A Kiwi Farms game of FATAL: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

[I rolled a 7 so I'll invest those seven points into learning a foreign language (Sapian/human), switching to whatever occupation that is, before switching back to my Berserker occupation]

Gregek Kuruhuluret also does not raise to the race war bait but instead tries on ADF's leather greaves and leg pieces.
 
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[Rolled an 8 on my 1d10 skillpoints- investing the entire 8 points in Armor-General Type (Light/Leather?) to represent Glaukon's experience with wearing it]
Glaukon watches on with amusement at the possible ensuing combat, though hoping things don't get too loud..
 
Dynastia said:
Levelling up is beyond retarded and you only get to do it by completing 'occupational tasks', so a soapmaker has to make bars of soap to level, a whore has to suck troll dongs. It's also insanely unbalanced, with some professions needing like 200 years of daily work to gain a level. It's p funny. Only fighting-type occupations should gain a level from battle so I'm going to stay lvl1.

For my turn I'm going to incite a race war in the Kobold tongue and try to incite the bugbears into killing all humans, in the hopes that the troll or w/e it is sees us killing all humans and joins in on our side. My average speech rate is 140-200 and my maximum is 240 so I'm gonna assume I'm speaking briskly (inciting race wars is generally a passionate subject) and say I'm speaking 200 words a minute (3.3 recurring per second), so during my next 3 second battle turn I'll say this.

"Bugbear friends, race war now! Race war good! Kill humans!"
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ActualKiwi said:
Glaukon the troll just ignores the screeching kobold and ensuing brawl and stands well out of the way, but not before nicking Kylie's hat and stuffing it on his head.
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Your Head Circumference is too large. You can't wear the hat.

Sallet Lad Jim said:
Ass-Smasher just walks out of the way himself, not all too fond of this loud kobold.
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Alright, you walk out of the way.

The Master Debater said:
Osbert comes back from the river, unblooded and with a battle axe in hand.

"Oi, kobold! Shut the fuck up!"
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Ok, you're there.

Randall Fragg said:
"Heh heh, dude, like, tge little spastic thing is whipping that guy. That's cool!"
Beavis the Bugbear ignores the cries for a race war in order to watch the Kebold and the other guy fight each other, and to look around for scattered goods to steal.
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There are about 15 silver pieces on the combined dead bodies of the victims of the fire. There's also a lot of human sized clothing.

One of the people in the gathered crowd is an escaped kobold slave. He recognizes what Dynastia is saying! The crowd becomes a hostile mob. There are 24 of them. They're not very well armed or armored, but some of them have farming tools. Half of them run away to get better weapons, but the rest advance on you. Half of the ones advancing brought farming tools such as pitchforks and sickles. None of them are wearing any armor better than clothing. Right now, they're all focused on Dynastia, so they're ignoring everyone else.
 
Azazel said:
[I rolled a 7 so I'll invest those seven points into learning a foreign language (Sapian/human), switching to whatever occupation that is, before switching back to my Berserker occupation]

Gregek Kuruhuluret also does not raise to the race war bait but instead tries on ADF's leather greaves and leg pieces.
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They fit.
 
Disappointed by the lack of un-fitting hat, Glaukon tosses it on the ground, staying back but preparing to reach for his flint/steel and remaining molotovs in case the crowd turns this way..The idea of burning peasants somewhat appeals to him.
He moves slightly towards his cart and the leashed wolves on it >.> Why? Because possible mayhem.
 
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Sensing the growing unease, Gregek Kuruhuluret also slowly backs away from the growing mob in his fancy new leather gear, into an alley where he can't be seen as easily. Just the same he draws his morningstar in case things heat up.

In Kobold, he suggests to Dynastia he may want to make a run for it.
 
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Sybil after getting whipped, being a little girl starts to cry and points at Amesia and tells on her "She hit me in the face and and it really hurts!"
The brawling skill description says I get an extra attack for every 10 points I invest in brawl and I put in 50. I might have overlooked the part where it's balanced because this is FATAL and I want it to be as broken as possible.

I should be back home tomorrow and able to post regularly again.
 
Finally did my skill points, I rolled 18d8-18, got 67 (I had already did one for the initial roll for skill points)
I put 17 into brawling, 25 into armor, and 25 into Weapon: Mace Ax.

The idea of a riot makes Bergvatar Stienmarr aka Beavis the Bugbear very happy. Still, even though most of the voices in his head are telling him to riot, one of them is insisting that maybe he not be so exposed. Beavis grabs his weapon, and backs away from the crowd, back towards a parked wagon and a road that leads out of town. Close enough to jump in in case he wants to join the rioters, but far enough to get a reasonable head start in case they turn on him.
"Yeah, get the Kobold, she started it" yells Beavis, pointing to Dynastia.
 
Dynastia said:
Amsia the kobold is overcome with race war and will attempt to rape the human leader.
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Fuck you, fuck you for making me read the fucking rules on rape and try to decipher them. But luckily for me, according to the rulebook, female on female and female on male rape are both impossible. You would need to be a man to rape anyone. Sorry.
For those of you playing at home, the word "rape" occurs 124 times in Fatal's core rulebook. Some of these are instances of things like "draper" though. Of course, the book talks about rape a hell of a lot more, just using dumb euphemisms, like "taking your pleasure".

The leader charges at you with a pitchfork. His unmodified attack roll is 3, so he fumbles. A roll on the fumble table gives us 13 - an overextension. Dynastia will get an extra attack on this guy next turn if he chooses. The rest of the mob members are whipped up into a frenzy. Weapons are drawn. They begin to rush Dynastia. Right now, they're ignoring everyone else. You guys could choose to just run away if you wanted, or you could choose to help him.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
Fuck you, fuck you for making me read the fucking rules on rape and try to decipher them. But luckily for me, according to the rulebook, female on female and female on male rape are both impossible. You would need to be a man to rape anyone. Sorry.
For those of you playing at home, the word "rape" occurs 124 times in Fatal's core rulebook. Some of these are instances of things like "draper" though. Of course, the book talks about rape a hell of a lot more, just using dumb euphemisms, like "taking your pleasure".

The leader charges at you with a pitchfork. His unmodified attack roll is 3, so he fumbles. A roll on the fumble table gives us 13 - an overextension. Dynastia will get an extra attack on this guy next turn if he chooses. The rest of the mob members are whipped up into a frenzy. Weapons are drawn. They begin to rush Dynastia. Right now, they're ignoring everyone else. You guys could choose to just run away if you wanted, or you could choose to help him.
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Just use my head circumference against his anal circumference bro.
 
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Dynastia said:
Just use my head circumference against his anal circumference bro.
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I promised to be anal retentive about the rules. However, I rolled at TH 80, which I think is fair, and you still missed. If we were to do this, then the leader would only take like 1 LP of damage anyway. He'd still have 11 more. You're just too tiny. I'll give you a lower to hit if you grapple him first like the rules say you have to though.
 
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Dynastia said:
Ya I'll grapple him but I'm aiming to put my head into his bottom.
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You grapple him and get the head butt result from the table on page 398. You do 1 subdual damage. He has 10 LP left. The crowd is gathering around you, but they can't actually strike at you for fear of hitting their leader.
The Master Debater said:
Osbert charges into the crowd, swinging his battleaxe (holding it towards the top)
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A single peasant instantly falls to your axe. There are 11 left.
 
I guess we're doing this.

Gregek Kuruhuluret attacks the nearest hostile peasant with his morningstar (holding it toward the top)
 
Azazel said:
I guess we're doing this.

Gregek Kuruhuluret attacks the nearest hostile peasant with his morningstar
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But where are you holding the morningstar?

Also, moving for @ActualKiwi, he gets in a fistfight and gets graphic gore. He punches through a guy's fucking skull! However, another peasent then does 1 LP of damage to him and 1 BPP of damage to his lower left leg. 1 more point and he loses everything below the kneecap on that leg.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
But where are you holding the morningstar?

Also, moving for @ActualKiwi, he gets in a fistfight and gets graphic gore. He punches through a guy's fucking skull! However, another peasent then does 1 LP of damage to him and 1 BPP of damage to his lower left leg. 1 more point and he loses everything below the kneecap on that leg.
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Sorry, edited it in later. I hold it toward the top.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
But where are you holding the morningstar?

Also, moving for @ActualKiwi, he gets in a fistfight and gets graphic gore. He punches through a guy's fucking skull! However, another peasent then does 1 LP of damage to him and 1 BPP of damage to his lower left leg. 1 more point and he loses everything below the kneecap on that leg.
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What? How did I get into combat while avoiding combat entirely? >.> Bloody fatal..Guess I'll toss a molotov into the crowd then and start swinging my maul at the nearest peasant?
 
Well, looks like a riot. Let's do this.
Stienmarr The Bugbbearain charges at the crowd, swinging his mace-ax wildly and screaming in spastic rage.
(Remember that I rolled for my skills and updated them).
 
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