- Joined
- Apr 11, 2020
I'm writing this in my phone's text pad so that the website doesn't lose it, as I have time through the day, so I won't be using the reply or quote functions. This will be one long post to everyone who commented on my belief that she's a meth addict. I'm explaining more about why I still believe she's using meth despite what you all say, and explain some things about drugs and addicts in general.
Anyways, even though pretty much everyone thinks I'm wrong, to me she fits the bill of a "functional" secret meth addict so (almost) perfectly that I'll be very surprised if we later learn that she isn't using meth when horny posting 12 hours straight. Everyone saying BPD does this too? for 12 fucking hours straight? I've never seen any BPD person horny posting 12 hours straight. They get horny, sure, but not like that and not for 12 hours. I actually enjoy being wrong these days, it means I've just learned something new. So I really hope we do find out for sure one way or another eventually, I'll be happy just knowing. I really find the idea that she's not on meth kinda unbelievable, she just ticks way too many of the boxes I once learned to recognize from years ago. To my mind and experience, she's seems an almost obvious meth addict. If someone can act like that on adderall because they're also BPD, that'll be something new to me.
Adderall and meth are not "one molecule away from each other", this simply isn't true. Plenty of people seem to think this though, which is why so many functional meth addicts will claim they're actually on adderall. Even if it were true, it's an extremely disingenuous over-simplification that belies the importance of a single molecule (or group) to the overall intensity/effect of a drug. When it comes to drugs, single molecules/groups matter big time.
Let's talk about heroin for a moment, because it's analogous to methamphetamine in a few ways as I'm about to show you. Heroin is scientifically called diacetylmorphine. It's a morphine molecule with two acetyl groups attached to it. When a user shoots up heroin (if they were to eat it then it'd mostly get processed by the liver first, administration route like injecting, intra-nasal, oral, anal, sublingual, etc is also very important), the heroin ends up dropping the two acetyl groups as it crosses the blood brain barrier (BBB). Since it's able to lose those two acetyl groups, it's able to cross the BBB faster than anything else (I think), even vitamin C. This is what gives the user their very pleasurable "rush". Black tar heroin is mostly mono-acetylmorphine IIRC, this is why tar addicts love getting their hands on some china white when they can. When I learned a lot of this stuff, it was presented as "current theory" and may have changed or been updated in these years (less than a decade) since I haven't kept up with it.
Anyway, this difference between heroin and morphine is analogous to the difference between methamphetamine and regular amphetamine. The methamphetamine molecule loses its methyl group as it crosses the BBB and its ability to do this allows it to cross a whole lot faster. Again, this is just what I was taught once upon a time. Still, I wouldn't say that adderall is analogous to morphine if we're comparing heroin/morphine to methamphetamine/amphetamine. Adderall would be more analogous to something like vicodin or oxycodone, a step below straight morphine imo. This is because adderall isn't straight amphetamine, it's mixed with amphetamine salt.
I don't have any professional experience in the mental health field working with different types of super-speds. I've been around people with varying levels of BPD here and there like everyone else, but I've only ever seen certain types of meth addicts behave and look like she does. I have an enormous amount of experience interacting with functional addicts, unfortunately. Easily there have been hundreds (maybe even low thousands) of them that I've dealt with in person at one time or another years ago. These were confirmed users, not people that I very strongly suspected of using like Alyssa. These are people that weren't in recovery and most had never been to anything like rehab before, because they were able to (somehow) keep paying their bills amidst the periods of chaos that even functional addicts will go through. People addicted not just to uppers but downer addicts as well. Many who liked using both simultaneously, and yes these more extreme ones were still functional addicts. "One to lift you up, the other to even you out." Using downers with your meth means you won't have to lie to everyone by saying you're on adderall, but it's more expensive going both directions for obvious reasons.
I think we've all heard stories about someone that took their first hit off of a meth pipe and was homeless less than 3 months later, but I've personally never seen this ever actually happen. Not saying it hasn't, but it must be a lot more rare than the common person seems to think. Heroin addicts and meth addicts are very different. With an opiate addiction the addict is facing some very painful and unpleasant withdrawal symptoms if they don't get their drugs or meds in time. I've seen tons of meth addicts that actually cycle their drug use, not unlike people who use steroids. Cycling isn't usually an option for an opiate addict, but many functional meth addicts remain functional by cycling. If you smoke a bowl of meth once a day for a month straight and then suddenly stop, you'll be very tired and eat a lot for maybe a week, feel kinda down/depressed for a few weeks, but then you'll be mostly back to normal after just 2-3 weeks max usually. That's if that was your first and only period of using meth, though.
The big trouble with meth addiction is that it changes your brain slowly over time a whole lot more than opiates would. The clean time between meth use cycles gets shorter and shorter because their brain is becoming so used to being absolutely flooded with dopamine that normal activities will eventually seem very boring, bordering on impossible to engage in when sober. Sometimes a person's first cycle on meth lasts a few years continuously, then they might stay clean for 5-10 years. Once they've tried meth though, they've begun the process of becoming okay with it, so the more they've done it in the past means the more likely they'll eventually use it again at some point in the future, even if they're currently living sober. That's the real danger of trying meth even just once. The very first usage might last a day or two and they'll get tired and hungry and a little cranky as it wears off, but then it's back to normal. So then they'll end up thinking, what's the big scare about? It's no big deal. They'll be even less hesitant the second time they use it than they were the first time.
When it comes to cycling meth, most of the people cycling are younger people. Older people are less likely to try meth if they haven't before. Most older (like 40-50yo, "older") addicts started when they were younger but can't control it enough to cycle anymore. Someone is more likely to cycle if they rely on someone else for support, like a job or a parent, and they're worried about being fired or cut off if their addiction is revealed. The trust fund kid whose parents already know and don't care he's an addict dgaf. It's mostly anyone who has some very powerful reasons for controlling their addiction that end up cycling it. These reasons might be strong but unfortunately weren't strong enough in the first place to prevent their initial experimentation. It's sad.
I very highly doubt that she's on adderall. What dr would keep filling her script when she's acting so crazy all the time? If she doesn't have a script, then buying adderall illicitly is far, far more expensive than meth is. I've never seen anyone on adderall have mood swings like she does, that's definitely more of a meth thing. Never seen anyone cry hysterically on adderall publicly, but plenty bawling their fucking eyes out in front of the neighborhood while on meth, grown men included. Meth ends up making people very emotional (horny, angry, depressed) while simultaneously suppressing their empathy. That's such a bad combo because they wind up unable to judge anything logically anymore while becoming selfishness personified. All amphetamines tend to lead to depression after a while, but her quick changes are much more aligned with meth use imo. I know that BPD also causes mood swings, but not quite like that. Not that I've ever seen anyway. She acts just like another histrionic, BPD girl nursing a meth addiction I used to know. The one I knew avoided social media and wasn't a tranny but many other similarities are very compelling. Making weird noises randomly, speaking in accents, talking only through song/singing for (I was told) an entire day, having "alters" or other spirits inside you, etc.
Most functional addicts don't have any sort of persecution complex in my experience. Maybe that's what happens once they wind up in rehab or treatment, trying to quit for good after things got really bad? The ones who are still going to work and paying their bills seem to think they're like the absolute greatest, or something. Like they can simply do no wrong. They seem to frequently think they're invincible whenever they aren't depressed af.
As far as her acne being testosterone related, that's certainly possible but I doubt it. Steroid acne is and looks different than meth acne. Meth pimples are usually deeper, almost like minor cysts than regular pimples, more painful and difficult to pop, apparently. Her acne looks and seems more like meth acne than roid acne imo. Also, she doesn't have the acne all the time, I'm not going to check but IIRC she had some bad acne for a few months but then it cleared up. She was using T before and after her various breakouts, I believe. Meth acne, in my observations, seems to be mostly related to how meth batches are made. I'm not entirely sure what its real cause is, but something I noticed is that whenever people are saying "it's different than it usually is" about the meth available in their area you'll see this meth acne begin setting in or clearing up (if they already had it). It goes away or comes back in an area whenever the addicts notice the area's meth has changed somehow. Tastes a little different or feels a little different, I couldn't tell you. Just because someone is doing meth constantly doesn't mean they'll be covered in acne all the time, in fact most of the time they'll never have any acne from hidden meth abuse. If they don't have access to a decent, quality consistent meth supply then they'll be broken out more often because of that.
Another way you can spot people on meth is how they look and move, how the muscles in their face move or sit as they change expressions or talk or smile or whatever. This facial tension hasn't been remotely similar to anything I've seen in all the ADHD types I've known over the years who are truly ab/using adderall. Sometimes the meth face is super obvious (like on some homeless people) but it becomes harder to detect when you're dealing with the ones who are trying to hide their addiction, claiming they're on adderall or whatever. It took me the longest time to pick up on the fact they all have it because there's quite a bit of variation in how meth users faces change while they're on meth. Some people clench their jaw, some have their eyes open just a little too wide, some hold their mouth in a very slightly weird and unrelaxed way. I only really started to get good at noticing it after being around several dozen functional meth addicts over the years. Then one day I noticed I could tell that someone who looked very normal at a store was on meth, looking normal enough that probably not many other people would notice anything at all, because the face thing was not something that stuck out to me previously. It's because I was seeing the same unusual...let's call it "meth microexpressions" that I saw in at least one other meth addict's face before. If I'm being honest, while I've seen some video/images of her with meth microexpressions before, it hasn't been very much overall. Less than expected but still present.
Being able to see the meth microexpressions in a stranger's face isn't an ability anyone will ever be able to pick up through reading text, it's not something that can easily be taught. It's more like the sexing of baby chickens, if you've ever read about how someone becomes trained at being able to tell the difference between baby male and female chickens. Even if you can do it you can't fully explain to anyone else how it's done, you're just picking up on it somehow. Sometimes it's MDMA instead of meth that I'm noticing, but never adderall.
A sure tell is if you can smell the meth coming out in their sweat. It has a certain odd, slightly pungent odor that you don't notice at first but becomes more obvious after interacting with more of them. Doesn't really apply here, it's just another sign you eventually learn to recognize after being around a lot of functional addicts for a while.
Let's talk about heroin for a moment, because it's analogous to methamphetamine in a few ways as I'm about to show you. Heroin is scientifically called diacetylmorphine. It's a morphine molecule with two acetyl groups attached to it. When a user shoots up heroin (if they were to eat it then it'd mostly get processed by the liver first, administration route like injecting, intra-nasal, oral, anal, sublingual, etc is also very important), the heroin ends up dropping the two acetyl groups as it crosses the blood brain barrier (BBB). Since it's able to lose those two acetyl groups, it's able to cross the BBB faster than anything else (I think), even vitamin C. This is what gives the user their very pleasurable "rush". Black tar heroin is mostly mono-acetylmorphine IIRC, this is why tar addicts love getting their hands on some china white when they can. When I learned a lot of this stuff, it was presented as "current theory" and may have changed or been updated in these years (less than a decade) since I haven't kept up with it.
Anyway, this difference between heroin and morphine is analogous to the difference between methamphetamine and regular amphetamine. The methamphetamine molecule loses its methyl group as it crosses the BBB and its ability to do this allows it to cross a whole lot faster. Again, this is just what I was taught once upon a time. Still, I wouldn't say that adderall is analogous to morphine if we're comparing heroin/morphine to methamphetamine/amphetamine. Adderall would be more analogous to something like vicodin or oxycodone, a step below straight morphine imo. This is because adderall isn't straight amphetamine, it's mixed with amphetamine salt.
I don't have any professional experience in the mental health field working with different types of super-speds. I've been around people with varying levels of BPD here and there like everyone else, but I've only ever seen certain types of meth addicts behave and look like she does. I have an enormous amount of experience interacting with functional addicts, unfortunately. Easily there have been hundreds (maybe even low thousands) of them that I've dealt with in person at one time or another years ago. These were confirmed users, not people that I very strongly suspected of using like Alyssa. These are people that weren't in recovery and most had never been to anything like rehab before, because they were able to (somehow) keep paying their bills amidst the periods of chaos that even functional addicts will go through. People addicted not just to uppers but downer addicts as well. Many who liked using both simultaneously, and yes these more extreme ones were still functional addicts. "One to lift you up, the other to even you out." Using downers with your meth means you won't have to lie to everyone by saying you're on adderall, but it's more expensive going both directions for obvious reasons.
I think we've all heard stories about someone that took their first hit off of a meth pipe and was homeless less than 3 months later, but I've personally never seen this ever actually happen. Not saying it hasn't, but it must be a lot more rare than the common person seems to think. Heroin addicts and meth addicts are very different. With an opiate addiction the addict is facing some very painful and unpleasant withdrawal symptoms if they don't get their drugs or meds in time. I've seen tons of meth addicts that actually cycle their drug use, not unlike people who use steroids. Cycling isn't usually an option for an opiate addict, but many functional meth addicts remain functional by cycling. If you smoke a bowl of meth once a day for a month straight and then suddenly stop, you'll be very tired and eat a lot for maybe a week, feel kinda down/depressed for a few weeks, but then you'll be mostly back to normal after just 2-3 weeks max usually. That's if that was your first and only period of using meth, though.
The big trouble with meth addiction is that it changes your brain slowly over time a whole lot more than opiates would. The clean time between meth use cycles gets shorter and shorter because their brain is becoming so used to being absolutely flooded with dopamine that normal activities will eventually seem very boring, bordering on impossible to engage in when sober. Sometimes a person's first cycle on meth lasts a few years continuously, then they might stay clean for 5-10 years. Once they've tried meth though, they've begun the process of becoming okay with it, so the more they've done it in the past means the more likely they'll eventually use it again at some point in the future, even if they're currently living sober. That's the real danger of trying meth even just once. The very first usage might last a day or two and they'll get tired and hungry and a little cranky as it wears off, but then it's back to normal. So then they'll end up thinking, what's the big scare about? It's no big deal. They'll be even less hesitant the second time they use it than they were the first time.
When it comes to cycling meth, most of the people cycling are younger people. Older people are less likely to try meth if they haven't before. Most older (like 40-50yo, "older") addicts started when they were younger but can't control it enough to cycle anymore. Someone is more likely to cycle if they rely on someone else for support, like a job or a parent, and they're worried about being fired or cut off if their addiction is revealed. The trust fund kid whose parents already know and don't care he's an addict dgaf. It's mostly anyone who has some very powerful reasons for controlling their addiction that end up cycling it. These reasons might be strong but unfortunately weren't strong enough in the first place to prevent their initial experimentation. It's sad.
I very highly doubt that she's on adderall. What dr would keep filling her script when she's acting so crazy all the time? If she doesn't have a script, then buying adderall illicitly is far, far more expensive than meth is. I've never seen anyone on adderall have mood swings like she does, that's definitely more of a meth thing. Never seen anyone cry hysterically on adderall publicly, but plenty bawling their fucking eyes out in front of the neighborhood while on meth, grown men included. Meth ends up making people very emotional (horny, angry, depressed) while simultaneously suppressing their empathy. That's such a bad combo because they wind up unable to judge anything logically anymore while becoming selfishness personified. All amphetamines tend to lead to depression after a while, but her quick changes are much more aligned with meth use imo. I know that BPD also causes mood swings, but not quite like that. Not that I've ever seen anyway. She acts just like another histrionic, BPD girl nursing a meth addiction I used to know. The one I knew avoided social media and wasn't a tranny but many other similarities are very compelling. Making weird noises randomly, speaking in accents, talking only through song/singing for (I was told) an entire day, having "alters" or other spirits inside you, etc.
Most functional addicts don't have any sort of persecution complex in my experience. Maybe that's what happens once they wind up in rehab or treatment, trying to quit for good after things got really bad? The ones who are still going to work and paying their bills seem to think they're like the absolute greatest, or something. Like they can simply do no wrong. They seem to frequently think they're invincible whenever they aren't depressed af.
As far as her acne being testosterone related, that's certainly possible but I doubt it. Steroid acne is and looks different than meth acne. Meth pimples are usually deeper, almost like minor cysts than regular pimples, more painful and difficult to pop, apparently. Her acne looks and seems more like meth acne than roid acne imo. Also, she doesn't have the acne all the time, I'm not going to check but IIRC she had some bad acne for a few months but then it cleared up. She was using T before and after her various breakouts, I believe. Meth acne, in my observations, seems to be mostly related to how meth batches are made. I'm not entirely sure what its real cause is, but something I noticed is that whenever people are saying "it's different than it usually is" about the meth available in their area you'll see this meth acne begin setting in or clearing up (if they already had it). It goes away or comes back in an area whenever the addicts notice the area's meth has changed somehow. Tastes a little different or feels a little different, I couldn't tell you. Just because someone is doing meth constantly doesn't mean they'll be covered in acne all the time, in fact most of the time they'll never have any acne from hidden meth abuse. If they don't have access to a decent, quality consistent meth supply then they'll be broken out more often because of that.
Another way you can spot people on meth is how they look and move, how the muscles in their face move or sit as they change expressions or talk or smile or whatever. This facial tension hasn't been remotely similar to anything I've seen in all the ADHD types I've known over the years who are truly ab/using adderall. Sometimes the meth face is super obvious (like on some homeless people) but it becomes harder to detect when you're dealing with the ones who are trying to hide their addiction, claiming they're on adderall or whatever. It took me the longest time to pick up on the fact they all have it because there's quite a bit of variation in how meth users faces change while they're on meth. Some people clench their jaw, some have their eyes open just a little too wide, some hold their mouth in a very slightly weird and unrelaxed way. I only really started to get good at noticing it after being around several dozen functional meth addicts over the years. Then one day I noticed I could tell that someone who looked very normal at a store was on meth, looking normal enough that probably not many other people would notice anything at all, because the face thing was not something that stuck out to me previously. It's because I was seeing the same unusual...let's call it "meth microexpressions" that I saw in at least one other meth addict's face before. If I'm being honest, while I've seen some video/images of her with meth microexpressions before, it hasn't been very much overall. Less than expected but still present.
Being able to see the meth microexpressions in a stranger's face isn't an ability anyone will ever be able to pick up through reading text, it's not something that can easily be taught. It's more like the sexing of baby chickens, if you've ever read about how someone becomes trained at being able to tell the difference between baby male and female chickens. Even if you can do it you can't fully explain to anyone else how it's done, you're just picking up on it somehow. Sometimes it's MDMA instead of meth that I'm noticing, but never adderall.
A sure tell is if you can smell the meth coming out in their sweat. It has a certain odd, slightly pungent odor that you don't notice at first but becomes more obvious after interacting with more of them. Doesn't really apply here, it's just another sign you eventually learn to recognize after being around a lot of functional addicts for a while.
of us. It's kind of why I struggle even putting down mild disorders on the internet just because we don't know the full story or her med history but we DO know there is something wrong. 
