Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

"Protein style" double double (she's not ordering a basic cheeseless burger lets be fucking real) - 520 calories

Large pink lemonade - 410, but if she really gets it with half water 205

Animal fries - 750 calories

Extra spread - assuming at least another hundred or two because fatties love that shit

We're looking at about 1675 calories here for one meal, folks. But anyone who says tess consumes a lot of calories is dumb!!!!


Burger buns are like 150-200 calories each. Fat people love ordering/making lettuce wrapped burgers because "healthy" or "keto" and then they go and drown it with so much extra sauce that it ends up having more calories than just eating a regular burger with a bun. This video is a prime example lmao

I love the caloric breakdowns of her food on this thread.
I've heard of lettuce-wrapped sandwiches before, but they've all been wrapped in a one or two lettuce leaves. Tess's burger looks like she asked to have it quintuple-wrapped just to make it more "impressive". Tess 100% threw most of that lettuce away after she finished the video.

 

[Owlflaps]

"Protein style" double double (she's not ordering a basic cheeseless burger lets be fucking real) - 520 calories

Large pink lemonade - 410, but if she really gets it with half water 205

Animal fries - 750 calories

Extra spread - assuming at least another hundred or two because fatties love that shit

We're looking at about 1675 calories here for one meal, folks. But anyone who says tess consumes a lot of calories is dumb!!!!


Burger buns are like 150-200 calories each. Fat people love ordering/making lettuce wrapped burgers because "healthy" or "keto" and then they go and drown it with so much extra sauce that it ends up having more calories than just eating a regular burger with a bun. This video is a prime example lmao

For Non-Americans (or Americans that aren't west-coasters):

I like In-N-Out, but they drown their burgers in thousand island. Not a good combo when their protein styled burgers is iceberg lettuce with hot patties. In-N-Out gives you the option to eat in your car after you go through the drive through, which is personally the way I prefer to eat them.

When I was doing keto, I specifically requested that the sauce be on the side. Otherwise, it'd be a saucy mess that absorbed into the wrapping paper the moment you opened those burgers at home.

Edit: words r hard

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

"Protein style" double double (she's not ordering a basic cheeseless burger lets be fucking real) - 520 calories

Large pink lemonade - 410, but if she really gets it with half water 205

Animal fries - 750 calories

Extra spread - assuming at least another hundred or two because fatties love that shit

We're looking at about 1675 calories here for one meal, folks. But anyone who says tess consumes a lot of calories is dumb!!!!


Burger buns are like 150-200 calories each. Fat people love ordering/making lettuce wrapped burgers because "healthy" or "keto" and then they go and drown it with so much extra sauce that it ends up having more calories than just eating a regular burger with a bun. This video is a prime example lmao

Also, You can add Bowie's burger to the calculation. That thing looked very hefty for a kid of his size. At least 3/4 for momzilla to finish up selflessly.

 

[Simon]

What an anorexic orders at In-N-Out:
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Her skin looks absolutely terrible in this. It's like a flow chart of what happens when all you eat is this shit, you get fat and skin like this.

 

[Gay Mouth]

A tray of animal fries like that is for sharing between 2 or 3 people if you’re also having a burger and shake, jfc. In-N-Out is great, but it’s like a treat after a big day of surfing and swimming and shivering your ass off in the ocean.

I’m also team anti-spread, fuckin gross

 

[formerfatcow]

Spoiler: PR haul cont.

Why is she posting these all at once? Surely they didn't arrive at the same time..

"So many of us are taught to hide from our own bodies- finding self-love and learning how to use our bodies for our own pleasure can be a daunting task. Laura makes it easy... She helps us all discover our own pleasure and achieve deep growth in the most beautiful way." -Tess Holliday, body positive pioneer, activist, and author

Spoiler: IG "activism"

 

[Me262PrinceOfTurboJet]

If only Tess was at that supermarket. All 10 of those black people could have hid behind her and used her as mobile camouflage and cover.

 

[Owlflaps]

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Spoiler: PR haul cont.

Why is she posting these all at once? Surely they didn't arrive at the same time..
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Spoiler: IG "activism"

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My god, her performative blackitvism is going to be more grating once it heads more towards Juneteenth.

 

[formerfatcow]

God, she's so insufferable. These videos aren't to benefit others. You're just a narcissist who gets off on hearing herself talk.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

What’s the over/under on her hiring rented black friends again? Will she hire new ones or will she rehire the ones from last year?

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Oh God, Juneteenth and Pride in the same month...she's going to be insufferable.

 

[formerfatcow]

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Huh. My issue with the second video is that Tess is nodding along as if she doesn't already do this.

Messy Tessy hasn't been authentic since she left Mississippi.

 

[I'm a stupid idiot]

What’s the over/under on her hiring rented black friends again? Will she hire new ones or will she rehire the ones from last year?

i'm starting to find these people who let white sjws rent them, to be pretty based. it's like opening up a casino on native land and bleeding alcoholic slot jockeys dry. honestly, america always finds a way to make me love it again, whether it be with floating plastic bubbles full of alcohol, or with reparations sourced from the free enterprise of black women who laugh at tess behind her back.

 

[Flawmil]

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Spoiler: PR haul cont.

Why is she posting these all at once? Surely they didn't arrive at the same time..
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Spoiler: IG "activism"

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This one comment, that is seemingly in support of Tess, just absolutely wrecks her whole conversation on health. You know Tess tries to and fails to take care of her skin and make herself look youthful and “glowing” by rubbing tons of products on her face.
Health isn’t a mandate but she sure did spurg about masks for a hot minute. What an ignorant thing to spout after a global pandemic. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Ryann. Forgot to post this picture of Tess on tiktok live. It was a weekday morning and she was already high as fuck. Those pores are crazy huge.

 

[Constellationzero]

Skincare by:

* Corndog on a Stick
and
* Your parent's 1970's-1980s coffee can of grease left on the stove!

 

[M.T. Graves]

Glad she spends(wastes) money on all these skin products when she could just drink water and eat a relatively healthy diet.

 

[Water-T]

HOLY EDWARD JAMES OLMOS!

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

What skincare and makeup do you use?
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Stucco

 

[lolcow yoghurt]

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Cement.