I should have noticed this before, but Matt is going to become Lord Ryder. Whenever people mentioned that character here it was always Lord Ryder, I didn't remember seeing the full name before so I assumed this Matt character was the father or some other relative. But no, this's the origins of her biggest Mary Sue ever... who also dresses as a Sith, it's constantly bashing the superiors who have every right to doubt him, has ridiculous moments of sentimentalism that come out of nowhere and "would do anything" for his love. The same Mary Sue who constantly "punishes" said superior without suffering any consequences and
destroys planets/civilizations without any issue.
Lord Ryder is the prequel for Alaina. The only original thing about Alaina is that she's black and was born a woman, but they're absolutely the same character, written with almost a decade of difference.
Chapter 4:
Meg's birthday. Lois gave Meg what every girl wants: "Lois had gotten her a new purse, leather and very expensinve. Meg gasped when she saw it, and slung it around her shoulder immediatly." What woman doesn't love be given some leather by her mom?
There's a dance happening. I don't know of what. School? She's at school after turning 19? Matt/Alaina offers to go with Meg.
"But nobody can see you without your sword", Lois said, "You're holding it right now".
"Relax", Matt said, "I'll talk to God".
"And if he can't help you?".
"You know what they say", Matt said, "If you can't beat 'em...join 'em. If you can't join 'em...bribe 'em. If you can't
bribe 'em...blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em...beat the living shit out of them".
When God says no, suddenly Alainatt is an expert on Cristianity.
"...Are you really just out to fuck me over?", Matt asked, "Or do you just like being a lazy bastard that enjoys having
people worship him for no reason?".
"I fail to see your meaning?", God said.
"The message of Christianity is that their God is supposed to be all powerful and benevolant. But when life turns
completley to shit, we have to think up all kinds of reasons as to why 'kindly old Gog' decided to run over little
Timmy with a combine harvester, and left him in a state of vegatative limbless agony for nine fucking years".
With a flash of bright light, Matt was gone. He appeared within seconds in the Griffin living room. He gripped his
sword, and sat down on the couch.
"...So how'd it go?", Peter asked.
"Don't talk to me Peter", Matt said, "...He said no".
"I thought you were gonna kick his ass", Peter said.
"Oh I will...but not yet", Matt replied, "I have my own divine powers. I can probably make myself visible for a night if
I concentrate hard enough".
The divine powers he speaks of? The Force. No, really. The Force.
Lois dropped the pot she was holding in surprise, but Matt reached out and caught it
with some light power. He steadied it, then telekineticly set it back on the stove.
Lord Alainer has a theme song.
"Actually, I turned ninteen on the day you unplugged me", Matt replied.
"So you...", Meg began.
"Died on my birthday? Yeah", Matt said.
"Oh my...that's terrible", she said, hugging him, "I'm so sorry".
"For what?", Matt said, hugging her back, "I'm still here. And I have a new theme song".
"What would that be?", Meg asked.
Matt picked up his gutair and began to play.
"Here we are born to be kings.
Were the princes of the universe.
I am immortal I have inside me blood of kings.
I have no rival no man can be my equal.
Take me to the future of your world"
Oh, god. She added a cutaway joke about Oprah.
Lord Rydiana has red eyes that activate when someone insult his one true love.
"Well...aren't you going to say anything?", she said, "Or are you too much of a cheap slut to do anything about it?
You being here with this Star Wars nerd of all people".
Matt's head snapped up, and his red eyes burned. It wasn't the crack about his robes that angered him, it was what
Connie had called her: a cheap slut. Matt let go of Meg, and turned around to face Connie.
"What did you just say to her?", Matt said in a calm, yet frightening tone.
"I said she was a cheap slut", Connie said, "What are you going to do about it?".
Matt merely nodded, but the result was much more than expected. Connie was lifted into the air, and thrown twenty
feet back, where she collided with the backboard of a basketball hoop, then fell into said hoop, where she was
stuck. Her friends ran away in fear, leaving Meg and Matt alone.
Chapter 5:
The kid that Lord Alaina saved from cancer is one the news. His older brother was the one who attempted to rape Meg.
We find out that Lord Ryderiana is Not Like Other Angels because he was an atheist when he died.
"What was that for?", he asked, unable to surpress a smile.
"You saved that little boy", Meg said.
"Ahh, it's no big deal", Matt said, shrugging it off.
"Can all Guardian Angels do that?", Meg said.
"Yes...God can do it to", Matt said with disgust, "But they're so arrogant that they don't bother".
"I thought God was supposed to love all his children", Meg said.
"That's what Christianity says", Matt replied, "Only that's a lie. God is this dickhead who is competing with all the
other deity's in the biggest dickhead competition".
"And his Angels are just like that?", Peter asked, "Why aren't you?".
"Two reasons. One, I never went through proper training when I was granted my job", he said, "And two, I was an
Athiest when I died, so I don't give a flying fuck about God's so-called rules".
A cutaway joke about Georg Lucas just for this. I don't know.
A young man is watching the last of Revenge Of The Sith in the theater, and the scene approaches.
"Where is Padme", Anakin said, "Is she safe? Is she alright?".
"It seems...in your anger...you killed her", Palpatine said.
"I...I couldn't have...she was alive! I felt it!", Anakin replied.
Everything started to shatter, and Vader broke free from the table.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", he yelled.
"Oh my god", the man said, "I should totally make fun of that, I mean that was just the worst thing in Star Wars
history".
Lord Ryderalaina's apparently so stupid that he doesn't notice when Meg burns her arm and only knows about it when he prodes into her mind without even waiting a response. Peter was the one to burn her arm so Mattiana uses the Force, I mean, his "divine powers" to slam him against the wall.
A rare moment of self-awareness from Liliana of the past.
Man this one was painful to write. It didn't seem to go anywhere and I felt obligated to finish it when it was
halfway done. So, in that case, sorry if it sucks.
Chapter 6:
Mattiana defends Meg from the abuse of Peter by kissing her in front of him, proof that he really loves her. But then she vomits on his mouth.
Matt regained his composure, then looked at Meg in surprise.
"Meg", he said, "Did you just throw up in my mouth?".
"What?", Meg asked in surprise.
"I felt vomit leave your mouth, then enter mine", Matt said, disgusted.
"I have no idea what your---", Meg stopped abruptly, then clapped her hands to her mouth and ran upstairs. Three
seconds later, all they could hear was hurling sounds coming from the bathroom.
"She's probably got that bug going around", Brian said, "Sorry about that Matt".
Liliana hated Rocky Horror Show even back then and Meg is pregnant.
"Meg, when was the last time you had sex", Dr Hartman asked.
"Over four years ago", Meg said, remembering the Jimmy Fallon incident, "And that was the only time I had sex".
"Well that's strange, because according to this, you're pregnant", Dr Hartman said abruptly.
Meg was silent for a moment, then her eyes went wide. Matt's eyes did the same thing.
"How the hell does that happen without sex?", she asked.
"I have absolutely no idea", Hartman said, "This is a first in medical history".
"More like a second", Matt corrected him.
"What?", Hartman asked.
"What?", Matt replied, avoiding the question.
Mattiana goes to God to ask how Angel reproduce and threatenes to beat him up if he doesn't answer. Instead of answering, God sends him to another Angel.
"Well now", she said, "My name is Karen. I must ask you why you want to know about Angel reproduction?".
"Well, I may have gotten my friend pregnant, and she's still alive", Matt explained.
"Ahh", Karen said, "Well, then I shall tell you. Angels reproduce, not through sex, but through love. I shall assume,
Matthew, that you are asking what the difference is, but there is one, trust me. When an Angel falls in love with
someone, the open a special bond, even if that person is still alive. This bond is cemented through a kiss, but not
just any kiss. You must pour your whole heart into the kiss, and it must mean something no other kiss can. Then, a
power passes from you to her, and a child is created".
Something about elements because we needed to know that Ryderiana is also inspired by Anakin.
"Megan, your elements are Fire and Water", Karen said, "A very good mix, you are both passionate, yet gentle.
Matthew, your elements are Light and Darkness. A dangerous comnination, that if uncontrolled, can destroy you".
God bashing. Shocking.
"You could suck up to your boss, Matt", Peter suggested, "Maybe he'll help you".
".......", Matt was silent for a moment, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that", he said calmly.
"Why not, he's God", Brian said.
"Yes, a but he's about as powerful as I am", Matt said, "So he's no help unless I need someone to lie around and
do nothing his whole life".
Another Cutaway in which Liliana apoligizes to Nazi... I thought Rebecca was the nazi apologist?
Cutaway
A nazi is standing in a large room with a lot of Jewish people who are celebrating a young boy becoming a man. A
heavy set man walked up to the Nazi and offered him sone food.
"You hungry?", he said.
"No thank you", said the Nazi, a little irritated.
A group of men walked up to the Nazi, and held out a chair.
"Come, ride on the chair", they said.
"No thank you", the Nazi said, getting more irritated.
About ten minutes later, another person walked up to him, and tapped him on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, but-".
"THAT'S IT", the Nazi yelled, "I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I'M LEAVING!", he walked to the door and opened
it, "GOOD DAY TO YOU!", he yelled as he slammed it behind him.
"You know, why did we invite him?", asked one man.
"I thought we could bury the hatchet", said another man.
"How about in his skull", the man suggested.
End Cutaway
(A/N: No offesnse to Jewish people, or Nazi's for that matter)
Dramaticism.
"So, the plan is complete?", he said.
"Yes", God said, "When Matthew's chld is born, we must eliminate her. Life and Death should never cross paths, so
all evidence of them doing so must be destroyed".
