A Kiwi Farms game of FATAL: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

[Splendid]

Glaukon shrugs as the kobold is removed from her new home and starts moving his cart away from the ensuing mess, figuring the rest will catch up eventually

Alright, you begin to leave the town.

I will attempt to pickpocket the queef-in-the-jar from Sybil.

[Wouldn't pickpocketing require it to be in her..i dunno, pocket? Not out in her hand as she offers it to burning-man over there?]

This is an opposed roll. First off, Sybil doesn't have a Touch skill, because by default, nobody does, and I'm only supposed to roll for it when I need it. I roll 3d10 and get 12. However, unlike normal senses, this one is just a straight bonus, so Sybil now has an eternal +12 touch bonus. You can also invest in this like it's a skill, so in effect, your sense of touch can get better as you age. We roll a 3d10+12 and get a 36, which is described as "A single hair on the skin is obvious." Now Dynastia has a +14 in the Pickpocket skill, and a +14 bonus to hand-eye coordination, so he gets to roll a 3d10+28 and gets a 47, which means his attempt to steal it is successful!

Get your own queef in a jar! This one is mine.

This didn't happen, you don't notice the jar being taken from your hand.

Sybil decides to feed the corpse of the miscarried infant to her dogs and gets on her cart to vacate the area before anymore peasants show up. She also drinks the bitch milk while she waits.

You begin to leave the town with ActualKiwi/Glaukon.

Gregek Kuruhulure also decides it's a wise move to GTFO before more angry peasants show up and follows the party out of town.

You begin to leave the town with Burned Man/Sybil

I accept the queer in a jar, and appoint Sybil as the High Priestess of my new religion based around Kalihar, God of Fire.

As above, this didn't happen, Dynastia now has the jar.

I'm now going to storm over to the mob of peasants and bring fiery death to those who do not bow down and worship me.
"I AM KALIHAR, GOD OF FLAME! KNEEL BEFORE ME, OR BE CONSUMED BY ENDLESS FIRE!"

Alright, you begin to head towards the peasants. You can see the town square now. They've erected some makeshift barricades and are much more heavily armed. The small town guard is also there.

Current locations of everyone:

• Dynastia: In front of the burned down in
• Randall Fragg: About to get his shit pushed in
• Everyone else: Leaving town together.

 

[ActualKiwi]

Poor @Randall Fragg ...he's going to regret his actions briefly methinks.
Glaukon nods to @Burned Man and @Azazel and looks out to the view beyond town, matching his horse's pace to the other two

 

[Randall Fragg]

Somewhere in the depth's of Stienmarr's mind, a faint cry of self preservation kicks in.
"Yes, fear me peasants, and cower behind your puny barricades! For Kalihar is a merciful god, and will spair your lives! I shall content myself with your hovels to the ground, as a display of my awesome power! Look upon me, and know your GOD!"
I will attempt to set a few buildings on fire, and then run away along with the others.

 

[HG 400]

I attempt to stealthily hold the queef jar under the boss peasant's nose and open it so he gets a faceful of queef.

 

[ShavedSheep]

Dynastias gonna die

 

[Burned Man]

No my queef in a jar! Maybe I should make another one.
Sybil continues heading out of town with these strangers she can't understand unaware that her god figure has gone to confront the entire town.
Also whoever wrote that list of spell ingredients has some serious issues.

 

[Splendid]

No my queef in a jar! Maybe I should make another one.
Sybil continues heading out of town with these strangers she can't understand unaware that her god figure has gone to confront the entire town.
Also whoever wrote that list of spell ingredients has some serious issues.

At least I didn't roll "Cunt-pipe of an elderly virgin". I don't even know what a cunt pipe is. Byron Hall seems unaware that, unlike the fleshlights on his bugbear love pillows, real vaginas can't be removed from women.

 

[HG 400]

At least I didn't roll "Cunt-pipe of an elderly virgin". I don't even know what a count pipe is. Byron Hall seems unaware that, unlike the fleshlights on his bugbear love pillows, real vaginas can't be removed from women.

I'm assuming he thinks there's a tubelike organ like a rectum or esophagus that can be removed?

 

[Splendid]

I'm assuming he thinks there's a tubelike organ like a rectum or esophagus that can be removed?

Instead of the "1000 hours of research" that they claimed they did for this game, maybe one of them should have spent 10 minutes inside a woman.

 

[AnOminous]

Instead of the "1000 hours of research" that they claimed they did for this game, maybe one of them should have spent 10 minutes inside a woman.

If they'd done that, they'd have never made this game.

 

[ShavedSheep]

If they'd done that, they'd have never made this game.

and then where would we be? playing D&D LIKE FAGGOTS

 

[ActualKiwi]

If they'd done that, they'd have never made this game.

Pretty much, would have lost their wizard powers at this point.

 

[Splendid]

Also, the anal prolapse spell is hilarious, because in real life that would be instantly lethal by itself.

 

[ShavedSheep]

Yeah I figured he was dead as soon as his insides came out but nope, thats normal in FATAL. Sometimes you just see a guy with organs hanging out his ass and you know he had a bad run in with a wizard.

 

[Splendid]

Poor @Randall Fragg ...he's going to regret his actions briefly methinks.
Glaukon nods to @Burned Man and @Azazel and looks out to the view beyond town, matching his horse's pace to the other two

Somewhere in the depth's of Stienmarr's mind, a faint cry of self preservation kicks in.
"Yes, fear me peasants, and cower behind your puny barricades! For Kalihar is a merciful god, and will spair your lives! I shall content myself with your hovels to the ground, as a display of my awesome power! Look upon me, and know your GOD!"
I will attempt to set a few buildings on fire, and then run away along with the others.

Alright, you are now all travelling away from the town together. You come to a fork in the path. One way leads to a large city, one to a cave complex inhabited by bandits, and the last to another small town much like the one you just left. Which way do you go?

I attempt to stealthily hold the queef jar under the boss peasant's nose and open it so he gets a faceful of queef.

Dynastia is all alone. A guard gets ready to run him through with a spear, and the angry mob begins to advance on him, hungry for blood.

 

[Burned Man]

I'd imagine the bandits might have some interesting items. I'll head that way.

 

[ActualKiwi]

Glaukon follows the little girl, turning his horse and cart to follow hers. Knowing (I guess?) that there are bandits, he keeps his maul ready for action... [[We're going to get raped...I just know it]]

 

[Burned Man]

Glaukon follows the little girl, turning his horse and cart to follow hers. Knowing (I guess?) that there are bandits, he keeps his maul ready for action... [[We're going to get raped...I just know it]]

Not if you do the raping first.

 

[ActualKiwi]

Not if you do the raping first.

[Since you so kindly volunteered... Hurr hurr.]

 

[Randall Fragg]

"Yes! We shall purge the world of these evil-doing bandits! PURGE THEM WITH THE HOLY FLAMES!"
The holy flames on Stienmarr have fizzled out by this point, so he'll draw his mace ax and advance ahead with the group.