Bowie doesnt have an ig? I think that is a lie. As usual.

I don't even know why she bothered lying about that. She and Olly both tagged his insta account in the bullshit “diverse family” photos not even 4 weeks ago.

I'm honestly surprised she hasn't tried getting his account going again, especially with the taste test videos. My only guess as to why not is she probably can't be bothered running two accounts.

 

[High Hedgie]

I don't even know why she bothered lying about that. She and Olly both tagged his insta account in the bullshit “diverse family” photos not even 4 weeks ago.
I'm honestly surprised she hasn't tried getting his account going again, especially with the taste test videos. My only guess as to why not is she probably can't be bothered running two accounts.

It should take attention from her and that simply CANNOT happen. I mean can you imagine if a 4yo got MORE followers and love on his page than Messy Tessy?

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I don't even know why she bothered lying about that. She and Olly both tagged his insta account in the bullshit “diverse family” photos not even 4 weeks ago.
I'm honestly surprised she hasn't tried getting his account going again, especially with the taste test videos. My only guess as to why not is she probably can't be bothered running two accounts.

She expects people to believe she’s anorexic, she weighs less than she does, and a highly sought after supermodel. I mean, why not lie about this? This lie would barely register to her.

 

[Oscar Winner]

She expects people to believe she’s anorexic, she weighs less than she does, and a highly sought after supermodel. I mean, why not lie about this? This lie would barely register to her.

I guess it's a pointless and easily proven lie, whereas the other ones she has something to gain, or just protects her ego. I forget that some people lie without thinking or reason, there doesn't always have to be a motive.

 

[Water-T]

I don't even know why she bothered lying about that. She and Olly both tagged his insta account in the bullshit “diverse family” photos not even 4 weeks ago.
I'm honestly surprised she hasn't tried getting his account going again, especially with the taste test videos. My only guess as to why not is she probably can't be bothered running two accounts.

Tess is lying about it because she realized that minors that young aren't (and shouldn't be) allowed to have personal IG accounts. I'd bet she also got frightened by the handful of creepy messages from pedos that ended up in Bowie's DMs.

 

[Stephanie Brown]

And Bowie's probably thin because Tess probably feasts first, then let's Bowie have what's left over.

https://youtu.be/jHFTATeWH5g?t=20

 

[NoReturn]

Bowie doesnt have an ig? I think that is a lie. As usual.

She's so buttmad.

She expects people to believe she’s anorexic,

she weighs less than she does,

and a highly sought after supermodel.

 

[Gay Mouth]

After being sexually assaulted by Tess' chest butt for the thousandth time, I noticed that her cleavage is so long it makes her head look like a balloon on the end of a string. Her plumber's front is approximately as long as two of her egg head.

Spoiler: 10,000 hours of autism in ms paint

 

[CaseyTatumm]

After being sexually assaulted by Tess' chest butt for the thousandth time, I noticed that her cleavage is so long it makes her head look like a balloon on the end of a string. Her plumber's front is approximately as long as two of her egg head.

Spoiler: 10,000 hours of autism in ms paint

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Accurate photo of Tubbers

Spoiler

 

[Pina Colada]

She's so buttmad.
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>I don’t care if my kids grow up to be fat
And the 2022 Mawm of the Year award goes to...

 

[Water-T]

They're not even really "Taste Tests With Bowie", since the poor boy barely gets a crumb. It's more like "Tess Makes Feeder John Bait While Piggybacking on Her Son's Cuteness"

 

[multiverse]

She's so buttmad.
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Note that she refers to the Gucci slides as a present. Yes, we know, Ryann: you get paid for cake farting with low end designer goods a few times per year.

The shoes are the only thing from Gucci that might fit you... but I'd wager that not even the flip flops are going to fit your flat, splayed, hoofs.

 

[Water-T]

Note that she refers to the Gucci slides as a present. Yes, we know, Ryann: you get paid for cake farting with low end designer goods a few times per year.

The shoes are the only thing from Gucci that might fit you... but I'd wager that not even the flip flops are going to fit your flat, splayed, hoofs.

There was also that robe by Versace that she could barely put on her whale carcass, much less close.

 

[unwieldy_object]

She's so buttmad.
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I'm sorry but I can't get over how fucking stupid this commenter is.
"Diet habits" in this context mean literally what you eat, i.e learning to eat a balanced diet with the appropriate food groups to ensure that you stay healthy and get all the vitamins and minerals you need.
It does not mean going on a diet with restrictions to lose weight.
People are so fucking retarded.

Gimme my top hats, I'm officially mati.

 

[ADHD]

She expects people to believe she’s anorexic, she weighs less than she does, and a highly sought after supermodel. I mean, why not lie about this? This lie would barely register to her.

She expects people to believe Bowie can read the IG comments?