Chantal is reminded that Nader exists and is an asshole, but instead of addressing Nader she starts talking about DeeDee. No more rescue for you DumDumDeeDee! Apparently it is unfair to respond to any of the crazy things said by our beloved Gunt or laugh at any of the jokes at her expense lest you become another childish name for Chantal to toss around.
WE ARE ALL INSECURE ABOUT PEETZ CHANTAL: He is a pedophile apologist who writes rape fanfic.
Our lovely lady Cuntal gets upset and very eye roll llama shaking over the fact that D2 will not leave.
"We know you're just staying there till payday and then he's going to tag along with you to Montreal". Yes and that clearly angers you.
"Keep Peetz out of your mouth" Chantal nobody wants Peetz anywhere near their mouth.
Chantal spergs for a bit about how stupid D2 is for wanting to be around Nader and living with him, though she moved half her stuff in to his trap like an insecure young woman trying to lay claim to some good dick.
We diverge back into the normal rawr angry Chantal is strong independent floozy. She gets upset enough for her
"I WILL RANT AS MUCH AS I WANT IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE". Thanks Chins, we were a little worried you would mature and actually stop talking about your drama.
"THAT JUICE TODAY WAS FROM MY BLENDER, EVEN THE CLOTH UNDER HIS CUTTING BOARD IS MINE!"
And whose fault is that Chantal? Also, you forgot that it's your CINNAMON.
"I have to buy a whole new fucking wardrobe" good thing you exist in the land of fats fashion and everything is sweatshop crap.
After circling through a quick rage Chantal diverts back to places she will never go such as Maui, HI; Manhattan, New York; and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. We quickly return to D2 and the VIB attempt to assuage the wounded ego of their great mistress Chimptal who assures us she is not jealous at all and she is going on a cruise with Karlee and Josh (not our Jersh cause she is a hater of the huwhite men and Null is pure as the driven snow).
We see a light fixture but never fear it is not THE light fixture of BP Chat rage inducement, it is the slightly less infuriating bedroom ceiling light. This light has a gold trim and is clearly superior as it is upstairs. This is semi-okay. After a moment we return to Chantal laughing hysterically into her hand because "Someone in 15 minutes needs to remind her to take her pills". Ma'am set an alarm on your phone or that smart watch you never use.
SHE HATES THTS LYING CRAP HEAD WHO IS SUCH A LIAR. Which is of course why she is so nonplussed that D2 is practically living at the Le Gatineau Trap.
Plus he talks about her every night - how strange...and oddly familiar. Yet despite her protestations he just isn't grateful she GaVE hiM a PLAtfORM. Monica shows up though, to help soothe the Gunt as we slide down the llama toward our inevitable doom on the encrusted carpeting. Pee can be heard in the background, probably upset about whatever Twatter Troon he feels isn't getting enough acclaim for being so stunning and brave.
Chantal has worked herself up enough that she hurples off the llama, walks around, and then decides she is going to need water for her rant and maybe those pills she is supposed to be taking. Luckily she has a desk and some BBQ almonds to monch on so her tummy doesn't get upset. Cause it's so empty from the barely eating and that recent trip to the ER (
).
She is continuing to drink not from a glass, but from the measuring cup from her kitchen. Thanks OXO! We need our Gunt nice and hydrated for maximum milk and you've really been delivering sine Coldie was lost in the Custody Battle of ZBap. That being said we need to see that she is taking her pills, she is going to get heathy, this is her GLOW UP IN PROGRESS. Suck it haters. OXO and amoxicillin for the win! It isn't easy either "
Every single day I try to hold it together". So does your badly stretched skin but it's a losing battle we all love to watch.
Chantal has been informed of the Nader Garage Sale and is now above this because she has almonds, she doesn't want it back, she doesn't need it, she is Smugtal who is going to go on her Eurocruise and glow up, hanging with her friends Karlee and Josh while she finds hot brown men to film OF content with, This devolves into several moments of staring smugly, smirky, and chomping almonds before Chantal remembers she should probably speak.
"It's going to be punishment enough for you when you have to live with DeeDee for the rest of your fucking life." Chantal, you act like this is a covenant marriage and even in those - spoiler - you can get a divorce. They aren't becoming one being like the creature from The Thing.
Our lovely lady Buffalo Hump has forgotten all about how she wants to save D2 and rants about how stupid and dumb she is, and how she feels a burning hatred for both D2 and her beloved Ejyupt. She's never felt this way before! She has no idea what it is like to make someone else her entire personality and then feel betrayed and fly into villainizing everything they do!
SHE WILL CALL THE POLICE AND TELL HIS PO HOW HE TREATED HER SHE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS!
"I'm not very smart, at all" we know Chantal, it's part of what we love about you.
After this brief desk rant we are back on the llama, and then back to our new light fren on mute. Why? Who knows. The light is so angry about this it starts shaking, or it could be the dimensional merge really is on, or she's stalking Nader and using her piggywiggy fingers to try to see what he is up to making the entire phone shake.
Chantal finally admits she has nothing on Nader but a clip of him like yelling at her, she thought she had more but did not. Tessa who will not shut the fuck up tonight is surely crushed. No one else seems even mildly surprised. To distract us we get cat deflection and baby talk Chantal, she loves Sam so much you guys he is the only man she needs. Sam sneezes in her face, I for one appreciate this.
Since Nader is such a bad guy and she doesn't care about him at all she is going to do some personal story time about him (okay dear), as we would love those. She also advises us that the women she was going to meet with have retracted - aka they didn't exist and she made it up.
Even on 1.5x there are several minutes of dead air, lip smacking, nose picking, and then cat deflection again. Sam is now having none of this and will not comply. Chantal tells us she is going to bed but we're only 3/4 of the way through. I feel that I speak for all of BP chat when I say this:
JUST GO THEN.
This week Chantal, Roman, and Kiwi are going to do cooking so we should stay tuned for that and check out Roman's channel. $5 to every person in the thread who said she'd make the same mistake again. One has to wonder if she thinks that Roman will guntguard for her and provide a buffer that she couldn't get out of Nader. This seems like more than a jealousy thing but I'm also bored with the Nader arc and just want to see something new. Plus Kiwi is based and a wig snatch would provide us bountiful .gif!
Chantal rants again that Nader is insecure and needs to stop talking about her and Peetz all the time, as she certainly doesn't talk about Nader all the time. ONLY WHEN PEOPLE KEEP BRINGING HIM UP SHE IS OVER IT OKAY!? Oh, that's over, we're back to weird voice cat deflection.
I thought you were leaving. Please leave.
Oops Nader again, she gave him so much financial support and he treats her like the worst person on the planet but
"Whatever, fuck". She needs to justify to a VIB that she didn't do this to try to control Nader she did it out of LOVE and because she CARES. She has a big heart. Not because it's engorged like her gunt, but because she isn't a grinch.
Nader needs to stop (per Chantal) being: Homophonic, homophobic, and transphobic against Peetz.
How is this still going? Kill me now.
She has no feelings for him, they could get married tomorrow and have kids and she wouldn't give a flying fuck. THIS IS ABOUT PEE. She needs him to stop talking about Pee. This is a noble thing guys, she isn't talking about him because she's obsessed. She's just being a good friend. Besides Peetz doesn't talk about Nader (lolwut?).
Jafar ring is worth nothing per Chantal, but she doesn't ever want it back. They just don't have enough of a personality between the two of them...to...what? Nobody will know cause that thought devolved into llama rubbing. Then she realizes that she can threaten to have him arrested for theft and call the cops cause he stole her ring and is selling it - minus all the times she's on record saying it is his, she doesn't want it, and he can sell it....like right now 15 seconds later.
HE BROKE MY MEDICAL DEVICE HE BROKE MY ZBAP! REEE.
She is cycling between pre-chimp and oh-so-tired.
I am ready to meet my savior if this stream continues any longer. Lord take me home.
Chantal is rambling around and now is addressing Nader about the clothes that were stolen from the porch but then magically reappeared but she doesn't want to talk about him ever again he is dead to her he needs to have a nice life with D2 she hates them! Nothing but a fart in the wind! Just stop talking about her and Pee!!!!
Tessa the VIB is still going, and I dislike her nearly as much as Missymoo at this point.
Someone has messaged Chantal and she is ignoring the chat rubbing her doo-rag randomly yawning and code switching. Oh. We're back and DeeDee has once again the villain deserving no sympathy for seeing everything that Chin's has gone through but we're done talking about him. Except when it comes to things at the Trap that are hers like the Ninja.
Chantal has forgotten her admission that she has nothing on Nader and starts ranting that she has LOTS OF MESSAGES ON HIM A LOT.
She will see us tomorrow for coffee beeze, if they're open on Family Day.
Less than 3 minutes later she starts talking about Nader again and how he forced her to write a long message to Pee about how horrible he is and disrespectful, but she totally called Pee after and told him to ignore it. Cause she's a strong independent woman! She only said bad things about Pee because she wanted to keep him happy - he is obsessed with Pee. OBSESSED.
Anyway...she's going to bed.
My name must be Carol Ann, I can see a light.
Chantal wants to go on a road trip.
She takes responsibility and she doesn't care if he's trashing her. She doesn't fucking care! She is OVER IT. She doesn't want to talk about him at all it just puts her in a bad mood. We're huffing into the llama.
We don't know what it's like to be with Nader but Peetz understood. Gunt offers to tell people whatever they want to know, then proceeds to ignore every message and advise she is never going back to him again (while her nemesis D2 is there...). Messages scroll by with questions snarky and sincere, but we're sitting in silence before cat deflecting and mumbling some statements that ultimately are never addressed.
Our stream is drawing to a close, our Sex Worker Qween is tired and she needs to go to sleep. Tiny grunting noises accompany her piggy hoof scrolls as she reassures the worried VIB she will never go back. Never in Hell. Maybe she will file a police report.
BIG YAWN and she is out.
