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April Lauren / April Lauren Wilson Brown / Wakeupbright - Fake positivity, pedostache husband. Voted fatty most likely on the verge of her Stepford Wife robot programming malfunctioning
April doesn’t need special low carb recipes. She’s so fat she can eat McDonald’s and still lose weight. She just need to stop eating every five fucking minutes. The problem isn’t the food, it’s the amount she eats.
I agree, but I think she’s trying to do low carb. The problem/part of it is that she makes the food so fucking unappetizing. If she would learn to cook, I think she would enjoy the food more and might be less prone to overeat. I have no doubt she’s overeating due to boredom, for self-soothing, whatever. But she could rechannel those maladaptive habits into learning to cook. It’s something none of the fatties seem to learn to really do. Which is so weird to me.
In April's IG stories from today, she mentions her "happy Memorial Day" gaffe and I kid you not, she's blaming it on "cognitive differences" after having Covid. She said she had ADD and will say the wrong words by accident (e.g. saying "buffalo" sauce when she means "BBQ" sauce), and Covid has made it worse.
She also talks about her meal prep video, saying "it's kinda like trash food, but then you make it in a healthier way." April, substituting flour and bread with a pound of cheese does not make it healthier
I would upload the stories, but in her usual rambling fashion, it took her 16 stories to say the above....
In April's IG stories from today, she mentions her "happy Memorial Day" gaffe and I kid you not, she's blaming it on "cognitive differences" after having Covid. She said she had ADD and will say the wrong words by accident (e.g. saying "buffalo" sauce when she means "BBQ" sauce), and Covid has made it worse.
She also talks about her meal prep video, saying "it's kinda like trash food, but then you make it in a healthier way." April, substituting flour and bread with a pound of cheese does not make it healthier
I would upload the stories, but in her usually rambling fashion, it took her 16 stories to say the above....
Here's her ' No one, like, um, corrected me when I said "Happy Memorial Day!" ' short movie.
Saved together, rather than 16 files.
I'm sure people heard that greeting, took one look at April's one thousand watt medicated looking smile, 'Dame Edna Everage meets Harry Potter' oversized glasses, obese frame, hair and dress style of a small child, and thought 'Poor woman. She's a bit of a sped, bless..'
Wake up bright, my ass. She's paranoid, critical, negative, and judgemental of others, while expecting no such judgement in return. Ha! She'd make a great farmer. Join us, April..
It's no one else's job to care, or correct, April's ditzy ramblings.
And if someone was thoughtful enough to correct her, she'd still see it as negative.
April would be on Instagram stories saying 'I wished a lady in Chik fil A a happy Memorial Day, and she was rilly rude. She said it's Mother's Day, ackshully. I was so upset I ordered another mill and Hashbrown scramble burrito, and shame ate them all in the car..'
April is a perfect example of a behavior I notice in a lot of deathfats. They consume SO much cheese! I just want to slap it out of their hands.
Cheese and other high fat things are tasty but FATTENING!
Fat? Clueless?
Stop (or drastically reduce) eating
-cheese
-yes even cream cheese
-coffee creamer
-sour cream
-milk with any fat
-salad dressing
-oils
-even the "healthy oils"
-avocados
-yes avocados
-butter
-margarine
-ghee
-bacon
-bacon fat
There are other things but I've made myself hungry now.
If these cows can pretend to be eating tiny portions of healthy food, can't they pretend to have a horrible allergy to all oils and avoid them? That plus portion control would work wonders.
There’s something about cheese that drives people insane, and you see it in all those “what I eat in a day as a fat person” TikTok videos. Half of the “homemade” meals you see in those videos are a plate of frozen chicken tenders and a pile of Kraft Mac n cheese with maybe a few baby carrots if you’re lucky. Nowhere does anyone even require knife skills to prepare that meal, at most you need to measure out the right amount of milk and butter (pro tip: if you’re going to make Mac n cheese from a box, use Greek yogurt and thank me later).
I get it, cheese is delicious. Hard cheese, soft cheese, stinky, mild, whatever, it’s all delicious. It’s one of those things that is occasionally too enjoyable, but I think it really gets to one of April’s biggest issues, which is that she thinks she’s entitled to all the good things in life, like cheese, and there’s no reason why she shouldn’t have it other than that it’s really hard to lose body fat when you’re eating cheese in just about any amount.
Even reduced-fat or non-fat cheese is too much cheese. Not so much for its caloric content, but because it’s usually highly processed, garbage defatted seed oils and other shit that neither grows from the ground nor can be fermented at home with a minimum of equipment. Because it’s nothing the body recognizes as food, it doesn’t satisfy any part of us, least of all the desire to consume actual cheese.
If you don’t have a binge eating problem, the occasional bit of cheese won’t ruin your diet, but April isn’t carefully planning a charcuterie board for Saturday’s dinner party and picking just her three favorite speciality cheeses for a special evening to enjoy with friends. She has cheese whenever she wants and in whatever amounts she pleases because she occasionally gets the low-fat cheese, but that is the least satisfying way to eat cheese. From what I’ve read about visualization and smoking cessation, April would be better off spending time thinking about the three fancy cheeses she’ll enjoy this weekend with loved ones (what about manchego? Is Humbolt fog really that good? What exactly IS the difference between Camembert and Brie?) than mindlessly plowing through a bag of shredded yellow.
As someone who, PL, is a pretty fantastic home cook, I hesitate to go hard on April about using cooking oils and butter, they are a crucial part of making food taste good and if she learned how to properly fry sunny-side-up eggs (which requires kind of a lot of oil/butter), she’d be on her way to a healthy BMI. I’m not saying she needs to eat fried eggs, I’m saying one’s overall cooking ability can be pretty well judged by how well one makes eggs (I’ll give a pass to vegans for obvious reasons). If she was at a level where she could cook perfect eggs three different ways, she’d be able to cook just about anything well enough to where restaurants become less appealing because they’re so rarely better than homemade meals. And at *that* point, I’d hope a person enjoys cooking a wide enough variety of whole foods that the proper place for fat and oil is understood and not really taken into account because it’s part of a healthy diet that balances out. Cooking can be a lot of fun, and if she dedicated herself to a path of mastery of that particular skill, she’d have more non-scale victories under her belt, and those would likely lead to actual victories on the scale.
Also, when you cook everything from scratch for yourself, you realize how much work goes into things and you develop a better appreciation for each meal and each of the components. I make a lot of fermented food, so I spend an afternoon on prep, then weeks go by before I can eat the fruits of my labor (sometimes it is fruit!), so I’m far less likely to eat it wastefully because I’m the only one who can prepare it that way, and it takes a month to get.
April’s refusal to learn to cook a decent meal is strange and outrageous, especially since her only job is weight loss, which usually requires improved knowledge of nutrition, which hopefully then leads to a desire to learn to cook in order to make those healthy meals, and in a way that appeals to one’s own tastes.
But then she’d have to know what she likes in food to begin with, and frankly I don’t think she does. Her meals always look gross. The only thing I’ve seen her make that didn’t look like puke was those kodiak muffins which, imo, are just another fake product that allows her to “indulge without indulging” but she doesn’t learn the fundamental lesson which is that indulgence is off the table for you when you’re on a journey to lose 200 fucking pounds.
TLDR eat the cheese with purpose or don’t at all, fake cheese only reinforces bad habits.
April’s refusal to learn to cook a decent meal is strange and outrageous, especially since her only job is weight loss, which usually requires improved knowledge of nutrition, which hopefully then leads to a desire to learn to cook in order to make those healthy meals, and in a way that appeals to one’s own tastes.
Yes. This is what I was trying to say earlier. Learning to cook so that your own style appeals to you is a goal worth achieving. It has so many benefits that she is missing - something new to learn/research, something new to add to her YT channel, fucking tasty food that will satiate her instead of making her head for the binge cabinet, relieve boredom, save $, decrease food waste, expand horizons/develop a palate.
Her meal prep is just her disappointment in her life writ large in a bento box.
And she rated it 10/10. April needs some taste buds, yikes. It really wouldn't hurt the calories to spray some oil in a pan and get some color on that chicken or saute the vegetables and rice. It must have tasted like mush.
And then she added more cheese on top later. Wow. It was basically Jen's chaffles but baked in an oven.
I just don't understand why someone who is home all day needs to have an extra freezer stocked with frozen meal prep. I understand prepping for lazy days when you don't want to cook, but it's like their entire diet is reheated garbage.
She ends the video saying "Have a good weekend! Happy Memorial Day!" LOL Jesus Christ.
April isn't a regular white girl. She's an obese Mormon. Your average whitey does not "cook" like that.
No one has taught her that all this cheese, cream, etc is to be applied sparingly like condiments, not be the mainstay of the meal. And if you did she wouldn't listen. Anabolic, failing at keto etc: Yes she is like Fat Jen, trying to use gimmicks as a shortcut and ignoring the whole calorie control/accurate food logging part.
April is only going to get bigger. A few years and she'll be right up there with Fat Anna and her "candy juicy *hork* cottage cheese thighs/busted can of biscuits figure.
In some ways, I wish she wasn’t the barely-Mormon that she is and I wish she drank alcohol just so that she could give it up for a month and see how one small dietary change that took no tracking, no counting, no insane fitness challenges, simply restriction, could lead to weight loss, and then find encouragement to continue to make dietary changes in order to lose weight. I knew a few people who had been pretty big, then gave up alcohol for reasons not related to a desire for weight loss, but after seeing how simple some lifestyle changes really were compared to the size of the benefit, they decided to keep going with their improved diets and fitness.
I hate how extreme it sounds, but even just giving up foods with added sugars would be very helpful for her, and it’s easier than it sounds. Easier than whatever dekafit challenge games she‘s flopping around at this week, at least.
New video: 7 things I can do to stay on track (Or get back on track) when I'm feeling off
Uploaded 5-9-22
I haven't even watched it yet, but I can confidently say April "barely lost any weight in months" Lauren should be in no position to lecture anyone about how to stay on track. She should first do these things she's recommending and prove they work before she makes a video about it.
Edit:
2 minutes in and I can already summarize the video with this quote: "I haven't committed to that, but I thought that was a good idea."
New video: 7 things I can do to stay on track (Or get back on track) when I'm feeling off
Uploaded 5-9-22
I haven't even watched it yet, but I can confidently say April "barely lost any weight in months" Lauren should be in no position to lecture anyone about how to stay on track. She should first do these things she's recommending and prove they work before she makes a video about it.
Edit:
2 minutes in and I can already summarize the video with this quote: "I haven't committed to that, but I thought that was a good idea." View attachment 3266680
Before I recap, I laughed at the "find ways to stop being self-centred" part of the video followed immediately by "self-care". If only April could trade in pounds for a modicum of self-awareness.
Recap:
April thought she might be pregnant again. She ovulates every month, has her period regularly, and thought "this is it". I sincerely doubt that her period is regular given all the pregnancy "scares" she has. It made her feel destabilised. She says this made her stay home, even though she knows going outside would've been more helpful. This is immediately followed up by the excuse "but walking pups outside during the day is hot".
April says we should perform acts of kindness, love and encourage people around us. "When I step outside myself in order to uplift someone else, it has the best effect". (Has she ever done that?)
"I find that I get the most body composition changes when I get the most good rest", when talking about the importance of self-care.
"That was definitely a time when, if we had bad food in our house, I would've binged". (She probably binged on all that "good" cheese instead). April then blames hormones for it.
She says she needs to lay out a plan of action for when she finds out she's not pregnant yet again. (May I suggest - "lose fucking weight" as a sensible plan?)
April ends the video by saying she's grateful for everything, and just knows they will have a family. And I'm left there pitying Kenny, because that means more spelunking for him.
At her age it could be a “scare”. She’s gone so long without an accidental pregnancy or anything
Having your first baby later in life is definitely different, and then what if they wanted another ? She could be over 40 by then
