Grand Jury speculation thread

[Bent_Duck]

Maybe a local clothes shop could use a sagging old mannequin? :p

Maybe Tales from the Crypt could use a new Crypt Keeper puppet...

 

[Lancelot]

Which shows you already knew he was planning it. Or at least looking forward to it.



Why would you believe that?

You'll never lose a wager by underestimating Chris.




That's not a-logging, low key or otherwise.

I understand that you're new to Chris, but you really should learn the lingo before trying to use it.



Again, how so? It's a series of various hypotheticals exploring the differences between various historical societies as they'd relate to Chris, not really a critique of Chris himself. That's neither a-logging nor kicking the autistic.

Recognizing that the universe kicks the autistic is not, itself, kicking the autistic.



I'm not going to waste time on the whole nature versus nurture red herring. Without Bob and Barb, there would be no Chris in the first place.

However, Chris is responsible for himself.




In Chris' context, where the fleabag hotel is a temporary placement, the indigents aren't paying. The taxpayer is.

Its a complicated issue to approach regarding nature vs nurture. One can recognise a person was largely or in part made to be a certain way due to upbringing, while still holding him accountable for the choices he ultimately makes. I give a little bit more leeway to chris chan because of him being tarded . Its fairly clear the way that chris chan understands the world ( to the limited extent that he can) is uniquely limited.

Now do I think its limited enough that he shouldnt be punished ? no. I feel a bit of pity for him , but regardless of the outcome to this trial; his life as he knew it is over. His little cave of seclusion and fantasy; his room at home is long gone. He wont have his tiny cadre of enablers left, he wont have a home, he likely will be registered sex offender, he likely wont ever be able to see his mother again . You would think chris chan's life a year ago would have been the ultimate nightmare scenario for any semi normal person. Even then he had things he could have done to turn things around. Now I genuinely think he has passed a point of zero return; completely and truly ruining any potential left in his life.

 

[Uncle Meat]

He has a mouth. Perhaps he could offer “healing” to especially cheap and desperate degenerates?

After all, Jesus washed feet...

 

[Jack Awful]

I didn't think he would go through with it. I genuinely believed he had some kind of moral boundaries or fiber. I don't know, I'm kind of like one of those moms with those psycho kids, who don't believe their kids could actually murder them until they're dead.

Agreed. I guess Chris has been around so long without raping anyone despite displaying obvious warning signs that we assumed it'd never happen.

 

[Eradicate]

0-0

 

[Eradicate]

Some dumb shit no one cares about

Bro I already explained it, if you're too dense to understand then it's on you

You can't just come up with a single dumbass scenario that you're trying to mask as a substantive """"hypothetical"""" and then conclude CHRIS IS A GAY RETARD MOTHERFUCKER IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES HE HE HE

You're just making up shit with a pseudointellectual veneer and trying to pass it off as some sort of legit intellectual exercise when, again, the whole point is just to make fun of CWC

But you're clearly some pompous know it all that has to laugh at lolcows to feel better about your own life so that's not gonna change

 

[Pointless Sperg]

I’m going to wonder what the transcript will look like since it’s going to be interesting read

There is no transcript. In Virginia, courts as the district level do not have court transcripts, it's not worth it to put that much effort into recording every detail of a shoplifting case. There will not be a transcript unless the prosecution decides they must convict Chris of a felony and send him to Circuit Court, or if for some retarded reason Chris isn't happy with his outcome in J&DR court and appeals it.

 

[Josterman]

There is no transcript. In Virginia, courts as the district level do not have court transcripts, it's not worth it to put that much effort into recording every detail of a shoplifting case. There will not be a transcript unless the prosecution decides they must convict Chris of a felony and send him to Circuit Court, or if for some retarded reason Chris isn't happy with his outcome in J&DR court and appeals it.

Fuck man

 

[AnOminous]

There is no transcript. In Virginia, courts as the district level do not have court transcripts, it's not worth it to put that much effort into recording every detail of a shoplifting case.

They generally do record even fairly insignificant proceedings. That's not very expensive. It's actually turning them into a transcript that gets expensive so it's generally only done if the case is appealed. In a voluminously litigated case just doing this can cost as much as your legal fees. Maybe not parking tickets or shoplifting, but I'm pretty sure a sex crime is taken more seriously.

Some things don't get recorded at all, like scheduling conferences and other non-substantive proceedings. Even these de rigeur proceedings are usually at least memorialized in a minute entry on the docket.

About the only place I've seen with outrageously bad record keeping would be New York's local "justice courts," which are often benched by non-lawyers and even high school dropouts, sometimes with no records of proceedings whatsoever, orders scrawled in semi-literate handwriting, and just absolute primitive nonsense like holding court in a fire station garage.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

They generally do record even fairly insignificant proceedings. That's not very expensive. It's actually turning them into a transcript that gets expensive so it's generally only done if the case is appealed. In a voluminously litigated case just doing this can cost as much as your legal fees. Maybe not parking tickets or shoplifting, but I'm pretty sure a sex crime is taken more seriously.

Some things don't get recorded at all, like scheduling conferences and other non-substantive proceedings. Even these de rigeur proceedings are usually at least memorialized in a minute entry on the docket.

About the only place I've seen with outrageously bad record keeping would be New York's local "justice courts," which are often benched by non-lawyers and even high school dropouts, sometimes with no records of proceedings whatsoever, orders scrawled in semi-literate handwriting, and just absolute primitive nonsense like holding court in a fire station garage.

Even if the court is making an audio/video recording of it, we will probably never be allowed to see it as it's a closed hearing.

Notably not even Chris can record it, as the right for parties or counsel to record proceedings is only guaranteed for General District, not J&DR. ( § 16.1-69.35:2 ) , or in proceedings in Circuit Court not being recorded by the court ( § 17.1-128.1 )

EDIT: That said, if they recorded the first J&DR hearing, that was not a closed hearing, so it may be possible for enterprising weens to request a copy of the foot stamping and shouting.

 

[AnOminous]

(Also please tell Chris that he obtains a copy of Milton's Paradise Lost and Dante's Alligheri's Divine Comedy, Inferno being an absolute must)

I think Chris would like Inferno because he could put people he didn't like there, much as Dante himself did but more autistically.

EDIT: That said, if they recorded the first J&DR hearing, that was not a closed hearing, so it may be possible for enterprising weens to request a copy of the foot stamping and shouting.

Yeah, there were media there. The actual audio would actually be more interesting than a transcript since we don't really have any legal need for a transcript.

 

[Uncle Meat]

If we could get the transcripts, it would just look like this...

Attorney for Defense: Your honor, if it please the court...
Defendant: REEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEE...
(Defendant drops to Hedgehog Defense Mode.)
Judge: Bailiff, please remove Mr. Chandler... Oh, I mean MISS.

 

[Bent_Duck]

You can get a brand new <50cc chinese vespa knockoff for about $500. If weens can afford "some lego", they can afford that for Chris.

Would Chris need to obtain motorcycle license for a scooter or would his standard drivers license be sufficient?

 

[Hogar Grupal]

Would Chris need to obtain motorcycle license for a scooter or would his standard drivers license be sufficient?

When thinking on this two things come to mind when imagining Chris on a motorcycle:

1. Would he/Can he keep his balance (has Chris even been on a bicycle)?
2. Would he be comfortable on a motorcycle given he's used to a car and thinks "why can't I clutter my motor bike?"

 

[Pappy Striderite]

the whole point is just to make fun of CWC

yes.

little boy, are you lost? you seem lost.

Perhaps he could offer “healing” to especially cheap and desperate degenerates?

at that point he just becomes a gimp in somebody's basement.

 

[Cybertonia]

When thinking on this two things come to mind when imagining Chris on a motorcycle:

1. Would he/Can he keep his balance (has Chris even been on a bicycle)?
2. Would he be comfortable on a motorcycle given he's used to a car and thinks "why can't I clutter my motor bike?"

He can't keep 4 wheels going straight on the road without hitting everything, why would you think that taking wheels away would help him?

 

[I swear she's 18]

Would Chris need to obtain motorcycle license for a scooter or would his standard drivers license be sufficient?

I think A-№1 brought this up (getting a bike) and explained that a 49cc bike can be ridden without a motorcycle license. Hence a cheaper alternative to a vehicle. That is if Chris is willing and his fat ass doesn't break it/topple over.

edit: Meant A-№1 not pointless sperg

 

[AnOminous]

Would Chris need to obtain motorcycle license for a scooter or would his standard drivers license be sufficient?

He'd probably get killed riding one, either hit by a car or just fall over like a retard. Has he even ridden a bicycle since he was a kid?

2. Would he be comfortable on a motorcycle given he's used to a car and thinks "why can't I clutter my motor bike?"

A Vespa type scooter isn't much. I still think he'd eventually get killed. But if he tried to ride an actual motorcycle he'd probably die the first time.

 

[A-№1]

I give a little bit more leeway to chris chan because of him being tarded

He's more lazy and entitled than retarded. There are people far more profoundly mentally challenged than Chris who overcome their challenges and do better than Chris ever would.

Seriously, Chris gives autism a bad name.

Now do I think its limited enough that he shouldnt be punished ?

It's pointless to wish punishment upon Chris. He has more than suffering enough waiting for him whether you (or he) wishes for it or not. That's something a-logs never understand.

Now I genuinely think he has passed a point of zero return;

There never was any such point.

The only way Chris would EVER turn his life around would require he first recognize his own flaws and work (hard) to correct them. Chris will never do that. Evidence: when he gets arrested for fucking and stealing from his own mother, does he admit that was wrong? No. What does Chris do instead? He declares himself God.

You can't just come up with a single dumbass scenario that you're trying to mask as a substantive """"hypothetical""""

The fuck is it that you think we do here?

Speculating on "what would happen to Chris in 13th century France" is no different from speculating "what would happen to Chris if he returns to 14BLC".

and then conclude CHRIS IS A GAY RETARD MOTHERFUCKER IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES HE HE HE

I strongly suggest you go back and re-read the thread.

the whole point is just to make fun of CWC

Then why are you so angry?

But you're clearly some pompous know it all that has to laugh at lolcows to feel better about your own life so that's not gonna change

Spoiler: the forums are about Chris, not me. Please try to stay on topic.

There is no transcript.

There would probably be a video recording though. They tend to leave the cameras running in case of trouble that they might need to document later. A lot of wacky shit can go down when dealing with domestic relations.

A video recording would be more useful anyways since I'm not sure your average stenographer would be able to make enough sense of Chris' mutterings to transcribe them.

That said, there's no way we'd ever get access to those recordings, even if they haven't already been overwritten. We might be able to get access to the initial hearing recording because that might not have qualified as J&DR yet and I believe was open to the public, but I don't foresee much success there.

They generally do record even fairly insignificant proceedings. That's not very expensive.

Often they leave the cameras running simply because that's easier than finding the clerk who knows how to turn them off. Also accidentally failing to record something that needed to be on record is a big problem, whereas recording something that doesn't need to go on record is not.

tl;dr: It's not so much a matter of what gets recorded as what recordings get preserved. The video probably is (or at least was) out there, but we'll likely never get our hands on it.

It's actually turning them into a transcript that gets expensive so it's generally only done if the case is appealed.

This. Cameras are cheap. People are expensive.

That said, if they recorded the first J&DR hearing, that was not a closed hearing, so it may be possible for enterprising weens to request a copy of the foot stamping and shouting.

Was it officially J&DR at that point?

They'd probably have to request the full session. I don't see a records clerk bothering to pick out just the Chris stuff.

Would Chris need to obtain motorcycle license for a scooter or would his standard drivers license be sufficient?

Most states require a valid driver's license but don't require a motorcycle endorsement if the engine is below a certain size (usually 50 cubic centimeters) and the top speed is below a certain limit (usually 35 miles per hour on a level road). This is why there are so many scooters out there with 49.99cc engines, and Chris-Chunk would be lucky to make 25mph on a 50cc engine. Also he couldn't ride on highways or freeways, and he would still need a helmet. I would be surprised if Virginia is any different .

Edit: Virginia isn't different.

At least those are the legal requirements. Whether or not Chris can actually ride…

why would you think that taking wheels away would help him?

It would help all the vulnerable pedestrians around him.

Has he even ridden a bicycle since he was a kid?

I'm not certain Chris has ever ridden a bicycle. He claimed to have a scar from falling off a bicycle when he was a child, but that only proves he couldn't ride at some point, not that he ever could. He also claimed to be able to ride in messages to Jackie and Kacey and other love interests, but never provided any video proof of that because his bicycle was "tucked away". And we all know how true and honest Chris is to his love interests.

A Vespa type scooter isn't much. I still think he'd eventually get killed.

It's a wager between hideously injuring / killing himself or breaking the scooter first through incompetence and neglect.

Also, some vespas can be pretty beefy, but Chris would need a proper motorcycle endorsement to get on one of them.

But if he tried to ride an actual motorcycle he'd probably die the first time.

Absolutely. However there's no way he would ever pass the endorsement exam, either written or practical.

For that matter, how the hell did Chris pass the written exam to get a driver's license in the first place? I keep saying he's more lazy than he is stupid, and the fact that he somehow managed to pass the written test tends to show that. Or it could be the Virginia DMV was itself the stupid one there; what were they thinking?

 

[Pointless Sperg]

Was it officially J&DR at that point?

They'd probably have to request the full session. I don't see a records clerk bothering to pick out just the Chris stuff.

The first two hearings were open to the public. The first hearing was August 4th in General District and was (that we know of) mostly uneventful and just had Chris assigned his attorney (Heilberg was not present, he was just contacted and assigned), and the case transferred to J&DR.

The second hearing on August 5th was the only one in J&DR that was public, which had Heilberg present. The best documentation we have is this news report. As they proceeded with the initial bail determination, Consolvo commented about what Ethan Ralph had done at the motel, which is when Chris yelled about how he was famous on the internet.

The judge then offered Chris a chance to ask for bail, querying him about what his plans were for where he would live, how he would get to court dates, etc. Since recent reforms in Virginia, there is now a presumption that the accused will be released and the burden is on the prosecution to prove that there is an overriding need to keep the defendant jailed. The judge was thus still very much open to releasing Chris. Chris fucked it up by not answering the question about his plans, and instead made the demand to go get his toys. The judge then denied bail for Chris, but immediately offered a new bond hearing to Heilberg to give him time to work it out with Chris since he had only been able to meet Chris that morning. Heilberg apparently did not take the offer, and instead asked for time for a psych eval.

While we don't know if bail was ever discussed again, the fact that the next hearing was not for almost a month and a half would indicate it was probably not, as they are supposed to happen within three court days (i.e. not counting weekends or holidays) of when the review is requested. While it's possible one happened and we just never found out about it, we definitely would have known if Heilberg had requested it at the open hearing, since the next date would have been set in the near future and not five weeks later. This is why I'm fairly certain that Heilberg simply agreed that it was best to keep Chris in jail.