Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Cheesy peas. Not the delicacy that was Cheesy Cukes, but fitting for the assisted living era.
Give it time, knowing lucas he'll probably hoard peas in his room and then microwave a bowl of them covered in gravy and ranch dressing or something. With a few of those olives put on top as a garnish

That said, that patty looks like some kind of dollar tree tier veggie burger patty. I wonder how many plates of that garbage lucas ate. When he's fed stuff like that he must be pissed off that its not all meat and fat. No wonder he's so antsy about getting money for taco bell....hell he'd probably eat multiple plates of that then order some taco bell
 
That said, that patty looks like some kind of dollar tree tier veggie burger patty. I wonder how many plates of that garbage lucas ate. When he's fed stuff like that he must be pissed off that its not all meat and fat. No wonder he's so antsy about getting money for taco bell....hell he'd probably eat multiple plates of that then order some taco bell
Pretty sure that's a cookie. Doesn't look much different than school food. Slightly worse looking, but pretty close.
 
Pretty sure that's a cookie. Doesn't look much different than school food. Slightly worse looking, but pretty close.
Yeah, I think so. He probably ate the cookie first. The entre looks like some sort of sub sandwich. A plenty good meal! I bet the meals are all you can eat. Making sure people have enough to eat goes a long way towards improving morale and keeping folks somewhat happy, or at least, less miserable. Food is one of the few things to look forward to being in a place like Mallon Place.
 
Recent FB posts. I'm going to be honest, the "Caesar dressing" on the sub looks like cum...
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Going to buy gifts are you, Lucas? And how do you plan to do that? Your nursing home takes almost your entire tardbux check. You have no money for that. The guy with a flat bill, he can just insert his credit card and away the gift goes.

A cotton candy machine, yes, that will do.

Lucas dating a troon? Only if she/he/they
can produce a child. And Lucas has talked about "lab grown women too" made by gay people to make him happy.
 

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Holy fuck, that story about the guy outside the bar has me rolling. Does he just walk around hallucinating shit like this, or does he legitimately think this a believable pity play that he can use to bed a high schooler? It reads like something a child would write minus the aggressively horny nature of the content.

I swear Lucas saves his most unhinged thoughts for Facebook. Instagram has largely been pretty tame as far as his musings go, but the return to Facebook seems to be a return to form. How long before he starts Fibonacciposting again?
 
Going to buy gifts are you, Lucas? And how do you plan to do that? Your nursing home takes almost your entire tardbux check. You have no money for that. The guy with a flat bill, he can just insert his credit card and away the gift goes.

Lucas dating a troon? Only if she/he/they
can produce a child. And Lucas has talked about "lab grown women too" made by gay people to make him happy.
He says he'll buy his girlfriend gifts because his plan is to move in with the girlfriend and he'll have his SSI check back to spend. He'll buy her a present for letting him cum inside her. In the 1 year and a half he was with Suzanne, he bought her 1 present- a cotton candy machine. I'd say that cotton candy machine he "gifted" Suzanne was actually what he wanted for himself.

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ETA:
I just saw his current FB comment that he'd buy his new girlfriend a cotton candy machine. Definitely a "gift" he wants for his fat self.

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This really takes me back to the days where he claimed teenage girlfriends should be handed out by the government because “the government” gave him housing, healthcare, a food card, and a payee because he was “entitled to it”. There’s no God because he won’t give Lucas a girlfriend with a juicy womb, so the government needs to appoint him one for reasons.
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Why.. is a cotton candy machine a good gift for someone you've been seeing for a few months?! That's offensive.
Giving a cotton candy machine to a woman says one of two things: either shes 8 years old or you're saying she's an obese landwhale thats so obsessed with food that she'd eat enough cotton candy to warrant getting her an actual cotton candy machine

I mean fuck I can just imagine the 'i'l going to kill you for this' stare i'd get if I bought the fiance one of those things. I would never hear the end of it. That lucas thinks this is a smart thing to do speaks for itself. It also makes me think he believes women have a mentality like an 8 year old and want what little girls do. I mean he already tries to bait them with candy and soda so this fits. Also fits that he's giving away more than he intends to about his real intent and is legit trying to attract an 8 year old

mothman96 said:
He says he'll buy his girlfriend gifts because his plan is to move in with the girlfriend and he'll have his SSI check back to spend. He'll buy her a present for letting him cum inside her. In the 1 year and a half he was with Suzanne, he bought her 1 present- a cotton candy machine. I'd say that cotton candy machine he "gifted" Suzanne was actually what he wanted for himself.
Well now, that is certainly an interesting thing for him to blurt out. I'm going to point out the fact that these are the actions of a manipulative abuser, and I know that because i've experienced that kind of person first hand. Former stepdad used to do exactly that kind of thing, like he'd do shit like buy tennis games (I hate tennis) for the SNES and cd burners that only he had any use for as 'christmas gifts' as a way of getting them for himself. Not the worst of it by a long shot, but the point is, what lucas is describing here is exactly what manipulative abusers do
 
I'm glad someone else noticed that the sauce on the sub look like cum, cuz that was my first thought.
Lucas's food always manages to look disgusting in all new and interesting ways.

And these later posts about guys swooping girls by saying they "need some sex", and Lucas's promise of flying women to Arizona to meet his parents? Absolutely nothing has changed. Nothing CAN change.

Lucas gets terrified of being homeless and eventually is able to calm his behavior down, especially when medicated, to fit into a group home setting for a while, maybe even a few years at the most.

But that itch, that little itch in a corner of his mind that says he deserves women, and that other people are unjustly stealing the women for him, it's always going to come back to the surface. And eventually, he'll act on it. These posts are just the beginning of him acting on it.

Also: have you ever heard Lucas describe food he's eating as anything other than delicious? I've never heard Lucas criticize any food. Even when he said that it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to, he still says it was delicious. Lucas is a goddamn trash compactor, he swallows everything you put in in the largest portions possible.

Edit: in regards to the cotton candy machine, it was one of the presents during the relationship he had with suzanne. I could swear in the past that he's claimed that SHE bought it for HIM, but the point is that Lucas has a very limited amount of life experience, so he's constantly trying to recreate the experiences that he sees as successful.

Have you ever seen a grown man using his parents relationships as his metric for relationship success? It's like Lucas's whole "my dad has a big dick" claim; he thinks that his association with his dad suggests that if his dad has something to brag about, Lucas has something to brag about. Lucas has even extended this association to generations. Because he sees himself as part of generation x, that means Lucas basically gave you rap, punk, the internet, cell phones, and all the other things he misattributes to generation x.

But yeah, I'm sure he very much misses living with suzanne, doing nothing all day, getting to eat whatever he wants whenever he wants, getting to sleep whenever he wants, and being bought gifts, that by his own admission he didn't even use or know how to use like a guitar.

One of the interesting things to me about Lucas is why he chooses to be so crude and disgusting. We know he's able to turn it off, because when he's trying to impress someone, or speaking to an authority figure, he doesn't make crude references to sexual activity. And yet Lucas thinks this is not just appropriate, but casts him in a desirable light when he does it on social media.

It's one of the most ubiquitous things about lucas, but also the one that I understand the least:why he comes off as so disgusting in a sexual way all the time, why he expresses himself in this graphic, inappropriate way at all times.

The only thing I can think is that Lucas's taste sexually must be quite aggressive and twisted. Because he doesn't seem to understand that the way he refers to sex is so off-putting. Especially to young girls with limited experience in the field of sexual relationships, which are supposed to be his audience, right?


To reiterate, Lucas is ultimately uncreative. Most of the things which he chooses to identify with himself he's taken from other people that he admires or wants to appear to be like, whether Bernie sanders, Jello biafra, Henry rollins, etc. If you ask Lucas a question about what he's going to do in the future, he's going to refer back to something he did in the past that he saw a successful, and mention that. In that sense, Lucas seems unable to be genuinely creative, as in fashioning and answer from his feelings at the moment that don't rely on his experiences in the past.

If you ask Lucas a question about what he would do in the future, he's always going to give you an answer based on what he did in the past.
 
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GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
If you ask Lucas a question about what he would do in the future, he's always going to give you an answer based on what he did in the past.
Which is ironic considering the whole definition of insanity thing

Sometimes I wonder if lucas goes on those weird rants about everything being cyclical, trying to prove the big bounce theory and all that, because his own behavior and actions are always cyclical, so its his twisted way of trying to rationalize why he always repeats doing stupid things that put him back on the street and looking like a crazy person. Sort of a 'i'm not crazy! its not my fault! its a cycle! its a cycle cause the universe is a cycle! its cause there are spaces between planets and stars!' which wouldn't surprise me cause it fits with the kind of behavior you expect from certain mental problems
 
It's one of the most ubiquitous things about lucas, but also the one that I understand the least:why he comes off as so disgusting in a sexual way all the time, why he expresses himself in this graphic, inappropriate way at all times.

The only thing I can think is that Lucas's taste sexually must be quite aggressive and twisted. Because he doesn't seem to understand that the way he refers to sex is so off-putting. Especially to young girls with limited experience in the field of sexual relationships, which are supposed to be his audience, right?
He's trying to remind the world, young girls especially, that he is a sexual creature. He is feebly asserting what he believes to be masculinity and mojo.

Years of careful research have lead me to the following conclusions. Lucas, despite his claims of being a comedian, is desperate to be taken seriously. He doesn't like being laughed at, dismissed as a creep and nutter without a HS degree. He is forever justifying his state of plenty-good-ness. Lucas would like to be recognized as a scientist without a degree, a gourmet, a gentleman who may have fallen on hard times through no fault of his own but anticipates a sizeable inhertiance, an ideal father to be with balls full of rad dna. He wants people to acknowledge him, and his ideas, as plenty good. They do not, and so he feels unseen, and so he hollers extra loud, hoping that he's merely been overlooked. It's why Lucas is forever telling us who he is and why he's here: words are the only control he has over his identity. Understanding this dynamic gives us insight into his off-putting manner towards young girls.

Lucas recognizes, on some level, that the young girls he's interested in dating aren't merely disinterested in him. It's that they don't even recognize him as dating material. He doesn't register as fuckable, or a potential date, when they lay eyes on him. Reactions probably range from "fat old weirdo" to "fat old smelly weirdo." And so Lucas must constantly announce that he is in the dating game, inform all of the little baes that he is not merely an old man, but a horny old man. He does this by being as crude and sexual as he can get away with. And so they recognize him as a sexual being, and recoil in horror.

It is not a conscious process. Lucas does not recognize what he is doing. He merely feels horniness, and frustration that his favorite kinds of girls don't recgonize or apperciate his horniness. And his way of signalling his horniness is...maladaptive.
 
As a guido I'm used to his constant microaggressions. Remember the time he poured hot dog chunks and a gallon vat of olive oil onto some kind of instant pizza and then burnt it in a toaster oven?
Speaking of which, lucas would probably see this commercial, eat there and then rave about how its the best food in spokane. It certainly fits with his tastes

Olive garden. When you're here, you're lucas werner

....and i'm starting to think mad tv got its dominos ad from lucas's cooking habits
 
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