Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Local Fed]

I've been somewhat keeping up with the thread lately, my mind often elsewhere, but if I may offer @Bob jensen a suggestion with her predicament: perhaps it would help if you just flat out spilled your guts to your daughter, telling her how you're scared, as her mother. Don't put it on her, don't say that it's because of her and play the blame game, just tell her exactly what you're afraid is going to happen to her. Much like one may do with someone who is an addict or desperately needs to lose weight, etc., I think that it may be the shock to her system that she needs to see her mom tell her that she's scared. You love her, scared is exactly how you must be feeling.

Being a parent is something I'm not and I don't have experience with what you're going through, but I know what it's like to have to have that talk (not in the context of trans stuff) with someone I love with every fibre of my being and I know what it's like to be scared for them. I know that if it feels anywhere as terrible to hear it, as it is to be the one saying it, it's like having your heart ripped in two and stepped on.

I don't know if it'll help, I forget if you've previously said you've done this, but I'm wishing that things work out for you.

 

[Rod Sterling]

Check out this article about compassionate detachment.

I very much recommend anyone at their ends mentally with no way out read this. I didn't know this was something with an actual name to it.
I feel like I'm at the point with my dad where there's nothing for me to interact with. All he does anymore is stop by, eat our food (or asks us to get food), take his mail then leave. I've always had a very complicated relationship with him and pretty much drove myself crazy trying to hold my family together.

Spoiler: Very big PL

Unfortunately at the hands of my dad, I'm a CSA survivor. My struggles with PTSD and emotional aftermath was a lonely road with only myself and my will to not commit an hero.

Only recently I'm learning he's making about 60k, maybe more. I know money isn't everything but the amount of shit we've had to deal with because his stupid ass couldn't stop spending on his troonery (at the time in secret) always frustrates me. Now that it's in the open and he's spending on therapy (who i guess encourage him), troon medication, and whatever else it's just...what am I to think anymore. I never had access to mental health until I started making enough on my own, I never had therapy or a psychologist. I genuinely still can't afford these things because I'm trying to make up for the lack of funding to the house.
I've done my crying and whatever else a long time ago but it's painful no matter how long passes to know that things could have been different if he just fucking stopped this years ago when he had kids. It feels like my silent suffering because I didn't want us to become homeless without him, was just for nothing. Even though we are technically doing better than before, knowing this will always let me know that we still could be more stable.
Before I ramble too long, I am emotionally the best I've ever been so I can at least say it's not all horrible. It's just I'm at a crossroads where I just genuinely one feel one way or the other, I'm just done with it and even though I got along well with him out of circumstance, it's not like I can miss that much either. What else could you do anymore? Who knows. I'm still trying to navigate the whole thing. It's just very ironic that people who are supporting him and calling him an inspiration don't know the full picture.

 

[Corpun]

I don't know all the details bit apparently my (half) brothers cousin trooned out. He changed his name and got his dick chopped and everything.

I've never actually seen him and I hopefully never will because I'm not actually related to those people so I dont have a reason to go to any reunions.

I have heard though that a female cousin of mine may have trooned out and changed her name to Bob, but I could have misheard shit my mom and grandma were talking about. I have an idea which cousin it might be if it's true though.

 

[Lemmingwise]

So it's going to be like a round of Pac Man that lasts for eight hours and there's no fruit.

Lmao. You'll make it through safely if you take some pills.

 

[Bad Take Crucifier]

@Rod Sterling Dear God...


The "molesting children" to "becoming an AGP" pipeline is real.

 

[Fartificial Insmelligence]

I very much recommend anyone at their ends mentally with no way out read this. I didn't know this was something with an actual name to it.
I feel like I'm at the point with my dad where there's nothing for me to interact with. All he does anymore is stop by, eat our food (or asks us to get food), take his mail then leave. I've always had a very complicated relationship with him and pretty much drove myself crazy trying to hold my family together.

Spoiler: Very big PL

Unfortunately at the hands of my dad, I'm a CSA survivor. My struggles with PTSD and emotional aftermath was a lonely road with only myself and my will to not commit an hero.

Only recently I'm learning he's making about 60k, maybe more. I know money isn't everything but the amount of shit we've had to deal with because his stupid ass couldn't stop spending on his troonery (at the time in secret) always frustrates me. Now that it's in the open and he's spending on therapy (who i guess encourage him), troon medication, and whatever else it's just...what am I to think anymore. I never had access to mental health until I started making enough on my own, I never had therapy or a psychologist. I genuinely still can't afford these things because I'm trying to make up for the lack of funding to the house.
I've done my crying and whatever else a long time ago but it's painful no matter how long passes to know that things could have been different if he just fucking stopped this years ago when he had kids. It feels like my silent suffering because I didn't want us to become homeless without him, was just for nothing. Even though we are technically doing better than before, knowing this will always let me know that we still could be more stable.
Before I ramble too long, I am emotionally the best I've ever been so I can at least say it's not all horrible. It's just I'm at a crossroads where I just genuinely one feel one way or the other, I'm just done with it and even though I got along well with him out of circumstance, it's not like I can miss that much either. What else could you do anymore? Who knows. I'm still trying to navigate the whole thing. It's just very ironic that people who are supporting him and calling him an inspiration don't know the full picture.

If you don't mind my asking... Why still interact with him?

 

[snake aids]

I just decided to block him fully now. I can't fucking stand watching him kill himself and have him say that he's fine and "think that if you want". Im so fucking sick of it. He can fall down this retarded troon hole if he wants, I can't care anymore because its killing me.

 

[Ser Prize]

I just decided to block him fully now. I can't fucking stand watching him kill himself and have him say that he's fine and "think that if you want". Im so fucking sick of it. He can fall down this retarded troon hole if he wants, I can't care anymore because its killing me.

Unfortunately you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. It's his choice and his responsibility, not yours. Worry about you.

 

[Cilleystring]

Damn this thread really hits right in the feels. I just wanna say those of you dealing with this, it's alright to say fuck it, and fuck them, and focus on you. I know its hard when you love/loved someone and are attached, but don't feel selfish or wrong about doing what's best for you. These people you share about sure don't have any issues doing that (though I would argue that that is whats best for them). Go hard on a hobby, have fun with true and honest friends, work on self improvement, and enjoy your life.

Sorry if this comes off as lame but I think a few people here need to hear it.

 

[Mrs. Addams]

I just decided to block him fully now. I can't fucking stand watching him kill himself and have him say that he's fine and "think that if you want". Im so fucking sick of it. He can fall down this retarded troon hole if he wants, I can't care anymore because its killing me.

That honestly sounds healthier to me.

 

[Rod Sterling]

@Rod Sterling Dear God...


The "molesting children" to "becoming an AGP" pipeline is real.

Granted I don't know much about his dad, but from what little I know, I think it's unfortunately the same. Don't know what became of ol' granddad but it's either dead or in jail.

If you don't mind my asking... Why still interact with him?

I wish I had a decent answer. Explaining is confusing and depressing as of the theme of this thread.

Spoiler: What I can explain

At the time, I was young and just scared of the consequences of saying anything. I wanted to have a normal family if anything. As mentioned before, my dad was always the main source of income for us and I didn't want to risk that either. My mom worked very hard to make up for debt and she's not from this country so I didn't want to risk anything that might push her out (now that I'm older I realize that was far fetched). I didn't want my brother to have a hard time, he's younger than me so I always looked out for him best I could. So I just lived with it.
I tried to say something around when I started driving, but it was always years later and I didn't have any guts to really explain myself nor have any real proof. My dad said he didn't remember so in the end idk what my mom really gathered from it. Lived with it some more.
It's been about 10+ years since the whole thing and I just generally I've grown to just kind of live in a weird brain limbo. Call it Stockholm, DID or whatever else, I understand it's not really a healthy thing but I did have some decent moments with my dad pre-troon out. In the end there's not much I can do other than continue to grow as a person and get over the unfortunate effects.

Sometimes life is complicated. I know it doesn't pertain to every situation, but I feel like if I didn't just make myself come to terms with it I probably would have done something regrettable. As of now we still have our house, we're not out of debt but at least better than before finance wise (believe it or not), my brother is very confident and has a good job, and my mom isn't as stressed as usual (i guess cause my dad isn't actively in the house). I'm not really a success but I'm proud my brother got out of everything pretty well and that's just what kept me going.

 

[Fartificial Insmelligence]

Granted I don't know much about his dad, but from what little I know, I think it's unfortunately the same. Don't know what became of ol' granddad but it's either dead or in jail.

I wish I had a decent answer. Explaining is confusing and depressing as of the theme of this thread.

Spoiler: What I can explain

At the time, I was young and just scared of the consequences of saying anything. I wanted to have a normal family if anything. As mentioned before, my dad was always the main source of income for us and I didn't want to risk that either. My mom worked very hard to make up for debt and she's not from this country so I didn't want to risk anything that might push her out (now that I'm older I realize that was far fetched). I didn't want my brother to have a hard time, he's younger than me so I always looked out for him best I could. So I just lived with it.
I tried to say something around when I started driving, but it was always years later and I didn't have any guts to really explain myself nor have any real proof. My dad said he didn't remember so in the end idk what my mom really gathered from it. Lived with it some more.
It's been about 10+ years since the whole thing and I just generally I've grown to just kind of live in a weird brain limbo. Call it Stockholm, DID or whatever else, I understand it's not really a healthy thing but I did have some decent moments with my dad pre-troon out. In the end there's not much I can do other than continue to grow as a person and get over the unfortunate effects.

Sometimes life is complicated. I know it doesn't pertain to every situation, but I feel like if I didn't just make myself come to terms with it I probably would have done something regrettable. As of now we still have our house, we're not out of debt but at least better than before finance wise (believe it or not), my brother is very confident and has a good job, and my mom isn't as stressed as usual (i guess cause my dad isn't actively in the house). I'm not really a success but I'm proud my brother got out of everything pretty well and that's just what kept me going.

Appreciate the response and I hope things continue to improve for you!

 

[Bad Take Crucifier]

That is pretty painful, very scared for you. Sometimes the stress of keeping a secret and living with an abuser is far worse than being out on your own. Even if you're not in good shape financially, it can be worth it to away from someone who is a literal predator. Financial control is also very common in abusive relationship dynamics, because when an abuser makes the victim completely dependent on them, they feel trapped and are scared of making things even worse by trying to fend for themselves.

Definitely don't be afraid to stand on your own. I've seen people stay in abusive situations because of money and honestly, there are a lot of situations where living in a crappy apartment, a friend's house, or even a shelter is still infinitely better because you can at least be psychologically able to relax. There are also a lot of good people in the world who will help when you really need it to make ends meet. (But you can't meet good people so easily when you're in a toxic environment--getting free is good).

 

[Rod Sterling]

Appreciate the response and I hope things continue to improve for you!

I appreciate the sentiment! I think I said it before, but I know it's a weirdly specific situation so I understand if people have questions.

That is pretty painful, very scared for you. Sometimes the stress of keeping a secret and living with an abuser is far worse than being out on your own. Even if you're not in good shape financially, it can be worth it to away from someone who is a literal predator. Financial control is also very common in abusive relationship dynamics, because when an abuser makes the victim completely dependent on them, they feel trapped and are scared of making things even worse by trying to fend for themselves.

Definitely don't be afraid to stand on your own. I've seen people stay in abusive situations because of money and honestly, there are a lot of situations where living in a crappy apartment, a friend's house, or even a shelter is still infinitely better because you can at least be psychologically able to relax. There are also a lot of good people in the world who will help when you really need it to make ends meet. (But you can't meet good people so easily when you're in a toxic environment--getting free is good).

You're very much right, I would recommend other people to do the same. Sometimes I think back and wonder how different things might be if I actually spoke up. I think if I had any type of support network then I might have, but growing up in the early ages of internet and being the kid with forging parents not quite getting how the usual American kid socializes...didn't really frame out. My problem was being more worried of a domino effect rather than just me.

Spoiler: Sorry if you're tired of the rambling

I would say that things haven't been that way for a long time. It's generally hard to figure out a timeline of my own experiences because PTSD kind of does this I guess. The older I get the less I remember so sorry if things don't quite line up. I think the worst of it was right after, it was really the one time, but I did have continuous paranoia. There was the realization of him rummaging through my clothing so I started consistently locking my door at night. I think for the most part this was the last half of my middle school years, and my behaviour was for lack of a better word, absolutely crazy. Even after his behaviour stopped in regards to me, I don't think so reached a balanced placed mentally until college. (Which I guess is a stretch in a way since I'm still relearning controlling myself)
I did actually have an apartment fairly recently but ended up moving back home after my dad moved out to support my mom. The apartment didn't quite work out cost wise anyway as it was pretty much sapping all my funds. As i mentioned, it's been a while so don't worry too much on me. I definitely will always have my frustrations and moments but nothing compares to before. Honestly I'm not even sure how I managed because I wasn't able to get on medication until I left college. I admittedly had a painkiller habit though, I took them almost every day to make myself sleep.
I have to say though, coming out of this was damaging, I have to work around a lot of things now. PTSD, narcolepsy, anxiety, avoiding triggers (as much as I hate the word), mood swings, body image issues, and general issues understanding healthy relationships. I actually consider myself asexual (which was brought up in this thread earlier) because I never developed an attraction to people before the whole thing. So I genuinely have a weird partial mental block, I can see things as potentially desirable, but i don't think I'll ever have a want for anyone. The thought of other people's nudity in proximity to me generally freaks me out and I don't think it's something I'll truly get over.

You guys are really kind of putting up with my PL and rambling, I'm so sorry. Really though don't worry too much, airing out my grievances helps. I'm actually trying to see about disablity for the first time since lately narcolepsy is what's kicking my ass with my job but I do have some nice people in my life now that I can talk to. Revealing all this though is something I am working on, so far I've only ever told one person IRL. It's just easier when you're this tiny picture of Rod Sterling on a Fruit forum.

Edit: spelling

 

[Baraadmirer]

Probably, I don’t use it myself so I don’t know for sure if he’s on it but I expect he is.

I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. TikTok has become a bastion for communities like the genderqueer and "multiples/systems". Because they operate on identity, you can claim you're queer or that you have alters and get instant clout that way without putting any effort in.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

You guys are really kind of putting up with my PL and rambling, I'm so sorry. Really though don't worry too much, airing out my grievances helps. I'm actually trying to see about disablity for the first time since lately narcolepsy is what's kicking my ass with my job but I do have some nice people in my life now that I can talk to. Revealing all this though is something I am working on, so far I've only ever told one person IRL. It's just easier when you're this tiny picture of Rod Sterling on a Fruit forum.

Don't worry about it, this is pretty much a PL thread by design anyway, nothing wrong with that. We love our fellow kiwis and the nation of Israel.

 

[glass_houses]

@Rod Sterling Families are messy, our relationships with our parents can be downright chaotic, and our relationships with abusers are labyrinthine and complex. I read something to the effect once that a parent knows how to pull all your strings because they're the ones who ties those strings to begin with. When you've grown up with a narcissist of your father's caliber, I think getting out of bed every day becomes an achievement, let alone going to work, or supporting one's mum and sibling with their housing and school. You are epic every day; not many people can boast that.

If you aren't already seeing someone, would you consider therapy? While it is overused these days, in your case it may help. It doesn't even have to be good therapy, just having someone nodding and listening to you while you think out loud and try to get the knots in your thoughts straightened out could be more useful than you realise.

Take care, sis.

 

[snake aids]

I appreciate the sentiment! I think I said it before, but I know it's a weirdly specific situation so I understand if people have questions.

You're very much right, I would recommend other people to do the same. Sometimes I think back and wonder how different things might be if I actually spoke up. I think if I had any type of support network then I might have, but growing up in the early ages of internet and being the kid with forging parents not quite getting how the usual American kid socializes...didn't really frame out. My problem was being more worried of a domino effect rather than just me.

Spoiler: Sorry if you're tired of the rambling

I would say that things haven't been that way for a long time. It's generally hard to figure out a timeline of my own experiences because PTSD kind of does this I guess. The older I get the less I remember so sorry if things don't quite line up. I think the worst of it was right after, it was really the one time, but I did have continuous paranoia. There was the realization of him rummaging through my clothing so I started consistently locking my door at night. I think for the most part this was the last half of my middle school years, and my behaviour was for lack of a better word, absolutely crazy. Even after his behaviour stopped in regards to me, I don't think so reached a balanced placed mentally until college. (Which I guess is a stretch in a way since I'm still relearning controlling myself)
I did actually have an apartment fairly recently but ended up moving back home after my dad moved out to support my mom. The apartment didn't quite work out cost wise anyway as it was pretty much sapping all my funds. As i mentioned, it's been a while so don't worry too much on me. I definitely will always have my frustrations and moments but nothing compares to before. Honestly I'm not even sure how I managed because I wasn't able to get on medication until I left college. I admittedly had a painkiller habit though, I took them almost every day to make myself sleep.
I have to say though, coming out of this was damaging, I have to work around a lot of things now. PTSD, narcolepsy, anxiety, avoiding triggers (as much as I hate the word), mood swings, body image issues, and general issues understanding healthy relationships. I actually consider myself asexual (which was brought up in this thread earlier) because I never developed an attraction to people before the whole thing. So I genuinely have a weird partial mental block, I can see things as potentially desirable, but i don't think I'll ever have a want for anyone. The thought of other people's nudity in proximity to me generally freaks me out and I don't think it's something I'll truly get over.

You guys are really kind of putting up with my PL and rambling, I'm so sorry. Really though don't worry too much, airing out my grievances helps. I'm actually trying to see about disablity for the first time since lately narcolepsy is what's kicking my ass with my job but I do have some nice people in my life now that I can talk to. Revealing all this though is something I am working on, so far I've only ever told one person IRL. It's just easier when you're this tiny picture of Rod Sterling on a Fruit forum.

Edit: spelling

Oh my god. I'm so sorry, your dad is genuinely horrible. He is incredibly selfish, sending you much love. Don't apologise for PLing, its pretty much impossible to not PL on this specific thread. I hope one day you'll feel better.. parents who sexually abuse their children are truly despicable and scum of the earth. I wish nothing but the best for you, please stay safe. ❤

 

[behindyourightnow]

The person I know who just came out as vaguely "trans" (in the new style of the word, where it means nonbinary or absolutely nothing) has already updated all her social media accounts to make them all about gender. Cannot go into detail without PL-ing, but just imagine the cringiest shit you can think of. And she has updated her profile pictures to a new picture where she is scowling at the camera, because apparently "woman = smiling."

This woman is in her mid-thirties by the way.

 

[PenneHead]

I had a verbally & mentally abusive ex back in 2014 who always drew I guess futa or gay porn/hentai. They were bisexual. Now it’s 2022 and I went to look at their Twitter and they were on hormone treatment to transition into a woman and I mean their voice drastically changed into a more feminine voice but immediately regretted their decision & now they’re fucked.