How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

El Conserje said:
Last night I said goodbye to my fourth friend who left my country. It has been like that for like 3 years now, and it doesn't really feels sad anymore, it's just weird and odd to know you are being left behind, that the smart thing is to leave the country because ours is so full of shit that there is not a future, maybe there is, but everything is so dark and hopeless right now. Kiwis, if you got friends, try all you can to stay in contact. Life might not be easier with friends, but it's a bit happier.
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I feel you, mate. All of my IRL friends have moved to far away parts of the country, or abroad. I've lost contact with all of them since, only one of them calls me for my birthday, and I call him for his.
About a year ago, things went very wrong in my life and I've really felt the need of friends to talk to, but let's be honest, if they were still there for me, we'd be in regular contact (and make no mistake, I'm not acting like they abandoned me; I let those friendships die as much as they did). Even the birthday one, the idea of calling him and telling him my problems feels terrible, like I'm gonna ruin his day. We actually talked a couple months ago (yes, for a birthday), and I couldn't bring myself to bring things up.

Ironically he only friend I actually still talk to is an online friend from abroad who I've known for longer than all but one of those other friends. We've visited each other a few times over the years, so I don't consider him just an online friend. And yeah, he's been supportive, but it's not the same as talking to someone face to face.

So like you say, yes lads, try to keep your friendships going. It sucks when you're down and there's no one.
 
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Today is my mom's birthday. She died 4 years ago when I was 16. She would have been 50 years old today. Absolutely mental

She lived the first twenty five-ish years of her life dirt poor but managed to secure a middle class lifestyle for me and my siblings through sheer hard work and dedication. She was a really big believer that you could achieve anything if you put in enough hours and tried her hardest to instill that in us. She always encouraged us to try new things and reach for the stars and in hindsight even though she was strict I think she was the best teacher I ever had as a kid

Even though I don't show it in front of my family I still think about her a lot and am eternally grateful for all she did for us. Sometimes when I'm feeling scared or anxious I'll remind myself of her and all those feelings will fade into the background

rip
 
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Spring cleaning! I got a house full of stuff I was storing for now dead relatives I can finally throw out! I think I may have a yard sale for some of it, and I can declutter my own stuff too. I've got insulation and HVAC guys coming next week for a new central air unit and new insulation in my main attic (the addition attic insulation was done 2 years ago, but the whole covid thing made me put some plans on hold, finally getting that finished is a big monkey off my back). The week after I've got some contractors doing a little remodeling in my kitchen, and replacing my drafty front and breezeway doors. I'm gonna replace some of the plumbing and run some new conduit to replace some outlets and bring them to code, but I can do that shit myself. I installed my new solar motion lights this morning and replaced a wired light and a security camera. I'm excited! Projects aplenty!
 
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I feel weird and I can't put it into words, which confuses me.

One of my (former, we haven't talked in a while) friends just got married to her cheating boyfriend.

It's not my problem per se, but something about shit like this happening around me makes me feel a weird 'tugging sensation' inside; I can't really explain what it is. Am I bitter because I wouldn't forgive a partner if they cheated on me? Am I bitter because I don't believe that people can change in a short period of time?

She's so, so very convinced that what he did was just an exception. He'd never do it again. Things are different now. 'Back then' (a year ago...) the whole situation was different. The person he cheated on her with is now out the picture, etc, yadda yadda...

I just don't buy it.
 
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Tabris999 said:
Not good kiwis, Not Fucking Good.

My mental health has always been shit (childhood depression and bipolar disorder as an adult) , I've considered suicide pretty much every day since I was 10, I'm incapable of having romantic relationships (because I'm deeply uninteresting so every guy bails once they get what they want from me (getting their dick wet), also because I'm constantly shifting between wanting a partner/friends and hating males (thanks for raping me dude, very nice) and trannies (thanks for the mysoginy dudes, very nice), which to a woman means social suicide), all I do is self isolate and cry about it, I hate myself so fucking much but I'm too cowardly to actually Kermit.
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I hate reading my depressed schizoposts when I'm feeling better. Who even is this whiny bitch?
 
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I haven't been feeling alright. My friend killed himself a few weeks ago. Knew him since 2015. I went to his funeral and seeing his family the way they were was heartbreaking.

Next I got some unhinged neighbor claiming that I fucked his wife. Had to file a police report on them, and I've just had the worst depression in a long time.

I just feel like I want to disappear. I know people love me and care about me but it always feels depressing trying to reach out.
 
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Feeling kind of sick with anxiety and also kind of pissed.

I've never had problems with the USPS before. And tbf it's probably not their fault on this. As background, I've worked with an craftsperson for a couple years now, mostly base work that they build off on. The people who work for them live all over the state so I tend to get supplies mailed to me, then mail what I've finished back. It's been fine so far.

But the last package seemingly got stolen/went missing. I feel bad because they sent a pic of the shipping receipt for a box of supplies and when it was "late" I checked it and it arrived EARLY, and I had not seen it. The tracking # said at the mailbox, though our packages are usually delivered to the back door. I felt awful about it. So we tried to coordinate picking up the next one at the post office.

They tell me it's probably in now. So I go to the post office. It's not there under my address. I check under general delivery under my name. Ive gotten my mail just fine this week, and no sign of a package at my house. Not there either. I ask for the tracking # and it's "been filed away". I don't know how much of a PITA it is to pull that number up but it's already a pain in the butt having anxiety over what the fuck is going on. I don't know why they sent a pic of the receipt last time but couldn't get one this time. The # would tell exactly what's up. I even signed up for informed delivery but it could take another day or two to even see what's coming in the mail.


I feel like there's several options. 1, it hasn't even arrived to the post office yet even though it's been long enough. 2, the way it was addressed was wonky. Supposedly another worker gets theirs delivered to their PO this way so I was trusting it'd be the same for me. I don't even know 100% how he addressed it. 3, it somehow got on the truck for delivery and they again didn't put it in the usual package spot and somehow someone stole it in the hour or two it was in the mailbox (w/o taking any of our other mail).

TL;DR I'm sick with anxiety that I'm going to get in trouble for mailing bullshit even though I feel that I've done everything I can. I just want this headache to end.
 
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I'm really trying to remove politics from my life. It used to consume me in my youth and I regret it. Sometimes though, it seems hard to get away from the news. I don't like the idea of not being aware of current events. However, I'm also sick of political sperging. I won't deny that I'm guilty as charged for doing my share on this website. Even then, it doesn't change the fact that politics is mentally draining. As much as I hate SJWs, I think I've had more than my fill of outrage over their antics. I'm not sure how to proceed though. My family, friends, and people in general will always bring it up whether I do or not. Sometimes, it feels inescapable.

Also, I was looking at the Abortion Containment thread over at the Deep Thoughts board. Jesus Christ, what a clusterfuck...

I love you too, snailslime! 😘
 
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In regards to the hair thing, I recently found some toys specifically designed for people with my issue to satisfy the sensory seeking compulsions without actually pulling hair. They're expensive, but I've read a lot of good things about them from other trichtillomania and dermatillomania sufferers.

It's a little demeaning buying myself a retard toy, but it's better than looking like a deranged cancer patient. Still, looking at these things I feel they should come with a 'please be nice, I have autism' hat.

I guess I'll have to hang out with the tards who have to wear helmets not to bash their heads into the wall. Oh well. At least some of them have impressive special interests (there's a lower-functioning moderately autistic young man in my neighbourhood who loves furnaces. He can pretty much immediately figure out what is wrong with any furnace if you tell him the model, year of installation, and your problem. Needless to say everybody likes him for it, since we hardly ever have to get expensive consultations, all you have to do if your furnace is fucking up is yell to the autist down the street and he'll happily diagnose the problem. Imagine a non-perverted, nicer, more handicapped Chris Chan but raised by responsible parents who NEVER let him on the internet without supervision).
 
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Jimmy Olsen said:
In regards to the hair thing, I recently found some toys specifically designed for people with my issue to satisfy the sensory seeking compulsions without actually pulling hair. They're expensive, but I've read a lot of good things about them from other trichtillomania and dermatillomania sufferers.

It's a little demeaning buying myself a retard toy, but it's better than looking like a deranged cancer patient. Still, looking at these things I feel they should come with a 'please be nice, I have autism' hat.

I guess I'll have to hang out with the tards who have to wear helmets not to bash their heads into the wall. Oh well. At least some of them have impressive special interests (there's a lower-functioning moderately autistic young man in my neighbourhood who loves furnaces. He can pretty much immediately figure out what is wrong with any furnace if you tell him the model, year of installation, and your problem. Needless to say everybody likes him for it, since we hardly ever have to get expensive consultations, all you have to do if your furnace is fucking up is yell to the autist down the street and he'll happily diagnose the problem. Imagine a non-perverted, nicer, more handicapped Chris Chan but raised by responsible parents who NEVER let him on the internet without supervision).
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They do, however, let him play with fucking furnaces
 
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felt what i thought was a mat near the base of my cat's tail. cut it a bit, realized it was a scab and that it was bleeding a bit. instant infinite guilt. :(
i was able to stop the bleeding with light pressure via tissue, same as i do to myself, and he holds no ill feelings towards me, i just feel awful about it :(
eta: 😈 my child will go downstairs to get a drink and instead spend 3 actual hours crafting
✝️ my child will also do that
 
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